Civilians - Warhead
When I originally set this up, I planned on the civilians being NPC's, but I decided that giving them to Warhead would make things funnier. However, rather than them getting most of the Almighty Benny pizzas, since they start out holding them, I'm ruling that they can't redeem them. They're for the main factions to fight over. The civilians are still perfectly capable of causing mayhem, as you will see.
The firefighters jumped into their trucks and prepared to move out. They took their pizza with them. The hikers are coming along for a ride. In a turn for the disgusting, the Dimmie with the pizza decided to sit down and wank on it. But he rolled a one, and was unable to unzip his pants. If he successfully completes his wankery, the pizza will turn into an Unmighy Penny and be given to the nearest player.
The Xtreme sports punks manage to perform and Xtreme stunt! The trike uses the trunk of the car as a ramp, does a flip in the air, and then lands back on top of the car. EXTREME! The Xtreme footage in the video camera is now a Almighty Benny, like the pizzas. The cameraman picks up an Xtreme sword he found, and the other surviving punks go after more weapons.
The remaining construction workers attempt to avenge their fallen comrades. One lunges into a window with a pickax. It doesn't kill the peach, but it does lock it in close combat. The crane operator grabs a steel beam and rams the wall with it, breaking some briks loose and nearly killing the peach with the Panzerfaust. He will have to spend the next turn undigging himself from the rubble.
MacFinnegan, angered by the lack of moms, decides to take his anger out by kicking a peach. It's not very effective.
The rappers start rapping
to try and draw fire. The sluts go skanking up on them like hoe bitches. The German footballer kicks over the peach who checked out the blue building and took his buzzsaw. Another civvie grabs a trash can, the "superhero" is unable to yank a stop sign out of the pavement, and the green civilian starts singing.
The popcorn man attempts to dump hot oil on a peach.
He crit fails and dumps it all over himself, dying an excruciating death.
"Mama-mia! You-a stole-a my pizzas! Prepare to die!" Weegee was unable to successfully kill Peach Solo with his pizza thingy.
Sgt. O'Leary and the rookie run inside and try to kill a peach. The rookie's wild shots miss by a mile, and O'Leary hits him but doesn't kill him.
The kids in the park, along with a pair of cults, engage the greens in vicious melee combat. Except all they manage to do is smear pizza sauce on their uniforms.
The Dungan throws the smaller of his "dods of shit" at a green rifleman. It leaves a big smear on his shirt and then lands on his feet. He is so grossed out that he will be at a -1 to skill until he washes himself off in some water.
The pic-a-nicers go offer their pizza to the polar bear.
The bear takes the pizza, and his hand along with it!
I now realize that I totally fail at keeping a consistent verb tense.