So I have some personal issues

You know, whatever

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So I have some personal issues

Postby Ross_Varn » Sun Sep 12, 2010 8:11 pm

First of all, just for some background, my mom died right when I was born. I actually grew up with my dad's family, because my dad has all sorts of emotional issues and he bailed before I was born. So as you can see, my childhood was really kind of messed up.

Anyways, growing up I feel like there was always a lot of distance between me and my sister. When I was about 17 or 18, I first noticed that my sister was a hottie. I don't want to go into too many details about it, but basically what happened is that I accidentally found a video that she made of herself. I knew she didn't make it for me, but I thought she was so fucking beautiful that I watched it twice. I probably would have watched it a hell of a lot more, except that like right around the time I found the video, all this crazy shit went down and I had to leave home. my dad's family who I was staying with got in bad trouble with the law. I never talk about it.

So, I was totally lusting after my sister at that point. She was also having bad trouble with the law. She was actually in custody when I left home. MY friend and I went to go pick her up. When I saw her that day, after seeing the video, I have to be honest, I just wanted to fuck her brains out. Looking back on it now, it's pretty messed up but I think she had feelings for me too. She actually kissed me right after we came to get her, and it wasn't a sisterly kiss, you know? I mean, it wasn't like ridiculously sexual or anything, but it definitely wasn't sisterly.

After we left, we all went to crash with my sister's friends. On the trip there, my friend sort of implied that he wanted to get with my sister, and I got a little jealous. He's a good looking guy, and even though she was my sister, I just felt like he was competition. Not much else happened between us for a while except some maybe-sexy hugging.

Pretty much everyone in my life at that point was wanted by the government. So we all moved around a lot. I'm not saying that I'm proud of it or anything, but it was kind of an awesome time. My friend and my sister never hooked up I don't think, but I thought there was some serious sexual tension going on between them. It was around that time that I got really badly hurt in an accident. It was fucked up, I almost died. But when I was in recovery my sister came to see me, and out of the clear blue sky she started giving me this awesome, slow, passionate kiss on the lips.

Sadly, although I guess for the best, nothing ever came of it. We spent some time apart, and I started to get really religious, so I tried not to think of her that way. It was actually going well for a long time. Like I was totally over her. But I have to say, like a year or so after all that stuff went down, we were out sailing (not like a date or anything romantic) and she was wearing the hottest bikini I've ever fucking seen and it brought back all of the old feelings.

A little while later she actually wound up with my friend from before (the sexual tension guy.) I can't say I was surprised. But even after she was shacking up with my friend, there was one time we were at a party. My friend was inside, and my sister and I were outside alone. It was a really intimate moment. I think something might have happened, except that I killed the mood when I told her that Darth Vader was our father and that I had to go face him.

...

Yeah. Gotcha.
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Postby OneEye589 » Sun Sep 12, 2010 8:20 pm

Too long; didn't read.
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Postby Ross_Varn » Sun Sep 12, 2010 8:26 pm

Aw come on, that's the point!
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Postby Ross_Varn » Sun Sep 12, 2010 8:33 pm

Wait, it isn't? Well I thought it was funny, sorry mate.
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Re: So I have some personal issues

Postby Lt. Krus » Sun Sep 12, 2010 8:36 pm

Ross_Varn wrote:First of all, just for some background, my mom died right when I was born. I actually grew up with my dad's family, because my dad has all sorts of emotional issues and he bailed before I was born. So as you can see, my childhood was really kind of messed up.

Anyways, growing up I feel like there was always a lot of distance between me and my sister. When I was about 17 or 18, I first noticed that my sister was a hottie. I don't want to go into too many details about it, but basically what happened is that I accidentally found a video that she made of herself. I knew she didn't make it for me, but I thought she was so fucking beautiful that I watched it twice. I probably would have watched it a hell of a lot more, except that like right around the time I found the video, all this crazy shit went down and I had to leave home. my dad's family who I was staying with got in bad trouble with the law. I never talk about it.

So, I was totally lusting after my sister at that point. She was also having bad trouble with the law. She was actually in custody when I left home. MY friend and I went to go pick her up. When I saw her that day, after seeing the video, I have to be honest, I just wanted to fuck her brains out. Looking back on it now, it's pretty messed up but I think she had feelings for me too. She actually kissed me right after we came to get her, and it wasn't a sisterly kiss, you know? I mean, it wasn't like ridiculously sexual or anything, but it definitely wasn't sisterly.

After we left, we all went to crash with my sister's friends. On the trip there, my friend sort of implied that he wanted to get with my sister, and I got a little jealous. He's a good looking guy, and even though she was my sister, I just felt like he was competition. Not much else happened between us for a while except some maybe-sexy hugging.

Pretty much everyone in my life at that point was wanted by the government. So we all moved around a lot. I'm not saying that I'm proud of it or anything, but it was kind of an awesome time. My friend and my sister never hooked up I don't think, but I thought there was some serious sexual tension going on between them. It was around that time that I got really badly hurt in an accident. It was fucked up, I almost died. But when I was in recovery my sister came to see me, and out of the clear blue sky she started giving me this awesome, slow, passionate kiss on the lips.

Sadly, although I guess for the best, nothing ever came of it. We spent some time apart, and I started to get really religious, so I tried not to think of her that way. It was actually going well for a long time. Like I was totally over her. But I have to say, like a year or so after all that stuff went down, we were out sailing (not like a date or anything romantic) and she was wearing the hottest bikini I've ever fucking seen and it brought back all of the old feelings.

A little while later she actually wound up with my friend from before (the sexual tension guy.) I can't say I was surprised. But even after she was shacking up with my friend, there was one time we were at a party. My friend was inside, and my sister and I were outside alone. It was a really intimate moment. I think something might have happened, except that I killed the mood when I told her that Darth Vader was our father and that I had to go face him.

...

Yeah. Gotcha.


I was like, 'Oh shit, this kid is FUCKED up' and then I read the Darth Vader part and I was like 'lolstarwars'. This is an epic thread.
Last edited by Lt. Krus on Sun Sep 12, 2010 8:36 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby OneEye589 » Sun Sep 12, 2010 8:39 pm

Ross Varn is really bad at sarcasm.
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Postby OneEye589 » Sun Sep 12, 2010 8:46 pm

And finding things that aren't a billiondee internet years old.
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Postby piltogg » Sun Sep 12, 2010 9:21 pm

I actually reread this after the star-wars revelation, just to make sure everything checked out.
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Postby naussica » Sun Sep 12, 2010 9:23 pm

What. The. Fuck.
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Postby Cpt. Zipps » Sun Sep 12, 2010 9:37 pm

Roos, you had me going for a minute, I actually lost all my respect for you. Gentlemen (And booty bothered, Natalya, Blitzen andseveralcatsdancing), we have been trolled by a champion.
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Postby Silent-sigfig » Sun Sep 12, 2010 9:44 pm

Cool. I think i'll go to bugie now.
BFenix wrote:
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Coolest 1000th post ever :D
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Postby OneEye589 » Sun Sep 12, 2010 10:08 pm

This thing has been around for at least 2 years.
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Postby Hoboman » Sun Sep 12, 2010 10:37 pm

I don't get it, if Darth Vader is Ross_Varn's father then does that mean his sister is Leia Organa? I am so confussed. My head hurts.....


Well played Mr. Ross_Varn. :lol:
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Postby Natalya » Sun Sep 12, 2010 10:54 pm

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Postby stubby » Mon Sep 13, 2010 3:15 am

piltogg wrote:I actually reread this after the star-wars revelation, just to make sure everything checked out.

+1

I read the first sentence and thought there'd better be something good coming up or it'd be stop! banhammer time, and then I got as far as "sister was a hottie" and I decided I'd better scroll to the bottom to make sure it ended with a gotcha. But old meme or not, I didn't see that Vader coming.
:no:

Also, it was nice to watch everyone not getting suckered in by Silva's generic wangst. Good job everybody!
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