Breaking News Compilation

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Breaking News Compilation

Postby Colette » Wed Nov 11, 2015 5:50 pm

Just a compilation of "news articles" that I write for the brikverse on occasion. The old thread got deleted so I'll just repost the existing ones in the first post.

CNN Articles:
Spoiler: show
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TIME Magazine Covers:
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Scythian Times Article:
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The Scythian Times
Does Violence Have a Place in the World of the Modern Minifig?
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By: Jodi Sieffre AUG. 24, 2014

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Scythian military police arriving on the scene of the Maiden Agnes Elementary School shooting in Arcology Tower #148 on Friday.
Alexis Wong/Gettit Images


PLANET SCYTHIA, Great Scythian Empire – In a press conference on Sunday, Chief of Military Police Nathan Wilmer of Arcology Tower #148 offered his condolences to the families of the victims of the Maiden Agnes shooting. His voice trembling, Mr. Wilmer decried the incident as an "unrepeatable, inexcusable tragedy".

“The Scythian Military Police will take all necessary measures to prevent such heinous and shameful atrocities in the future. What happened at Maiden Agnes can never be allowed to happen again. I give my sincere fellow feeling to all the parents, family, and acquaintances of those who lost their lives. And although I and the Military Police cannot bring back the deceased, we can strive to prevent others from experiencing the same tragedy in the future.”

But can we? With the Emperor in absentia and most Lords away on military tours of duty against the Immortal hordes, domestic policymaking has ground to a halt. Lord Hearcer Kronus, Commander-In-Chief of the Scythian Office of Naval Intelligence, and his assembled temporary ruling council of Lords have ignored all cries to introduce new gun-control regulations for consideration and enactment.

“The only real way to effect change in gun violence and mass shootings within Scythia is to legislate new restrictions on gun ownership, increased background checks, and better tracking and registration of laserarms and projectile weapons,” says Gaylord Garfield, a spokesperson for the Fathers Against Guns advocacy group based in the United Systems Alliance.

The shooter at Maiden Agnes, Newt Beasley, had served four years of his mandatory military service as a private in the Scythian Ground Army. He was dishonorably discharged earlier this G.R. for insubordination and assaulting his commanding officer.

“This man should not have been allowed within ten meters of a gun, let alone own one,” continues Mr. Garfield. “In addition to his criminal history, he was diagnosed with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder and symptoms consistent with schizophrenia. I don’t know how our bloody background check system allowed him to slip through the cracks.”

Gun-rights advocates criticize the media attention given to the Maiden Agnes shooting.

“Not to discount the tragedy of what happened at Maiden Agnes Elementary,” disclaims Scythian General Murray Randell, “but the deaths of thirteen elementary-schoolers has received more recent attention than the sacrifice of millions of our young finest and brightest who daily give their lives in the service and protection of our great empire. The media cycle should recognize that the Immortal War has not faded in significance—to the contrary, it has only intensified, and it is now more than ever that we require the support of the Scythian people.”

In the context of the suicide bombings in Scythian arcologies and anti-peach shootings in the United Systems Alliance, many academics have called into question the assumption that minifigs crave or need violence.

“The modern minifig has progressed far beyond the primitive level of savage hunter-gatherers,” contests Dr. Liliana Varada of the Trattorian BrikFaden Institute for the Life Sciences. “We have constructed complex societal structures and engage in a civilized international framework that has ruled out violence as a means to resolving conflicts at any level. Violence and encouragement of such only disrupts modern BrikVersal society—much like religion and feudal economies, the time has arrived for the modern minifig to doff the puerile burden of war and violence.”

Have a stance on this issue? Leave a comment in the box below.
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Re: Breaking News Compilation

Postby Colette » Wed Nov 11, 2015 9:00 pm

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Credit for all images to Duerer.

Searchable transcript:
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The Communo-Fascist Insurgency has only intensified in recent months, including a daunting raid on Polish spaceport Nowy Gdańsk and the horrifying obliteration of planet Puczysk. Amidst all this chaos and belligerence, one would expect a massive flight out of the battered Polonia and its neighbors. Instead, the opposite has happened.

What the members of Intermarium Coalition (IC) have seen instead is an unprecedented wave of migrants from throughout the Western Arms, notably including the USSSR, the 45th Union, Strana, the UPA, Denmark, Valoros, and the Space Nazis. Millions of refugees have braved the uncertain dangers of space to make the journey to Polonia and its neighbors, the Krakow Union and Magyar. The tide has only increased in magnitude and shows no sign of deceleration.

The situation seems puzzling at first glance. However, despite the tremendous devastation that the recent war has wrought, Polonia remains an economic and military superpower within the BrikVerse. A low population and booming demand from both the civilian and military sectors have resulted in high wages, attracting migrants from much poorer countries in the Western Arms. Polonia’s unusual tolerance of peaches has further fueled the exodus from unstable and oppressive majority-peach regimes.

Furthermore, the Krakow Union and the Republik of Magyar have shared in Polonia’s prosperity through their alliance. Consequently, they have also been popular destinations for desperate migrants. President Szarvas of Magyar has expressed concern recently in a speech about the increasing pressure on Magyar borders and the growing number of undocumented refugees flooding the country.

Many of these migrants come from backgrounds of extreme poverty and have few other options. The USSSR has seen a mass desertion of starving farmers from their production collectives, mainly due to the low productivity of agriculture on the Union’s many iceworlds. Similarly, many peaches in the 45th Union, Strana, and the UPA live under oppressive yet negligent authoritarian regimes, and 45th Union President Peachamir Putin’s war in the Ookraine territories has drained the already flagging economy and ruined the value of the ruble.

These minifigs face many tribulations and dangers on their journeys to IC member states all while having to avoid capture by nations’ border patrols. For many, deportation back home means facing charges of treason or desertion. Space Pirate robberies have been frequent, while others have been defrauded and marooned on random worlds by dishonest Space Mafia smugglers. Cheap and shoddily repaired shuttles have resulted in many casualties - 180 migrants died just this week in a shuttle crash in Valoros. The situation has escalated to the point where the Allied Nations High Commissioner for Minifig Rights has declared it a humanitarian crisis.

“How can a minifig possibly enjoy his fundamental right to violence when he’s too weak and malnourished to fight? The Western Arms migrant crisis represents a flagrant failure on the part of the galaxy to uphold minifig rights,” he wrote in a recent AN press release.

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Addressing the migrant crisis has been announced as a priority in this week’s meeting of the Intermarium Coalition on Nowa Warszawa. Presydent Sadow of Polonia and President Szarvas have expressed some disagreements over how to handle the matter, but both agree on a general framework to humanely detain the migrants and return them to their home countries.

“We are at war with the Soviets and the Nazis, and it is true that our relations with the peach nations are not that friendly,” a spokesperson for Presydent Sadow acknowledged when reached for comment, “however, we must respect the rights of innocent civilians during wartime, even if they are the enemy. That’s what makes the Intermarium Coalition superior to the Germania-Moskau Axis and the latter’s twisted, genocidal tactics. We will not stoop to their level by solving the migrant crisis with violence.”

The Magyar government has reportedly purchased FTL jammers from the Trattorian company Virgin Group to improve their border security, and President Szarvas has stressed reform and streamlining of the visa process to prevent backlogs and encourage legal means of entering IC countries.

“People can’t get in legally without waiting five, ten years,” a spokesperson for President Szarvas said, “We need to provide them with a working process, to give them an incentive to follow the immigration law. If they don’t have a better alternative, these migrants will continue breaking it and entering illegally.”

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Regardless of the decisions made on Friday’s meeting, the number of migrants will continue to climb in the near future. The underlying conditions of the crisis - the Communo-Fascist Insurgency and the poor economic states of the sending countries - will only worsen.

Some radical elements in the Polish Sejm have discussed encouraging the USSSR and other peach countries to request structural adjustment loans from the Intergalactic Monetary Fund to enact reform and remove the economic wedge driving the migrants towards Polonia. With no real long term solution in sight, however, IC leaders can only hope to minimize the minifig cost of the crisis.
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Re: Breaking News Compilation

Postby Colette » Wed Nov 11, 2015 11:09 pm

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Link to see the actual page in the browser: http://nsjk.in/56440cc49c6dc

Credit for Rand Paul pic to Silent-sigfig

Searchable transcript:
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Senator Rand Paul, a 2016 presidential candidate and Under-Secretary-General of the Allied Nations, criticized President B’lack Obama for his secrecy regarding the Trans-Galactic Partnership and his abuse of fast-track trade authority to exclude Congress from the negotiation table.

“The American people have a right to know what policies will affect the country, and to have a hand in crafting these decisions through their duly elected representatives in Congress,” Senator Paul declared at a recent cross-burning campaign event.

“This isn’t the first time Obama has trampled upon the legitimate democratic process to shove through his socialist agenda, whether it’s illegal immigrants, drugs, or healthcare,” Paul continued.

“What disappoints me more, however, is the complicity of my fellow Republicunts in Congress in allowing Obama to get away with his dictatorial power on the Trans-Galactic Partnership. By granting Obama fast-track authority, Congress has almost no say and the American people have no protection from other foreign countries ruling over the United Systems.”

The Trans-Galactic Partnership is a proposed free trade agreement between the United Systems Alliance and a bunch of other countries, including Trattoria, Assyria, Scythia, Praetoria, and TSOC. The agreement would mutually lower tariffs on trade between countries, and is also tied to a proposal to build a new FTL trade route between the USA and Trattoria, the latter well-known for its tight border control that the USA should strive to emulate.

Even though Obama carefully consulted many big business leaders and has won the support of Republicunt Congressional leadership, many oppose the TGP because it was Obama’s idea and he never gets things right anyway. Even the Democrapic candidates oppose the TGP now, including Colonel Sanders and Obama’s former Secretary of State and TGP negotiator, Billary Clinton.

Many critics of the TGP claim that it lets Trattoria rule over the USA by extending Trattorian intellectual property laws over the USA, allowing Trattorian companies to sue the USA government in a Trattorian court, benefitting rich Trattorian businessmen, and making medicine unaffordable all while Trattorian goods flood the market and bankrupt patriotic USA businesses here at home and put honest, hard-working average Americans out of work. This would only increase the trade deficit with Trattoria and make the USA owe more debt to those damn creepy foreigners.

Precisely because it contains all this, Obama has kept the exact details of the TGP secret. In the concluding words of Rand Paul, “Congress should only pass laws that it has read - every damn word. Even if it’s 800 pages long like the TGP. And by signing off a blank check for Obama to impose a secret deal, we are doing the American people the ultimate disservice.”
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Re: Breaking News Compilation

Postby Duerer » Sun Nov 15, 2015 5:55 am

That first news article looks nice and all, but I already told in chat, that this scenario would never work out, because Magyar is nothing like Hungary under Orbán at all. And why would the Magyars import Tratt tech, when they could easily build up their own laser satellite defence grid?

Furthermore, it's beyond my understanding, why we have to replicate every recent political IRL event in BW, instead of coming up with more original stories.
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Re: Breaking News Compilation

Postby Colette » Sun Nov 15, 2015 1:07 pm

I rounded my originally much more cynical concept for Magyar to make Szarvas look more humane, but I guess I can retkon the article to be non-kanonical if you'd like.
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Re: Breaking News Compilation

Postby Colette » Sun Jul 02, 2017 9:06 pm

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Searchable transcript:

Earlier this week, a massive cyberattack wiped out many hundreds of sextillions of bytes of data throughout the Nehellenium Galaxy and its satellites. Space Cops authorities have tied the unprecedented data loss to the “Photofuckit” malware, a rogue piece of software that took advantage of a zero-day exploit in widely-used server software. The attack focused on a popular image hosting service used by several corporations and countries to host their data, as well as billions of individual users.

Many national and corporate systems were affected, including the entirety of the Magenta Sector and Imperial Magikstrate, the Praetorian Navy, the Britannian League, the Immortal Empire, and the Akkadian Empire. Legacy systems in Bavaria, Trattoria, and the United Systems Alliance were also affected.

Most notably the primary records of the Battle of Zombie Zulu Dawn, an engagement during the Immortal War that became one of the most popular battle recordings viewed by minifigs and broadcast on intergalactic entertainment channels, were lost along with other data on the Immortal servers. However, several backup copies were preserved on Trattorian servers. Countless other records of battles, diplomatic negotiations, army presentations, and other important events were nonetheless lost.

The “Photofuckit” malware used a ransomware tactic, disabling access to this data and demanding $400 trillion USD wired to an anonymous Venetian bank account to unlock it. Although this has led some to be hopeful about data recovery, few have been willing to pay out such a substantial sum. Most countries and corporations have instead begun the slow and expensive process of restoring service, while others have given up or are attempting to rebuild their systems from scratch.

The “Photofuckit” attack represents one of the largest cyberattacks in galactic history, along with the wiping of the Allied Nations and Third Alliance databases by the hacker “Overwatch 1337”, the loss of all records on the Hill by “Pilltrogg”, and an earlier galactic data loss by “Benny”.

Despite active international investigation, the perpetrator and its motives remain unknown. Suspicion from the international community has fallen on the 45th Union or the U.S.S.S.R., which usually does this sort of thing anyway.
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Re: Breaking News Compilation

Postby Tzan » Sun Jul 02, 2017 10:15 pm

Nice  :D
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Re: Breaking News Compilation

Postby Omega Prime » Mon Jul 03, 2017 8:41 am

:tiger: just hopefully flickr doesn't decide to fuck us over, too.
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Re: Breaking News Compilation

Postby Hiremas Alkerith » Mon Jul 03, 2017 9:02 am

I agree. I love the mention of the Magikallenic war in the "trending" section!
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Re: Breaking News Compilation

Postby Duerer » Mon Jul 03, 2017 9:34 am

Omega Prime wrote::tiger: just hopefully flickr doesn't decide to fuck us over, too.

Nah, that's the way of image hosting sites, I guess. One site turns to shit, you switch to another that will sooner or later turn into shit as well and so forth.
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Re: Breaking News Compilation

Postby Archduke » Mon Jul 03, 2017 3:40 pm

Can hardly wait for more  :tiger:
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Re: Breaking News Compilation

Postby Tzan » Mon Jul 03, 2017 7:49 pm

Dropbox already did their shitty move, so I should have 8 to 10 years of service before it explodes again.
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Re: Breaking News Compilation

Postby TheVengefulOne » Tue Jul 04, 2017 6:20 am

School shootings? fabulous marriage? Is this supposed to be Brikwars or actual news?
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Re: Breaking News Compilation

Postby Natalya » Sat Jul 08, 2017 7:59 pm

The ASE releases a statement declaring their systems built by Alltimate are secure, and were unable to be affected by the Photofuckit hack.  Some data on legacy systems preceding B.R. 2009 may have been lost.
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Re: Breaking News Compilation

Postby TheVengefulOne » Tue Jul 11, 2017 7:12 am

Natalya wrote:The ASE releases a statement declaring their systems built by Alltimate are secure, and were unable to be affected by the Photofuckit hack.  Some data on legacy systems preceding B.R. 2009 may have been lost.


Unfortunately however, the ASE has lost all of its records regarding an internal investigation into minifig rights abuses by it's troops, as well as all backups of this data.  :lol:
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