I did not see that coming

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I did not see that coming

Postby Silverdream » Thu Apr 18, 2013 8:46 pm

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Klaus held onto the neck of his opened Kaiserbrau, trying not to show his thirst for the tasty liquid. He was tired after leading his personal fleet to victory over a larger Trattorian battlegroup and in dire need of relaxation. It was nice to have a cold beer in hand and a curvy redheaded wife not two feet away.

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"Herr Kaiser, a diplomat from the democratic nation of Peaslovia asks for your help. He is requesting permission to teleport in."

After Von Klaus' bumbling antics, more and more smaller and unknown nations were asking for assistance and help. To add insult to injury none of them had advanced military hardware comparable to the TLA. Kaiser Klaus had enough trouble dealing with the RIN and the Britannian League, and Bavaria's alliance with Luchardsko was growing shakier every day. Although, perhaps Peaslovia was different.

"Very well, we might as well hear them out."

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The diplomat appeared from the beam of light, bowing graciously. "Thank you Kaiser, for hearing us out" it said. Kaiser Klaus looked down at the skinny unarmed weakling in front of him.

"Our people have been at the mercy of the Zupponn Mining Corporation for years. Our lush green planet filled with wildlife is now a smog ridden heck hole because our oppressors want the GT under the surface. Please help liberate us from the ZMC, and we will be forever in your debt."

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Renate smiled, there had never been a more relevant time for this.

"Klaus, this is the perfect time to test out my weapon."

"Excellent idea, the augmented fleebnorks would overrun the entire planet within a week, devouring everything."

"Actually, the latest test data confirms that they could overrun a common sized planet within 48 hours."

"Please Kaiser, reconsider your plan. You'd be putting billions of innocent Peaslovians to their deaths."

Klaus grimaced, and nodded at two of his guards.

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"Stop! Please don't kill my people!"

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"How absolutely pathetic. If his people-"

"Her people." Renate interrupted.

"If her people were strong, they should have resisted the ZMC. Just because someone outnumbers you or has better arms than you is no excuse to lose to them. Worst of all she interupted me from drinking my beer."

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"Oh Klaus, you know how I get when you talk about war and killing and beer."

"Right now seems like an excellent time to create more heirs, fraulein."

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"Herr Kaiser! Urgent message from the Space Nazis."

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"What is it? Diplomacy is currently on the low priorities list."

"They want you for a eugenics experiment and said they wanted a true Aryan to create a new class of super soldiers by donation of genetic materials."

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"Very well, prepare me for sex."

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The servant, the guard and the Kaiserin worked to unlock Klaus' armour. Even with three people it took about fifteen minuted to remove the final piece.

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"Beam me to the Space Piltogg's co-ordinates. I shall be back in 36 hours and eight minutes."

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Klaus' eyes were blurry, but he felt the sand on his feet instantly.

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As his vision became clear he saw five figures clad in SS uniforms, none female. The officer laughed.

"Look men, the jew lover fell for it."

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Klaus continued to grimace.

"If you think you can best me with a rifle and a submachine gun then you have another thing coming. I didn't get to be Kaiser without taking a few grievous wounds."

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The SS soldaat behind Klaus zapped his unarmoured self with a cattle prod.

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As the royal fell into the sand the soldaats rushed to unarm him.

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"Why have you trapped me here?" Klaus asked, nearly naked and bound to stone.

"Klaus, your crime against the German people begins at birth. While the Finnish are great soldiers they are unfit to breed with Germans. A half breed ruling over one of most German states in the brikverse is a mockery. You also have a large amount of jews in your nobility. Bavaria has stopped several communist incursions yet she has been corrupted from within. A jewish minority ruling over the more noble Germans is a cancer on the brikverse, and for that your pitiful empire must be cleansed."
Last edited by Silverdream on Mon Apr 29, 2013 4:56 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: I did not see that coming

Postby Ham701 » Thu Apr 18, 2013 9:40 pm

And frankly, he deserves it.
stubby wrote: my floppy penis gets first dibs on it for tradition's sake, but it doesn't seem likely that he'll want to stick around long enough to play.

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Re: I did not see that coming

Postby Silverdream » Fri Apr 19, 2013 11:49 am

Ham701 wrote:And frankly, he deserves it.


Where macht you be going with this?
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mgb519 wrote:Seriously, you are now the first ever forum superhero.


Colette wrote:I hereby acknowledge Silverdream as the one and only forum troll as agreed in the bet.


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Re: I did not see that coming

Postby Arkbrik » Sat Apr 20, 2013 1:58 pm

Nice. We need more battles with tied up near naked guys.
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Re: I did not see that coming

Postby Zupponn » Mon Apr 22, 2013 3:33 pm

It's cool to get a little shout out here. I appreciate it.

Also, we have better arms than them in more ways than one. :P
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Re: I did not see that coming

Postby Silverdream » Wed Apr 24, 2013 7:23 pm

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"What is your fixation with jews, anyways? Without their mighty West Banking Coalition us Germans would be indebted to everyone else instead of the other way around."

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"Gurk." The space Piltogg tried to speak, but only spat out blood as a now bloodstained sword entered his gut.

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"Spare me! Please, I beg you!" The unarmed Piltogg cried out in vain.

The SS officer placed the sun kissed barrel of his gun against the back of Klaus' head.

"I will kill Klaus if you don't reveal yourself!"

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The Piltogg screamed as he was bisected. His intestines, like two crimson snakes slithered out of his body.

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The officer, now somewhat frightened fired his submachine gun into where he guessed his target was.

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"Blegurk," the Piltogg said as his SS jew-hating self was elevated by a blade in his belly.

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"Reveal yourself to me like a real man!" the Obersturmfurher shouted.

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"Very well. If you drop your gun and free Klaus I will see that you die in battle, and not quickly murdered by a jew."

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The officer threw down his gat and freed Klaus as the jew ordered. Reason did not matter now, only emotion and intuition.

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Klaus got dressed, and ripped his heroic katana from the Piltogg's clutches.

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"Who are you?"

"See to it that Obersturmfurher Lichtensen dies in battle."

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With a very bright flash, he was gone.

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"Ich brauche zwei teleportiert bitte." Klaus spoke into his phonepistol.

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mgb519 wrote:Seriously, you are now the first ever forum superhero.


Colette wrote:I hereby acknowledge Silverdream as the one and only forum troll as agreed in the bet.


Quantumsurfer wrote:No, I have 2 silver.
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Re: I did not see that coming

Postby Quantumsurfer » Wed Apr 24, 2013 7:46 pm

Fucking brilliant, brutal use of the snakes.
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Re: I did not see that coming

Postby Silverdream » Wed Apr 24, 2013 7:54 pm

Quantumsurfer wrote:Fucking brilliant, brutal use of the snakes.


Thank you. I got the idea from Arkbrik.
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mgb519 wrote:Seriously, you are now the first ever forum superhero.


Colette wrote:I hereby acknowledge Silverdream as the one and only forum troll as agreed in the bet.


Quantumsurfer wrote:No, I have 2 silver.
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Re: I did not see that coming

Postby Zupponn » Wed Apr 24, 2013 8:08 pm

You should have totally have made the savior a Time Traveling Super Jew, if that's what he isn't already.
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Re: I did not see that coming

Postby Colette » Wed Apr 24, 2013 8:09 pm

Zupponn wrote:You should have totally have made the savior a Time Traveling Super Jew, if that's what he isn't already.

Looks like someone ninja'd me.
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Re: I did not see that coming

Postby Silverdream » Wed Apr 24, 2013 9:11 pm

Not even close.

Spoiler: show
He's Kalvinator's servant, Alfred.
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mgb519 wrote:Seriously, you are now the first ever forum superhero.


Colette wrote:I hereby acknowledge Silverdream as the one and only forum troll as agreed in the bet.


Quantumsurfer wrote:No, I have 2 silver.
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Re: I did not see that coming

Postby Silverdream » Thu May 02, 2013 6:04 pm

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Servant: This is for Silvaria!

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The phonepistol blasted the servant, cauterizing the wound it made.

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Kommandant Hautwald: "Herr Kaiser, are you alright?"

Kaiser Klaus: "Yes, I have fought my way out of two ambushes, now send for Renate."

Kommandant Hautwald: "Yes, mein Kaiser. There has also been a Space Piltogg attack near our planet."

Kaiser Klaus: "Perfect, I want a report as soon as possible."

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Kaiser Klaus: "I have decided to take pity on your vile life, you shall herefore be my prisoner of war. What is your name?"

Obersturmfurher: "Peter Untergott"

Kaiser Klaus: "Your new name is Peder Untersheisse."

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Renate: "Klaus, I have your uber suit!"

Kaiser Klaus: "Move aside, Untersheisse!"

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Renate: "Fire!"

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Kaiser Klaus: "I am too badass."

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Amelie: "Father, this man has annhilated the Space Piltogg attack fleet, and he has promised to give his ship to us."

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Boris the Blade: "All I want in return is to be a Bavarian."

Kaiser Klaus: "Wish granted, now give us the ship."

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Boris the Blade: "This is the ship, if one changes his perspective a little, it becomes much bigger. It was given to me by-"

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Kaiser Klaus: "Thank you for the artifact. There is probably an opening in a Krupp factory."

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Boris the Blade: "Great, thank you."
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mgb519 wrote:Seriously, you are now the first ever forum superhero.


Colette wrote:I hereby acknowledge Silverdream as the one and only forum troll as agreed in the bet.


Quantumsurfer wrote:No, I have 2 silver.
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Re: I did not see that coming

Postby Zupponn » Thu May 02, 2013 11:10 pm

Sometimes things get a tad confusing when you do reports or soap operas, and I feel that it got this way a little at the beginning of this last part.
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Re: I did not see that coming

Postby Kalvinator » Sat May 04, 2013 8:45 pm

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Wow, continuity ftw!

And

Silverdream wrote:Not even close.

Spoiler: show
He's Kalvinator's servant, Alfred.


...wait...what?
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