Deep within the VladTron capital fortress...
LORD VLADTRON: Evil vizier! Where's that that missing battle wagon? It hasn't checked in since 2009!
EVIL VIZIER: Apologies, Lord VladTron. We haven't been able to spare the men for a search party. We barely have enough troops to man the walls as it is.
LORD VLADTRON: What are you talking about? We have reserves on top of reserves. I've been mind-controlling soldiers like it's going out of style.
EVIL VIZIER: Yes, milord, your sorcery is without equal. But both the reserves and the reserves on top of reserves have been sent to reinforce Akkadian garrisons while Lord Piltogg's forces are assaulting the Death Wall.
LORD VLADTRON: Oh well that makes sense then - WHAT??? Since when are we supporting the Akkadians?
EVIL VIZIER: Surely you remember, sir. Lord Piltogg stood atop the tower of Bashlebubzelman and delivered such a speech to make the goddess Kasoda herself shed a tear, before engaging Almighty Benny in battle and laying claim to the Hammer of Discipline. The VladTron forces pled allegiance on the spot.
LORD VLADTRON: He out-charismaed my mind control? This sounds like a load of rainbow bullshit! Anyway, not even a tenth of the VladTron army was in Bashlebubzelman that day.
EVIL VIZIER: True, milord. But the ones who were there pooled their wages to buy movie projectors so that everyone here in the capital could watch the speech as well.
LORD VLADTRON: Impossible! They don't get wages! That's why I mind controlled them in the first place!
EVIL VIZIER: I'm sorry, milord. Lord Piltogg promised them wages in his speech, so I thought it would be best to dip into the treasury.
LORD VLADTRON: You DIPPED into the TREASURY??
EVIL VIZIER: I'm sorry, milord. Shall I have the men return their wages and recall our forces from Akkadia?
LORD VLADTRON: Nice try, you traitorous cur. The last thing I need right now is a mass mutiny, or to piss off the Akkadians. With our defenses stretched thin, King MethHouse and his dumbass Rainbow Knights could strike at any time.
We'll need plot support. I'll tell Drayko to send out the thug squad to hunt down any eccentric old hermits in the area. Meanwhile, we'll need to fill the ranks with undead until we can get this sorted out. Have your Necromancers start raising whatever corpses they can get their mitts on.
EVIL VIZIER: Pinkomancers, milord.
LORD VLADTRON: Pinko- wait. Do I even want to know?
EVIL VIZIER: Pinkomancers, sir. FedoraNuker transmissions have led us to believe that Pink magic is the key to unimaginable power. The Necromancers have begun intensive studies into Pinkoism.
LORD VLADTRON: Kasoda's unholy ass, this is the stupidest twist yet. We'd better hope Drayko's thugs can scrounge up something useful.
EVIL VIZIER (to himself): Stupid, perhaps, but we'll see who laughs last! You may have seen through my plan to turn your own men against you in a pro-Akkadian rebellion, but with the power channeled through the Pink dimensional gate, along with my SECRET WEAPON, I'll have enough power to overthrow you once and for all and claim the Scorpion Throne for myself!
LORD VLADTRON: Evil Vizier! What do I keep telling you about plotting to overthrow me?
EVIL VIZIER: Uh... wait until you're out of earshot?
LORD VLADTRON: Wait until I'm out of earshot! Have some evil standards for once!
