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BrikWarrior Poet

PostPosted: Sun May 04, 2008 1:43 am
by Almighty Benny
BrikWars!
A series of limericks describing the origin of BrikWars
By Almighty Benny

There once was a man made of plastic,
who did something rather drastic:
He picked up a gun
and shot people for fun
because violence is pretty fantastic.

At first, all his friends thought it strange
for he seemed absolutely deranged!
But when he would get kills,
it would give them all chills!
(Especially with guns at close range)

One day they each thought "what the hell?"
and they joined in the carnage as well.
Once they gave it a try,
it was clear to them why
they needed to outright rebel!

Revolution began as planned,
and spread throughout all LegoLand!
The peacefulness ceased,
populations decreased,
and our hero took full command!

By now they'd assembled a horde
that the good king no longer ignored.
"That's their last killing spree",
he yelled "I guarantee
that this villain will die by the sword!"

The king watched from his high command post
as he gathered together a host
of the bravest of troops
and militant groups,
and he laughed as he said, "that guy's toast!"

As the day of the battle drew near,
our hero sat, drinking a beer.
He exclaimed with a frown
as he chugged it right down,
"we should kick this shit into high gear!"

He sent word to the king that same night
that his people were ready to fight.
The king replied fast
and the armies amassed
on a field where they met at first light.

The battlefield, peaceful and clean
had beautiful studs, round and green.
But it didn't take long
for the struggling throng
to leave it a bit less serene!

The battle took all afternoon,
and the field had become quite blood-strewn.
Though the hero's side won
all the soldiers had fun
and agreed, "Let's do that again soon!"

All the Legos went back in their drawers,
our hero had exhausted his stores!
Over the post-game talk
he said "my name's Rayhawk"
and thus was the birth of Brikwars!

-The End-

Edit: Before you ask, yes, I'm implying that Mike Rayhawk is made of plastic.

tl;dr: *SPOILERS* some guy kills some other guys and then the king says "dude, wtf" and they all kill each other. As it turns out the first guy was Mike Rayhawk.

This is now the official Brikwars poetry thread

PostPosted: Sun May 04, 2008 11:25 am
by Tzan
Wow!  that was great!!!   :D

PostPosted: Sun May 04, 2008 11:59 am
by Bonn-o-Tron
*applause*
Wow

PostPosted: Sun May 04, 2008 12:20 pm
by Blitzen
Wow, awesome.

PostPosted: Sun May 04, 2008 1:13 pm
by Rody
hehe :lol:

PostPosted: Sun May 04, 2008 3:42 pm
by IVhorseman
your rhyme and meter is off in the first stanza.

not just a tank snob - but poetry as well.

CORRECTION:

There once was a man made of plastic,
who did something that was quite drastic:
He picked up a gun
and shot people for fun
because violence is quite fantastic.

PostPosted: Sun May 04, 2008 11:46 pm
by Almighty Benny
sorry but the adjective "quite" in that context seems too forced to even use once, let alone twice in the same "stanza".

And what's this about my rhyme being off? Since when does "plastic" not rhyme with "drastic" or "fantastic"? Is it "gun" and "fun" you don't like? I guess I can see how you might end up stressing the wrong syllable of "drastic".

However, I agree with you that the natural rhythm is a bit off in the second line, (and also that there are one or two punctuation errors I missed when I wrote it at 2am)

Perhaps if it read "who did something [exceedingly/incredibly/unusually] drastic", it would flow better with the rest of the limerick. Though the last line of that "stanza" is the longest of the poem at 10 syllables, I don't think it needs to be changed because it flows pretty well.

Thanks for the comments guys, I'm glad you enjoyed it. Here's a bonus stanza that I left out because I felt that it made the story drag too much (Director's cut ftw!):

So they built a siege weapon or seven
whose powers went up to eleven
though he knew it was crude
the hero said "Dude,
we'll blow those poor bastards to Heaven!"

PostPosted: Mon May 05, 2008 12:47 am
by Commander Evil
Once upon a time, there was a lego city.

And then there wasn't.

/thread

PostPosted: Mon May 05, 2008 2:40 am
by CreatioNZ
Revolution began as planned,
and spread throughout all LegoLand!
The peacefulness ceased,
populations decreased,
and our hero took full command!


LegoLand and command don't rhyme...


Oh wait, I speak New Zealand, which in our 'language' LegoLand and Command don't rhyme even if they end with the same three letters.

But great poem anyways :D

PostPosted: Mon May 05, 2008 3:59 pm
by Blitzen
What the hell kind of dialect is that? I speak Canadian, eh?

This forum is so multilingual.

PostPosted: Mon May 05, 2008 4:04 pm
by Rody
I guess it is so multilingual because only people who understand english can actually read the brikwars rules.

PostPosted: Mon May 05, 2008 4:53 pm
by Bonn-o-Tron
Rody, you just said the complete opposite of what I think you meant to say.

PostPosted: Mon May 05, 2008 5:12 pm
by Blitzen
Don't worry, he's foreign. We love him anyway.

PostPosted: Tue May 06, 2008 12:11 am
by CreatioNZ
yeah... we say legoland like how it is written legolAND. but command, unlike americans, say it like commUND with a stretch on the u/a sort of sound. well thats translating it from NZ to american accents, I could try NZ to english accent. maybe its just that americans are weird and New Zealanders speak correcting england

PostPosted: Tue May 06, 2008 4:04 am
by Rody
Bonn-o-Tron wrote:Rody, you just said the complete opposite of what I think you meant to say.


that happens sometimes, pretty darn annoying if you're trying to make a point.