Klaus held onto the neck of his opened Kaiserbrau, trying not to show his thirst for the tasty liquid. He was tired after leading his personal fleet to victory over a larger Trattorian battlegroup and in dire need of relaxation. It was nice to have a cold beer in hand and a curvy redheaded wife not two feet away.
"Herr Kaiser, a diplomat from the democratic nation of Peaslovia asks for your help. He is requesting permission to teleport in."
After Von Klaus' bumbling antics, more and more smaller and unknown nations were asking for assistance and help. To add insult to injury none of them had advanced military hardware comparable to the TLA. Kaiser Klaus had enough trouble dealing with the RIN and the Britannian League, and Bavaria's alliance with Luchardsko was growing shakier every day. Although, perhaps Peaslovia was different.
"Very well, we might as well hear them out."
The diplomat appeared from the beam of light, bowing graciously. "Thank you Kaiser, for hearing us out" it said. Kaiser Klaus looked down at the skinny unarmed weakling in front of him.
"Our people have been at the mercy of the Zupponn Mining Corporation for years. Our lush green planet filled with wildlife is now a smog ridden heck hole because our oppressors want the GT
under the surface. Please help liberate us from the ZMC, and we will be forever in your debt."
Renate smiled, there had never been a more relevant time for this.
"Klaus, this is the perfect time to test out my weapon."
"Excellent idea, the augmented fleebnorks would overrun the entire planet within a week, devouring everything."
"Actually, the latest test data confirms that they could overrun a common sized planet within 48 hours."
"Please Kaiser, reconsider your plan. You'd be putting billions of innocent Peaslovians to their deaths."
Klaus grimaced, and nodded at two of his guards.
"Stop! Please don't kill my people!"
"How absolutely pathetic. If his people-"
"Her people." Renate interrupted.
"If her people were strong, they should have resisted the ZMC. Just because someone outnumbers you or has better arms than you is no excuse to lose to them. Worst of all she interupted me from drinking my beer."
"Oh Klaus, you know how I get when you talk about war and killing and beer."
"Right now seems like an excellent time to create more heirs, fraulein."
"Herr Kaiser! Urgent message from the Space Nazis."
"What is it? Diplomacy is currently on the low priorities list."
"They want you for a eugenics experiment and said they wanted a true Aryan to create a new class of super soldiers by donation of genetic materials."
"Very well, prepare me for sex."
The servant, the guard and the Kaiserin worked to unlock Klaus' armour. Even with three people it took about fifteen minuted to remove the final piece.
"Beam me to the Space Piltogg's co-ordinates. I shall be back in 36 hours and eight minutes."
Klaus' eyes were blurry, but he felt the sand on his feet instantly.
As his vision became clear he saw five figures clad in SS uniforms, none female. The officer laughed.
"Look men, the Sandwich Guy lover fell for it."
Klaus continued to grimace.
"If you think you can best me with a rifle and a submachine gun then you have another thing coming. I didn't get to be Kaiser without taking a few grievous wounds."
The SS soldaat behind Klaus zapped his unarmoured self with a cattle prod.
As the royal fell into the sand the soldaats rushed to unarm him.
"Why have you trapped me here?" Klaus asked, nearly naked and bound to stone.
"Klaus, your crime against the German people begins at birth. While the Finnish are great soldiers they are unfit to breed with Germans. A half breed ruling over one of most German states in the brikverse is a mockery. You also have a large amount of jews in your nobility. Bavaria has stopped several communist incursions yet she has been corrupted from within. A jewish minority ruling over the more noble Germans is a cancer on the brikverse, and for that your pitiful empire must be cleansed."