Assault on Goatse Bunker

They're all the rage

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stubby
tl;dr: the rule of fudge is the entire rulebook
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Post by stubby » Sat Nov 27, 2010 3:06 am

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The Shitgoats get scared and build a curved wall to hide behind.

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The UNDF tries a novel technique - running up the backs of some surprised stormtroopers and jumping off their heads! Or, four of them do. The fifth guy thinks they're insane.

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Strangely, this doesn't seem any more or less successful than the more usual techniques. One guy breaks through to his death, one is Disrupted, and two make a clean landing.

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The Cosplay Natalyas charge confidently across the lava crust. Four out of five break through the cracks, but most manage to ignore it and just keep going. One falls and is burned to death, another is Disrupted, but in the end four of them reach the safety of the white fingers.

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The Dr. McNinjas have a cunning plan. One checks to make sure the Big-Boob Girls are watching, and the rest climb together to form a tower like a vertical human centipede.

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When they reach the proper altitude, they tip over to bridge the gap! There were a lot of rolls made here, first to see if they broke through the crust, and second to see if they survived the impact. Thanks to a whole bunch of very lucky rolls, everyone is just fine, although the top guy broke through, he manages to hold on to the solid bank and hold himself rigid over the bubbling lava. He'd better move quick before that 3d4 heat rises.

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RunsWithLegos arrives with FALX Death Seekers.

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The Necro Squad gets to work. Necromancers at either end run out to rescue victims of magma, almost becoming victims themselves. The burning Akkadian is pulled out in time, but it was already too late for the fallen Dimmy. Two other Necromancers start gathering bricks at either end of the Shitgoats' wall. Finally the Black Skeleton jumps up on top of the wall, striking douchey muscle poses in an attempt to impress the Big-Boob Girls.

Does it work? Survey says: They appreciate the thought, but Skeletons have neither muscles nor genitals and in any case they're already shaking their naked chests at the Dr. McNinjas. Tough luck, Necros.

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The remaining Peach Raiders decide the Shitgoats have the right idea! Time to run and hide until somebody makes a safer way across the rubble field!

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... Just kidding. It was a trick! The Peach Raiders were only setting up to betray Sir Pablo's Men. Caught by surprise, not a single one of them manages to Parry successfully. Two are pushed into open lava holes, one is Disrupted. The armed Raider takes a swing at the armed knight, and hits! ... but barely scratches him.

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The Old Dudes start wandering about aimlessly, probably not even realizing they are completely blocking the view of the topless Big-Boob Girls. So inconsiderate! Typical Old Dudes!

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The HDISW Men pick themselves up and climb up past the Natalyas onto the white fingers. They're hesitant to top that last crest, since the machine guns are waiting right on the other side.

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The Mateys finish building their platform, taking care to stay just out of machine-gun range.

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The Ewoks are finishing up their bridge as well, as the FELC workers carefully make their way to the base of the hand. One trips, but everyone makes it through okay.

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The Big-Boob Girls exercise that most unfortunate ability of women to put their shirts back on, since the Old Dudes are messing up their show anyway. Inspired by the Dr. McNinjas, they decide to try some cheerleader gymnastics of their own, and toss one of their number across the rubble. Four minifigs working together act as a Size 2 Launcher, and away she goes!

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They miss, but only slightly; she doesn't land behind the cover of the tank trap but they don't miss far enough to overshoot and land her in the lava like I was hoping. Sadly, she fails to stick the landing and comes down face-first, breaking her neck for 7 Damage.

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The Mandalorks decide to use the dead Akkadians' helmets as stepping stones before they sink completely. This actually works perfectly, but when they step off the other side the crust they land on breaks away. Almost all of them are Disrupted, but none are hurt. The one who keeps his feet ends up next to the Akkadian whose brothers' heads he just stepped on. Akkward...

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Four more Vikings show up, late and unarmed.

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Zahru II
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Post by Zahru II » Sat Nov 27, 2010 3:34 am

Better than expected.
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My stuff: Medivo / Armylists / Battles / SPACE

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Craigallot
Forum Authority on Craigging Rights
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Post by Craigallot » Sat Nov 27, 2010 5:20 am

More Falx - great! (now I'm going to refrain from posting here too much to keep the thread from getting too huge)

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RJ
Galidor
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Post by RJ » Sat Nov 27, 2010 5:31 am

Can I join? I can't believe I might miss this.

Your Dr McNinja's are almost as good as mine, which actually got hosted on the site.
dilanski wrote:Have your imaginary balls exploded all over the keypad or something?

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BFenix
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Post by BFenix » Sat Nov 27, 2010 9:01 am

Thx for the spot stubby, much appreciated!
Sending order now
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Tuefish
Dimmy
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Post by Tuefish » Sat Nov 27, 2010 9:50 am

Oh man, I gotta get in on this. Got anything space-viking-y?
"If someone ever tries to kill you, you try to kill them right back." -Malcolm Reynolds
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Sloopofwar
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Post by Sloopofwar » Sat Nov 27, 2010 10:14 am

Flawless construction, flawless photography, and we even know some one is actually rolling and not just fudging the whole thing. This forum battle is :ftw:

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Robot Monkey
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Post by Robot Monkey » Sat Nov 27, 2010 10:39 am

I guess I'll join. It may be a while until I come in, though....
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Rocket_Saint
Nice Dubs
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Post by Rocket_Saint » Sat Nov 27, 2010 10:42 am

Ha ha! I love my team! I'll have to make one for my Space Paladins some time in the near future, Thanks man.

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Moronstudios
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Post by Moronstudios » Sat Nov 27, 2010 11:17 am

Alright, I'm back. This is such a wonderful and chaotic battle!
Looking for Vancouver Island players: http://www.brikwars.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=1194

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ikensall
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Post by ikensall » Sat Nov 27, 2010 2:30 pm

Can i join.
If i can then i request steampunk guys (with power cleavers?).

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Cpt. Zipps
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Post by Cpt. Zipps » Sat Nov 27, 2010 2:43 pm

Is it too late to join?
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Yoda_Dog
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Post by Yoda_Dog » Sat Nov 27, 2010 6:23 pm

Orders sent.
Arkbrik wrote:Rayhawk is lazy.

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Ross_Varn
draw a MILLION socks and only then shall you become the MASTER
draw a MILLION socks and only then shall you become the MASTER
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Post by Ross_Varn » Sat Nov 27, 2010 6:39 pm

The FELCian Work Crew and the Ewoks are now allied. We won't kick each other's ass until one of us ends up with the Beer.

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piltogg
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Post by piltogg » Sat Nov 27, 2010 9:24 pm

lol Natalya is wearing an Akkadian uniform.

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