Assault on Goatse Bunker

They're all the rage

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Postby Butthurt » Fri Nov 26, 2010 2:39 pm

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The Vikings start prying up rubble in order to build a launcher or
some kind of siege engine. Underneath the rubble, what do they find
but -- more magma! Olaf critfails his Skill roll and the unstable
crust crumbles beneath his feet. He is burnt to a crisp! (Lava is 3d4
Fire, he takes 6 damage.)

Unfortunately I haven't left you guys a lot of room for creativity
with the rubble, it's all 2x4 bricks and you've got no Mechanik or
Tools to work with. Moving parts and mechanisms are going to be out of
your league.

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The How Do I Shot Web Men start running for the cover of one of the
tank traps. The first one runs along just fine, but each of the rest
only make it a couple of inches before the ground collapses underneath
them. One manages to jump away and keep his feet, three barely clear
the gap and land on the other side Disrupted. Lucky for them, none
fall in.

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The Peach Raiders plan to build something a little more realistic out
of the limited materials at hand - a bridge. But just like the
Vikings, one of them blows the roll and falls in the lava for 9
damage. He's burnt up as well.

(I should note that since I'm using you guys as guinea pigs for
playtesting, I didn't make the scenario particularly fair. A lot of
you are going to die pretty quickly.)

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New players from page 1 start arriving. (Page 2 still to come.)
Looking to the southwest, from left to right, we see Sloopofwar's
pirate mateys coming in next to the raiders just off-screen, solvess's
Shitgoat creatures, samuelzz's Dimmies, Silverdream's Ewoks (and
Greedo and C3P0 since I realized I only have three ewoks), and
Bragallot's Britannian Marines.

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Looking to the east, we see Moronstudios' Vikings coming to terms with
the limitations of magma crust, Redshirt's Red DSMs, aoffan23's
mostly-disrupted HDISW Men, BFenix arriving with his Metal Warriors,
and the Peach Raiders furthest south.
Arkbrik wrote:My personal opinion is that both Xbox and PS suck, and you should get a life or download Nethack.

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Postby stubby » Fri Nov 26, 2010 3:09 pm

Dammit, I was halfway through uploading photos last night when some DNS table in-between me and the BrikWars servers got jumbled and now I can't log in from home. Worse, my feedreader sites can't access the RSS feed either. Hopefully this gets resolved soon. booty bothered figured out she could still see the site with a fancy VPN to a location outside our DNS region, and so I'm working through a proxy... but damn what a pain in the butt.

Anyway here are the last couple of pictures I took before I lost access to the thread:

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Keldoclock's Brikians look too similar to the Metal Warriors so he gets stormtroopers instead. Piltogg gets Akkadians, naturally.

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booty bothered asked for Big Boobed Girls and I decided to grant her wish. I may change out the pirate wench for some other minifig now that Natalya's here though. Paco gets a quintet of Doc McNinjas.

I'm going through the rest of the thread now and collecting more troops. Looks like we've got Fish, Yoda_dog, Natalya, Crazyhorse, Killer Karetsu, MasterEcabob, and Zahru II coming up.
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Postby Warhead » Fri Nov 26, 2010 4:29 pm

If it's not to late I would like a slice of this awesome please. How long did this take to prepare? It's truly amazing. 8)

EDIT: Did you use a life study to model this?
Last edited by Warhead on Fri Nov 26, 2010 4:41 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby Ross_Varn » Fri Nov 26, 2010 4:37 pm

May as well throw my hat in the ring along with Warhead. Sign me up for a suicide run.
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Postby Tzan » Fri Nov 26, 2010 4:38 pm

Well I missed the beginning because I was killing darkspawn yesterday.

Set me up once there is a nice flesh bridge of bodies to walk on :)
I brought toilet paper!
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Postby Rocket_Saint » Fri Nov 26, 2010 5:05 pm

Heh, Brikwars done in one of it's most finer forms.
I know I'm one of the inferior members (Due to my lack of faction pictures as of yet) but if there's any room for one more player, I'd love to try to get in on some of this insanely awesome carnage.
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Postby stubby » Fri Nov 26, 2010 7:04 pm

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News of the Beer has traveled quickly and crowds are swarming in. Looks like I've got an inbox full of good orders coming in already, but to start with here's the teams who have arrived so far. Starting with Paco on the left side and moving counterclockwise, we've got:

    Paco the Duck Ninja with the Dr. McNinjas
    Moronstudios' Vikings
    Redshirt's Red DSMs
    Rocket_Saint's sacreligious NASA Jesus clones (best rocket saints I could think of)
    aoffan23's How Do I Shot Web Men
    Natalya's Assyrian Cosplayers, all dressed up as their favorite character from Assyrian anime, including "Commando Natalya" from the non-canon OAV
    BFenix's Metal Warriors
    Keldoclock's Stormtroopers
    Ha ha I just noticed I forgot to tag MasterEcabob. Well those are his off-duty UNDF troops in the back there.
    Silent-Sigfig's Peach Raiders
    FISH!'s squad of Sir Pablo's Men
    Sloopofwar's Pirate Mateys
    Piltogg's Akkadians
    Zahru II's Mandalorean Orks
    solvess's Shitgoats
    Warhead's Necromancer Squad, directly behind the Shitgoats
    samuelzz's Dimmies
    Silverdream's Ewoks Etc.
    Ross_Varn's FELC work crew
    Bragallot's Britannian Marines
    CRAZYHORSE's Crazy Horses
    booty bothered's Big Boob Girls
    Tzan's Old Dudes (and Dudette)
    Killer Karetsu's Ninjas

All right! I think that's everyone. Hopefully this is enough to take over the base and still get some fighting done in the middle. Everybody on the table has the same stats - five standard Minifigs and a Hand Weapon, except for Crazyhorse who has five standard Horses and a Hand Weapon that none of them can use. Those Horses are more powerful than any of you, but without opposable thumbs they can't carry or operate the beer keg if they manage to reach it.

Once again, I'm not going to bother with turn order, or we'll all be waiting around forever. As soon as you see your minifigs take a turn it means they're ready for the next one.
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Postby stubby » Fri Nov 26, 2010 10:05 pm

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Seeing Olaf's death, the Vikings give out a war cry and charge across the deadly rubble. Three of them make it: one carrying the axe and two carrying bricks.

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The Big Boob Girls try to distract the gunners by taking off their shirts. (I swear, this is booty bothered's solution for EVERYTHING.) Unfortunately, as described in the other Bunker thread, the gunners had to be made robotic to resist the temptation of the Beer, and so they're immune to boobs as well. A nearby Brittanian has a more typical reaction.

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The Red DSMs decide to make a break for it and run across the rubble. Two fall through almost immediately and are toast. A third breaks through the surface but manages to trip on the head of a burning Viking and land Disrupted on the other side without falling in. The last two almost reach the inner ring of the crater.

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The Pirate Mateys see everyone falling into lava and decide that discretion is the better part of not getting burnt up. They start gathering whatever rubble they can from the very edge, without stepping into the danger zone.

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The Akkadians have no fear of danger and no time for nonsense. All five make a Sprint for the nearest tank trap. Unfortunately they make the worst roll of the game, three Critical Failures and a fourth guy falls in three inches later. A single lone Akkadian reaches the other side, and turns to give his fallen brothers a manly salute. In the background, the Mateys building themselves a safe platform give a hearty laugh and say "Arr! Ye fell in landlubber? May the lava sharks chew on yar carcass ye scurvy dog! Harhar!"

Amazingly, the Akkadian holding the axe isn't killed instantly by the lava, and almost even avoids being set on fire. He's still just about guaranteed to die at the beginning of his next turn though, unless someone pulls him out.

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The Dimmies run towards the Beer, oblivious to danger. They roll well; only one falls through.

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The Ewoks copy the Mateys but are even more cautious. Greedo and C3P0 stand back where it's safe, while the Ewoks get to work building a bridge.

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The FELC workers decide to be careful and go at half speed. This saves them, they rolled badly and most of them would have fallen through on their third and fourth inches. As it stands, one of them crit-fails and falls through anyway.

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The Brittanians decide to jump on the Crazy Horses and see what happens. I need to get Crazyhorse's response to know whether or not this results in Close Combat or merely a pleasant penis ride. If a penis ride, then Crazyhorse will get to decide where they go, until such time that they're ready to jump off.

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The gunners take a turn. The southwest guns have range on the final Akkadian and all four Dimmies; the Gunner decides the Dimmies are the better target and goes full-auto. Two of them have cover from the tank trap, it saves one of them but the other is killed. He misses the other two.

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The northeast gunner has range on all the surviving Vikings and Red DSMs, although it's a difficult arc to catch them all. He decides to Auto Fire through 2 Arcs, letting him gun for all the Vikings and two DSMs. 2 Arcs makes it a difficult shot, 6 on his Skill of 1d8, and some of the targets have cover - but he rolls an amazing 6, 7, 8, 8, and 8.

The first shot hits the Viking in the block he's carrying, but it gets a Bonus Die and busts through the block with enough damage left over to kill the Viking. The other two Vikings go down as well with 9 and 6 Damage.

VIKINGS ELIMINATED

The two DSMs are also hit, but the Gunner blows his 2d6 rolls. Each takes 4 Damage and manages to barely survive.

Looks like orders for shitgoats and UNDF came in while I was writing that, and a couple of you gave multi-turn orders last time around, so I'll move forward with those unless I hear otherwise from you. Everyone else, I'm ready for more orders.
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Postby Moronstudios » Fri Nov 26, 2010 10:51 pm

stubby wrote:VIKINGS ELIMINATED

That sucks...
It's the nature of this game, I suppose.
Looking for Vancouver Island players: http://www.brikwars.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=1194
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Postby RunsWithLegos » Fri Nov 26, 2010 11:18 pm

i would love to join.
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Postby Butthurt » Fri Nov 26, 2010 11:30 pm

p.s. you can send your orders to stubby directly now.
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Postby stubby » Fri Nov 26, 2010 11:35 pm

Moronstudios wrote:
stubby wrote:VIKINGS ELIMINATED

That sucks...
It's the nature of this game, I suppose.

Afraid so, it was just unlucky rolls for you. You can re-join if you want though, I have plenty more Vikings.
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Postby Moronstudios » Sat Nov 27, 2010 12:15 am

stubby wrote:Afraid so, it was just unlucky rolls for you. You can re-join if you want though, I have plenty more Vikings.

Yes please, that would be very nice.
Looking for Vancouver Island players: http://www.brikwars.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=1194
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Postby Zahru II » Sat Nov 27, 2010 1:14 am

Whoo, I got nice looking minifigs... orders in.
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Postby stubby » Sat Nov 27, 2010 2:26 am

Silverdream wrote:Should I send more orders?

I just had the Ewoks finish building the bridge from last time around. It's just about done now, you can hop from the end of the bridge to the white fingers easily, so you might want to send in new orders once I post the photos in just a few minutes. I decided not to automatically continue Redshirt's and samuelzz's orders since they're taking fire, I thought they might want a chance to change them.

Also: Good news! I got access to the site back on my home computer, no more proxies and VPNs thank god.
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