Roll to Dodge: Roll to Dodge: Cyberpunk Razor Gang Battle

For all those games that happen to not be BrikWars

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Postby naussica » Sun Sep 05, 2010 11:08 pm

This is so stupid it's genius!
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Postby RunsWithLegos » Mon Sep 06, 2010 12:50 am

Timmy ajusts his nut[s] into a more comfertible posistion and Dr inferno unlocks his Steampowered suit case and takes out a silinced clockwork pistol, ready for anything.
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Postby Warhead » Mon Sep 06, 2010 1:07 am

[HOT FUCKIN' DAMN!!! AWESOME!] 8)

Miss Randy in difference to Girlfaces young ages blindfolds her. She then gets comfy by slipping into her S+M cosy, she's into light bondage and other women but that's just beside the point. She is now ready for a hard role-play session. The other players choke on their cheetos.

Game Twist: The RamScope PsyberPsycho's, a rival gang to the TechnoSharks have gotten wind of the deal about to go down and have taken primitive measures to prevent it. Just who tipped them off is a mystery for now.
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Postby aoffan23 » Mon Sep 06, 2010 11:42 am

Mr. Streisenheisendeisenberg stares at Miss Randy's hot antics with his jaw on the floor.

PPHAJ takes a sharp turn with the taxi into a harbour. He puts the walkie talkie to his mouth and holds down the talk button.

"Show time."
Tzan wrote:
Quantumsurfer wrote:I generally agree with Tzan
Warhead wrote:I agree with QuantumSmurfer.



I agree with Warhead.
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Postby jmatthew » Mon Sep 06, 2010 12:41 pm

@Runs: You do realize that cyberpunk and steampunk are two completely separate genres set in two complete different time periods, right? >_<
@aoffan: feel free to join us at any time, old bean. [edit] Just got your orders and incorporated them into the end. :)


In order to get over how terrible Runs is at spelling and grammar, I'm just going to go ahead and pretend he's drunk. Since he's a lightweight, he's drunk after only two beers.
PBR count=21

Now, on with it....

RtD: RtD:

Phillip attempts to lure the cult with some catnip he found laying around the place, (2) but is unable to tell the difference between catnip and marijuana and can't understand why the cult won't be calmed. He tries getting a little bit closer to it, but the cult just arches its back into a more threatening position, hissing away. Girlface, knowing that cults often take more to the touch of a woman walks brazenly over to the cult, crouches down, and scoops it up in her arms, talking like a baby to it. (1) However, the cult just looks tweaked the fuck out now and just wants everybody to leave it alone. Phillip continues to advance with his "catnip" treat, which causes the cult to climb right onto McDreamy's face, and clutch it for dear life like a fuzzy, freaked out headcrab, with it's claws latched firmly into the flesh of McDreamy's face (-1 HP). McDreamy starts running around screaming for someone to get the fucking cult off her fucking face, but no one can understand a damn word coming out of her mouth because her voice is still hoarse, and she is screaming into the warm belly of a cult which is firmly cemented over her lips. She is unable to give her orders to Miss Randy for her character's actions right now.
Timmy adjusts his nut[s] (4). He is more comfortable now, and completely too drunk to care about what's going on with the girl screaming with a cult affixed to her face.
Miss Randy had had plans for the young, cat-faced girl, but her machinations don't amount to much now that she's running around bleeding from her face with a fucking cult on her head. Actually, Miss Randy is pretty sure she's into that sort of thing, so she puts on her S&M cosy nonetheless (3). Either way, she feels she can more fully immerse her players in the world she's created for them when they're cowering before the power of a leather-bound dominatrix.
"Would you all just leave Mister Pussyfeathers alone for crissakes!" laughs Miss Randy Diphthong. She sits down in all her leathery splendor and rolls the dice for the other player's actions. (I rolled a 2 for how well Miss Randy rolled for the characters, which means she failed at rolling for them. No epic successes will be allowed for them this round, and every other roll, except a 6, has a 50/50 chance of "tipping at the last minute" to show the next number lower) She kind of sucks at rolling dice today though--they end up just limply falling out of her hand onto the table. She mentally chides herself for showing any weakness to these impressionable underlings of hers.
Karl von Streisenheisendeisenberg sits there, twiddling his thumbs, and (1) failing to look at Miss Randy even though he wants to, his eyelids for some reason seem to have tape on them.

in RtD:RtD:CpRGB wrote:Privet attempts to warn Inferno that his proximity implant senses another presence watching them (1), but he is so overcome with a sudden fit of stress and anxiety at the notion that his words come out sounding like marbles covered in saliva, and the doctor just tilts his head and gives him a quizzical stare.
"Mmfphthal thwwar thstal!" Announces Joannes as he reaches down to finger his knife, but ends up, in his confusion, fingering something else instead.... We won't go into details there (-1 HP).
Dr. Inferno--who is apparently from a completely different timeline and none of us had any fucking clue until now--(4) unlatches the completely outdated and totally easy to hack steam-powered latches on his brief case. He also unsheathes an antiquated pistol that was probably effective at killing things like balloon animals once upon a time.
"Doc, you ought to look into getting a decent lasgun or at least a stunwand or something," says Privet, who is able to speak now.
Paveene-Prashad-Hussain-Abdul-Jabar just keeps on keepin' on, (6) making a helluva sharp turn, launching his passengers into the walls of his cab due to the laws of inertia. He shouts like a madman into his walkie-talkie, telling some mysterious entity that "IT'S FUCKIN' SHOWTIME BITCHES!" Could Paveene-Prashad-Hussain-Abdul-Jabar be in league with a rival gang of the CyberSharks? Could he be under the employ of IntroDyne-CybroSystems? Or is something far more sinister at work in our seemingly innocuous cabbie? The plot thickens....
Suddenly, the hovercab screeches to a halt. (4) A make-shift pile of twisted metal, razer-wire and land-mines looms ahead of them, blocking their path. Several members of the RamScope PsyberPyschos swoop in from behind on hoverbikes, waving lasguns and hypodermic needles.
From the top of the mountain of spiky and explody things, a voice calls down.
"'Ey Privet, you snorky hooper! I know you bein' in this 'ere cab! What say you come out fir a nice chatsumup an' nobody else gets lased?" Laughter erupts from the cronies on the bikes. Privet recognizes the voice as that of Flix Grazor, second in command of the PsyberPsychos.

current stats wrote:Paveene-Prashad-Hussain-Abdul-Jabar = 6 HP, questionable motives
Doctor Inferno Ph.D. = 6 HP, wielding a clockwork pistol
Karen Curtis cyberdetective cyberdenaire = 6 HP, cloaked
Privet Joannes = 5 HP



current stats wrote:PBR count = 21
Mister Pussyfeathers = hysterical
Miss Randy Diphthong = 6 HP, leathered, still drunk
Timmy Halfafal = 5 1/2 HP, wasted
Catface McDreamy = 5 HP, catfaced
Karl von Streisenheisendeisenberg = 6 HP, tape-blinded
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Postby jmatthew » Mon Sep 06, 2010 12:57 pm

@Ross: Thanks man! I'm having such fun developing two simultaneous stories that both effect each other.
@naussica: Just wait to see what I have in store for later....
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Postby Warhead » Mon Sep 06, 2010 1:46 pm

[I re-read this after work (where I spent far to much time thinking what should come next) and I laughed the whole way through, it is hilarious, good job. This is just like my own Cyberpunk Nights... only without the woman parts and the latex].

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Miss Randy Diphthongs ...because sexy stuff needs no understanding.

RTD:RTD:
There is a knock at the door. Randy gets up with a lot of squeaking and latex farting noises before getting her act together and sexily sashaying to the door. Always cautious she checks the spy hole before opening the door. "Hey! It's the Pizza delivery guys!" Her words are met with a resounding cheer from the players, with the exception of Girlface who is saying "ouch, ouch, ouch" while trying to get Miss Pussyfeathers off her face. Opening the door she gives the pizza boy an eyeful and takes the pizza boxes, leaving him stunned and unable to speak as she shuts the door on him without paying. "Ok, who ordered the Curry Chicken Tikka Pizza with extra Cumquat?.."

RTD:RTD:CPRGB wrote:
Motivational pointers.

Karen Curtis knows this is her chance to get an in with the team by helping out... but how? If the team are dead then there goes the info for the man from Japan (...who isn't a man, and isn't from Japan *sorry that's one of our long term Cyberpunk catchphrases).

Doctor Inferno has always preferred reliable low tech to what he believes is chancy high tech and so winds his clockwork pistol determinedly. He can't afford to lose out just because of some street gang. He's willing to die for this.

Jabar is a veteran taxi driver of NNC one of the toughest cities in the Fractured States of America to work. He has been watching the signs on the street and has anticipated this very trap. He's had run in's with the Ramscope before and what these scumbo's don't know is he just lately upgraded his taxi.

Pirvert Jones can't fight for shit and this is well outside his comfort zone. But there must be something he can do with his Interface...
Last edited by Warhead on Mon Sep 06, 2010 2:08 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby aoffan23 » Mon Sep 06, 2010 2:03 pm

Karl snatches the box of Schnitzel Baron Special from Miss Randy, and begins chowing down. He still has tape over his eyes, but he knows the smell immediately.

PPHAJ slams his fist on the middle of the steering wheel, but instead of a horn, something else happens. The hood opens up to reveal some sort of strange contraption that looks like a hybrid between a flashlight and an oversized pistol. A charging sound is heard, and then the gangsters are engulfed in a flash of bright white light. The occupants of the cab are safe, thanks to super-tinted windows.

He brings the walkie talkie to his mouth again, and says excitedly, "That's the signal, boys! Rack 'em up!"
Tzan wrote:
Quantumsurfer wrote:I generally agree with Tzan
Warhead wrote:I agree with QuantumSmurfer.



I agree with Warhead.
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Postby jmatthew » Mon Sep 06, 2010 2:14 pm

Warhead, I like the "motivational pointers!" I wanted whoever's character was running the metagame to have influence on it like that, so I'm glad you're taking the initiative there. I have a very clear place in my mind where this story is going to somehow arrive, but everything up to that point is up in the air.

Have you read the Sprawl Trilogy? Because that's what I'm drawing on here, in addition to other influences.

I'll just wait for everyone else's orders, and then write the next parts. I have to work tonight, so they might not be up for a wee bit. Time and a half at ye ol' Starbucks though. :)
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Postby Warhead » Mon Sep 06, 2010 2:27 pm

[Money is money and games is games, no worries. No I haven't read that series but I might give it a look. I GM'd a Cyberpunk game for 20+ years and only rounded it off when two players made off to America to work. I have the ending writen up as a story somewhere. I can tell you know what your about and I know me and my player buds would probably enjoy an all night beer and gaming session with you as GM].

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Postby OREMAWESOME1234 » Mon Sep 06, 2010 4:55 pm

I ready my switch-blade for battle.
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Postby RunsWithLegos » Mon Sep 06, 2010 6:26 pm

Timmy gets a slice of pizza.



Dr inferno takes a loaded repeating-blunderbus out of his suit case and holsters his pistol. "you ready to die, cyber nerd?" he ask's his teenage partner, "caus' i am shure as hell not. lets spater thoes vagrents."
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Postby jmatthew » Mon Sep 06, 2010 11:15 pm

RtD: RtD:

(Alright, I rolled a 5 for Miss Randy, which I guess means everything happens like she said...)
There is a knock at the door. Randy gets up with a lot of squeaking and latex farting noises before getting her act together and sexily sashaying to the door. Always cautious she checks the spy hole before opening the door.
"Hey! It's the Pizza delivery guys!" Her words are met with a resounding cheer from the players, with the exception of Girlface who is saying "ouch, ouch, ouch" while trying to get Mister Pussyfeathers off her face.
Opening the door, she gives the pizza boy an eyeful and takes the pizza boxes, leaving him stunned and unable to speak as she shuts the door on him without paying.
"Ok, who ordered the Curry Chicken Tikka Pizza with extra Cumquat?.."
Karl smells something delicious and (1) hits himself in the face with a fork (-1/2 HP) for no apparent reason.
Catfaced McDreamy feels she is not contending with any normal, mortal house cult, and decides to take drastic measures to pacify it (3). She removes her shirt, knowing full well there are boys in the room and exactly what her mother told her about such behavior, and wraps it around the cult. Poor Mister Pussyfeathers is in such a confusion as to what's going on, what he did wrong, why people were throwing dice at him in the first place, and why he's now suffocating inside a soaking wet shirt, that he decides he had better just go ahead and die.
Mister Pussfeathers dies, and Girlface feels absolutely terrible. "Um, Miss Randy, I think I just killed your cult...."
Philip decides not to do anything at all, other than give special attention to giving his orders to Miss Randy on what he wants his character to do, which is to ready a switchblade, which incenses Miss Randy, since his character is a hacker and not a fighter, but whatever. It's his funeral.
Timmy (6) gets a slice of pizza so hard that all the other pizza explodes in a delicious burst of blended Indian and Italian flavors, making everyone else very angry at how hard he got that pizza. He's too busy chowing down to care though.
"Stupid drunk kids...." mutters Miss Randy. "Alright you asswads, before we go any further, there's a bit more information I need to give you on the background for our game, so listen up. Girlface, I can't decide if I love you for being topless or hate you for being a cat-murderer. I think it's more hate though. Alright, here you go:
"In this world, cyberspace is accessed through personal computers known as Interface Decks, which require a person to physically jack in (kind of like the Matrix films). Cyberspace takes on its own form as a world that a person jacked in navigates via an avatar, but while doing this remains completely oblivious to the outside world. Given this, IntroDyne-CybroSystems's claims to be coming out with a deck that allows its user to remain in both the real world and cyberspace seem far fetched, but there are many who would pay dearly to also possess that sort of technology. No one knows where ID-CS came up with the tech for such a deck, as they have long played second-fiddle to industry giant DromenoTech. Everyone also knows that DromenoTech would pay a heavy price to have those plans for themselves. Now, on with the fuckin' game!" She announces as she prepares to roll for the players' actions (4 = all dice rolls for characters' characters' actions are unmodified).

RtD:RtD:CpRGB wrote:Jabar, being the secret weapons expert that he is, has a few tricks up his sleeves yet. I mean, he would if he were wearing sleeves, which he's not, to show of his unbelievably muscly arms covered in tattoos from his past work as a mercenary. Either way (5) everyone thinks he's going to blast his horn at these idiots who are trying to fuck with his fare, but instead engages a totally badass weapons system that was hiding under the hood of his car. A huge fucking canon sized tube erupts out of the unfolding metal of the hood. The device has tubes coiled around it which begin buzzing and glowing with energy. As this is going on, armor plating rapidly sheathes the hovercab and twin minigun turrets fold out from the rear fender.
Inferno wonders where the hell this vehicle fits its internal combustion engine, but is too concerned with his own devices to care that much, really. (1) Unfortunately, as he opens his case to pull out a weapon of truly epic proportions, he remembers that he grabbed the wrong case when he left his lab, and all he manages to pull out is a sun-dried tomato and feta in a whole-grain lavosh and a can of V9 fruit juice. "Damn," he mutters as he decides he had better keep his witty one-liners to himself for now, and keep holding his pistol.
Privet readies his switch-blade (4). Okay, it's ready.
Karen, ever the suave detective, (3) pops two lasguns out of her sleeves and begins taking down the bikers in the rear with deadly precision. However, her cloaking implant malfunctions and reveals her to both her attackers, and the mark she was trying to covertly follow.
All of the mess is washed out in a brilliant flash of white light though when Jabar's light gun finally finishes charging, leaving everyone outside the cab blinded and possibly brain-damaged. When the flash subsides, there is no sign of Flix, but his cronies are easily dispatched by the minigun turrets.
After the gunfire subsides, the armor plating folds back into the cab. Jabar gets out, storms to the passenger door, hurls it open and demands to know just what kind of mess these punks have got him in. Karen stands up, dizzy from the light-bomb, clutching her head as she lights a new cigarette.

current stats wrote:Paveene-Prashad-Hussain-Abdul-Jabar = 6 HP, saved everyone's asses
Doctor Inferno Ph.D. = 6 HP, wielding a clockwork pistol and a delicious looking wrap
Karen Curtis cyberdetective cyberdenaire = 6 HP, dizzy and in need of nicotine and revealed to the rest of the players
Privet Joannes = 5 HP, probably a douche-bag



As Miss Randy finishes relating the events of the game, lightning flashes outside, and a computer monitor on a desk in the corner flicks to life for a brief second before becoming extinguished. Words were on the screen for a split second before the monitor died. Strangely, the light under the webcam remained on like Bonn-o-Tron.

current stats wrote:PBR count = 21
Mister Pussyfeathers = dead
Miss Randy Diphthong = 6 HP, leathered, coming down off her buzz
Timmy Halfafal = 5 1/2 HP, coming down off his buzz
Girlface McDreamy = 5 HP, topless, underage
Karl von Streisenheisendeisenberg = 5 1/2 HP, tape-blinded, fork faced
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Postby jmatthew » Tue Sep 07, 2010 12:01 am

[@Warhead: I appreciate the high praise! And I love cyberpunk so much, and am really glad you chose that direction to take it. I'd love to read that story if you can dig it up. What game system did you use for it?
About the Sprawl trilogy: They are three books that take place in the same universe and share certain characters, but don't necessarily have to be read in any certain oder. One of the minor characters in one book may be a lead in another--that sort of thing. The books are (in order) "Neuromancer," "Count Zero," and "Mona Lisa Overdrive." They were written by William Gibson, who, along with Phillip K. Dick, started the entire cyberpunk genre. Gibson is credited with envisioning the internet before it was created and he was the first to coin the term "cyberspace."
Pretty much every cyberpunk work since the 80s has been influence by that series, much as almost every fantasy work since the 40s has borrowed from Tolkein.]
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Postby Warhead » Tue Sep 07, 2010 1:02 am

Yeah, I read Gibson's stuff and have many of his books. The system I used was Cyberpunk 2020 but I just expanded the rules with my own house rules for anything I wanted using this as ground zero. I introduced references and genre from Vampire and the Werewolf books from Shadowrun and others. The horror aspect worked well and I frequently worried the gaming shit out of people when playing. I'll get a hold of the word doc and send it across after work, thanks.
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