The Battle of Helm's Derp

[Scratch]

During the second war of Orks and Hollow, the Hollow took refuge in the hall of Helm Herrmerrherrrnd, after driving out the horselord Khal Theodin, they took it is a stronghold of their people. The Orks, having fought the hollow back to the refuge of the Derping Wall, prepared for a final assault.


The battlefield as the (minor) horde approaches.


The Horde splits into two distinct groups, each meant for a specific task.


The first group includes a group of normal foot soldiers and two berserkers with the components to cause some serious mayhem.


King Moab is the current king and warlord of the orks. He is with the first group.


The second group is a squad of heavies and a pair of battering ram operators, with battering ram somewhat obscured.


Although he started out in the fort he is out here for a better shot, Paladin-Knight known as Brother of Drakes, for his use of drakes in taking the derp, is a prideful but powerful commander, with a sword on a flag/stick thingy and 2 short swords.


Three officers of the Hollow who are presiding, from left to right, Aratheon the noble, Lord Girard Greyaxe, and the Dwarf Killmi


Overview of the Hornyberg and the defenders, the Knight Paladin starts on the top of the wall.


an Ork's eye view of the Derping Wall.
Turn 1

The Orks advance.


Third person camera as the hollow archer fails to kill.


The other archer in range follows the first's example.

Turn 2 and the rest coming in a couple minutes!

[Scratch]

Turn 2


The Bomb is placed by a nice sprint from the first berzerker.


The torch bearer comes just short of the mark.


Ally-oop


I actually rolled for damage on this to see if it would break the wall, even though this could fall under the "manual fire" for the bomb, anyway, both berzerkers died and they took 3 peachy undead with them, one redshirted for Girard.


King Moab rode up and attempted a feat to have a siege ladder appear...


and due to a near miss it is too far away to be any good whatsoever.


The Heavies and Operators are getting closer to the gate.


the Hollow Hero decides to be a bastard and uses his feat,


to break the battering ram.


he switches to his short swords and kills one operatork, failing to do enough damage with the other to kill him.


Heavy counters but fails with damage.


This is likely the only time this guy is ever useful, he kills the other operatork.


Girard jumps down to block the Orks with his body and famous Greyaxe.


The remaining hollow on the wall jump down to join their leader, one knocks himself out in the fall while another joins Greyaxe.

[Scratch]

Turn 3


The Orks stream into the breach.


Girard Greyaxe gets 30% off from a moor'd Ork.


The King drops his shield.


Attempts to leap up to the wall


And fails miserably.


Heavies don't do shit again.

Turn 4


The remaining hollow in the breach kill an ork.


Brother of Drakes uses his feat to summon his Sword on a Flag and retreats.


he sends out a pair of peasants to hold the position for another round or two.


another Hollow is killed in the breach.


the other is killed when the rest of the orks advance.


the hero critfails another jump attempt, he gets disrupted at the mercy of the guys on the top of the wall and kills his own horse.


and the heavy officer kills a peasant.

And that was turn 4!

[Rev. Sylvanus]

This is a delightful little battle; them orks need to learn you need more siege equipment for a proper siege...but it'll do. Also makes me want to blow some monies on Helm's Derp

[Scratch]

Turn 5


Aratheon and Killmi launch an unsurprising surprise attack!


Killmi is tossed and gets knocked out by hitting the ground too hard.


Aratheon gets knocked out by hitting Killmi.


The wall guards attack the ork king to no avail, one critfails and falls off the wall, it doesn't kill him, but hurts his pride.


the victors of the breach squad up while one puts on the armor of Girard Greyaxe.


Killmi lives up to his name and Aratheon dies from a pike, the normal peasant lives for some strange reason.


The King gets up and pushes both his attackers off the wall (killing no one)


He then FINALLY succeeds in a leap feat with a crit to boot.


He then pushes that guy off the wall using the extra bonus from that crit, again, he doesn't die.

[Scratch]

Turn 6


Peasant dies due to failing all the time.


The Victors at the Breach move up with the armored guy trailing behind them.


The cowards close the bridge and flee to the keep's roof.


The rock thrower tried to throw a rock at the King but failed so hard he decapitated himself, (he rolled a 1 for skill I ruled that he dropped it on his foot for 1d6-2 damage, he rolled a crit success for the damage and got it in the head instead)


The King jumps down and throws open the gates for his heavy troops.


The heavies squad up and move inside.

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Turn 7



The disrupted dudes get up and some attack the armored ork.


The elf kills a heavy.


Turns out the Knight-Paladin had been using his feats for stealth and had gotten to the squad of infantry orks, he failed the feat this turn and attacked them.


Killing 3


The armored ork critfails with his mace and hurls it in frustration.


The orks re-order themselves around the fallen Hollow Hero.


and chop him into teeny tiny nibblets through both his hp.


King Moab attempts to hurl a pike through the elf archer.


He crit fails and knocks one of his hp off.


He then squads up with the Heavy Orks.

Turn 8


The Hollows, upon seeing their Holy Leader murderitized, start to flee like leetal babbys.


the Hollow on the wall head for the hills, raising the walkway to jump off the wall.


The Gods hate craven cowards and thus 2 die in the fall.


The orks, being completely oblivious, continue to head up the walkway to their heavy buddies.



The last hollow units flee the field, and the orks claim the Keep. Ork Victory!


The orks retained over 2/3 of the original army.


While 5 hollow units fled in shame.

epilogue(s) coming soon!

[Scratch]

Epilogue A












The sins of the Judge and Paladin Knight Brother-of-Drakes had caused Justice to be visited upon the Blessed Hollow at helm’s derp,


The routed survivors were hunted across hill and vale.


They happened upon a humble hollow who possessed a bow,


Who delivered them from their pursuers


and slew the Ork King Moab in a single combat.


He was proclaimed Judge by the area’s Dragon Priest



Who blessed his bow and arrow and gave him her blessing.



He swore the oaths of a paladin knight and became known as the Humble Bowsman.


He was innocent of the sin of pride, which had brought The Great Dragon’s Wrath upon the prior Judge.


He was known for his wise council and fair judgment.



Book of the Dragon Judges; Chapter 4 Verse 13

[Cytheran]

Nice battle man. I wanted to see those Hollow guys in action. keep em coming!

[Scratch]

Epilogue B


"State yer business at the Derping wall"


"I am the Avatar of Vengeance, with my sworn sword The Phoenix Knight, here to seek council with your King, Moab"


"He was killed by the Craven Hollo'd, I command now"


"Have you levied Vengeance upon those who killed your King"


"Why would I, the Orks do not mourn him and we do not have the troops to spare."


"We will see what they think, Do you Orks want VENGEANCE!"
"WAAAGH"


"You stand in the way of the Orkish people and of progress."


"I am the Lord of the Orks now, by right of combat, we ride at first dawn, we're going peach hunting."


*in thought* These Warriors will lead me to my vengeance against the Dragon's People. *in thought*

[Killer Karetsu]

Keep it coming!

[Bragallot]

[Scratch]

Thanks all! Helm's deep is really worth it, not just for the set itself but for all those little grey brick bricks, and theodin's armor is, of course the best thing ever.

[Bragallot]

Haldir is a really great fig as well, even despite the cheeklines that seem obligatory to any Lego Elves.

[Zupponn]

Cool battle, but your guys shouldn't run away, they should fight to the death like any good minifig!