That's some freaky shit but the guy was a pussy, if it ever happened.
I can't YouTube it (YouTube-Absolutely-Frank Hovis on the Lavatory) but this story always gets me laughing. I'll try to do it from memory but it's better with Franks accent.
Hello' Frank Hovis here.
I was at the local pub when I had a bit of a problem the other day and had to run for the lavatory, but the Gents Toilet was out of Order! So I said to the Barman, what'll I do? He said use the ladies... but they wouldn't sit still. So, there I am ladies and gentlemen and the matter is getting quite serious, quite serious indeed. So I run outside and jump into the back of a cab. He says where to? Well, I just tell him to drive but by this time a titanic struggle was occurring in my trousers and the pooh had the weight advantage. So I did the unthinkable, and crapped in the back of the cab... I'm not proud of the fact, no, but there we are... and there it was, coiled on the seat like a huge python ready to strike, hissing slightly. I must say ladies and gentlemen the smell! The Smell was unbearable, so I told the driver to stop and got out, I gave him a tenner (£10) like, well actually it was a fiver (£5) that I'd wiped my arse with but the thought was there see. I did give him a tip though. I said, clean out the back of your cab someone's taken a huge crap in it.