BjorkWars

The Magic SOB forum is for posts of story sequences that are frequently vignette-based. Put those here while actual battle reports can go in Reports From the Field.
You must talk like James T. Kirk in this forum at all times. Leonard Nimoy is fine too.

Moderators: Zahru II, Magic Soap, Thesson

Re: BjorkWars

Postby Natalya » Wed May 20, 2015 4:12 pm

Act III


Image

A few days after the fight with Insert_blank and Overwatch, Colette put on a lab coat, got out her favourite Appel product, and started researching.



Image

Colette:  This is so irritating.  Those plebes laughed at me, they think they won a fight.  Nothing even happened, they didn't accomplish anything.
  ▲
▲ ▲

"Ya gotta remember, Soryu's a brutal thug, ain't got no finesse like Shinji."
User avatar
Natalya
I've trolled before.
 
Posts: 4429
Joined: Wed Sep 17, 2008 10:57 pm
Location: Atlanta

Re: BjorkWars

Postby Natalya » Wed May 20, 2015 4:19 pm

Image

***Natalya joined #brickwars
Natalya:  Hey Colette, what's going on?
Colette:  I'm running an analysis on the fight with IB and Overwatch.  I don't understand how their actions can be construed as a victory.
Colette:  I intend to formulate a new strategy to be used in future confrontations with them.


Image

Natalya:  You might not be thinking about this in the right way.
Colette:  In Thunderdumb it was a battle of equals, yet I posess greater intellect and scientific knowledge.  I can leverage that to my advantage.
  ▲
▲ ▲

"Ya gotta remember, Soryu's a brutal thug, ain't got no finesse like Shinji."
User avatar
Natalya
I've trolled before.
 
Posts: 4429
Joined: Wed Sep 17, 2008 10:57 pm
Location: Atlanta

Re: BjorkWars

Postby Natalya » Wed May 20, 2015 4:42 pm

Image

Natalya:  Yeah but I don't think you've figured out what victory is here.
Natalya:  You pissed off Overwatch, who then decided to piss you off in retaliation.
Natalya:  The first few shots were seemingly-harmless one-liners that did little to upset you because they were bland and uncreative.
Natalya:  But even those did have an effect -- they got you agitated and ready to fight.  That was only the beginning.

Colette:  Those didn't do anything though, I've heard all that stuff before it doesn't upset me.
Natalya:  Yeah but it got you into battle mode.


Image
Colette:  But I can't just ignore it.  I think you know that's not exactly how the world works.
Natalya:  Ordinarily you're right, aggressions must be met with a response, but this situation is a little different.
Natalya:  Because you have power that Overwatch and IB don't have, power over the chat, you don't actually need to respond to them.
Natalya:  The status quo is that you're already in the lead.  But this is all missing the point anyway.

Colette:  Which is?  I don't see where you're going.
Natalya:  Victory for them was to get you all booty-bothered.
Natalya:  If they had linked you that song and you clicked on it absent a confrontation with them, you would have just been like, "Ow my ears what is this shit?" and turned it off and not given a crap.
Natalya:  But because you were already agitated by their dumb crap from earlier, you got pretty mad at them, which is exactly what they were looking for, that was the victory condition.



Image
Colette:  What am I supposed to do then, take their abuse lying down?
Natalya:  No, of course not, but try having a little thicker skin and don't let yourself be provoked so easily.
Natalya:  You already have the first step, which is to be immune to little jabs at the start -- those don't really upset you.
Natalya:  But the second step is to let those not bother you at all.  Just act nonplussed, be like, "Oh hi guys, what's up?"  Kill them with kindness really.
Natalya:  Remember, you're already in power in the chat, there's nothing anyone can do about it.  They can't take anything away from you.

Colette:  That makes sense.  The first rule of holding power is to ignore those without any.
Natalya:  Damn skippy.
  ▲
▲ ▲

"Ya gotta remember, Soryu's a brutal thug, ain't got no finesse like Shinji."
User avatar
Natalya
I've trolled before.
 
Posts: 4429
Joined: Wed Sep 17, 2008 10:57 pm
Location: Atlanta

Re: BjorkWars

Postby Zupponn » Wed May 20, 2015 6:04 pm

Wax on, wax off.
Image
User avatar
Zupponn
if you give us money we will give you product
if you give us money we will give you product
 
Posts: 5273
Joined: Mon Mar 21, 2011 6:15 pm
Location: Formerly Wisconsin, Now Minnesota

Re: BjorkWars

Postby Natalya » Thu May 21, 2015 10:16 am

Image

About a month after the fight with Colette, Overwatch was in the chat.


Image

***Insert_blank joined channel #Brickwars
Insert_blank:   i'll tell you my ideas about dinosaurs and ninjas and wizards


Image

Insert_blank:  basically dinosaurs are the coolest ever
  ▲
▲ ▲

"Ya gotta remember, Soryu's a brutal thug, ain't got no finesse like Shinji."
User avatar
Natalya
I've trolled before.
 
Posts: 4429
Joined: Wed Sep 17, 2008 10:57 pm
Location: Atlanta

Re: BjorkWars

Postby Natalya » Thu May 21, 2015 10:31 am

Image

Insert_blank:  #2 is probably wizards and then ninjas
Insert_blank:  i met a ninja who was like "man i wish i was back in england with my wizard friends"
Insert_blank:  so it's pretty clearly wizard? ninja
Insert_blank:  then i me an old woman who said dinosaurs are the coolest because even if they get old everyone still likes them
Insert_blank:  so that means dinosaurs are eternally cool
Insert_blank:  the end


Image

Overwatch:  cool
Overwatch:  what a riveting tale
Overwatch:  honestly
Insert_blank:  yeah I try


Image

Overwatch:  this is it ib
Insert_blank:  wait what?


Image

Overwatch:  see you around
Insert_blank:  Wait where are you going?
***Overwatch left the channel


Image

Insert_blank:  Goodbye, old friend.
Insert_blank shed a single tear as he waved goodbye to Overwatch.  But he couldn't reach his eye to dry it because of his massive unicorn head.
  ▲
▲ ▲

"Ya gotta remember, Soryu's a brutal thug, ain't got no finesse like Shinji."
User avatar
Natalya
I've trolled before.
 
Posts: 4429
Joined: Wed Sep 17, 2008 10:57 pm
Location: Atlanta

Re: BjorkWars

Postby Insert_blank » Thu May 21, 2015 10:42 am

fuck this, i'm crying
Just Monika
User avatar
Insert_blank
おたく
おたく
 
Posts: 935
Joined: Wed Dec 14, 2011 10:44 pm
Location: Pumpkin Kingdom

Re: BjorkWars

Postby Natalya » Thu May 21, 2015 11:27 am

Image

Another month has passed.  Overwatch's strange departure is fresh in everyone's memory, but most have given up hope.  Others don't care that he's gone.  Solvess, Nimja, Colette, and Insert_blank are in the chat once again.


Image

***The Shadowscythe has joined #Brickwars
Solvess:  'sup TSS?
Insert_blank: hey shadow
The Shadowscythe:  Weekend!!  Time to party!   Cider, whiskey, beer, all on deck
Colette:  This won't end well...


Image

The Shadowscythe:  I worked my arse off all week, time to get drunk
The Shadowscythe:  Let loose, have some fun


Image

The Shadowscythe:  Let's start the party!
  ▲
▲ ▲

"Ya gotta remember, Soryu's a brutal thug, ain't got no finesse like Shinji."
User avatar
Natalya
I've trolled before.
 
Posts: 4429
Joined: Wed Sep 17, 2008 10:57 pm
Location: Atlanta

Re: BjorkWars

Postby Natalya » Thu May 21, 2015 11:34 am

Image

***Natalya has joined #Brickwars
Natalya:  Hey everyone, what's going on?
Colette:  AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Natalya:  What?
Colette:  MAKE IT STOP
Natalya:  Make what stop?
Natalya:  ???
Natalya:  Oh shit.


Image

Schoolgirl Scythe:  Can a guy get a table dance?


Image

Schoolgirl Scythe:  Shake it up!  Shake it up!  Woo!  Shake that thang
  ▲
▲ ▲

"Ya gotta remember, Soryu's a brutal thug, ain't got no finesse like Shinji."
User avatar
Natalya
I've trolled before.
 
Posts: 4429
Joined: Wed Sep 17, 2008 10:57 pm
Location: Atlanta

Re: BjorkWars

Postby Natalya » Thu May 21, 2015 11:46 am

Image

Schoolgirl Scythe:  I been workin' all week, for the money I got
Colette:  MY EYES ARE BURNING
Colette:  WHERE'S THE BLEACH

Image

Insert_blank:  Scythe, I think you killed Colette
Colette:  YOU NEED TO POUR THE BLEACH ONTO MY RETINAS AND INJECT IT DIRECTLY INTO MY OCCIPITAL LOBE
Natalya:  Naw, she'll be fine.  Who hasn't seen drag before?
Natalya:  Well, Colette is pretty sheltered...


Image

A few minutes later...

Nimja:  So Colette, you okay now?
Colette:  Why of course, I don't remember a thing, I repressed that horrifying incident.
Colette:  In fact, I don't even know what you're talking about anymore.
Natalya:  In the end I guess it was No Pass, No Penalty.
Insert_blank:  the fuck's that supposed to mean?
Natalya:  Sorry, derby terminology.


Image

And so, the chat returned to normal.
  ▲
▲ ▲

"Ya gotta remember, Soryu's a brutal thug, ain't got no finesse like Shinji."
User avatar
Natalya
I've trolled before.
 
Posts: 4429
Joined: Wed Sep 17, 2008 10:57 pm
Location: Atlanta

Re: BjorkWars

Postby Natalya » Thu May 21, 2015 12:37 pm

Image

***The Shadowscythe quit
Insert_blank:  So I think I've almost got the next part of my Forum 14 soap figured out
Colette:  I think you should go and recover The Hill from Forum 14
Colette:  That's where it is, right Natalya?


Image

Natalya:  That's not what happened to king of the hill.
Insert_blank:  Oh?


Image

Colette:  That's not where it is?
Natalya:  No


Image

Natalya:  Something else happened to it.
Nimja:  well what was it then?
  ▲
▲ ▲

"Ya gotta remember, Soryu's a brutal thug, ain't got no finesse like Shinji."
User avatar
Natalya
I've trolled before.
 
Posts: 4429
Joined: Wed Sep 17, 2008 10:57 pm
Location: Atlanta

Re: BjorkWars

Postby Natalya » Thu May 21, 2015 12:40 pm

Image

Natalya:  Oh, I gotta go now.  See you later.
***Natalya quit



Image

Insert_blank:  Well that was awkward.
Colette:  She's hiding something.
Nimja:  Clearly.


Image

Colette:  The only question is what?
  ▲
▲ ▲

"Ya gotta remember, Soryu's a brutal thug, ain't got no finesse like Shinji."
User avatar
Natalya
I've trolled before.
 
Posts: 4429
Joined: Wed Sep 17, 2008 10:57 pm
Location: Atlanta

Re: BjorkWars

Postby Insert_blank » Thu May 21, 2015 7:13 pm

This is unrealistic. Colette would never sit next to nimja
Just Monika
User avatar
Insert_blank
おたく
おたく
 
Posts: 935
Joined: Wed Dec 14, 2011 10:44 pm
Location: Pumpkin Kingdom

Re: BjorkWars

Postby Tzan » Thu May 21, 2015 7:48 pm

In virtual chat space, everyone is closest to everyone else and furthest from everyone simultaneously.
User avatar
Tzan
Has anyone ever used those holes before?
Has anyone ever used those holes before?
 
Posts: 4371
Joined: Sun Dec 30, 2007 4:41 pm
Location: Boston

Re: BjorkWars

Postby Natalya » Fri May 29, 2015 2:07 pm

Image

The next day, Insert_blank was the only one in the chat.


Image

Insert_blank:  I tread these halls alone.
Insert_blank:  I am yin without yang
Insert_blank:  Light without dark
Insert_blank:  Hand without glove


Image

***Colette has joined #Brickwars
Colette:  Hi IB
Colette:  What's going on?
Insert_blank:  oh hi Colette.  I was thinking about Overwatch.  it's been over a month now...
  ▲
▲ ▲

"Ya gotta remember, Soryu's a brutal thug, ain't got no finesse like Shinji."
User avatar
Natalya
I've trolled before.
 
Posts: 4429
Joined: Wed Sep 17, 2008 10:57 pm
Location: Atlanta

PreviousNext

Return to Magic Soap Opera Board

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Majestic-12 [Bot] and 1 guest