Corpora, Planet Trattoria, Meritocratic Republic of Trattoria
Dr. Minakami, Co-CEO of Lambda Studios: Apologies to everyone on the conference call, but I have a last-minute meeting now. Yes, yes, the Q3 earnings report is important to me, Dr. Velacruz from accounting is - yes, we are talking with the Securities Trade Commission and the USA’s SEC to push back disclosure to investors until after Sort Art Online’s third season premieres. OK, goodbye everyone, talk again later.
Co-CEO Minakami: Would it have killed you guys to give me a bit more heads up?
Dr. Miyako, Lab Director, Physics, Science Department: Thank you for the flexibility with your schedule, Dr. Minakami.
Co-CEO Minakami: As if!
Dr. Kamishiraishi, Junior Legislator of 23rd District: We genuinely appreciate it, co-CEO, urgent matters are at hand.
Co-CEO Minakami: Of course, everything is urgent to you guys! And then you’ll bore me with stupid politics and bureaucracy and secret this and that. Have you ever tried just having fun, you know, maybe kicking back and watching one of our animes or something? It wouldn’t kill you, you know!
Dr. Miyako: I must confess I do not consider myself a fan of, um, animation.
Co-CEO Minakami: You really are a scientist, aren’t you? Because that’s not how you start off a negotiation. And this meeting is one, isn’t it? Why don’t we skip the opening song and just go straight to the episode?
Legislator Kamishiraishi: Project Bleeding Songbird. We intend to discuss Project Bleeding Songbird.
Co-CEO Minakami: Of course it’s bleeding songbird or bleating shepherd or whatever ridiculous name you have for your ridiculous scheme to brainwash the galaxy with our anime.
Dr. Miyako: I would not quite put it in such general terms. Project Bleeding Songbird has immediate, intermediate applications to Trattorian national security and interests. For example, Operation AZURE FIREWORK demonstrated the power of your company’s anime memetics research.
Co-CEO Minakami: AZURE FIREWORK was a tremendous disaster that went up and came back down on us. Using anime to influence the 2016 USA elections, seriously? Your - our - greedy government ignored the stern warnings of my company’s in-house memeticists and charged ahead. “Oops” doesn’t really cut accidentally electing that troglodyte Dolan Trump into office, I'm sure that was in our "national interest".
Dr. Miyako: But it did demonstrate the power of anime to influence large minifigure populations.
Co-CEO Minakami: What good does its raw power do us if we are unable to understand or control it? Memetics is so poorly understood it’s considered anomalous pseudoscience. We have no idea why anime has the effects it does on our minifig minds and reality. And yet you suggest dumping this unknown and untested, essentially mental equivalent of a biological weapon, onto the entertainment medium of billions, trillions of minifigs across the galaxies?
Dr. Miyako: Yes.
Co-CEO Minakami: Why are you here.
Legislator Kamishiraishi: The Immortal War is coming.
Co-CEO Minakami: So?
Legislator Kamishiraishi: We have neutrina bombs, planet-busters, the largest starships in the galaxy. Zombie viruses, crop blights, chlorine-trifluoride. But we will need every possible weapon in the fight against the Immortals. That includes memetics.
Co-CEO Minakami: You’ve already commissioned us to research this - illegally and under the table, I might add. What’s changed?
Legislator Kamishiraishi: I am talking with Legislator Minase about introducing a bill to legalize research into memetic weapons.
Co-CEO Minakami: But that - that would defy the Council of Scientists and create a constitutional crisis!
Legislator Kamishiraishi: Dr. Minakami, we really need this.
Recovered Immortal battle plans indicate they plan to destabilize our financial markets and incite rebellions amongst our soldiers.
Co-CEO Minakami: You want...you want to brainwash stock traders and soldiers - Trattorians! - with memetic anime? I mean, soldiers are one thing, but Citizens too? That’s what you’re asking of me?
Dr. Miyako nods in silence, eyes closed.
Legislator Kamishiraishi: Oh do not preach morality to us now, look at all the extra profits Lambda Studios has reaped since we covertly started supporting your memetics program. Trillions of extra dollars thanks to trillions of extra minifig eyeballs glued to your anime!
Co-CEO Minakami: I didn’t get into the anime business because I wanted to make money.
Dr. Miyako: You might not want to, but perhaps your corporate Board of Directors might want such a quality in your replacement.
Co-CEO Minakami: I’ve accepted all your ridiculous proposals up until now, but this is too much. Brainwashing our own Trattorians? Manipulating the stock markets? What will be next, rigging our elections and changing our culture?
Dr. Miyako: That’s a little extreme, when properly engineered, the effects of a good memetic agent could best be described as a nudge.
Co-CEO Minakami: I’ll have to think about this. Dr. Kamishiraishi, you used to work for us. I thought a little shred of the company culture could have remained with you even in the world of politics.
Legislator Kamishiraishi: Well, Dr. Minakami, think about it hard and well.
