The CollegeBoard

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The CollegeBoard

Postby Colette » Mon Apr 07, 2014 8:55 pm

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CollegeBoard is a nonprofit educational organization founded by representatives from various USA and Trattorian universities and schools in order to promote college readiness throughout the brikverse, offering a variety of SAT and SAT Subject Tests as well as AP courses and accompanying exams.

In reality, CollegeBoard is a conspiracy that has infiltrated nearly every country in the brikverse, attempting to spread, control, and profit off of education. It has used its monopoly power to force nearly every prospective student in the brikverse to take the SAT and pay its accompanying $50 fee. Its ambition still not satisfied, CollegeBoard then attempted to spread Subject Tests and AP Exams as well. Some countries began to realize what was happening, however, and blocked CollegeBoard from their territory, switching instead to the ACT test.

CollegeBoard was understandably unhappy about this development, and so decided that it would spread education and college readiness through force if necessary. Dipping into its massive profit reserves from testing fees and study guide sales, CollegeBoard armed its employees, ready to invade defecting countries and enforce education.

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"Hello, I'm President Lord Business David Coleman of the CollegeBoard, and I'm here today to discuss new innovations in CollegeBoard's publicity and recruitment efforts."

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"I'd first like to introduce our test proctors. Armed with rifles, these proctors can more effectively prevent cheating and other attempts to gain an unfair advantage during the administration of our tests. Each squad of proctors is led by a Testing Site Supervisor."

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"Due to our wasteful continued use of paper test booklets, our AP Physics department has developed a robot to carry testing materials to testing sites. It is also armed with missiles to discourage students from choosing the ACT or IB programs, which may not be the best fit for them and their futures in college."

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"Finally, Educational Testing Service Writers and Graders are our highest level of staff. They usually aren't seen outside of CollegeBoard headquarters or paper-manufacturing planets, but they play a vital role in creating vapid questions and feeding scantrons through machines."

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"We hope expect to see you at a testing center near you. Good luck!"
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Because everything's better with math.
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Re: The CollegeBoard

Postby mercury19 » Mon Apr 07, 2014 11:20 pm

So if I ah, give you guys a donation, could I, erm, get some help on my three OP Tests? Like maybe a 5 and an early dismissal?   :wink:
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Re: The CollegeBoard

Postby The Shadowscythe » Tue Apr 08, 2014 1:06 am

My mother had me tested once.

She never told me the answer, but now I get to wear this wonderful white jacket that let's me hug myself all day long.
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I WARNED YOU, DIDN'T I WARN YOU?! BLAME RAYHAWK DAMNIT.

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Re: The CollegeBoard

Postby loafofcheese » Tue Apr 08, 2014 5:39 am

The Shadowscythe wrote:My mother had me tested once.

She never told me the answer, but now I get to wear this wonderful white jacket that let's me hug myself all day long.

Absolute gold.
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Re: The CollegeBoard

Postby motorhead fan » Tue Apr 08, 2014 1:59 pm

fairly likeable stuff
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Re: The CollegeBoard

Postby Zupponn » Tue Apr 08, 2014 10:25 pm

I took the ACT.
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Re: The CollegeBoard

Postby Coriolanus » Thu Apr 10, 2014 4:01 pm

This is genius! It makes this statement all the more ominous: "The College Board is a not-for-profit membership association whose mission is to connect students to college success and opportunity. Proceeds are put back into programs and services that further the College Board's mission."
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Re: The CollegeBoard

Postby Tzan » Fri Apr 11, 2014 10:08 am

Nice baseplates.
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Re: The CollegeBoard

Postby IVhorseman » Fri Apr 11, 2014 10:36 am

Colette wrote:Image


Hahahaha holy shit I just noticed this.

When I was in High School, I remember one of my friends at the time bitching about how the AP classes and the AP test was a rip-off. I tried to explain to him that even at the high prices they were still the cheapest college classes he was ever going to take, but he was super adamant about it and wasn't having any of it. In a way I guess he was right, because a couple years after we graduated he died of a heroin overdose.
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Re: The CollegeBoard

Postby Theblackdog » Fri Apr 11, 2014 11:03 am

IVhorseman wrote:
Colette wrote:Image


Hahahaha holy shit I just noticed this.

When I was in High School, I remember one of my friends at the time bitching about how the AP classes and the AP test was a rip-off. I tried to explain to him that even at the high prices they were still the cheapest college classes he was ever going to take, but he was super adamant about it and wasn't having any of it. In a way I guess he was right, because a couple years after we graduated he died of a heroin overdose.


Wow I did not expect that story to go there.  Sorry, man.

Although if he'd lived, he would've gotten to complain about the GREs too.  $150 for the general test, $180 per subject test, and $50 just to e-mail your scores to another school.
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Re: The CollegeBoard

Postby Coriolanus » Sat Apr 12, 2014 8:26 am

IVhorseman wrote:a couple years after we graduated he died of a heroin overdose.


Reason number 69,837 why not to use drugs.
"For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake and the gospel's will save it. For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and forfeit his soul?" Mark 8:35-36
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Re: The CollegeBoard

Postby Vami IV » Sat Apr 12, 2014 11:59 pm

Hmmm.
Me gusta esta idea
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Re: The CollegeBoard

Postby stubby » Thu Sep 17, 2015 2:01 pm

:necro:

I was just thinking. Is the CollegeBoard associated with the Grade Federation in any way?
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Re: The CollegeBoard

Postby Ishnox » Thu Sep 17, 2015 4:55 pm

The Grade Federation are the red-headed stepchild sibling to the CollegeBoard. Forced to retire from their former business of being plot devices and hilarious Asian stereotypes after the first Space War, they sunk to the level of mass high-school test graders and have done so ever since. I myself battled their callous attitudes and passive-aggressive grading systems all throughout my upbringing, vowing never to get a good grade on any school-assigned work. I emerged the champion you see today and bummed a ride on a bus to get back to my plastic wargaming obsession.
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