To Dos... and Beyond! Turn 1

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To Dos... and Beyond! Turn 1

Postby Alex » Tue Mar 29, 2016 10:57 am

Thugs and Mercs- Bann154
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The bat wielding thug hops in the low rider.
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The then hits the gas and sideswipes into the BA Team's Van. The side door is ripped off and hits Max Damage, who is severely injured.
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The rest of the mercs and thugs try to shoot the BA Team,  but due to a combination of gun jams, missed shots, slips and low damage, don't manage to kill anyone.

Dos Briquis Entourage- Legomc
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The guards try to fire at the pirate skiff, but both somehow manage to trip in unison. one of them accidentally fires into the crowd in the process, killing a guest.
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Ivana Kutabich jumps onto a pirate skiff and tries to kill someone in a sexy way. She only succeeds in killing the pirate sniper in a normal way.
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The exotic animal handlers get to work.
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The Galapagos hawk retrieves the pirate sniper rifle, even though it weighs three times what the hawk does. There's no telling how many coconuts it could carry.
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The asp goes into the bushes, where it finds three chimps.
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The harem girls try to distract the pirates by flashing them, but the pirates seem to be able to multitask.
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The janitor begins to clean up. "I don't get paid nearly enough to do this," he grumbles "doesn't anyone know how difficult it is to remove blood and viscera from cobblestones?"

Freedum States of Murica- Red_SPAMbot
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"I'm not saying I invented the turtleneck, but I am the first one on my lacrosse team to recognize it's tactical advantages. It's a tactical turtleneck. The Tactleneck." Johnny Dangerzone tells the nearby waitress. He then notices the pirate skiff. "Just when this party was getting boring. It's not ninjas riding on cybernetic dinosaurs, but it will do."
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He sprints off to the yellow sports car for a better view.
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"PROTECT THE PRESIDENT!" the secret service agents shout. They move to shield him from enemy fire.
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What would have probably been a fatal shot to Captain Strongarm is taken by a redshirt instead.
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The marines take out another space pirate.
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Using the official religion of the Freedum States of Murica, Voodoo Economics, President Raygun summons the spirit of Zombie Lincoln.

Britannian League of Explorers and Gentlemen- Motorhead Fan
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Everyone runs out from the bar to help the Dos Briquis guy, but aren't really able to do anything this turn.

Space Pirates- Apollyon
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Following a time tested strategy, some of the pirates go over and ask some of the harem girls to dance.
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Two of the harem girls become pirate wenches.
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The female space ork tries to kill Ivana Kutabich, but saws another harem girl in half instead.
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The larger pirate skiff fires on the BA Team van, causing some minor damage
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One pirate kills a secret service agent.
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The other pirates fire, but are unable to kill anyone.
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Captain Strongarm fires his minicannon at the Chef, but the cannonball was kind of a dud, and the only casualty is the chef's food.
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The skiff moves over the pagoda.

The BA Team- Brikguy0410
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Bill Hook eliminates the bat thug in the car.
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John Woo fires at Kingpin Jones. Another thug jumps in and shrugs off the damage.
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Everyone else fires on the skiff's engine, destroying one. It's movement is no halved.

Party Guests- Zuppon
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The bartender mixes the GREATEST DRINK IN THE WORLD.
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She starts to take it the the Dos Briquis guy.
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The waitresses try to seduce some of the pirates, but aren't very successful.
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The chef takes stock of his kitchen at the moment...
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and gets to work combining everything into a cauldron. "The gunpowder will have added some extra seasoning to this chicken."
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"Next I'll add some fish and an apple for some sweetness."
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He also adds a large amount of beer to the mix. The recipe still seems to be missing something however.
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The band tries to play some heavy metal, but end up playing Latin folk music instead. The maracas player also drops a maraca.
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Instead of creating a mosh pit, the crowd just kind of forms an apathetic mass.    

Dos Briquis Guy- Steel_Valkyrie
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The Dos Briquis guy finishes his Dos Briquis.
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Setting his katana aside, he grabs the nearby shotgun and fires at a space pirate. The sot connects, but just pings harmlessly off the space pirate's armor.

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Suddenly, a wild group of ninjas appear! They are played by Duerer.

Overviews:
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Kill Chart:
Dos Briquis Guy (Steel_Valkyrie)- 0
Dos Briquis Entourage (Legomc)- 1 friendly fire
Space Pirates (Apollyon) 2
Freedum States of Murica (Red_SPAMbot)- 1
BA Team (Brikguy0410) -1
Britannian League of Explorers and Gentlemen (Motorhead Fan) -0
Thugs and Mercenaries (Bann154) -0
Party Guests (Zupponn)- 0
Ninjas (Duerer)- 0

Send in orders for turn 2!
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Re: To Dos... and Beyond! Turn 1

Postby RedRover » Tue Mar 29, 2016 11:23 am

Alex, your battles capture the spirit of brikwars! So much violence and mayhem. Great work!
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Re: To Dos... and Beyond! Turn 1

Postby Red_SPAMbot » Tue Mar 29, 2016 11:24 pm

Pirates: CHECK
Ninjas: CHECK
Zombies: CHECK
Monkeys: CHECK
...now all we need are Robots.
Quantumsurfer wrote:I tried other places but it was always much the same. Bunch of elitist pricks pompously waving their shittily painted thousand dollar armies in one another's faces whilst trying to intellectually one up one another by creating oh-so-clever army asses in the most boring, rules lawyering, and socially backward sessions of mathhammer ever devised.
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Re: To Dos... and Beyond! Turn 1

Postby Alex » Wed Mar 30, 2016 8:49 am

RedRover wrote:Alex, your battles capture the spirit of brikwars! So much violence and mayhem. Great work!

Thanks! I'm looking forward to what this one holds.
Red_SPAMbot wrote:Pirates: CHECK
Ninjas: CHECK
Zombies: CHECK
Monkeys: CHECK
...now all we need are Robots.

There's still two secret factions to be revealed. Wait til you see what's next.
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