Bragallot wrote:Just ask Silverdream. He decides what's true and right, and what someone said or meant at some point, even if they didn't. Clearly he is the most suitable person for fixing this mess.
Bluefog wrote:I mean, I could just throw my feces at you and my feelings would be conveyed adequately.
Silverdream wrote:...Part of the reason that this is taking so long is because I don't like writing about it.
Silverdream wrote:The following isn't canon. It's Maeby's Cannon. Where anything can happen.
The white room was illuminated by fluorescent lighting. It was absolutely spotless, completely sterile and in the opinion of Klaus Jr, completely boring. Where were the skulls? The fire? The daemonic incantations? Instead there were a few computers being worked at by pathetic weaklings. The Trattorian Empire was a nation built on intelligence, engineering, science and education. The Trattorian people were bred to be smart, labourious and focused. Whereas a normal fig might only be concerned with fighting, fucking, and boozing, Trattorians were only interested in fighting, engineering, science, math and writing standardized tests. To Klaus Jr., they were witless cowards who resembled pests more than allies.
"Greetings Kaiserin Siri, it's lovely to meet you." Klaus Jr. extended his hand, smiling warmly at Siri. "Likewise, Klaus." She smiled back, and it was almost cute of her. As a woman Siri didn't have much to offer him. She was cold, flat-chested and had no ass to speak of. Her face was pretty though. Green slanted eyes on pure yellow skin. She took his hand and shook it firmly. Her hand was dainty compared to his, but it was still strong. Probably from all the pencil pushing Trattorians did. "Madamoiselle Siri, can we move this conversation to somewhere more private?" "Of course, follow me."
Siri was flanked by two guardsmen. Unlike the ship's staff, they were true warriors. They were clad in black armour, which accentuated their muscles and physical stature. They brandished batons to inspire fear and show discipline. Trattorians were vermin, but the guards could be considered men. The trio lead Klaus Jr. to a small room. Unlike the rest of the ship which was sleek, round and white this room was dark and illuminated with blue lights. "Very futuristic. What room is this?"
"This is a private compartment for the use of personnel with social anxiety." Social anxiety? What kind of masochist would sign up on a boat with thousands of crewmembers?
"Yes, if they turn up here we discipline them. A Trattorian officer that fears her own crew has no chance of leading them." "Very true Siri."
"Now Siri, I came to meet you in order to offer what you've always wanted. Eternal life." Siri looked at Klaus Jr., her expression unchanged.
Klaus Jr. produced a small vial of light red liquid from his armour. "This fluid is the blood of Thadderyagh, spilled in battle millenia ago. As long as Thadderyagh lives his blood cells grant life and vitality."
"Interesting. I'll have a team analyze it, what do you want in return?"
"You can either inject it here or not at all. I will have no one else touching the blood of Thadderyagh. As for the price, I'll take my reward as soon as I think of it."
Siri furrowed her brow. "There's no way I'm going to stick an unknown chemical from a foreigner into my veins. I bet you even packed a dirty needle. So do we have a deal or not, Junior?"
Klaus' epaulettes glowed. They shifted and grew into golden armour, covering his vital areas. "Alright, since you insist it is only fair that we make a new deal." Golden spikes launched out of Klaus' armour, impaling the guards between the eyes. "You have no leverage, Siri." Siri pulled a pistol from her jacket and fired point blank. Klaus continued to smile as his armour absorbed the bullets harmlessly. He extended his hand, and a golden arm reached out of the armour. It fitted itself into Klaus' glove and formed into a spear. Siri's pistol jammed, and she quickly tried to reload the cartridge, but it was too late. "Urghk". She yelped as his spear tore through her arm. "Guards!"
"Hush now Siri. We're going away for a while now." Klaus held the spear and cleaved through the fabric of reality, creating a black portal. He carried Siri over his shoulder, and leapt through. The fabric sealed itself behind him.
Klaus held Siri firmly as he walked through the darkness. He had memorized the route perfectly, as a misstep meant death. Sleeping around him were death turtles. These beasts could stand up on two legs, and kil anything with a single touch. He made his way through their den, and arrived at a very moist cavern with an oval shaped entrance. It was a tight fit, and the walls were coarse with bumps, but with some effort they made it through. At the end of the tunnel was a room. Klaus' hand glowed green, and lanterns illuminated the pitch black area. Two perfectly spherical orbs sat in the center, resting at the top of two phallic pillars. Klaus put Siri down against the wall and healed her bleeding arm with a whispered spell. Siri breathed heavily, and began stuttering.
"Where are we?" she said, trying to keep her composure. Klaus leaned over her. "It's hard to find the veins in the dark, even with my knowledge of the body." He stuck the needle into her, and plunged. "Rainbow transparent is an interesting chemical. As you know, it's effects on the Trattorian body are different than normal minifigs." Siri punched Klaus in the face, and ran for the entrance. She made it three feet before she fell down. A golden knife had lodged itself in the back of her leg. Klaus kept his devilish smirk. "You Trattorians were never good at running were you? A Bavarian student could probably run faster than your best soldier." Klaus put his hand on her back, and held her shirt while he pulled the knife out. Siri yelped, and once more he healed her, whispering the same old words.
"The rainbow transparent will take it's effects soon. Right now you're growing a set of functioning genitalia. You'll also lose some knowledge of science and math. It will be replaced by a new libido." Klaus turned her over. "Maybe you'll get a set of breasts too." Siri began to sweat, and shake. "How do you know all of this?" she asked. "You don't think you're the first do you?"
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