Who would win?

[Silverdream]

I was right, yay.

[aoffan23]

All of those explanations make sense, except for Batman. So what if he doesn't kill? He can just wait the whole thing out, and he can still incapacitate people if they try to attack him. Just because he can't kill doesn't mean he can't leave them for someone else to kill.

I haven't read many Batman comics, but I know that he fights henchmen regularly, end they pretty much always end up either knocked out or seriously hurt. A quick Batarang to the back of the knee and the person becomes someone else's problem.

I also don't know exactly how the Hunger Games work. I thought the objective was to be the last survivor, but if you actually have to kill then Batman's out.

[Semaj Nagirrac]

Sure, Batman won't kill others, but it doesn't mean he won't leave them to die by other causes. He didn't seem to bent out of shape when he left Ra Za Gul on the train to crash into Wayne Tower.

[Bragallot]

Ripley. If you happened to be too tough for her, she'd simply blow you out of an airlock or outsmart you in some other way. She also survived countless critics who just couldn't come to terms with a female hero at the head of the Alien franchise and tried to remove her. Those people are probably still drifting around in space somewhere.

PS It's Battle Royale / The Running Man, not hunger games.

[Silverdream]

There are no airlocks in Jurassic Park.

[IVhorseman]

Ripley's smarter than Sarah Connor, any way you slice it. Maybe not as trained, but I think she'd be able to outsmart her.

Aragorn would totally whip Leonidas' ass. Sure he's spartan, but he's still only got bronze armor and poopy weapons compared to the Rightful King of Gondor. See also: Aragorn's a skilled bowman, while Leonidas is not. Leo might be full of arrows before he got anywhere near Aragorn and Narsil.

Can we compile an Ultimate Wizard Battle with Gandalf, Merlin, and Dumbledore? Who else do people nominate as grand-master arcanists?

[pkbrennan]

There are no airlocks in Jurassic Park.

But there are probably pits full of velociraptors (spelling?) though....

[IVhorseman]

Alternate contest: Every Arnold Schwarzenegger character. My money's on either T-1000 or Dutch from Predator.

[Arkbrik]

Ok, here's my analysis. I'm pairing them off after their placement on the pic. There's some people here I don't know who they are so they will probably lose.

Round 1

Batman vs. Hit Girl They are similar, but one is an adult and one is a kid... Sure Batman won't kill Hit Girl, but he'd incapacitate her and then she gets eaten by a veliciraptor or something. Winner: Batman

Indiana Jones vs. Eowyn Eowyn waves her sword around, Indy shoots her. Winner: Indiana Jones

Rambo vs. Some chick with those triple blade thingies Don't know what she can do but Jurassic Park is a jungle which gives Rambo a big home team bonus. Winner: Rambo

Bear Grylls vs. Ripley Do I need to explain this one? Winner: Ripley

William Wallace vs. Black Widow William can fight good but Black Widow has superstrength, superagility, superstamina... Winner: Black Widow

Some gladiator dude vs. Beatrix Kiddo Tough one. Gladiator type battles are exactly what The Bride does. I'll go with Natalya's reasoning on this. Winner: Some gladiator dude

Some Game of Thrones dude vs. Xena Look at that guy. Seriously, he's leaning on his sword. Winner: Xena

Hawkeye vs. Alice Hawkeye can... shoot a bow really good. Alice has a virus that gives her new powers as the plot demands. Winner: Alice

Aragorn vs. Lara Croft Wow, more Lord of the Rings characters getting killed by bullets. Winner: Lara Croft

Leonidas vs. Katniss Everdeen Kids really should stay on the Battle Royale island. Winner: Leonidas

Conan the Barbarian vs. Some black and white chick Can't judge this fairly because I don't know who that is. But I know Conan is a great guy. Winner: Conan the Barbarian

Achilles vs. Sarah Connor Sarah Connor seems to be a reasonably educated woman, she would know to shoot him in the heel. Winner: Sarah Connor

Round 2

Batman vs. Indiana Jones Batman would beat Indiana Jones up and move on. But when the veliciraptors come to eat Indy he'd get up at the last moment, get chased by them, and run right into a herd of sauropods. The sauropods get frightened by the raptors, stampede, smash down the trees Batman was jumping through, and crush him. Winner: Indiana Jones

Rambo vs. Ripley Bear Grylls 2.0 might give Ripley a somewhat harder fight, but he still hasn't got shit against xenomorph senses and flamethrowers. Winner: Ripley

Black Widow vs. Some gladiator dude A gladiator fights one on one, face to face, in the arena. A superspy does not. Winner: Black Widow

Xena vs. Alice Xena is super badass but Alice... she stares at that guy through a camera and his eyes start bleeding, what the hell? Even though I don't like it, Winner: Alice

Lara Croft vs. Leonidas Leonidas was killed by arrows, Lara Croft has bullets. Loads of them. Winner: Lara Croft

Conan the Barbarian vs. Sarah Connor Aww, I wanted Conan to get further. But Sarah Connor killed Arnie when he was a murder robot, I can't believe she would have problems against him as a human. Winner: Sarah Connor

Round 3

Indiana Jones vs. Ripley "Nuke the entire site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure." Indy goes into an old fridge and survives. No but seriously, Indy will fool around for a while, but he's just a guy with a whip and Ripley is Ripley. Winner: Ripley

Black Widow vs. Alice Does T-Virus beat enhanced physique? My guess: Yes, it will just create some new weird power for Alice and Black Widow is too well defined to compete. Winner: Black Widow

Lara Croft vs. Sarah Connor Lara Croft's been fighting things from dusty old tombs. Not killer robots from the future. Winner: Sarah Connor

Round 4 - Finals

Ripley vs. Alice vs. Sarah Connor Let's see here. A woman with xenomorph powers who has spent a lot of time fighting said insanely dangerous xenomorphs. A T-Virus infectee with all the crazy powers and great combat skills. The number one killer of unkillable future robots. This is the ultimate showdown. They fight and fight and fight. And then...



Secret Faction activated: Samuel L. Jackson (aka Ray Arnold)

You thought he got eaten by raptors? Well then you were wrong! He fought those raptors like a boss but he needed something to hit them with. So he tore off his own arm, beat them up, and they ran away. Then he ran into a T-Rex. They became best pals because they were equally awesome. The T-Rex ate some raptors so the rest of the main characters could escape. But Samuel L. Jackson stayed on the island with his new buddy. And now he's had it with these motherfuckin' hunger gamers on this motherfuckin' island.

Samuel L. Jackson rides the T-Rex right into the final battle. Ripley thinks she's such hot shit but she fought an alien queen, not a TYRANNOSAURUS REX. She gets eaten. Alice tries the blood-out-of-eyes thing on Samuel L. Jackson, but he just stares right back and her head explodes. Then he turns to Sarah Connor who gets ready to fight but he says:

"Normally, your ass would be dead as fucking fried chicken, but you happen to pull this shit while I'm in a transitional period so I don't wanna kill you, I wanna help you. But I can't give you this case, it don't belong to me. Besides, I've already been through too much shit this morning over this case to hand it over to your dumb ass."

"On August 29th, 1997, it's gonna feel pretty fucking real to you too. Anybody not wearing 2 million sunblock is gonna have a real bad day. Get it?" Sarah Connor responds.

Turns out they have a common goal - the Death Star.

Sarah Connor, Samuel L. Jackson and T-Rex all go to the Death Star. They rampage through the place slaughtering everyone. Sarah Connor takes out the T-1000 of course, and Iron Man to be on the safe side. Samuel L. Jackson finds Emperor Palpatine and throws him out the window. Then he kills Boba Fett, finishing that whole thing. T-Rex eats most everyone.

The world is saved!

[Natalya]

Alternate contest: Every Arnold Schwarzenegger character. My money's on either T-1000 or Dutch from Predator.

No, he was the T-101, or Cyberdyne Systems Model 101. The T-1000 was the liquid metal terminator.

[lawmaster]

Bear Grylls wins, there is a drought as the games happen and wins by surviving off of piss.

[mgb519]

What if it's the Michael Keaton batman?

[aoffan23]

What if it's the Michael Keaton batman?

It's not, because that's not a picture of the Michael Keaton Batman.

[Colette]

The only way to empirically find out is for someone to host a forum battle with all these characters...

[Bragallot]

Can we compile an Ultimate Wizard Battle with Gandalf, Merlin, and Dumbledore? Who else do people nominate as grand-master arcanists?

Melisandre.