(Alright, I rolled a 5 for Miss Randy, which I guess means everything happens like she said...)
There is a knock at the door. Randy gets up with a lot of squeaking and latex farting noises before getting her act together and sexily sashaying to the door. Always cautious she checks the spy hole before opening the door.
"Hey! It's the Pizza delivery guys!" Her words are met with a resounding cheer from the players, with the exception of Girlface who is saying "ouch, ouch, ouch" while trying to get Mister Pussyfeathers off her face.
Opening the door, she gives the pizza boy an eyeful and takes the pizza boxes, leaving him stunned and unable to speak as she shuts the door on him without paying.
"Ok, who ordered the Curry Chicken Tikka Pizza with extra Cumquat?.."
Karl smells something delicious and (1) hits himself in the face with a fork (-1/2 HP) for no apparent reason.
Catfaced McDreamy feels she is not contending with any normal, mortal house cult, and decides to take drastic measures to pacify it (3). She removes her shirt, knowing full well there are boys in the room and exactly what her mother told her about such behavior, and wraps it around the cult. Poor Mister Pussyfeathers is in such a confusion as to what's going on, what he did wrong, why people were throwing dice at him in the first place, and why he's now suffocating inside a soaking wet shirt, that he decides he had better just go ahead and die.
Mister Pussfeathers dies, and Girlface feels absolutely terrible. "Um, Miss Randy, I think I just killed your cult...."
Philip decides not to do anything at all, other than give special attention to giving his orders to Miss Randy on what he wants his character to do, which is to ready a switchblade, which incenses Miss Randy, since his character is a hacker and not a fighter, but whatever. It's his funeral.
Timmy (6) gets a slice of pizza so hard that all the other pizza explodes in a delicious burst of blended Indian and Italian flavors, making everyone else very angry at how hard he got that pizza. He's too busy chowing down to care though.
"Stupid drunk kids...." mutters Miss Randy. "Alright you asswads, before we go any further, there's a bit more information I need to give you on the background for our game, so listen up. Girlface, I can't decide if I love you for being topless or hate you for being a cat-murderer. I think it's more hate though. Alright, here you go:
"In this world, cyberspace is accessed through personal computers known as Interface Decks, which require a person to physically jack in (kind of like the Matrix films). Cyberspace takes on its own form as a world that a person jacked in navigates via an avatar, but while doing this remains completely oblivious to the outside world. Given this, IntroDyne-CybroSystems's claims to be coming out with a deck that allows its user to remain in both the real world and cyberspace seem far fetched, but there are many who would pay dearly to also possess that sort of technology. No one knows where ID-CS came up with the tech for such a deck, as they have long played second-fiddle to industry giant DromenoTech. Everyone also knows that DromenoTech would pay a heavy price to have those plans for themselves. Now, on with the fuckin' game!" She announces as she prepares to roll for the players' actions (4 = all dice rolls for characters' characters' actions are unmodified).
Jabar, being the secret weapons expert that he is, has a few tricks up his sleeves yet. I mean, he would if he were wearing sleeves, which he's not, to show of his unbelievably muscly arms covered in tattoos from his past work as a mercenary. Either way (5) everyone thinks he's going to blast his horn at these idiots who are trying to fuck with his fare, but instead engages a totally badass weapons system that was hiding under the hood of his car. A huge fucking canon sized tube erupts out of the unfolding metal of the hood. The device has tubes coiled around it which begin buzzing and glowing with energy. As this is going on, armor plating rapidly sheathes the hovercab and twin minigun turrets fold out from the rear fender.
Inferno wonders where the hell this vehicle fits its internal combustion engine, but is too concerned with his own devices to care that much, really. (1) Unfortunately, as he opens his case to pull out a weapon of truly epic proportions, he remembers that he grabbed the wrong case when he left his lab, and all he manages to pull out is a sun-dried tomato and feta in a whole-grain lavosh and a can of V9 fruit juice. "Damn," he mutters as he decides he had better keep his witty one-liners to himself for now, and keep holding his pistol.
Privet readies his switch-blade (4). Okay, it's ready.
Karen, ever the suave detective, (3) pops two lasguns out of her sleeves and begins taking down the bikers in the rear with deadly precision. However, her cloaking implant malfunctions and reveals her to both her attackers, and the mark she was trying to covertly follow.
All of the mess is washed out in a brilliant flash of white light though when Jabar's light gun finally finishes charging, leaving everyone outside the cab blinded and possibly brain-damaged. When the flash subsides, there is no sign of Flix, but his cronies are easily dispatched by the minigun turrets.
After the gunfire subsides, the armor plating folds back into the cab. Jabar gets out, storms to the passenger door, hurls it open and demands to know just what kind of mess these punks have got him in. Karen stands up, dizzy from the light-bomb, clutching her head as she lights a new cigarette.
current stats wrote:Paveene-Prashad-Hussain-Abdul-Jabar = 6 HP, saved everyone's asses
Doctor Inferno Ph.D. = 6 HP, wielding a clockwork pistol and a delicious looking wrap
Karen Curtis cyberdetective cyberdenaire = 6 HP, dizzy and in need of nicotine and revealed to the rest of the players
Privet Joannes = 5 HP, probably a douche-bag
As Miss Randy finishes relating the events of the game, lightning flashes outside, and a computer monitor on a desk in the corner flicks to life for a brief second before becoming extinguished. Words were on the screen for a split second before the monitor died. Strangely, the light under the webcam remained on.
current stats wrote:PBR count = 21
Mister Pussyfeathers = dead
Miss Randy Diphthong = 6 HP, leathered, coming down off her buzz
Timmy Halfafal = 5 1/2 HP, coming down off his buzz
Girlface McDreamy = 5 HP, topless, underage
Karl von Streisenheisendeisenberg = 5 1/2 HP, tape-blinded, fork faced