[RK17] Battle in the Chat: Murders & Acquisitions

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[RK17] Battle in the Chat: Murders & Acquisitions

Postby Colette » Wed Jan 11, 2017 8:56 pm

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Monarch of BR 2,017

Rural outskirts of planet New London, Britannian League

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A luxury hovercar speeds across the landscape.

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Trattorian Dr. Chhabra, Managing Director of Mergers & Acquisitions at the New London office of investment bank Goldman Sucks, steps outside.
Dr. Chhabra: Did we really have to meet all the way out here? My office would have been fine, nobody would have heard.

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Lord Wildman: You really haven't changed at all since Harvard, Dr. Chhabra.
Dr. Chhabra: Just cut the slack and tell me what you know about how BEITC will move up or down or sideways or whatever.

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Lord Wildman: I don't know anything.
Dr. Chhabra: You're bullshitting me. You're an executive there, you got to know something!
Lord Wildman: This is how you treat an old friend wanting to see you? Even so, I'm really sorry about this.
Dr. Chhabra: About what?

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The bushes rustle as Britannian forces step out.
Dr. Chhabra: What in the actual fuck? I thought we were friends? Did you fucking set me up with the Britannian financial regulators?
Lord Wildman: No, I'm really sorry.

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Dr. Chhabra: The Immortals? You rascal, you traitor, you're betraying the entire galaxy!
The Accountant: That's him! That's the mark! Seize him! We need his proprietary information for my plans!

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Trattorian Soldier: You won't be taking one of our Citizens if we have anything to say about it!

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Securities and Exchange Commission Regulator: Hey, a Goldman Sucks executive! We could interrogate him for evidence implicating them in the 2004 BrikVerse financial crash!

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Overview.

Teams wrote:Britannians: Ham Scratch
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Objective: Help Immortals achieve theirs.

Immortals: Quantumsurfer
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Objective: Either torture insider M&A information out of Dr. Chhabra or get him off the board for later torture.
Notes: Torture will be a skill vs skill roll with Dr. Chhabra being treated as an ordinary minifig with 1d6 skill.

Trattoria: Kommander Ken
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Objective: Escort Dr. Chhabra to safety off the board.

USA: Silvadream
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Objective: Capture Dr. Chhabra (escort him off the board) for SEC interrogation.


Turn order: USA, Immortals, Britannians, Trattoria
Miscellaneous notes: Dr. Chhabra is NPC until a faction seizes him and then pushes him around I guess.
Last edited by Colette on Thu Feb 02, 2017 6:17 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: Battle in the Chat: Murders & Acquisitions

Postby RedRover » Wed Jan 11, 2017 9:13 pm

You should give him a resist role against any action other factions (minus trattoria) make him do.
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Re: Battle in the Chat: Murders & Acquisitions

Postby Colette » Wed Jan 11, 2017 9:15 pm

USA

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The SEC Regulator calls his friends at the USA munitions company GI Brik Inc. on his bluetooth headset.
SEC Regulator: Hey guys, this is the SEC here, asking you guys to lower the price of your bullets so that my Murican boys can fire 2 rounds this turn.

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The feat crit fails, resulting in GI Brik raising the price of their bullets, hurting the Murican economy and resulting in an order to preserve ammo (halving skill penalty on all USA troops). The SEC Regulator balls up and cries like a baby.

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The troops nonetheless fire on the Immortal VTOL.

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For their trouble, 2 crit-fail and trip over themselves (disrupted) and only 1 manages to hit with the skill penalty. The shot harmlessly bounces off of the Immortal vehicle.
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Re: Battle in the Chat: Murders & Acquisitions

Postby Colette » Wed Jan 11, 2017 9:52 pm

Immortals

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The Pequod lifts off and turns, firing everything at the USA.

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The pilot crit fails, however, resulting in a bunch of guns overloading and exploding.

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The Immortals rush the Trattorians in a line. Although two of them crit-fail and stumble, the rest hit.

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The Trattorian robots prove to be a miserable failure, all being reduced to a heap of scrap metal under the Immortal fire.

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The Accountant: You fucker! You banking fucks! I’ve got you now, you piece of minifig scum.
Immortals have seized Dr. Chhabra

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The Accountant: In fact, let me show you!
The Accountant attempts a feat to headshot the Trattorian soldier and blow his brains out with a calculated aim.

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Instead, the feat fails, ricocheting off of the Trattorian soldier’s shield and hitting one of his own troops with enough force to penetrate its phalanx shield.
The Accountant: Oops.
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Re: Battle in the Chat: Murders & Acquisitions

Postby Colette » Wed Jan 11, 2017 10:28 pm

Britannians

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Lord Wildman: As a good Briton, I always carry warm earl grey on my person. Would you like a spot of tea, good sir?
Dr. Chhabra: Ah, yes, I would very much like that. Finally, some civility in this barbarity.

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Lord Wildman: WELL HOW ABOUT YOU GET A TASTE OF THIS BOILING HOT TEA IN YOUR FACE YOU BLOODY BLOKE!
Dr. Chhabra: AHHHHHHHHH FINE I’LL GIVE YOU WHAT YOU WANT STOP IT!

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Lord Wildman: Good, now tell us everything you know about upcoming mergers & acquisitions deals that Goldman Sucks is involved in.
Dr. Chhabra: UNITED ASSYRIAN TECH ACQUIRING GI BRICK INC GOOGEL AND MISAKA FIGHTING OVER AI STARTUP BITFIT AND PUDDLE WEARABLES MERGING FUCKING SCIENCE I’M ON FIRE YOU SON OF A BITCH
The Accountant: We have the information we need to further the Immortal plan.
Immortal & Britannian objective achieved.
Lord Wildman: Wow, he broke easily. Fucking Tratt pussies.

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Lord Wildman: Hi, Claybar bank, get my broker on the line. Yes, go and financially ruin Dr. Chhabra’s socialite life by destroying his contacts’ fortunes with financial fraud. You should be able to get his contacts from the Space Mafia. (feat successful).

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The rest of the Britannian infantry line combine fire on the Trattorian soldier.

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The soldier bites the dust.
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Re: Battle in the Chat: Murders & Acquisitions

Postby Colette » Wed Jan 11, 2017 10:48 pm

Trattorians

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The Laplace hovertank drone runs over the big cluster of troops in the center of the board, killing 2 Britannians, 2 Immortals, a lawyork, and also totally inadvertently Dr. Chhabra. Another Immortal survives but is disrupted, while plowing through all those troops inflicted 1 point of size damage on the Laplace. Lord Wildman and the Accountant are redshirted, however.

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The Laplace then fires its gatling guns at the Immortal Pequod, inflicting a point of size damage, but finds its main gun too long and unable to target the Britannians.
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Re: Battle in the Chat: Murders & Acquisitions

Postby Colette » Wed Jan 11, 2017 11:00 pm

USA

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The USA troops jockey for position, trying to bypass the Immortals’ shields.

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Their efforts are successful, obliterating 4 Immortal troops.

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SEC Regulator: Hi, I’d like to place an order for shares of LIFE. The magazine, not the cereal.

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By purchasing shares of LIFE, the regulator successfully revives Dr. Chhabra.
Dr. Chhabra: What the fuck.
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Re: Battle in the Chat: Murders & Acquisitions

Postby Colette » Wed Jan 11, 2017 11:18 pm

Immortals

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The Accountant: Fuck you, I’m going to cook your books and make you go bankrupt on those LIFE expenditures.
The feat fails and the SEC Regulator makes a ton of money.
The Accountant: What the fuck ever.

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The Accountant: Get up you fucking banker bitch. We’ve got places to go.
Dr. Chhabra: But I’ve got a meeting with my clients at -

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Dr. Chhabra: Oof!
The Accountant: Hurry the fuck up and get us out of here!

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The Pequod jets its engines and flies off the battlefield.
Immortals have left the battlefield.

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An overview. I should have posted one after Turn 1.
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Re: Battle in the Chat: Murders & Acquisitions

Postby Colette » Wed Jan 11, 2017 11:34 pm

Britannians

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The Britannians clamber on top of the Trattorian tank as Lord Wildman splashes more boiling tea onto the Trattorian drone’s sensors.
Lord Wildman: Get a taste of earl grey, you barmy arsehole wanker!

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The feat is successful, the Laplace tank going berserk and running over the USA infantry, killing them all. The physical opposition of the troops also deals another point of size damage on the tank.

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As a final insult, Lord Wildman aims a splash of more boiling tea at the SEC Regulator’s face, setting it on fire.
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Re: Battle in the Chat: Murders & Acquisitions

Postby Colette » Wed Jan 11, 2017 11:46 pm

Trattorians (Ham took over for Ken)

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The Trattorian tank spins its turret around, knocking all the Britannians off.

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It then fires 5 missiles at them.

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The explosions kill all of them, including Lord Wildman unfortunately.
Britannians eliminated
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Re: Battle in the Chat: Murders & Acquisitions

Postby Colette » Wed Jan 11, 2017 11:50 pm

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The SEC Regulator wakes up to realize that although he made a lot of money from the Accountant's botched feat, the scorching tea burned his hair off and permanently left him bald.

With Trattoria and USA the only teams left on the field, it's game over. Immortals win (with Britannia as support), and Scratch (Britannia) gets MVP award for most entertaining feats and game moments.
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Re: Battle in the Chat: Murders & Acquisitions

Postby Colette » Thu Jan 12, 2017 12:59 am

Sigma Legion Flagship INF Gomorrah, neutral space in the Northern Spirals of Nehellenium Galaxy

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The Accountant: My lord, I have accomplished my mission and have brought forth a prisoner for your glory.
Warhead, Sigma Shard: WELL SPAFF MY TITS BUT DID YA’ BRING ME ANY MOMS OR NEW BOOZE TONIGHT?

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The Accountant: No sir, I have recovered valuable insider information on several upcoming corporate mergers and acquisitions that I believe, with further raids, could potentially disrupt the financial stability of the Anti-Immortal Alliance as well as complicate their logistical sup-
Sigma Shard: BORING!
The Accountant: I have also captured an M&A division Managing Director of Goldman Suck’s New London office.
Dr. Chhabra: Please, sir spare my life! I have no quarrel with the Immortal empire, and I really need to make a client meeti-!

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Sigma Shard: PUSSY-ARSE FUCKER BLOKE SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH.
The Sigma Shard leaps from behind his desk, cleaving Dr. Chhabra’s head off with a single swing of his OTC.
The Accountant: My lord, he could have served as a valuable hostage or perhaps a bargaining chip during negotiati-

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Sigma Shard: ARE YA’ QUESTIONING MY LEADERSHIP? YOU’RE NEXT YOU SHEEP-FUCKER IF YOU DON’T KEEP YOUR BUGGERHOLE SHUT YOU BOTCHED-UP GIT.
The Accountant: I serve at your pleasure, my lord.
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Re: Battle in the Chat: Murders & Acquisitions

Postby Kommander Ken » Thu Jan 12, 2017 7:05 am

I think I was laughing during this entire battle. Thanks for hosting, Colette.  :lol:
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Re: [RK17] Battle in the Chat: Murders & Acquisitions

Postby Duerer » Wed Feb 08, 2017 9:16 am

Fun: 15/20
Violence: 7/10
Photography: 8/10
Writing: 8/10
Story: 7/10
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Re: [RK17] Battle in the Chat: Murders & Acquisitions

Postby motorhead fan » Wed Feb 15, 2017 12:06 pm

Fun:19/20 (I was also laughing throughout.)
Violence:9/10 (Lots of blood and burning and crushing and stuff and it was good)
Photography: 8/10
Writing: 8/10
Story: 7/10
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