[RK17] Behind Enemy Lines (Ultra Mecha Cock Rumble II)

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[RK17] Behind Enemy Lines (Ultra Mecha Cock Rumble II)

Postby Duerer » Wed Feb 01, 2017 12:40 pm

Location: Planet Suwałki, Unified Republik of Poland
Mission: Destroy the captured titan


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Civilian: "Run for your lives! This titan is tearing the whole city apart!!"

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*BLAM-BLAM*
Ieva Norkutė: "Hahaha!! You worms can't even stand a chance against your own weaponry!"

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Forgefather Grzegorz: "Hold right there!"

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Forgefather Grzegorz: "I will not allow you to harm these people any longer! Leave them alone!"

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Ieva Norkutė: "Oh yeah?! We'll see about that!!"
Janna Kowalska: "Panie I Panowie, welcome to today's episode of:"
ULTRA MECHA COCK RUMBLE

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Janna Kowalska: "Here are Janna Kowalska..."
Marek Baranina: "and Marek Baranina, your hosts!"

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Marek Baranina: "This coming fight should prove to be quite exciting."
Janna Kowalska: "Indeed, Marek. Not only are our two combatants fighting on our own soil, both mechs are of Polish production as well!"

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Janna Kowalska: "To the left corner we have Ieva Norkutė, an agent of the Lietuvan Nationalists under Blinda's command. Somehow, she managed to get her hands on an Archanioł Lesser War Titan, one of the most prominent weapons of the Polish arsenal."
Crowd: "BOOO!"

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Marek Baranina: "To the right corner, we have Forgefather Grzegorz from the Order of Dobrzyń. His personal war titan, the Anioł Retrybucji, is just one of many examples of his expertise in weapon forgery."
Crowd: *cheering in excitement*

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Janna Kowalska: "Let's not waste any more time with talking and go on with the fighting shall we. May the combatant bash their heads in 3... 2... 1..."

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*RING-RING*
Janna Kowalska: "Ieva is already lunging toward her opponent, raising her sword up in the air..."

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*SLASH*
*CRACK*

Marek Baranina: "But it looks like the Forgefather preempted her and stroke at her first."
Janna Kowalska: "The damage dealt is tremendous! Most of her front plating has been torn apart!"

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*SLASH*

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*clunk*
Janna Kowalska: "Ieva's now taking the upper hand by severing a wing from Grzegorz's back. Will that hinder him in any way, however?"

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*CRACK*
Marek Baranina: "Not necessarily, but he doesn't have quite as much luck, this time. He misses Ieva and hits a nearby building instead."

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Janna Kowalska: "Neither does she, as all she's doing is waving her sword in the air."

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*SLASH*

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*clunk*
Marek Baranina: "This time she managed to sever Grzegorz's entire wingpack from his back."

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*SLASH*
*CRACK*

Janna Kowalska: "But he certainly knows how to respond to such an attack. This blow of his chainsword surely left a dent on her titan."

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Marek Baranina: "Looks like she won't take it and hits the forgefather with her sword!"
Janna Kowalska: "She'll need to try harder than that! All damage is absorbed by the titan's energy shields!"

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Janna Kowalska: "What did just happen?! Looks like the Forgefather is even  worse off right now, as he somehow managed to drop his chainsword to the ground!"
Marek Baranina: "Oh oh. Could this be the chance for Ieva to deliver one fatal blow to the Anioł Retrybucji?"

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*PEW-PEW*
*KA-BOOM*

Ieva Norkutė: "AARGH!"
Marek Baranina: "Someone's shooting at Ieva's back while she's busy fighting Grzegorz, but who?!"

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Janna Kowalska: "A Soviet R-200 'Cherny Ivan' Walker! What is it doing here on this planet?"

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Marek Baranina: "The pilot is no other than Commisar Oksana Ivanova, high-ranking member of the NKVD."
Oksana Ivanova: "Xaxaxa! I'm going to wreck both of your scrap mounts"
Crowd: "BOOOOO!!!!"

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*BLAM-BLAM*
*POOF*

Marek Baranina: "Oksana fires all of her weapons at Ieva! One of her missiles seems to suffer from a malfunction and just goes off on her shoulder."
Janna Kowalska: "However, that doesn't really seem to bug her at all!"

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Ieva Norkutė: "NOO!! It can't be!!"
Marek Baranina: "Same couldn't be said about Ieva, as her titan got obliterated under the volley of fire!"

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*CRASH*

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Janna Kowalska: "The forgefather moves towards the Soviet and grabs Ieva's gun"

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Marek Baranina: "With twice as much firepower, he's going to take on the commissar, but it be enough to crack her walker open?"

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Janna Kowalska: "Unfortunately, damage is abysmal. He couldn't even scratch its paint job!"

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*BLAM-BLAM*
*POOF*


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Janna Kowalska: "The damage dealt by Oksana, on the other hand, is massive! The Anioł Retrybucji has been wrecked, as all attempts of Grzegorz to regain control are futile!"

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*CRASH*
Forgefather Grzegorz: "How?! I've reinforced this titan with dozens of layers of black steel!"

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Oksana Ivanova: "XAXAXAXA!! Struck down two titans at once! I'm invincible!"
Crowd: "BOOOOOO!!"
Crowd Member 1: "Spierdalaj z naszej ziemi!!"
Crowd Member 2: "Chuj ci w dupę!!"
???: "Let's hope you won't crumble before the third one!"

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Janna Kowalska: "Could it be? It's the Protector of Death, the famous Golem-class Battle Suit of Samuel Goldenberg!"
Marek Baranina: "But his voice doesn't sound anything like Goldenberg! The pilot sounds younger..."

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Janna Kowalska: "Of course! It's Chief Librarian Jerzy Durer, who piloted this Golem to crush the daemon Beelzebub above the remains of planet Puczysk, saving hundreds of worlds from the same fate!"

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Forgefather Grzegorz: "I can't believe it! How could he make it over here that quickly, let alone be arsed to pause his scripture studies to help me out?"

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*SLASH*
*BA-DA-BOOM*

Marek Baranina: "With a swift strike of his sword, Jerzy inflicted quite some damage on Oksana's walker!"

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*PEW-PEW*
Janna Kowalska: "With no more missiles left, Oksana combines her gunfire on the Golem, which she even manages to dent a bit.

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*CRACK*
*BA-DA-BOOM*

Jerzy Durer: "No one gets away that easily with stricking down my friends or any of their machinery!"
Oksana Ivanova: "URGH! It won't be the last you'd see of me!!"
Marek Baranina: "Yup, that's it! One forceful blow of the energy blade stroke down the Soviet walker for good!"

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Janna Kowalska: "With taking down the Soviet commissar, who spoiled our duel between our first combatants, Jerzy Durer is the winner of today's fight! Gratulacje!!"
Crowd: *tremendous applause*

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Forgefather Grzegorz: "Hej, mind if you pick me up and we both had back to the monastery?"

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Jerzy Durer: "Not at all. We'll be back there in no time!"

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Marek Baranina: "Thanks again for watching this episode of..."
ULTRA MECHA COCK RUMBLE
Janna Kowalska: "Stay tuned and see you next time, where we're about to broadcast our first episode of UMCR: Lightweight Edition!"

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Janna Kowalska: "Small yet deadly hardsuits mash each others heads until one of them eventually crumbles. Featuring Prezydent Małgorzata Sadow as our special guest!"
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Re: [RK17] Behind Enemy Lines (Ultra Mecha Cock Rumble II)

Postby Kommander Ken » Wed Feb 01, 2017 1:46 pm

Glorious mecha-mayhem!  :666:
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Re: [RK17] Behind Enemy Lines (Ultra Mecha Cock Rumble II)

Postby TheVengefulOne » Wed Feb 01, 2017 4:10 pm

Amazing work as always!  :tiger:  :tiger:  :tiger:

Is the name "Cherny Ivan" inspired by Cherno Alpha by any chance?
Blunt the swords and bend the figs!
Shred the paper and burn the briks!
Chip the molds and crack the plates!
That's what Bilbo Baggins hates!
- Tzan


My faction's backstory: http://brikwars.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=39&t=16445
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Re: [RK17] Behind Enemy Lines (Ultra Mecha Cock Rumble II)

Postby Duerer » Wed Feb 01, 2017 4:24 pm

It literally just means "Black Ivan" in English, which is also the name of a warjack from Warmachine:
Image
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Re: [RK17] Behind Enemy Lines (Ultra Mecha Cock Rumble II)

Postby TheVengefulOne » Wed Feb 01, 2017 4:48 pm

Oh, okay, I don't speak Russian and I just thought it might be a reference to this, being a giant robot and all.

http://pacificrim.wikia.com/wiki/Cherno_Alpha_(Jaeger)
Blunt the swords and bend the figs!
Shred the paper and burn the briks!
Chip the molds and crack the plates!
That's what Bilbo Baggins hates!
- Tzan


My faction's backstory: http://brikwars.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=39&t=16445
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Re: [RK17] Behind Enemy Lines (Ultra Mecha Cock Rumble II)

Postby Quantumsurfer » Thu Feb 02, 2017 1:40 am

Hilarious, fun times.
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Re: [RK17] Behind Enemy Lines (Ultra Mecha Cock Rumble II)

Postby TheAtomikpunk » Wed Feb 08, 2017 12:49 pm

Fun: 16/20
Violence: 8/10
Photography: 10/10
Writing: 8/10


Story: 9/10
My Stuff
"Remember Vegetables, Stay in Drugs, Don't do kids, and eat your school."

Wise man once said, " Tl;dr the entire rulebook is fudge."
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Re: [RK17] Behind Enemy Lines (Ultra Mecha Cock Rumble II)

Postby motorhead fan » Wed Feb 15, 2017 11:57 am

Fun:14/20
Violence: 8/10
Photography: 9/10
Writing: 8/10

Story:7,5/10
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Can the gun aim upwards? Because on mine, it keeps flopping down and it's a bit annoying.
 
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Re: [RK17] Behind Enemy Lines (Ultra Mecha Cock Rumble II)

Postby RedRover » Thu Feb 16, 2017 2:13 pm

Fun: 16/20
Violence: 7/10
Photography: 10/10
Writing: 9/10
Story: 7/10
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