Here we go.
>Been forever GM for about 4 years between a Battletech campaign and a more recent Halo based campaign.
>Finally get to play D&D, after 8 years of tabletop, I have never played it.
>Instantly despise the maths/long winded char gen.
>Roll up a bog standard Human Barbarian.
>Go maundering about for a bit.
>Get hired by local Baron to rescue his son from some kinda evil wizard.>GO FORTH TO THE WIZZARDS DUNGEN!
>Dare you enter my magical realm?>WIZZARDS! NO SENSE OF RIGHT OR WRONG!
>Finally emerge with Barons son, no wizzard kill though.
>Kid under some type of glamour spell, sees all alignments as reversed.
>Have to hog tie and bind kid, carrying him on my shoulder
>I AM FRED! BARBARIAN CHILDMINDER!
>TREAT CHILD LIKE TROLL!
>BEAT CHILD UNTIL HAPPY!
>BEAT CHILD IF SAD!
>IF CHILD HUNGRY, FILL WITH MEAT! MEAT MAKE CHILD MAN!
>WASH CHILD LIKE TROLL!
Commence dumping kid, still hog tied, face first into local river.
>Get the kid back to the castle.
>Local Baron outside castle with troops, saying castle was stormed by evil wizzard and we had to get in there and kill him by a secret entrance only the baron would know about.>But now Fred knows about the secret entrance.
>Therefore Fred is a Baron.
>GET OUT OF WAY OF FRED, BARON FRED.
>BARON FRED THE BARBARIAN CHILDMINDER!
<<Insert Metal Gear Solid style stealth section here>>
>Get inside the castle
>Kill some Orcs
>Kill a Troll
>So good so far
>Then one of the Orcs calls Fred an Orc
>Fred stops in his tracks.
>Fred is not an Orc, Fred is Fred, Baron Fred, Baron Fred the Barbarian childminder.
>Orc says he is not an Orc
>Fred says he is not an Orc.
>Rest of partys faces as the LOWEST IN CHAR IN THE PARTY FIGURES OUT HE IS UNDER A GLAMOUR SPELL BEFORE EVERYONE ELSE THROUGH SHEER DUMB LUCK AND FORCE OF WILL.
>Join forces with former "Orcs" that turn out to be local malitia/castle gaurds.
>Fight off Gaurds that turned out to be Orcs.
>Evil Wizzard breaks into the castle.
>Only for Fred to jump down from the battlements and stab him.
>In the Throat.
>With a Greatsword.
>THIS IS HOW FRED WIZZARDS.
Exp totalled up, rewards given out - Fred blatantly stole the night.
God I wish I could play that char all the time, rather than just a one shot.