[RK17] Battle in the Chat: A Hostile Takeover

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[RK17] Battle in the Chat: A Hostile Takeover

Postby Colette » Fri Jan 13, 2017 7:15 pm

Office building on planet Austere, Assyrian Star Empire

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A meeting is taking place between the board of directors of GI Brik Inc., a major weapons and ammunition manufacturer for the USA and Anti-Immortal Alliance, and United Assyrian Technologies, a major Assyrian tek conglomerate. The latter is attempting to acquire the former in an acquisitions deal being mediated by the Trattorian investment bank Goldman Sucks.

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UAT Executive Mr. Yossarian: Board of GI Brik, the UAT corporation is willing to offer $50 a share in this deal. That's the current market price rounded up to the nearest dollar, and while your company has seen a lot of growth in the latest fiscal quarter, the issue that was brought up in your last earnings call of your factories being blown up by pro-Immortal forces has caused analysts at the major galactic investment houses to revise downward the growth guidance on your company's market capitalization and shareholder equity.

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Goldman Sucks VP Dr. Marchand: Quite frankly, Mr. Nardell, I think you would be foolish not to take this offer.

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CEO Mr. Nardell: I don't know if it's enough, quite frankly. Perhaps we could negotiate the offer upward...

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*crash*
Mr. Yossarian: What the brik-hell? How did you get through security?
CEO Mr. Nardell: What the hell indeed. Do you guys have a better offer?

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The Accountant: We're the Immortals, you'll take whatever offer we want down your throat.
Mr. Yossarian: That didn't answer my quest-

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Warhead, Sigma Shard: I'M MOTHERFUCKING WARHEAD YOU TIT-TWATS!
The Accountant: About that...

Factions wrote:Assyrians/United Assyrian Technologies: Bann154
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Objective: Kill all the Immortals and thus force GI Brik to accept their acquisitions offer.
Notes: Mr. Yossarian (guy with brown hair and yellow hands) is the leader. Consists of the 4 UAT executives in dark red robes and the 4 Assyrian troops.

Trattorians/Goldman Sucks: Colette
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Objective: Stay alive.
Notes: Only consists of Dr. Marchand (the gurl) and her 2 gold bodyguard robots

USA/GI Brik: Silent-Sigfig
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Objective: Keep enough board members alive to maintain quorum (3 out of 69).
Notes: Consists of 69 board members in suits and 4 USA troops. The guy in the dark blue suit (CEO Mr. Nardell) is the leader.
Voting Conditions: If the Assyrians kill all the Immortals, the board automatically votes for Assyria, and vice versa for Immortals killing all Assyrians (for their win conditions). If too many board members die for quorum (2 or fewer remaining) then USA, Immortals, and Assyria all lose.

Immortals (everyone else): Scratch
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Objective: Kill all the Assyrians and thus force GI Brik to accept their offer.
Notes: The Accountant is their leader. Consists of all Immortal units except Sigma Shard. They are allied with team Immortals (Warhead Sigma Shard).

Immortals (Warhead Sigma Shard): Silverdream
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Objective: Kill as many as minifigs as possible.
Notes: Consists of only Sigma Shard and no other units. Allied with team Immortals (everyone else), just split off as a separate player b/c of his randomness and insanity. Can kill anyone in the room except the Accountant.


Turn order: USA, Sigma Shard, Assyrians, Trattoria, Immortals

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Overview.
Last edited by Colette on Thu Feb 02, 2017 6:17 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: Battle in the Chat: A Hostile Takeover

Postby Colette » Fri Jan 13, 2017 7:29 pm

USA

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The GI Brik CEO tries to sneakily look at Dr. Marchand’s laptop and documents without her noticing, and succeeds, learning all about the other deals Goldman Sucks is involved in (feat crit success).

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The other USA troops huddle behind the desk and the Tratt robots for cover, and concentrate fire on the Immortals.

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One of them crit-succeeds and manages to pierce through a Phalanx’s shield, killing it.
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Re: Battle in the Chat: A Hostile Takeover

Postby Colette » Fri Jan 13, 2017 7:47 pm

Sigma Shard

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The Sigma Shard takes the fallen Phalanx’s shield and sharpens the edges with his OTC.

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He then throws it like a boomerang at the boardroom table.

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Although a remarkable amount manage to dodge the shield-boomerang, two of the GI Brik board members bite the dust, including the CEO Mr. Nardell.

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The Accountant: Fucking brik-hell! Don’t fucking kill the marks, we’re on the same team Sigma Shard! The mission is a failure if they're all dead.
Sigma Shard: YOUR WHORE MOTHER SQUEALED LIKE A PIG LAST NIGHT WHEN I FUCKED HER IN THE ASS.
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Re: Battle in the Chat: A Hostile Takeover

Postby Colette » Fri Jan 13, 2017 7:57 pm

Assyrians

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Two of the Assyrian executives scurry over to the over side of the table, knocking aside a few of the USA board members.
Mr. Yossarian: Heave!

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They manage to flip the heavy boardroom table onto the Immortals, disrupting the Sigma Shard.

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The Assyrians then prove once again why they’re the best military ever, with two infantry overskilling and taking out 2 Immortal Phalanxes.
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Re: Battle in the Chat: A Hostile Takeover

Postby Colette » Fri Jan 13, 2017 8:04 pm

Trattorians

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Dr. Marchand hides in the corner under one of her robots like a wuss, while the other robot moves out to get a better angle. Both of the robots combine fire on the Phalanx in their line of sight.

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One of them uses its advanced programming to pinpoint a weakness in the Phalanx’s defense and kills it.
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Re: Battle in the Chat: A Hostile Takeover

Postby Colette » Fri Jan 13, 2017 8:21 pm

Immortals:

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The Immortal Phalanxes take cover behind the table and open fire on the Assyrians.

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Only one of the Phalanxes even passes his skill roll and thus only 1 Assyrian goes down.

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The Accountant, frustrated at the tide of the battle and the incompetence of his soldiers, tries to throw a wad of cash like a ninja star at the Trattorian bot.

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Unfortunately he fails and instead somehow eats it instead.
The Accountant: Fuck my life.
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Re: Battle in the Chat: A Hostile Takeover

Postby Colette » Fri Jan 13, 2017 8:30 pm

USA:
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The remaining GI Brik board members seize other factions’ documents and laptops and hide behind their Assyrian counterparts.

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The remaining USA troops pick up Phalanx shields and aim at the Immortals, but none of them get through the shields.
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Re: Battle in the Chat: A Hostile Takeover

Postby Colette » Fri Jan 13, 2017 8:50 pm

Sigma Shard:

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Sigma Shard: WARHEAD ANGRY!
The Sigma Shard’s head flame roars to life, setting the table on fire.

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He effortlessly lifts the mahogany slab in one hand, aiming to toss it at the center of the room.

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The table cracks in half with a tremendous thud as it lands, instantly killing 3 GI Brik board members and a USA soldier from a combination of impact and burns, while setting 3 Assyrian UAT executives and the last remaining GI Brik board member on fire. The Sigma Shard dances a scottish jig in celebration as he ignores the Accountants’ cries.
USA, Assyrian, and Immortal objectives failed.
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Re: Battle in the Chat: A Hostile Takeover

Postby Colette » Fri Jan 13, 2017 9:06 pm

Assyrians:

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One Assyrian executive’s fire goes out and he picks up the fallen Assyrian’s rifle, while another burns to death. A third stops, drops, and rolls to put his out.

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The troops and the executive combine fire on the Immortals, but the executive crit-fails b/c of his inexperience and his rifle explodes.

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Another Phalanx bites the dust.

Also Mr. Yossarian goes to hide in the corner but I forgot to take a pic.
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Re: Battle in the Chat: A Hostile Takeover

Postby Colette » Fri Jan 13, 2017 9:14 pm

Trattorians:

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Trattorian Gold Robots: TARGET ACQUIRED.

Unfortunately, although they hit Warhead, their shots bounce off his armor and eldritch bones and fail to do enough damage.
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Re: Battle in the Chat: A Hostile Takeover

Postby Colette » Fri Jan 13, 2017 9:32 pm

Immortals:

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The Phalanxes finally do something and gun down 2 Assyrians.

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The Accountant and a Phalanx move up, the Accountant extending several demonic tentacles out to suck up all the laptops.

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It succeeds, gathering them all in one place.

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He then stuffs them all into his magikal sylladex briefcase.
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Re: Battle in the Chat: A Hostile Takeover

Postby Colette » Fri Jan 13, 2017 9:46 pm

USA: NPC'd by colette

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The last GI Brik board member stops, drops, and rolls to put his fire out.

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All USA troops combine fire on Warhead.

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Unfortunately a redshirt pushes him out of the way and absorbs the damage with its shield.
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Re: Battle in the Chat: A Hostile Takeover

Postby Colette » Fri Jan 13, 2017 10:02 pm

Warhead:

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The Sigma Shard picks one of the USA troopers up.
USA trooper: Oooh, this is kind of dapper to be ho-

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USA trooper: AAAAAARRRRGGGHHHH!
The Sigma Shard tears him in half, devouring his very soul.

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He then belches it out in an explosion of violent pain energy, frying another USA trooper.

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Sigma Shard: SOUL TASTES TOO SWEET, WITH SOME SALT IN IT, LIKE A BLEND OF YOUR MOTHER’S CUM AND TITTY MILK.
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Re: Battle in the Chat: A Hostile Takeover

Postby Colette » Fri Jan 13, 2017 10:09 pm

Assyrians:

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A UAT executive picks up a gun and kills a Phalanx.

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The other executive crit-fails again while the soldier hits. The Accountant is targeted, but redshirted away by a Phalanx with a shield.
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Re: Battle in the Chat: A Hostile Takeover

Postby Colette » Fri Jan 13, 2017 10:16 pm

Trattorians:

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Trattorian gold robots: TARGET ACQUIRED.

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This time their attack works, with the Sigma Shard failing his redshirt roll and biting the dust (temporarily, as with all Immortals). His inert, undead skeleton body does not bleed.
Sigma Shard eliminated
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