Battle in the Chat: Battle of Gulfport

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Battle in the Chat: Battle of Gulfport

Postby Colette » Wed Dec 27, 2017 4:09 pm

Planet Gulfport, Mississippi, United Systems Alliance

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A bunch of pro- and anti-Immortal forces converge near some crumbling railroad tracks in Mississippi as the Immortal advance continues relentlessly.

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Optio: For the glory of the Immortal Empire, we must press on the conquest. Immortalis!

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USA Red Beret: Defend the homeland, my fellow ‘Muricans! God bless ‘Murica!

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Venetian Officer: Why the fuck are we here again.

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TTSJ Officer: I guess we have to help the Immortals or something.

USA: Scratch
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Immortals: Colette
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Venice: Falk
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Time-Traveling Super Jews: Lawmaster
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This is a killfest, no special objectives. USA is anti-immortal, Venice is Third Alliance, and Immortals and TTSJs are pro-Immortal and allied.

Turn order: USA (Scratch), TTSJs (Lawmaster), Venice (Falk), Immortals (Colette)
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Re: Battle in the Chat: Battle of Gulfport

Postby Colette » Wed Dec 27, 2017 4:49 pm

USA

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Everyone moves up.

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The USA tank then fires a missile.

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It lands behind the Phalanxes, bypassing their shields and killing off six of them. The other four and the Optio are disrupted, while the tank is unscathed.

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The USA troops and the Red Beret then combine fire and kill off 3 more Phalanxes, but two crit-fail.

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The other USA squad rips apart the TTSJ soldiers, although the hero is saved at the last minute from the goyim attack by his heavy, who survives the redshirt.

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The USA hero attempts to rev his OTC and taunt the other heroes (if the feat succeeds they'll get cumulative +1 crankiness skill penalty every turn they're not in combat with the OTC hero). It fails and the other heroes will instead get a +1 penalty when fighting the USA hero.
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Re: Battle in the Chat: Battle of Gulfport

Postby Colette » Wed Dec 27, 2017 5:05 pm

TTSJs

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TTSJ Heavy: Die goyim motherfuckers!

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The TTSJ heavy manages to mow down 3 of the USA troops.

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The TTSJ hero then rushes at his USA counterpart, intending to circumcise the latter.

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However, in possibly the single greatest act of sword-related incompetence in BrikWars history, he trips and instead cuts his own dick off with his nova sword. No stat penalty is incurred since having to live with his emasculation is punishment enough.
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Re: Battle in the Chat: Battle of Gulfport

Postby Colette » Wed Dec 27, 2017 5:21 pm

Venice

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The Venetians hop onto the alligators in the swamp and ride them to the get in range of the remaining Immortals, as a result of a successful feat from the officer.

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They then get off, killing off the remaining Immortal ground units. The only Immortal unit left now is the tank and its 2 operators.

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The alligators start munching on dead bodies.
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Re: Battle in the Chat: Battle of Gulfport

Postby Colette » Wed Dec 27, 2017 5:35 pm

Immortals

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The Immortals down to the tank, it rams the USA forces, killing an entire squad and knocking off a size point from the USA tank, while also squashing the TTSJ hero. USA hero is redshirted away, however. The tank cannon fires point-blank, but fails to penetrate the USA tank's armor.
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Re: Battle in the Chat: Battle of Gulfport

Postby Colette » Wed Dec 27, 2017 6:00 pm

USA

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The USA hero picks up the fallen TTSJ hero’s nova sword.

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He then recklessly leaps towards the Immortal tank, preparing to slice off the turret with the two ultimate weapons of the BrikVerse.

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Unfortunately, his grip slips, and his Nova blade (that which can parry anything) falls upon the Orange Transparent Chainsaw (which cannot be parried)...

:byzero:

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Every soldier on the field dies from the resultant explosion, except for a USA and Venetian soldiers who bail far enough thanks to crit successes. The USA and Immortal tanks each sustain a point of size damage.

TTSJs eliminated
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Re: Battle in the Chat: Battle of Gulfport

Postby Colette » Wed Dec 27, 2017 6:08 pm

Venetians

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The lone Venetian sprints towards the tanks.
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Re: Battle in the Chat: Battle of Gulfport

Postby Colette » Wed Dec 27, 2017 6:14 pm

Immortals

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The Immortal tank fires on its USA counterpart, knocking off a size point.
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Re: Battle in the Chat: Battle of Gulfport

Postby Colette » Wed Dec 27, 2017 6:19 pm

USA

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The USA tank fires a missile on the Immortal tank, combined with rifle fire from the remaining troop, to no effect.
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Re: Battle in the Chat: Battle of Gulfport

Postby Colette » Wed Dec 27, 2017 6:25 pm

Venice

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The remaining Venetian cashes in his backstab bennies, opens the hatch to the USA tank, and kills the 2 operators.

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He then gets inside and seizes control.
Last edited by Colette on Wed Dec 27, 2017 6:29 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Battle in the Chat: Battle of Gulfport

Postby Colette » Wed Dec 27, 2017 6:28 pm

Immortals

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The Immortal tank fires a side gun and kills the last USA soldier. The main cannon misses, however.

USA eliminated
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Re: Battle in the Chat: Battle of Gulfport

Postby Colette » Wed Dec 27, 2017 6:41 pm

Ending Turns

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The USA tank tries to launch a missile at its Immortal counterpart, but misses. The Immortal tank fires its cannon, but fails to do enough damage. The USA tank's last missile misses again. The Immortal tank fires again and does a size point of damage.

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The main gun now no longer operable (due to size damage), the Venetian decides to steal the tank and run away.

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Immortal tank operators: Oh well, we’re the last ones alive I guess.

Immortal victory (I guess)
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Re: Battle in the Chat: Battle of Gulfport

Postby sahasrahla » Wed Dec 27, 2017 9:07 pm

that was a good battle, i guess
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