To Dos... and Beyond! Turn 3

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To Dos... and Beyond! Turn 3

Postby Alex » Fri Apr 15, 2016 7:43 pm

Spanish Inquisition (Mgb519)
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"Fetch... The Rack." Inquisitor Cortez commands.
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The other inquisitors comply, and fasten the janitor to it.
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What a mess! Too bad there's nobody to clean it up now.
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The other Spaniards form a firing squad and try to execute the Dos Briquis guy. A French Legionnaire redshirts for him.

The BA Team (Brikguy0410)
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After piling into the van, the BA team takes out Kingpin Jones in a driveby shooting. Tommy Gunn reloads.
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They back the van up a bit from where it was.

Ninjas (Duerer
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Striking from behind
The lead ninja cries aloud
For my dead master!
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Dos Briquis replies
I will strike you down just like
Your master before
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Moving like shadows
The other ninjas step forth
Not yet at the goal

Freedum States of Murica (Red_SPAMbot)
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"Cheap piece of Chinese junk!" President Raygun says of his pistol.
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"Raygun smash!"
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"Let me show you something I learned while filming Death Valley Days." Raygun says, while grabbing a beamsword and pistol, he blasts a ninja away.
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"Sweet Saturnalia! It looks like Dallas, 1963 in here." Johnny Dangerzone says as he hops into the seat of the sports car.
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Agent Dangerzone hops out after putting the car into reverse and jamming the headless body of the space pirate into the accelerator.
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The car crashes onto the skiff. Captain Strongarm is pushed out of the way at the last second by one of the other space pirates, who gets run over.
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Zombie Lincoln is alarmed by the fire on he stage.  "RAWWWRRR!! FIRE BAD!!" he says.
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He shoots someone in the mosh pit, while the zombie secret service agent unsuccessfuly tries to eat some brains.
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"They killed Fritz! YOU DIRTY ANIMAL WARMONGERS!" the marine shouts. He fires at a space pirate, who barely flinches.
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The secret service agent takes out another ninja.

Dos Briquis Entourage (Legomc)
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Ivana decapitates Gurta Grindsaw.
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One of the harem girls tries to beat one of the pirate wenches with a dead monkey, with little success.
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The other harem girl tries to help, but trips and stabs the other harem girl by mistake. Oops!
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The monkeys try to take the other wench out by attacking her with fruit. One of the monkeys ends up eating his banana instead though.
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The guard takes out both wenches with an overkill shot.
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The one armed guard tries to attack the ninja with the empty dos briquis bottle. Having been in plenty of back alley bar brawls in the streets of Osaka, the ninja leader isn't even phased.

Britannian League of Explorers and Gentlemen
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Colonel Khaki tries to run over a ninja, but stalls the jeep instead.
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Lara guns him down though.
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Lord Worthington blasts a pirate wench.
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The big game hunter shoots an arm off the Culinary Abomination, wounding it.
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Captain Vale shoots another ninja.
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Dr Weathersby tries to shoot a Spaniard, but his gun has a malfunction and explodes.
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The swordsman manages to cut one down though.

Party Guests (Zupponn)
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The band plays some really rockin' heavy metal. The crowd gets pumped.
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President Raygun, Zombie Lincoln , the zombie secret service agent and a ninja join in on the moshing. They will be distracted for the next turn.
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The bartender runs back to the bar, ready to make another drink.

Dos Briquis Guy ()
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"This is just like the time I was playing poker with an Italian in Brazil. Prepare to draw!" The Dos Briquis guy uses his benny to pull Inquisitor Cortez into a one on one duel.
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The results are inconclusive, as both survive however.
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The French Legionnaires try to kill some Spaniards, but aren't successful.

Culinary Abomination (NPC)
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The Culinary Abomination attaches a beer keg to its lost arm socket. regaining its lost vitality in the process.
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Using the keg arm as a club, it smacks down two Britannian gentlemen.

Mercs (Bann154)
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Roche reloads and shoots at the BA team, but misses. Maybe doing cocaine before battle wasn't the best idea to improve his accuracy.

Space Pirates (Apollyon)
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The skiff jets back up with the remaining crew.
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Firing from above, they take out the marine and secret service agent.
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The skiff fires at Ivana, but the asp redshirts for her.
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One pirate tries to shoot a harem girl, but his laser breaks.
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Another skewers a monkey and the last harem girl.
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Voodoo Jim succeeds in wounding Ivana.

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Several beams of light appear.
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They're inter-dimensional raiders (lordintype) "Seize the artifact!" their leader shouts. "Kill anyone who gets in your way!"

Overviews:
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Kill count:
Dos Briquis Guy (Steel_Valkyrie)- 1
Dos Briquis Entourage (Legomc)- 2+2 friendly fire+ 1 pirate skiff
Space Pirates (Apollyon) -11
Freedum States of Murica (Red_SPAMbot)- 9
BA Team (Brikguy0410) -3
Britannian League of Explorers and Gentlemen (Motorhead Fan) -3
Thugs and Mercenaries (Bann154) -1
Party Guests (Zupponn)- 0 + produced one culinary abomination
Ninjas (Duerer)- 0
Spanish Inquisition (Mgb519)- 2
Culinary Abomination (Open)- 2
Inter-Dimensional Raiders (Lordintype)- 0

Send orders for turn 4!
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Alex
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Re: To Dos... and Beyond! Turn 3

Postby Red_SPAMbot » Sun Apr 17, 2016 1:04 am

The less I know the more strongly I feel about it.

FUN FACT: The Dos Equis Guy once played a villain in the TV show The A Team.  Cowinkydink?

Also...I'll just leave THIS here.
Quantumsurfer wrote:I tried other places but it was always much the same. Bunch of elitist pricks pompously waving their shittily painted thousand dollar armies in one another's faces whilst trying to intellectually one up one another by creating oh-so-clever army asses in the most boring, rules lawyering, and socially backward sessions of mathhammer ever devised.
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Re: To Dos... and Beyond! Turn 3

Postby Half-Moon Molly » Tue Apr 19, 2016 4:53 pm

<---- (Big Monty Python Fan Here) Nobody speaks of the Spanish inquisition!
yeah, I'm trans.
Spoiler: show
[a n d i f you h a v e a n i s s u e w i t h t h a t i i n v i t e y o u t o s u c c m y g i r l d i c k]
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