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Battle in the Chat: LIBOR to Me

PostPosted: Sat Apr 01, 2017 11:30 pm
by Colette
Corpora, planet Trattoria, Meritocratic Republic of Trattoria

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VP Dr. Tanaka: Very well, now that everyone is here we may begin negotiations.

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VP Dr. Tanaka: As we all know, all of the major banks of the Nehellenium Galaxy have been rigging the London InterBank Offer Rate, or LIBOR, for several years now. On behalf of Goldman Sucks, I wanted to meet with you and your firms today to reaffirm your commitment to our LIBOR deflation and underreporting scheme. Good collusion, as you know, requires good cooperation.

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VP Savavoth Why of course, Dr. Tanaka, Hells Fargo makes a tremendous amount of money off of what we do. We’d have no reason to cheat on the deal.

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Lord Wildman: Well, Claybar PLC may require additional negotiations contingent on several factors.
Dr. Tanaka: Claybar and Britannia’s participation is absolutely essential. What might your firm be asking for, Lord Wildman?

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Agent Valkova: Now’s my chance to impress the Accountant. Legionnaires, keep your eyes on the mission.

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Agent Valkova: IMMORTALIS!

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Dr. Tanaka: But...how could you betray us like this, Lord Wildman?
Lord Wildman: Word didn’t reach you about what happened to Dr. Chhabra? Besides, the Immortals are Britannia’s allies...and they brought me back to life after the last battle. I’m really sorry, but also not really, it’s just business.

Factions
Goldman Sucks (Anti-Immortal): Colette
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Objective: Kill all pro-Immortal units

USA/Hells Fargo (Anti-Immortal): Bookwyrm
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Objective: Kill all pro-Immortal units

Britannia/Claybar (Pro-Immortal): Scratch
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Objective: Kill all anti-Immortal units

Immortal Empire (Pro-Immortal): RedRover
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Objective: Kill all anti-Immortal units.


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Overwatch.

turn order: Immortals, USA, Britannia, GS

Re: Battle in the Chat: LIBOR to Me

PostPosted: Sat Apr 01, 2017 11:30 pm
by Colette
Immortals

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Agent Volkova prepares to boomerang her knife at the Hells Fargo representative (feat).

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She succeeds, slicing off the banker’s head.

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She then gets behind the Immortal shield wall as the latter trains their rifles on the USA forces.

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USA eliminated

Re: Battle in the Chat: LIBOR to Me

PostPosted: Sat Apr 01, 2017 11:30 pm
by Colette
Britannia/Claybar

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The Britannian troops take aim at the GS CRIs, although one of them stumbles.

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Their shields at the wrong angle, three of them get butchered.

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Lord Wildman then brews a burning hot pot of tea, pouring it carefully into a teacup he always keeps on his person as a good Britannian.

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He takes a sip, preparing to spew it on the remaining GS forces.

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Instead it burns his throat and sets him on fire.

Re: Battle in the Chat: LIBOR to Me

PostPosted: Sat Apr 01, 2017 11:31 pm
by Colette
GS
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Dr. Tanaka grabs her laptop and jumps onto the glass table, eyeing Agent Valkova.

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She runs at Volkova planning to decapitate her with the razor-thin Macbook Air and fueled by the impulsive risk taking of investment bankers.

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Unfortunately Valkova side-steps and Dr. Tanaka lands flat on her face with a shattered macbook.

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The last remaining GS CRI moves up but fails to hit anything.

Re: Battle in the Chat: LIBOR to Me

PostPosted: Sat Apr 01, 2017 11:31 pm
by Colette
Immortals
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Valkova attempts to rip out Dr. Tanaka’s spine with her knife.

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Unfortunately, she misses and instead stabs her own knee, ending her days as an adventurer. She now has to limp at half speed until she can get it healed.

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The Immortals turn their shield wall against the last remaining GS CRI, and combine fire.

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Their target bites the dust.

Re: Battle in the Chat: LIBOR to Me

PostPosted: Sat Apr 01, 2017 11:32 pm
by Colette
Britannia
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The Britannian infantry gun down Dr. Tanaka, while stumble guy stumbles again.

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Meanwhile Lord Wildman stops, drops, and rolls to put the fire out, and then takes a leisurely stroll to seize all the laptops in the room and depositing some funds into his personal account - paying taxes on it, of course.

Re: Battle in the Chat: LIBOR to Me

PostPosted: Sat Apr 01, 2017 11:32 pm
by Colette
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Agent Valkova: A successful operation, and at no pro-Immortal casualties - that’s astounding. The Accountant will be pleased.
Lord Wildman: We eliminated the GS and Hells Fargo points of contact for this arrangement - and we stole incriminating documents from their laptops on their involvement as blackmail. I’d say it’s a pretty good haul.
Agent Valkova: Well, we’d better teleport out before Trattorian forces arrive. It’s a pleasure working with you, Lord Wildman.
Lord Wildman: And you as well. Good luck with your knee.

Re: Battle in the Chat: LIBOR to Me

PostPosted: Sat Apr 01, 2017 11:32 pm
by Colette
Half an hour later
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Managing Director Hanson: Jeez, what happened here?
CFO Dr. Fuller: You and I both know precisely what happened. The Immortal Sigma Legion’s plan is clear to me. They want to destabilize the economies of the Anti-Immortal Alliance. Disrupting and publicizing our LIBOR rigging operations to roil the markets was a part of that - although we are always one step ahead, our corporate laptops wipe themselves when moved 20 meters away from an employee.
MD Hanson: But why are they targeting GS specifically?
CFO Dr. Fuller: You see, Mr. Hanson, they’re not targeting us. We just happen to be the most powerful bank in the galaxy, which is why we tend to intersect with their operations quite often. It’s quite clear.
MD Hanson: What is?
CFO Dr. Fuller: The Immortals are our enemy. And there are only two ways the firm deals with enemies - turn them over, or crush them.

Re: Battle in the Chat: LIBOR to Me

PostPosted: Sun Apr 02, 2017 12:58 pm
by sahasrahla
well, that was quick :studgod: