Dad Jokes

[dilanski]

What's the worst joke ever told to you by your dad, more importantly how cringe worthy was it?

I saw my friend the other day, he said he'd picked up a gorgeous bird down by the railway. He said he took her home, he got her hand, and gave himself a handjob, stuck his cock between her boobs and gave himself a titjob. I asked him if he got a blowjob of her and he said "No, I couldn't find the head"

This in front of two friends while driving back from a train station. Cringe 8/10.

[Silverdream]

Okay so me and my sister were in Zellers buying shit with Dad. His job if you didn't know involves saving people from Car Wrecks and shit. He's talking about this Asian guy who was screaming for help in a really silly accent. My sister thought it was pretty funny.

[Kalvinator]

Kalvinator's Father said..(When I was about 5-ish)

Hey, want to hear a dirty joke?

Spoiler: show

A Pig fell in the Mud.

[Bluefog]

We're about to have homemade burgers for dinner. My brother asks my dad to pass the lettuce. My dad says "Lettuce? Let-us what?" I actually literally groaned. Not even funny in the slightest.

[Semaj Nagirrac]

My father is starting to show signs of Alzheimer's, so his memory is not what it used to be. Every time my hot wife and I visit, he likes to tell us that he went through Wal-Mart and found two things made in the USA: greeting cards and flashlight batteries (which take normal alkaline batteries). We smile and laugh because he did that about four years ago.

Another time, my brothers and I were being dicks and called our sister fat. She complained to my dad, who just smiled and sang "Fatty Fatty two by four, Couldn't get through the kitchen door..." She cried for a little bit after that and he made us sleep outside that night. Those were the days....

[Tzan]

Dad's joke:
I was away at college so I didnt get to see.
My youngest brother got out of school, walked home and as he was walking in, my father was walking out with some of his stuff to put in his car.
He didnt have much stuff.
He was leaving for good that day and my brother got to watch.
He never said anything about it in advance, just left, while my brother watched, he didnt take it well, ... hilarious.

[Bragallot]

I don't know about you guys, but my dad is actually really funny.

[stubby]

He never said anything about it in advance, just left, while my brother watched, he didnt take it well, ... hilarious.

Trololo, classic dad troll

[Keldoclock]

To steer the discussion away from terrible dads and to awesome dads, DadChat: Let's Play Edition

[mgb519]

So way back when, this guy was trying to sell my parents life insurance. He was apparently a serious chauvinist, so whenever my mother asked him a question, he answered it to my dad. My mother was pissed, but my father was struggling not to laugh.
When he asked my dad at the end if he was sold, my dad replied, "Oh, I'm not good with money. My wife takes care of the major financial decisions."

[Tzan]

He never said anything about it in advance, just left, while my brother watched, he didnt take it well, ... hilarious.

Trololo, classic dad troll

Yeah you can't beat the classics.
As a follow up, he was light on the child support.

[Zupponn]

While passing one of these on the freeway:



my dad says, "That thing can cause a 6-car pileup all by itself."

[IVhorseman]

Wait, why are you talking shit on your manly dad? I'm telling.