The Civilians rush at the Assyrian STD and uselessly beat at it with their weapons.
Scythians:
Lord Shadowscythe decides to volley a bunch o’ missiles at the Trattorian shuttle.
*BOOM*
Shuttle ends up losing a bunch of hitpoints but it’s still flying.
He then goes around the back of the shuttle...
...and trips the giant Trattorian mech.
PedoNuker and Friends:
In other news, NedoNuker kills the Jewish hero.
PedoNuker, having a temporary fixation on the Super Jews for now, proceeds to “murder” the tank operators (I will not elaborate any further).
Well, he succeeded, and now PedoNuker has control of this tank that everyone seems to be fighting over.
Finally, FedoNuker tries to hit the heavy with his antimortallium bat.
Time Traveling Super Jews:
The heavy picks up a gun and tries to kill FedoNuker, to no avail.
Beer-Cart Man:
Beer Cart man decides to expand his business and attempts to teleport.
But no! His feat fails!
Music to set the atmosphere
Suddenly, a giant kraken appears, beer keg in hand.
“You cannot fail! Here, take this almighty benny and fulfill your destiny!” he announces.
Immediately after pulling the plug off the keg, Beer-Cart man finds himself in the middle of the battlefield. He also notices he has the green vial on his cart.
“Must be some new liquor type” he thought to himself.
In any case, he decides to save the green vial for later, and begins resurrecting the dead with his beer.
*NOTE: Beer-cart man controls these resurrected people
Peaches
The last two peaches move towards the gate, praying to the mighty Roc that they escape Assyria’s attention.
Meanwhile, the cow, is determined to risk anything for its masters and attempts to gore PedoNuker.
“Arrgghhh, what is this?” PedoNuker growls.
Assyrians
“Imma’ fir’in mah lazor at you Trattoria!” shouts the tank commander.
Again, it rebounds harmlessly off the STD armor.
Natalya put some bigger guns on that STD.
While all the side sponsons are blocked from firing at the stuff in front, the secondary cannon is not.
But again the Trattorians come out ahead! Such rotten luck, tsk tsk.
Meanwhile, the other Assyrians move up.
They thank Shadow for joining the pack, then proceed to fire on the “peaches” and Trattorians.
One hits his mark and blows the canopy off the giant mech, while the other one...
...blows up Beer-Cart man’s resurrected peach.
(I would have had someone wake up Natalya but noone was in range.
Brittannians
The Brittannian Pick-up Truck of Death rams the Trattorian tank.
It ends up impacting it so severely, it loses a hit point.
The driver then goes crazy trying to fire all the guns on the roof (they’re not rockets lol)
I think the center gatling gun succeeded, in any case, the Brits spray bullets at the Trattorians on top of the wall and succeed in killing a few.
The Red Beret then tries to dispatch the peach next to him, but fails.
Trattorian Infantry
A few of his friends move to secure the tunnel.
On the wall, the officer’s radio crackles.
“Finally, orders!” she exclaims. “Fire at Natalya!”
It soon becomes apparent that Natalya isn’t going to wake up anytime soon. Don’t worry, she’ll be resurrected for the next battle by some unknown means.
Time-Traveling Super Jews
The Silvarians attempt to fire on the PedoNuker. One of them discovers that maniac beer is an excellent cure for anal disrupting.
Meanwhile, the Silvarian tank shoots the Trattorian STD but fails. I got the orders too late to combine fire with the Assyrians- you can coordinate something with her if you want to combine turns or something.
Oh, speaking of Assyrians, one suddenly and inexplicably get’s decapitated.
As the shield falls to the ground and rolls around, the Assyrians begin to realize exactly who they are up against...
IT’S THE USA!!!
Captain America, their hero, makes a speech to the Assyrians.
“You racist bigots, how are you supposed to get by in the modern age? Cease your peach racism immediately or prepare to die.”
(LOL Trattorian Armor didn't send orders. Siri is going to have a long "talk" with the base commandant about command and leadership).
Overviews
Kill Table:
Channel 4 News Team: Terminated
Kills: 0
Casualties: 3
Scandals Uncovered: 1
Peaches:
Kills: 2
Casualties: 12
Assyrians:
Kills: 15
Casualties: 6
Brittannians:
Kills: 3
Casualties: 7
Immortals: Terminated
Kills: 0
Casualties: 3
Silvarians:
Kills: 21
Casualties: 5
Civilians:
Kills: 1
Casualties: 7
Time Traveling Super Jews:
Kills: 2
Casualties: 7
Trattorian Armor Corps:
Kills: 7
Casualties: 0
Trattorian Infantry:
Kills: 1
Casualties: 3
Scythians:
Kills: 0
Casualties: 2
Pedonuker and Friends:
Kills: 3
Casualties: 0
Beer-cart Man:
Kills: 0
Casualties: 1
USA:
Kills: 1
Casualties: 0
SEND IN YOUR ORDERS NOW
lol j/k
