Shinji enters the Unown: An MST-Style Commentary
Shinji enters the Unown
Well, a punny title. Let’s see how this turns out.
Shinji Ikari was bored and lonely.
Well no shit sherlock. He spends like half the series moping on a bed listening to his SDAT, which sounds pretty boring and lonely to me.
After Asuka and Toji had defeated the angels four years earlier, there was nothing left to do. I mean sure, he could finally socialize and interact with others, but he still suffered from the hedgehog's dilemna.
I can’t help but feel the author only possesses a superficial understanding of Neon Genesis Evangelion, and just referred to Wikipedia to understand the character relations and Shinji’s personality.
Sometimes he wished that Pen-Pen hadn't stopped the third impact with his bare flippers.Maybe then he would be happy and shit. It also sucked that evewn though he was an 18 year old he had a 14 year old's body.
Another Pen-Pen fanboy...the clear sign of a trollfic.
An 18 year old in a 14 year old body? Considering the author is incompetent enough to forget the Unit-03 incident I highly doubt he would remember this little detail from Rebuild 3.0. Therefore I can only conclude the author is a closeted pedophile who wants to have underage bodies fucking each other but is too much of a wussy to actually write child pr0n, and therefore concocts this lame excuse.
Girls didn't like him. Heck, even Kawaru friendzoned him. So much for dapper xenophilia.
There are so many things wrong with that last quote. Dapper xenophilia? So like fucking aliens in western business attire? What kind of strange yaoi fetishist does it take to go that far? And the flanderization of Shinji as a dickless pussy by the author is getting really annoying, further strengthening my belief that he has a wikipedia-understanding of the character.
Rei also treated him like he was her kid. It was no wonder Shinji sometimes contemplated killing himself. It would be easy too.
Well that’s kind of canon anyway...plus Shinji, are you seriously considering fucking the clone of your mom? Has the author really made you that suicidally desperate? He’s making me feel desperate too although that’s more a consequence of his poor writing.
The following is a fanfic. I plan to purge it from the internet tomorrow, so enjoy it while it lasts.
Most fanfic MSTs start by mocking the disclaimer. This author was so incompetent he put it in the middle of the fic, ruining the experience. I can already see why he would be ashamed enough to purge it from the internet, but this MST will immortalize it against his wishes anyway.
All Shinji had was Misato, who boned guys all the time. She wouldn't bone him though. It was really lame of her. Shinji was nice to Misato, he deserved some of that fine nip pussy in return. Fucking feminazi bitch.
Shinji, have you ever considered that Misato might have something called a “conscience” and might want to avoid doing morally reprehensible things like pedophilia? Also, you did reject her offer of pity sex in episode 23, so you have no one but yourself to blame.
Shinji cooks and cleans and he at least deserves to get laid. Girls are so fucking selfish and never think of his needs. Wtf. If a guy treats girls right he deserves to fuck them. Otherwise why be nice at all.
Because nice guys finish last, that’s why. And let’s be honest here, Misato was totally content to live under piles of Yebisu and instant curry ramen until you came. You’re mainly doing it for your own benefit- she honestly couldn’t care, more or less.
As far as being nice, I think the author has completely forgotten the concepts of “friendship” or “platonic relationships” and seems to think one either treats people like a dick or fuck them. He’s probably venting his current relationship situation through this fanfic.
Women ruined society by not fucking Shinji. Men ruined society by not treating women right and having a women monopoly over Shinji. Maybe the angles should have one.
I think the author here is the “fucking feminazi bitch” that preaches gender relations to put it in his own glorious prose. And I love how he generalizes that all women ruin society by not fucking Shinji. I’d like to hear Shinji’s opinion on good ol’ Ritsuko and whether he thinks that her not fucking him is a societal catastrophe.
Regarding the “angles”, I for one welcome our angelic overlords. Even Armisael the glowing double-helix halo banged Rei pretty hard in that one episode so I can’t really argue with the author’s logic on that point.
Maybe he should have hooked up with Hiraki, the slutty whore. Hiraki had been fucked by everyone.
I see an attempt at dramatic irony through an alternate character interpretation of the strict and prudish Hikari Horaki, if he didn’t throw her first name and surname into a blender and spit out some typo’d mess. I’m predicting the author will go through Shinji’s dysfunctional relationship with Maya and Ritsuko and maybe even the souls of the Evas and then we’ll have exhausted all the named female characters of Neon Genesis Evangelion.
She was the gardevoir of people.
And with that, Shinji enters the Unown
joined the pantheon of bad erotic fanfiction, fulfilling the criteria of non-sequitur sexual analogy and random crossover.
Thankfully, Gardevoir herself doesn’t show up in person in this fic. I think she needs to take a break after David Garrett’s asjruirejarjfkojwcnuweihew A Pokemon Story
. That adjective was my head banging on the keyboard, by the way. And I never even read the thing itself, just Rob Bricken’s brief summary of the premise. And no matter what he says, I am of the personal opinion that it is infinitely worse than the so-called worst How Videl Discovered Her Abortion Fetish
Shinji was sick of this shit. He took the key from the necklace his mom gave him before she died and used it to open a suicide suitcase. banhammer yourself. The suitcase was under his bed.
“Congratulations Shinji! You finally gathered the courage to banhammer yourself. Mother would be proud!”
IN the suitcase. kill. was a pc. yourself. banhammer yourself Bill's PC.
Not making sense. Was chopped sentences. Myself
. Kill. Bad fanfic.
"Oh, I better open up a box said Shinji". Box1 was filled with Unowns, the sexiest pokemon since Gardevoir.
Let me repeat that again, for those that missed it.
Box1 was filled with Unowns, the sexiest pokemon since Gardevoir.
There are two things wrong with this, which I will address in order.
Issue number 6: The author of this fanfic is another internet nerd who faps to Gardevoir. And while the case could be made that Gardevoir is sexier than say her friendly acquaintances Giratina and Tentacruel, she’s a FUCKING POCKET MONSTER IN A CHILDREN’S GAME for the love of all things good. And while under normal circumstances this fact alone would be horrifying....
Issue number 7: The author faps to Unown. Granted, Unown is my own favorite pokemon in a more normal sense, but while it takes a special kind of evil nerd to fap to pocket monsters in a children’s game, among that subset of perverts there is a special elite who are aroused by FUCKING LETTERS AND PUNCTUATION WITH EYEBALLS. Is orthographic sexual fetish even a thing? I would say this author needs mental help, but I would rather let his mental problems persist so he can banhammer himself and never write another erotic fanfiction ever again.
He released them all.
He was surrounded by unowns. They pulled his clothing off with their psychic powers. RIIIIIP. "Oh no, don't rip my clothing."
Suddenly, an unown positioned himself above Shinji's anus. "Go on" shinji cooed. It put it's big black dick in Shinji's virgin butthole. "AH FUCK". His anus was tearing, it couldn't stand Unown's girth.
I have a feeling this has negative race connotations and stereotypes.
I also have the mental image that this is the exclamation mark unown, which in addition to being the most phallic is also rather hilariously appropriate in this situation.
On a more serious note, I once stumbled upon a fanfic where Gendo tears Shinji's anus through rápe. And what horrifies me is, that this fanfic is even worse.
"This is why you use lube on your first time and go slow. It also helps if you finger yourself first." said a voice.
“Go slow”. That’s what they told me about terribly-written fanfiction. I started with Goku and Anne Frank in Until the End of Time
but then I jumped straight to the one with Lara Croft and the velociraptor and my mind exploded.
It was Twilight Sparkle. She and the other mane 6 were watching all along. "Oh, what an erect cock you have." said Pinkie Pie. "Better put it in my vagina". Pinkie pie then rode Shinji several times before cumming. "Oh fuck, give pinkie pie a cream pie"
I’m going to say this, I hate pónies, but even I pity the saner members of their fandom who have to put up with this.
You see, whereas Pokemon may be a children’s game where pocket monsters fight each other, My Little Pónies is a show (technically) aimed at young girls, which makes the crimes perpetrated against its characters even worse. And what sickens me more is that there is a massive, dedicated fan-community of cloppers that would put to shame all of the Gardevoir-fappers (and Unown-fappers if that exists beyond this fanfic) combined.
DOUBLE UNOWN-POKEMON EVANGELION PÓNY PENETRATION
"Quit hogging that dick, sugarcube. I need some anal sex.Shinji fucked Applejack in the ass while inserting an Unown in her orange vagina. Horse barf got all over his legs.
Twilight then fucked Shinji with her horn while Shinji ate out Rarity. Suddenly, Twilight's horn spurted semen deep into Shinji's ass, making him cry out. "Oh Kamina."
And so this fic ends the way it began and the way it lived- with a random crossover into Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann. Probably a hook for a sequel where giant mechs ass-rape galaxies and pierce the heavens with their dicks.