[RK19] Brootalz vs. Castley Bois

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[RK19] Brootalz vs. Castley Bois

Post by ninja_bait » Thu Jan 31, 2019 9:55 pm

A chat battle between Rev. Sylvanus and Kommander Ken, hosted by yours truly.

A band of soldiers from an unknown faction track marauding orks on Medivo. As the lead scout enters a grassy clearing under the ruins of an ancient aqueduct, he suddenly senses foreboding danger. The tracks end here, at the river. The orks have given them the slip. Orks aren't usually so smart.
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The band of soldiers gather, and are suddenly surrounded by the marauders! The orks, wielding strange weapons and wearing sophisticated armor, pour out from atop the ridge. Others burst from the river.
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The Red Knight gathers his men and braces for battle.
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"Stand fast, men! These are the orks we've hunted these many months! Slay every last one and we'll be heroes in the land!"
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Troops:

4 Axe Bois
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5 Spear Dudes (2 with shields)
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5 Sword Lads
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2 Lancers
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3 Archeronis
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1 Mechanik and 1 Squire Timmy
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"BRRROOOOOTALLLLLZ!" booms the massive leader of the orks as his soldiers pour out from the ridge. "BROOTALIZE ALL THEM YELLIE SKINS, BOIZ!"
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The Brootal leader is CRUSHER CYBERSWORD, more machine than ork. He wields a mighty vibro-glaive and a wrist-mounted field gun.
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Troops:

6 NAILGUNNAZ
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10 SPESS MEANIES
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3 BROOZAS
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Rev. Sylvanus wrote:Alright. To start, One of the lance guys is gonna give his lance to the hero. The Hero is gonna charge the middle BROOZA with the lance. For his feat he's going to rear up his steed to slam the ground and create a shockwave to disrupt the other two Broozas. The four Axes will move toward the Broozas to engage in CC.
The Two spears with shields will hold position and create a two person shield wall. The archers will fire on the Broozas before taking cover behind the small shield wall and the ruins. The spears without shields will sprint and charge the Nail Gunnaz, the remaining lance will engage the closest enemy. The Swords will engage the closest enemies. Timmy the squire will move toward his knightly hero to offer support. The mechanix will head to the ruins with the wagon wheel and begin dismantling those ruins to build stuff for a future turn.
The Red Knight trades his sword for a lance.
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He charges straight into a Brooza. "These orks bleed like any other, men! Fight without fear!"
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His horse rears up...
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...and crashes down into the river, disrupting the other broozas
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Archers move in to finish them off.
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The river runs green with thick ork blood.
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These guys form a shield wall.
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The archers move toward cover.
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The mechanik begins to gather bricks.
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The other spearmen charge the nailgunnaz, killing two.
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The lancers surround a Meanie and murderize him.
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Overwatch
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kommander ken wrote:ALRITE YOU SOFTSKINNED GITZ
CRUSHER LAUGHS AT THE BRIGHTLY-COLORED YELLOWS AND ACTIVIATES HIS FEAT.
HE JUMPS INTO THAT GROUP OF CASTLEGITZ AND SQUISHES EM, WHILE DA REST GO FLYIN'
THEN HE STARTS SHOOTIN ANY OF DA ONES HE MISSED.
NAILGUNNAS SHOULD UNLOAD SOME SLUGS INTO THE NEAREST RAINBOWGITS
SPASS MEANIES SHOULD HOLD POSITION AND FIRE AT WILL AT ERRYFING ELSE
DATS EET.
COWABUNGA, TURDS!
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S P L A T (Feat really critically fails, 6 against 1)
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TAKE SOMMA DIS! *jam* *jam* *jam* *kill*
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YA STOOPID NAILGUNNAZ COULDN'T NAIL TWO 2X4'S TAGETHER! WE'LL SHOW YA WHAT REAL BROOTALZ FIGHT LIKE!
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OVERWAUGHHHH
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Rev. Sylvanus wrote:Surveying their oddly-clad, poorly communicating foes "M'Lord, what manner of beast waylay us thus?" asks Squire Timmy. "One that is beyond my ken, young Timmy. Quick, release your message-fish into the river to notify the Black Monarch of the incursion!" (That's Timmy's order)

"The rest of you, make short work of that iron troll and head for the high ground!"

The Red Knight gallops his steed full speed at the mountain and, using the lance as a pole vault (Feat), attempts to launch himself at one of the spes meanies. Archers move forward toward the shield wall/cover and fire if anyone is in range. Shield Wall throw their spears at the nearest foes and move over to recover spears from their fallen comrades. Any axes or swords who are near a dead Brootal pick up their dropped rifles and attempt to use them (I suspect some hilarity here), and rest hack at the arm and leg joints of the Crusher! On the Brootalz turn, the Mechanix either constructs some sort of vehicle or disassembles more ruins to work toward that goal.
"Quickly, Timmy! Release your message fish into the river!"
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"Go, message fish! Spread word of these monsters!"
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The Red Knight prepares to take on the cowards hiding on the high ground.
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CHAAAARRRRGGGE
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Whoops
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Archers find cover in the ruins.
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The shielded spearmen throw spears, killing one more nailgunna.
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Then they gather new spears from their fallen comrades.
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The captain of the sword lads tries out a spess meanie gun. "Whoa! That's a fine crossbow there!"
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The other soldiers surround Crusher and chop him into little bits.
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The lancer makes a feeble attempt to kill a brootal.
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This axeman is just as bad.
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Overwatch
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kommander ken wrote:REST IN PIECES
ERRYONE CLOSEST TO DA YELLOW HERO OPEN FIRE ON DAT GIT
NAILGUNNAS CHARGE INTO DA SPEARGITS
SPASS MEANIES FINISH OFF THE SOLDIERS WHO CHOPPED UP DA BAWSS
HEY! MAH BOOMA IS JAMMED!
MAHN TOO!
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FER CRUSHA!
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GIT DEM AXE BOIZ!
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YA MISSED ONE!
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EAT NAILZ, YA YELLIES!
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NOTHING CAN STOP MAH BULLITZ!
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WHAAAAAAAAA??
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OVERWAUUUGHHHH
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Rev. Sylvanus wrote:Alrighty. Archers can move out of his way if they need to, but the mechanic is gonna ride/charge that golem into the mountain with the meanies, even if it takes multiple turns.

If anything is in range, archers fire, otherwise they stay in cover. Spear guys charge one nail gunner each. Can't really tell if there are guys left around the Crusher's wreck. If so, they start climbing the mountain.

Red Knight: "I may be but a humble knight, but I'm king of this mountain! For Medivo!" (Feat) He yanks the lance out of the lancer's hands and does a sweeping blow to the Meanies beside him. The lancer scrambles up the mountain to act as red-shirt if needed.

Little Timmy begins to hatch a plan; he drops all of his equipment and arms/dresses himself like one of the fallen Broozas, trying to disguise himself as one of them.
The mechanik mounts the grass golem he built.
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Archers move and prepare a volley.
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"On my count!"
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The arrows fly true, slaying two brootalz.
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The spear dudes charge the nailgunnaz, killing one.
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Their charge takes them too far and they faceplant into the rocks.
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The grass golem charges toward the ridge but comes up short.
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The remaining melee dudes begin climbing up.
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"So, you think you have me trapped, strange orks?"
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y o i n k
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"I've been trained in the mystic oriental arts!"
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"Power of Spinjitsu!"
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"Just call me Sir Lance A Lot."
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Meanwhile, Squire Timmy dons a convincing disguise.
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Overwatch
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Kommander Ken wrote:This just proves that melee is best way to fite da brootalz
NAILGUNNAS FINISH OFF DA SPEARGITS BY WHACKING THEM WITH YER SHOOTAS
SPASS MEANIES SHOULD TACKLE THE HERO PANZEE OFF THE EDGE OF THE CLIFF. GROUP ATTACK LADS!
The last nailgunna mows down the spear dudes.
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A redshirt absorbs the damage for the Red Knight.
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Enraged at this act of cowardice, the brootalz rush at the Red Knight.
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He tumbles off the ridge.
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The other brootalz shoot at the grass golem despite its green skin. However, its grassy hide absorbs the damage.
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OVERWAAUUUGHHH
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Rev. Sylvanus wrote:Grass golem and mechanic rechart a course to the right to assault the two meanies there. Archers come out of cover to fire at the last nail gunna and meanies. Axe man can finish scrambling up and push one of the leftmost meanies off the cliff. Guy who used to have a lance, pick up the gun at his feet and try to fire at a meanie. Timmy can move up firing with his pistol if in range. The red knight rights himself, his horse, and remounts (with a shield if possible).
The mechanik attempts to radically restructure the face of a Brootal. "Ach, ye faces be harder than brick!"
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The axeman sneaks up on one of the Brootalz.
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It's a kill.
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The lancer decides to try a brootal gun for himself.
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It proves more explosive than expected.
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Timmy moves up but can't do much.
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The archers move out, bows taut.
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They slay the remaining meanies on the ground.
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The Red Knight remounts his horse.
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For a brief moment, the last Brootal considers fleeing, but that isn't the Brootal Way.
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"ADVANCIN TOWERD DA REAR! DAT'S DA BROOTAL WAY!"
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Congratulations to Rev for the win, and thanks to Ken for participating!

Epilogue

The Red Knight gathers the survivors. "We finally got them, those blighters. Let's head back to town, get our hero's welcome."
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"Wait - do you guys hear something?"
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"What's behind me?"
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"HEY! HEY! YOU! YOU! I DON'T LIKE YER FACES! HEY! HEY! YOU! YOU! GONNA BROOTALIZE YOU!"
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Squire Timmy watches in horror as his companions are mowed down by the Brootalz' Doof Wagon.
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"HOLD YER FIRE!" yells the war mage atop the wagon tower.
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The Doof Wagon faces Timmy. "WHUT KINDA BROOTAL BE YA?" asks the mage.
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"A... uh... albino one?"
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To his great surprise, Timmy is brought on board with great celebration. Any survivor, even an albino one, is valued among the Brootalz. "Yeah! Uh... Death to yellow skins!"
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"HEY! DONTCHU FERGET ABOUT ME, CRUSHER! HOPE YA BROUGHT MAH EXTRA BODY!"
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Epilogue 2

The message fish floats up in a shallow brook.
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A lone traveler, heavily armed and covered in capes, discovers it.
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He holds it to his ear, and it whispers but one word.
"broooootalllllzzzzz"
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I make apocalypses and apocalypse accessories.
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Re: [RK19] Brootalz vs. Castley Bois

Post by Quantumsurfer » Fri Feb 01, 2019 12:53 am

Squire Timmy staring down at the messenger fish he just dropped into the water. Best image.

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Re: [RK19] Brootalz vs. Castley Bois

Post by Kommander Ken » Fri Feb 01, 2019 7:24 pm

Fun: Rev's inventiveness during this battle were some of the funnest parts. Crusher failing and getting dismantled was funny too. 18.
Violence: There was a lot of this. Good stuff. 8.
Photography: Spot-on photos that really take you into the battle. 9.
Writing: I like that you included the player orders taken from the chat, and also the dialogue is great. 9.

EDIT: Story: 9
Last edited by Kommander Ken on Sun Feb 10, 2019 5:57 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: [RK19] Brootalz vs. Castley Bois

Post by Rev. Sylvanus » Sat Feb 02, 2019 10:26 am

Kommander Ken wrote:...Crusher failing and getting dismantled was funny too.[/i]
I was secretly hoping he'd survive the dismemberment during the battle and do some hilarious shenanigans without arms or legs.

The image of Timmy as a Brooza staring up at the twin machine guns and the mammoth tusk is an epic picture. Hail the Albino!
For Your Reading Pleasure: Rev's Battle Reports

Reference Sheets: Animals and Mounts / Medieval Weapons

Factions: Dragon Guard / Hiimboredagain Raiders

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Re: [RK19] Brootalz vs. Castley Bois

Post by ninja_bait » Sat Feb 02, 2019 2:20 pm

Rev. Sylvanus wrote:I was secretly hoping he'd survive the dismemberment during the battle and do some hilarious shenanigans without arms or legs.
As you see from the epilogue, I figured that out way too late.
I make apocalypses and apocalypse accessories.
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Re: [RK19] Brootalz vs. Castley Bois

Post by Craigallot » Wed Feb 06, 2019 3:34 am

That was a great battle, top notch photography, effects and humour (overwaauuugh and squire timmy... :lol: ).

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Re: [RK19] Brootalz vs. Castley Bois

Post by Itsjustaguy » Thu Feb 07, 2019 11:12 am

Fun: I really enjoyed reading this report, and I could tell that you had fun in this battle, definitely scoring high here 19
Violence: Inventive violence is incorporated well in this battle. 8
Photography: The photos showcase a clear subject and any necessary background elements, excellent lighting. It really takes you down almost to the view of the minifig. It was almost cinematic at times like the sequence at the end with the message fish or the view from beside the mammoth tusks. 10 (can I even give out 10s?)
Writing Clear, linear, storyline with injected humor and fantastic events. 9

Edit: Story 9
Last edited by Itsjustaguy on Tue Feb 12, 2019 10:21 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: [RK19] Brootalz vs. Castley Bois

Post by Bookwyrm » Sat Feb 09, 2019 10:44 pm

Fun: THE RESURGENCE OF CASTLE IS HERE. But seriously the image of castle dudes vs space orks for the first time in main kanon make the fun level automaxed for me. - 20
Violence: - Lots of red and green blood everywhere, it’s like Manly Santa Day or something up in here! - 9
Photography: No real complaints, everything is visible and well lit, solid work. - 9
Writing: The writing is all fun and engaging, unfortunately large blocks of it weren’t technically written by you so idk if I should count that. Overall it’s still well written though. - 8
Story: The way this ties into the overall Ragnablok story is great, obviously. No real complaints here. 9

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