Bricks, Beer, and Barbecue

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Bricks, Beer, and Barbecue

Postby Red_SPAMbot » Wed Jun 29, 2016 9:18 am

I decided this dead section of the forum needs a little love.  I've been a gamer most of my life, but as I've gotten older and gaming has become a less frequent occurrence, I've found that gaming sessions have become more of a social event.  And that often means food, be it the staple of off brand Dr. Pepper and cheese curls or some real down and dirty gamer grub.  With the season turning to Summer here in the northern hemisphere, an old neckbeard's fancy turns to barbecuing and grilling.  And so in that spirit, I thought I'd share.

:rtfm: Red SPAMbot's Quick and Dirty Slop and Mop
    1 12oz bottle of Beer
    1 10oz bottle A1 Steak Sauce
    1 16oz bottle Italian Dressing

Sometimes shit goes down without a warning.  This is a quick and dirty marinade I whipped up years ago and it's my go-to for sudden grilling excursions.  It's easy to dabble with, and you can pick it apart as far as components if you wish, but it's a pretty good sauce that you can throw together after a speedy trip to the corner convenience store if the cupboards are bare.  I think it's best on beef and burgers, but it goes pretty good on chicken, pork and shrimp too.

Serious Gamer Grub BrikWars Paprika Brick Chicken
    1 whole chicken (about 3 pounds), backbone removed and butterflied
    2 tablespoons Extra Virgin  :warhead: Olive Oil
    1 teaspoon Garlic Salt
    1 teaspoon Lemon Pepper
    1 teaspoon crushed Rosemary
    1 teaspoon Paprika
    2 masonry bricks, wrapped in aluminum foil

Take your whole fryer and remove the backbone and ribs.  I think heavy kitchen utility scissors work best for this.  Then flip the chicken over breast up and press down on it so it splays open.  If you don't want to hassle with this, split half chickens from the store work just fine.  If you've got time, marinade that chicken, but the nice thing about this recipe is it still turns out pretty good with short notice prep time too.  Oil the skin and the interior of the chicken, then drizzle with seasonings and rub to get a good coat.

Prepare your grill for cooking with high but indirect heat.  These means banking your coals on the side or turning off a burner on your gas grill.  When your grill is good and hot, place your chicken skin side down and weight it down with the bricks.  Drop the dome on your grill and let the fire and smoke work its magic.  Depending on the heat on your grill, the chicken will need roughly 20~25 minutes per side.  Check the thigh with a meat thermometer to a reading of 165 degrees Farenheit.  If you're feeling confident, stick the thigh with a carving fork and make sure the juices run clear.  If you're feeling particularly drunk and manly, fuck it.  Just eat it.

The beauty of this cooking method is it produces deep, dark grill marks and a lovely crispy skin.  Pair this with some grilled sausage and roasted rosemary potatoes, some grilled summer squash and asparagus, or roasted corn, and whatever beer you've got in your hand, and you've got some good eatin'.
Quantumsurfer wrote:I tried other places but it was always much the same. Bunch of elitist pricks pompously waving their shittily painted thousand dollar armies in one another's faces whilst trying to intellectually one up one another by creating oh-so-clever army asses in the most boring, rules lawyering, and socially backward sessions of mathhammer ever devised.
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Re: Bricks, Beer, and Barbecue

Postby Insert_blank » Thu Jul 21, 2016 7:17 am

Do you have any vegetarian recipes?
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Re: Bricks, Beer, and Barbecue

Postby Red_SPAMbot » Fri Jul 22, 2016 2:25 am

:iconcur:

Summer isn't only grilling season but it's also a time for great fresh veggies.  When I was a child, my grandpa always cultivated a huge garden, and fresh tomatoes, cucumbers and summer squash, peppers and corn were constantly on the menu.  While most of my vegetarian recipes are mostly side dishes, I do have a few that sit center stage for even big family meals.

One of my favorite things about summer was picking ripe tomatoes right off the vine and enjoying them right there in the garden.  Not surprisingly, I think gazpacho is a great summer time dish.  Not only is it using some great ingredients in season, but it's also a refreshing meal on a hot summer day.

Red SPAMBot's Red, Red Kroovy Gazpacho
    1 1/2 lbs. vine ripened tomatoes
    1 cup Tomato Juice
    1 cup Cucumber, diced
    1/2 cup Red Bell Pepper. diced
    1/2 cup Red Onion, diced
    1 tablespoon minced Garlic
    1/4 cup Extra Virgin Olive Oil
    2 tablespoons Red Wine Vinegar
    2 teaspoons balsamic vinegar
    2 teaspoons Worcestershire Sauce
    1 teaspoon Paprika
    1 teaspoon dry Oregano
    1/2 teaspoon Cumin
    1 teaspoon Kosher Salt
    1/2 teaspoon cracked Black Pepper
    2 tablespoons fresh Basil, roughly chopped or torn

    You will also need
    A cauldron for boiling water
    A cauldron for ice water
    A big bowl for putting everything else in
    A food processor

Now the most time consuming part of this recipe is that the tomatoes need to be peeled and seeded.   If you don't know how to peel a tomato, peek in here.

Spoiler: show
Set up a pot of boiling water, and prepare an ice bath in a separate bowl.  Now take your tomatoes and slash an X in the bottom of them with a paring knife.  Using a slotted spoon, lower the tomatoes into the boiling water one at a time, letting them sit in the hot water about 20 seconds and then removing them to the ice bath.  After your tomatoes have cooled to the touch, which shouldn't take too long, then pat them dry.  Using your paring knife, peel away some of the tomato skin from the slashed X and catch it between the flat of knife blade and your thumb.  Now pull, and the skin should strip off pretty easily.


After the tomatoes are peeled, slice them in half and then scoop out the seeds.  Reserve your seeds and pulp in a mesh strainer perched over a bowl or measuring cup.  We are wanting to keep as much of that delicious, precious juice as we can.  This is soup, after all.  Get a spatula or wooden spoon and smush the seeds and pulp against the strainer to get all the liquid.  Then toss the seeds.  Now dice your tomatoes into about 1/4 inch chunks.

Now it's as simple as adding everything to your mixing bowl.  Toss and combine all the ingredients, and then take about 2 Cups of the mixture and put it in your blender or food processor.  Puree for about 30 seconds, and then add the mixture back to your reserve.  Mix, cover, and let it chill in your fridge for a couple hours or over night.  Serve with some nice crusty, buttery garlic bread.  Heck, go full throttle and make a pitcher of Bloody Maries on the side.

Want the easy version of this?  Instead of peeling and seeding tomatoes, just get an equivalent volume of cherry tomatoes.  Then just puree the whole damn mess.  If it's too thick add a little more tomato juice.

Summertime Sweet and Savory Watermelon Salad
    2 cups ripe Watermelon, cubed or balled :warhead: about 3/4 inch chunks
    1 cup Cherry Tomatoes, split or quartered
    2 cups Avacado, cubed, about 3/4 inch chunks
    1 cup Kiwi, peeled and sliced
    1 cup Red Onion, thinly sliced
    I cup Seedless Red Grapes, split
    2 tablespoons mixed fresh herbs, Parsley, Basil, and Mint, chopped fine
    Kosher Salt and Pepper to taste

    Slapdash Poppy Seed Vinaigrette
    3 tablespoons Sunflower Oil
    3 tablespoons Red Wine Vinegar
    1 tablespoon Honey
    1 teaspoon Poppy Seeds

This salad combines a lot of great tastes of summer; sweet, sharp, pungent and creamy.  It's as simple as make your salad in one bowl, and the vinaigrette in another, then toss them together.  If you're going to be taking a piss test soon, you might want to leave out the poppy seeds.
Quantumsurfer wrote:I tried other places but it was always much the same. Bunch of elitist pricks pompously waving their shittily painted thousand dollar armies in one another's faces whilst trying to intellectually one up one another by creating oh-so-clever army asses in the most boring, rules lawyering, and socially backward sessions of mathhammer ever devised.
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Re: Bricks, Beer, and Barbecue

Postby Insert_blank » Fri Jul 22, 2016 4:11 am

:tiger:

keep 'em coming! Next up how about some refreshing summertime beverages?
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Re: Bricks, Beer, and Barbecue

Postby Red_SPAMbot » Sat Jul 23, 2016 2:18 am

    6. Acquire beer in convenient vessels.

    7. Acquire ice in convenient quantities.

    8. Place beer in convenient bucket.

    9. Cover beer in ice.

    10. ???

    11. Drink cold beer.

    12. Profit.

Let's not beat around the bush.  This is probably the most solid, go-to, common denominator cold and refreshing summertime beverage around.  Simple, solid, no muss and no fuss, so you can concentrate on having fun and having progressively worse judgement as the evening goes along.  If ain't broke...

"But SPAMBot, I don't like beer!" or "SPAMBot, I don't like to get drunk."  Well back in my day, saying things like that would immediately bring one's patriotism, morality, and sexual identity into question.  Because I grew up in dark, barbaric times where any deviation from the herd meant you were likely a communist mutant spy and a flag burning traitor, a heretic that secretly worshiped the Cult of Tzeench in your basement while playing with Mega Bloks, killed felines while playing Dungeons and Dragons, and let the forces of Cobra beat G.I. Joe.

Luckily, these days, unlike bowling, there are no rules.  However, when it comes to beverages and summertime entertaining, I feel it's best to keep it simple.  If I'm grilling or barbecuing, I don't have time to mix cocktails and tend the fire.  Doing shit like that starts to border on work.  Keep it mellow, my fellow.  So that means I usually go with drinks I can make by the pitcher and make beforehand.  And it doesn't have to be terribly fancy.

For me, that traditionally means iced sweet tea, and lemonade or cherry limeade by the pitcher for nonalcoholic drinks, or pitchers of Bloody Maries or margaritas for the booze set.

In the summertime, I'm still quite partial to a Pimms and Lemonade.  If you don't know what Pimms is, its a liqueur made from gin infused with fruit elements.  It's sort of a British Southern Comfort.  1 part Pimms to 2 parts lemonade.

If you want something sort of foo foo and fruity, my family had a cordial punch we would make for big gatherings.  It's very easy to make.  You just need a couple liters of cold raspberry ginger ale, some raspberry sherbet, and a bag of frozen raspberries.  Add a few scoops of sherbet to a punch bowl, pour the ginger ale over the top, then float a few frozen raspberries in it.  It creates a pink, chiffon-like foam that is fun for the younger set.

Then for the adults, if you want a variation on this fizzy punch, make some raspberry lemonade with club soda.  Then get some pink champagne.  Go equal parts lemonade and champagne in a fluted glass, and add a small scoop of raspberry sherbet and a frozen raspberry.  Now you've got yourself a refreshing and fizzy fun Raspberry Mimosa.

I have a friend whose wife enjoys margaritas, so they usually make an appearance at our gatherings.  We've got a recipe that is great for summertime entertaining because it is so easy.  Get a 6 oz can of frozen limeade concentrate.  Fill your blender with crushed ice, then add the concentrate.  Then add 6 oz Tequila.  Yep, you can just fill that empty concentrate can up again.  Then add 2 oz of Triple Sec.  Now blend it all until smooth.  Boom, simple easy pitcher of margaritas.

For Bloody Maries, I don't do anything fancy.  I could go into how to hand pour a good Bloody Mary, but honestly, it's hard to beat a bottle of ZingZang.  I go half straight V8 juice and half ZingZang.  Your tastes may vary.  If I'm doing a fancy cook out or barbecue, I go out a little bit on presentation.  I rim the glass with hickory salt, then go with a celery stick, a pickle and a couple olives (garlic stuffed or bleu cheese stuffed) on a skewer and then a piece of crispy bacon right in the drink.  I like this set up because you not only have a drink, but you've got hors d'oeuvres too.  And, the Bloody Mary is traditionally served with a snit (at least up here in WI) so that's an excuse to two fist it! The only thing I will fight you over regarding a Bloody Mary is, I do not want to see any Clamato juice around my drink.

Now I will show off my white trash roots...

Red SPAMBot's Trailer Trash Gimlet
    1 Bottle Mike's Hard Limeade
    1 oz Gin
    1 Lime Wedge

It's not summer without drinking irresponsibly.  I'm not proud of this one, but what the heck, I'll show my ass.  First, drive to a liquor store where no one recognizes you and buy a six pack of Mike's Hard Limeade.  Might as well get a bottle of cheap gin while you're there.  Return to premises where the embarrassment will ensue.  On your way back pick up a lime.  Slice the lime into six wedges.  A dirty pocketknife is fine for this.  Now, twist off the cap of your first bottle, and take a sip.  Next, pour a shot of gin right into the bottle.  Leave a little space to stuff a lime wedge down into the neck.  Now place your thumb over the mouth of the bottle and invert it several times.  Shaken, not stirred.  James Bond AF!  This tastes almost, but not quite, entirely unlike a gimlet.  After the fourth one you won't give a shit.
Quantumsurfer wrote:I tried other places but it was always much the same. Bunch of elitist pricks pompously waving their shittily painted thousand dollar armies in one another's faces whilst trying to intellectually one up one another by creating oh-so-clever army asses in the most boring, rules lawyering, and socially backward sessions of mathhammer ever devised.
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Re: Bricks, Beer, and Barbecue

Postby Insert_blank » Sat Jul 23, 2016 6:58 am

This thread needs to be stickied and you need to start your own cooking show.
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Re: Bricks, Beer, and Barbecue

Postby Quantumsurfer » Sat Jul 23, 2016 12:01 pm

No doubt.

Red_SPAMbot wrote:Well back in my day, saying things like that would immediately bring one's patriotism, morality, and sexual identity into question. Because I grew up in dark, barbaric times where any deviation from the herd meant you were likely a communist mutant spy and a flag burning traitor, a heretic that secretly worshiped the Cult of Tzeench in your basement while playing with Mega Bloks, killed felines while playing Dungeons and Dragons, and let the forces of Cobra beat G.I. Joe.


This made me laugh.
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Re: Bricks, Beer, and Barbecue

Postby Red_SPAMbot » Tue Jul 26, 2016 1:11 am

Aw shucks.  Maybe not a show.  Maybe a blog.

I do really want to do a post where I try and pair the best beer to go with donuts for BrikWars.

And since I feel like it's a waste if I don't list some recipe in every post on this thread...

The Star Spangled Bastard
1 shot glass filled with equal measures of Bourbon, Rum, and Southern Comfort
4 ounces RedBull in a highball glass

Yes, this is one of those awful dropped shot or "depth charge" drinks, notoriously affiliated with frat parties and binge drinking.  I prefer a version that substitutes hard cider for the RedBull.  I include it here because it is the drink from which my local gaming club derived its name.  And it's also the drink that got us banned from buying drinks for the band, -Itis.
Quantumsurfer wrote:I tried other places but it was always much the same. Bunch of elitist pricks pompously waving their shittily painted thousand dollar armies in one another's faces whilst trying to intellectually one up one another by creating oh-so-clever army asses in the most boring, rules lawyering, and socially backward sessions of mathhammer ever devised.
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Re: Bricks, Beer, and Barbecue

Postby Silent-sigfig » Sat Dec 03, 2016 9:13 pm

Red_SPAMbot wrote: best beer to go with donuts for BrikWars.


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Silent-sigfig wrote: :dog:

Coolest 1000th post ever :D
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