Dad Jokes

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Dad Jokes

Postby dilanski » Mon Mar 18, 2013 10:13 am

What's the worst joke ever told to you by your dad, more importantly how cringe worthy was it?

dilanski's Dad wrote:I saw my friend the other day, he said he'd picked up a gorgeous bird down by the railway. He said he took her home, he got her hand, and gave himself a handjob, stuck his cock between her boobs and gave himself a titjob. I asked him if he got a blowjob of her and he said "No, I couldn't find the head"


This in front of two friends while driving back from a train station. Cringe 8/10.
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Re: Dad Jokes

Postby Silverdream » Mon Mar 18, 2013 10:57 am

Okay so me and my sister were in Zellers buying shit with Dad. His job if you didn't know involves saving people from Car Wrecks and shit. He's talking about this Asian guy who was screaming for help in a really silly accent. My sister thought it was pretty funny.
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Re: Dad Jokes

Postby Kalvinator » Mon Mar 18, 2013 11:31 pm

Kalvinator's Father said..(When I was about 5-ish)

Hey, want to hear a dirty joke?

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A Pig fell in the Mud.
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Re: Dad Jokes

Postby Bluefog » Tue Mar 19, 2013 2:24 am

We're about to have homemade burgers for dinner. My brother asks my dad to pass the lettuce. My dad says "Lettuce? Let-us what?" I actually literally groaned. Not even funny in the slightest.
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Re: Dad Jokes

Postby Semaj Nagirrac » Tue Mar 19, 2013 11:15 am

My father is starting to show signs of Alzheimer's, so his memory is not what it used to be. Every time my hot wife and I visit, he likes to tell us that he went through Wal-Mart and found two things made in the USA: greeting cards and flashlight batteries (which take normal alkaline batteries). We smile and laugh because he did that about four years ago.

Another time, my brothers and I were being dicks and called our sister fat. She complained to my dad, who just smiled and sang "Fatty Fatty two by four, Couldn't get through the kitchen door..." She cried for a little bit after that and he made us sleep outside that night. Those were the days....
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Re: Dad Jokes

Postby Tzan » Tue Mar 19, 2013 2:25 pm

Dad's joke:
I was away at college so I didnt get to see.
My youngest brother got out of school, walked home and as he was walking in, my father was walking out with some of his stuff to put in his car.
He didnt have much stuff.
He was leaving for good that day and my brother got to watch.
He never said anything about it in advance, just left, while my brother watched, he didnt take it well, ... hilarious. :)
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Re: Dad Jokes

Postby Bragallot » Tue Mar 19, 2013 7:37 pm

I don't know about you guys, but my dad is actually really funny.
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Re: Dad Jokes

Postby stubby » Tue Mar 19, 2013 11:13 pm

Tzan wrote:He never said anything about it in advance, just left, while my brother watched, he didnt take it well, ... hilarious. :)

:troll:
Trololo, classic dad troll
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Re: Dad Jokes

Postby Keldoclock » Wed Mar 20, 2013 12:26 am

To steer the discussion away from terrible dads and to awesome dads, DadChat: Let's Play Edition
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stubby wrote:omg noob, balrogs are maiars too, don't you know anything
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Re: Dad Jokes

Postby mgb519 » Wed Mar 20, 2013 12:52 am

So way back when, this guy was trying to sell my parents life insurance. He was apparently a serious chauvinist, so whenever my mother asked him a question, he answered it to my dad. My mother was pissed, but my father was struggling not to laugh.
When he asked my dad at the end if he was sold, my dad replied, "Oh, I'm not good with money. My wife takes care of the major financial decisions."
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Re: Dad Jokes

Postby Tzan » Wed Mar 20, 2013 11:43 am

stubby wrote:
Tzan wrote:He never said anything about it in advance, just left, while my brother watched, he didnt take it well, ... hilarious. :)

:troll:
Trololo, classic dad troll


Yeah you can't beat the classics.
As a follow up, he was light on the child support.
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Re: Dad Jokes

Postby Zupponn » Thu Mar 21, 2013 11:51 pm

While passing one of these on the freeway:

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my dad says, "That thing can cause a 6-car pileup all by itself."
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Re: Dad Jokes

Postby IVhorseman » Sun Mar 24, 2013 2:24 am

Wait, why are you talking shit on your manly dad? I'm telling.
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