Everybody moves up and jockeys for position.
The STD aims its Particle-Beam Phalanx at the spot where Veila just was, hoping that the Overkill damage will get to her.
As it turns out, the experiment is successful- Veila get’s caught in the blast and dies along with a bunch of peaches.
On the other side of the field, the Assyrian dreadnut tramples one of Scythe’s bodyguards, and shoots him in the face.
With the help of the Vanquisher’s side sponson, the duo easily take out the Scythian Marines.
Natalya then gets on top of the turret, takes off her helmet, and issues an ultimatum to Lord Shadowscythe.
Join us or die.
As she says this, her Assyrian comrades proceed to massacre a bunch of those worthless peaches.
Channel 4 News Team
The C4 News Team sights the disrupted Silvarian hero, asks him if he wants help in exchange for an interview, and then proceeds to do so without waiting for his response.
Reporter: So, is it true that the Silvarian Empire wants to integrate peaches into its society.
Silvarian Hero: Well, we do need the manpower.
Reporter: OK, moving on, is your rocket that long because you’re compensating for something?
The Civilians begin attacking the peaches with all manners of random objects.
The guy with the dog (not a mace, btw) is the only one to score a kill.
The Silvarian Hero get’s bored of the interview, and decides to instead attack the air in the hopes that his bloodlust will guide him (heroic feat).
He fails, however, and the rocket falls right back into his lap.
Pretty self-explanatory. The explosion wipes out practically everything in an 8” radius.
Channel 4 News Team Eliminated
The remaining Silvarians advance and fire upon the Super Jews.
Killing two of them (btw, on the off chance Zipps is reading this, do those yellow life jackets count as armor?)
Meanwhile, the Silvarian rail tank decides to duel its Jewish counterpart and destroy its main gun.
The tank is disarmed and now serves as little more than a colorful bulldozer.
Finally, Silvarian rocket troops decide to fire grenades into the Jewish infantry.
Together, they manage to eliminate the remaining riflemen.
The Brittannian commander orders a good ol’ fashioned 1800’s volley on the Trattorian tank (heroic feat).
Unfortunately, the troops mishear him, and think he means “1800’s volleyball”. They then proceed to conjure up a net and ball from nowhere and begin playing.
One of the rocket troops from the platform regains his senses, and tries to chainsaw through the armor of the tank. He pitifully inflicts no damage.
The hero, depressed at his lack of command ability, get’s a BBQ grill (which as we all know are explosive) and prepares to strap it onto the truck.
Finally, the one non-distracted soldier get’s on the wreckage and begins collecting scrap metal.
Trattorian Armor Corps
The two small anti-personnel machine guns begin spraying bullets at the Brittannian’s pleasant volleyball game.
It results in three brits biting the dust. But that’s not all...
The Little Tank that Could decides to fire its own machine gun through the rocket trooper and hopes the overkill makes it to the Brittannian hero.
It succeeds! The Brittannian forces are now almost entirely wiped out.
The Little Tank that Could then proceeds to intercept the approaching Assyrian line.
Then, in a historic moment for brikwars, the Trattorian Super Death Tank revs up its size 9 cannon and decides it is time to pummel the Assyrian STD.
Unfortunately, the damage is not very impressive- it merely knocks off two size points from the Assyrian STD.
The Little Tank that Could is inspired by its big brother, and attempts to shoot down the TTSJ fighter.
It knocks off a good deal of size but the flyer is still buzzing.
Speaking of flyers, on the other side of the field the chopper and the shuttle prepare to carpet bomb the hell out of the field.
OK, so after 15 minutes of banging my head on a keyboard I gave up photoshopping this pic. The shuttle is supposed to be launching half-a-dozen rockets at the STD, Macross-Missile-Massacre style. Oh well, I guess you could imagine it.
The STD again weathers the storm like the veritable bunker it is, taking merely two more points of size damage. (Natalya is fine, she just got disrupted).
The peach speeders jockey for position...
...and charge towards the Death Wall’s door.
Meanwhile, the Jedi from the destroyed speeder leaps towards the Britannian hero and decapitates him.
The peach troopers then gather behind the ruins of the general store, hoping to hide themselves from the Assyrians.
One peach trooper goes “Ah, what the heck?” and fires a laser at the TTSJ tank.
A pointless effort, it would probably have been better to sprint.
As his comrades have done.
But that’s not all! A cow, bereaving for its late master, goes into a rage and charges into the TTSJ tank.
Its attack is so furious, and so passionate, it manages to knock off a size point from the tank.
Time-Traveling Super Jews
The Time-Traveling Super Sandwich Guy Tank and Fighter combine fire against the Silvarian rail tank.
The fighter, being reduced to its last hit point, is forced to utilize its machine gun, but it crit-fails even then.
Ultimately, the rail tank survives.
The remaining TTSJ heavy attempts to salvo the Silvarians, but crit-fails and blows up his minigun.
Finally, in desperation, the Sandwich Guy Hero attempts to summon Time-Traveling Abraham/Tzan for his wisdom and inspirational effect.
Aaaaaaaand he crit-fails, again. What is it with the jews this turn?
Secret Faction B Unlocked: PedoNuker and friends
This enormously high concentration of fail summons Pedonuker, Fedonuker, and Nedonuker. Pedonuker is armed with his anal-dildo weapon and a reforged anal-disruptor (the transparent gun, won in the battle of the Maren). Meanwhile, Fedonuker has an antimortallium bat and NedoNuker has a normal assault rifle. Their goal is to kill some immortals and ake revenge on Warhead (even his dead body).
Lord Shadowscythe rushes towards the mobile home, screaming NEEEEVVVEEERR at the Assyrians. He then proceeds to slash at the trailer with his OT-scythe (feat)
Unfortunately, he fails. A more appropriate result would have been to cut his own arm off, but I’m not too inclined to mutilate Shadow’s sigfig on my own accord so he just drops the scythe and hangs his head in shame.
Ross, what happened? I used IV’s back-up infantry orders but it seems like you’ve fallen off the face of the Earth.
Anyways, the Trattorian troopers all move up closer to the wall.
Channel 4 News Team: Terminated
Scandals Uncovered: 1
Time Traveling Super Jews:
Trattorian Armor Corps:
Pedonuker and Friends:
SEND IN YOUR ORDERS NOW (BY JULY 12)