Battle in the Chat: No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

They're all the rage

Moderators: BrickSyd, Kommander Ken, Elmagnifico, Duerer

Battle in the Chat: No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

Postby Colette » Thu Mar 30, 2017 8:50 pm

Image
Dr. Mirage: Good afternoon everyone. Today, I'd like to ask everyone in the audience a question - how would you feel if billions of minifigs across the galaxy were suffering, and something could be done about it? And yet nothing was? Today this is not a hypothetical - it's reality.

Image
Dr. Mirage: I'd like to introduce all of you to Amir. Amir is a child I met during one of my volunteering missions for Mediks Without Borders. He has been afflicted with peach-AIDS since birth, transmitted during pregnancy. This same disease claimed the lives of both of his parents, and when we found him he was living with an abusive uncle trying to sign him up as a child soldier in a lawless warzone. Peach-AIDS is a real problem afflicting billions of minifigs, even children, across the galaxy today.

Image
Dr. Mirage: Now, it would be one thing if peach-AIDS was an incurable, inevitable tragedy...but the cure does exist. In multiple places, in fact. Thanks to their advanced bioteknology industries both Trattoria and Assyria have developed cures. But Trattorian corporations, in their blind greed for maximized profit margins, extort thousands of dollars per single pill needed in a multi-month treatment plan. And with their level 7 tek, it costs them less than a dollar to manufacture! Assyria, thanks to the decrees of their Empress, maintains more reasonable prices - but they've embargoed every single majority-peach country, the same countries that most desperately need it. Thanks to their soulless corporate and political policies, the most teknologically advanced star nations in the galaxy have forfeited their responsibility and deprived the most vulnerable races and classes, minifigs like Amir, of their vital care.

Image
Dr. Mirage: But what if I told you there was a solution - an out of the box solution that could legally get around the patent protections and legal regulations surrounding existing peach-AIDS cures? One that would allow us to cheaply manufacture a cure and distribute it for free in desperate third-world star nations that need it? All we need is to add one secret ingredient: magik - and some funding and lab space, of course.
Last edited by Colette on Fri Mar 31, 2017 12:58 pm, edited 1 time in total.
User avatar
Colette
Catastrophe Magnet
 
Posts: 2207
Joined: Tue Apr 12, 2011 6:04 pm
Location: This Forum

Re: Battle in the Chat: No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

Postby Colette » Thu Mar 30, 2017 9:06 pm

Imperial Magikstrate planet

Image
Mage Lester: Hey, we're getting pretty close. I imagine it'll be ready in a few months
Dr. Mirage: 80% success is still so far away from the ideal...there are billions of minifig children in third-world star nations counting on us to successfully make a magikal cure to peach-AIDS.
Dr. Mirage stares at the 4 vials containing all of their joint progress so far on the magik peach-AIDS cure.

Image
Dr. Mirage: Well, thank the stars that the IM was willing to fund my research and provide me with this lab and security. I'm really grateful to you all.
Mage Lester: It's nothing, Dr. Mirage. We're the good guys, after all.

Image
A Trattorian helicopter whirs down next to the lab.

Image
VP Dr. Martin Shkreli: Hey, look at these IM bastards trying to help out the poor by getting around our patent protections with magik. Well I’ll say, they’ll never stop me and Acelera Pharmaceuticals from gouging the fuck out of our consumers!

Image
The helicopter lifts off the battlefield.

Image
Suddenly, green teleporter markers materialize on the other side of the field.

Image
GS Officer: Keep your eyes on the target. There’ll be a raise for all of us if we give the suits what they asked for.

Image
Assyrian Major: Let’s kill some peaches!

Image
Sancho Sanchez: Same tbh.

Note for all objectives: Dr. Mirage is the scientist guy in the first pic. His research is represented by the 4 colored beakers seen in the first pic in the lab.

Factions

Imperial Magikstrate: Silverdream
Image
Objectives: Keep Dr. Mirage and his research (aka the 4 beakers).
Notes: Mage Lester has SN dice pool of 1d6, 1d10.

Acelera Pharmaceuticals: Colette
Image
Objectives: Kill Dr. Mirage and destroy his research to protect Acelera’s competitiveness.

Goldman Sucks: Whiteagle
Image
Objectives: Kidnap Dr. Mirage (escort him off the field) and steal his research for undisclosed reasons.

Assyrian Star Empire: Dilanski
Image
Objectives: Kill all peaches, especially Dr. Mirage. Destroy his research too to cause more peach suffering.

Emerian Empire: Vami
Image
Objectives: Kill all peaches, especially Dr. Mirage. Destroy his research too to cause more peach suffering.


Image
Overwatch.

Turn order: Emeria, Assyria, IM, GS, Acelera
Last edited by Colette on Thu Mar 30, 2017 9:31 pm, edited 1 time in total.
User avatar
Colette
Catastrophe Magnet
 
Posts: 2207
Joined: Tue Apr 12, 2011 6:04 pm
Location: This Forum

Re: Battle in the Chat: No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

Postby Colette » Thu Mar 30, 2017 9:30 pm

Emeria
Image
Sancho negotiates a non-aggression pact with Acelera Pharmaceuticals.
Sancho Sanchez: I don't shoot at you, you don't shoot at me
Dr. Martin Shkreli: Sure.

Image
The rest of the Emerians spread out throughout the field, while Sancho Sanchez tries to motivate the tree to come to life with soft spanish music and flamenco dancing. He fails when he realizes the tree is already alive. Also, the Priest turret holds its action for AA response fire.
User avatar
Colette
Catastrophe Magnet
 
Posts: 2207
Joined: Tue Apr 12, 2011 6:04 pm
Location: This Forum

Re: Battle in the Chat: No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

Postby RedRover » Thu Mar 30, 2017 9:51 pm

Dr. Mirage has boobs lol
Last edited by RedRover on Thu Mar 30, 2017 11:26 pm, edited 1 time in total.
User avatar
RedRover
I want you to be
I want you to be
 
Posts: 2197
Joined: Wed Mar 25, 2015 5:36 pm
Location: Desert

Re: Battle in the Chat: No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

Postby Colette » Thu Mar 30, 2017 10:05 pm

Assyrians

Image
The Assyrians move into position, forming a firing line against the fence.

Image
The dread fires 2 rockets at the big window.

Image
It succeeds, blowing apart the glass and spewing shards everywhere to give the infantry a clear shot.

Image
The Assyrians open fire on the interior, prioritizing Dr. Mirage, Mage Lester, and the research.

Image
Despite the Assyrian army’s intensive training, one soldier crit fails and blows up his rifle.

Image
With magikally honed lightning reflexes, Mage Lester pushes Dr. Mirage out of the way to safety at the last second.

Image
The advanced Assyrian rifles totally red mist Lester, also wrecking the lab and destroying all 4 vials representing Dr. Mirage’s hard work and research progress.
Dr. Mirage: No, my research!

Dr. Mirage's research has been destroyed, however he is still alive.
User avatar
Colette
Catastrophe Magnet
 
Posts: 2207
Joined: Tue Apr 12, 2011 6:04 pm
Location: This Forum

Re: Battle in the Chat: No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

Postby dilanski » Thu Mar 30, 2017 10:08 pm

Spoiler: show
Colette wrote:Assyrians

Image
The Assyrians move into position, forming a firing line against the fence.

Image
The dread fires 2 rockets at the big window.

Image
It succeeds, blowing apart the glass and spewing shards everywhere to give the infantry a clear shot.

Image
The Assyrians open fire on the interior, prioritizing Dr. Mirage, Mage Lester, and the research.

Image

Despite the Assyrian army’s intensive training, one soldier crit fails and blows up his rifle.

Image
With magikally honed lightning reflexes, Mage Lester pushes Dr. Mirage out of the way to safety at the last second.

Image
The advanced Assyrian rifles totally red mist Lester, also wrecking the lab and destroying all 4 vials representing Dr. Mirage’s hard work and research progress.
Dr. Mirage: No, my research!

Dr. Mirage's research has been destroyed, however he is still alive.


I had a feeling this strategy would be effective, but this went better than I could possibly expect. Glad I did the Assyrians justice.
User avatar
dilanski
Now with added tractor fetish
 
Posts: 1798
Joined: Sun Jan 18, 2009 6:41 am
Location: United Kingdom of Great Britain & FUCK THE DUP

Re: Battle in the Chat: No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

Postby Colette » Thu Mar 30, 2017 10:33 pm

IM
Image
The Imperial starfighter turns around and fires a missile at the dreadnought.

Image
The explosion fails to even dent the tough armor of the dread.

Image
Meanwhile back at the lab, Dr. Mirage is stricken with grief at the loss of his friend Lester and throws the nearest magikal chemical into the pool of blood in the hopes of reviving him or creating a new being.

Image
He crit-fails however, throwing him back in a magikal explosion as the magikal chemical reacts with Lester’s magikal blood in unforeseen ways.

Image
Dr. Mirage is swiftly punished for attempting to play god with magik, as an unholy abomination is summoned from another dimension and emerges from the remains of his friend.
Dr. Mirage: Dear lord...
Dr. Mirage shits his pants and becomes immobilized this turn.

All factions now have a secondary objective to kill the waifu abomination.

Image
Meanwhile, the IM troops get in formation and combine fire with their magikal guns on the GS spider tank.

Image
Things don’t look good for the drone, which loses 2 out of 3 hit points and has its effective size reduced to 1.
User avatar
Colette
Catastrophe Magnet
 
Posts: 2207
Joined: Tue Apr 12, 2011 6:04 pm
Location: This Forum

Re: Battle in the Chat: No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

Postby Colette » Thu Mar 30, 2017 10:57 pm

Goldman Sucks
Image
The GS drone tries to move up, but barely pulls itself at half-speed after all the damage it sustained earlier.

Image
It fires a missile at the Assyrian dreadnut, which again shrugs it off.

Image
The GS Collateral Recovery Instruments, aka their troops, form a square shield wall against their attackers.

Image
The sunlight glinting off their gleaming golden guns, two of the CRIs and the officer gun down 3 Emerians in style.

Image
The Emerian Priest turret uses its response fire on the GS drone, to no effect.
User avatar
Colette
Catastrophe Magnet
 
Posts: 2207
Joined: Tue Apr 12, 2011 6:04 pm
Location: This Forum

Re: Battle in the Chat: No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

Postby Colette » Thu Mar 30, 2017 11:08 pm

Acelera
Image
The Acelera Compliance Unit troops move up and fire on the fence. Although one of them crit fails, the rest succeed in shooting down the barrier.

Image
Martin Shkreli realizes that as an executive he’s automatically allotted one heroic feat per turn he’s supervising a corporate combat operation. Thus he decides to use his to call his manager and ask for a twice as large bonus like the useless unhelpful scumbag he is, which succeeds.
User avatar
Colette
Catastrophe Magnet
 
Posts: 2207
Joined: Tue Apr 12, 2011 6:04 pm
Location: This Forum

Re: Battle in the Chat: No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

Postby Colette » Thu Mar 30, 2017 11:26 pm

Emerians
Image
The Priest drone fires both of its missiles at the GS capitalist scum.

Image
One mows down 2 GS CRIs, although the officer is unscathed thanks to his chrome gold armor.

Image
The other finishes off the spider drone, destroying it completely.

Image
One Emerian soldado runs towards Dr. Mirage, gun blazing.
Soldado: "WHOO YEAH BREAK IT OUT YEAH!!!"
Unfortunately, despite his bravado, his shot fails to kill Dr. Mirage.

Image
Sancho places his hat on his edgesaber and begins swinging it around.
Sancho Sanchez: "Have faith! Good will prevail! POR LA IMPEEEERIIIO!"

Image
The feat crit succeeds, slicing a wing off of the IM starfighter.

Image
The other soldado moves to retrieve Sancho’s hat.
User avatar
Colette
Catastrophe Magnet
 
Posts: 2207
Joined: Tue Apr 12, 2011 6:04 pm
Location: This Forum

Re: Battle in the Chat: No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

Postby Colette » Thu Mar 30, 2017 11:52 pm

Assyrians
Image
The Assyrians move up towards Dr. Mirage.

Image
The Major prepares to lunge her OTC towards Dr. Mirage.

Image
It lands straight in his skull, slicing his head clean off.

Dr. Mirage is dead.

Image
The dreadnut moves up and fires its missiles at the waifu abomination.

Image
The missiles hits, sending the succubus back to the pits of hell from whence it came as it screams in an annoying little girl’s voice.

Image
A puddle of ectoplasmic, extradimensional goo is all that remains afterwards.

Image
Meanwhile, the Assyrian infantry take revenge for GS daring to scratch their dreads’ paint job and fire on them.

Image
Their OP heavy laser rifles do the job and wipe out the remaining GS CRIs, leaving only the officer.

Image
All Assyrian Units: For the Empress!

Assyrian, Emerian, and Acelera objective (basically) achieved
Assyrian Star Empire wins.


(technically the Assyrian and Emerian objectives were "kill all peaches", but it was late and the primary objective had been achieved so we decided to call it quits)
User avatar
Colette
Catastrophe Magnet
 
Posts: 2207
Joined: Tue Apr 12, 2011 6:04 pm
Location: This Forum

Re: Battle in the Chat: No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

Postby dilanski » Fri Mar 31, 2017 12:20 am

Colette wrote:(technically the Assyrian and Emerian objectives were "kill all peaches", but it was late and the primary objective had been achieved so we decided to call it quits)


Who else on the field were peach? And more importantly which ones would be able to stand up to a firing squad?
User avatar
dilanski
Now with added tractor fetish
 
Posts: 1798
Joined: Sun Jan 18, 2009 6:41 am
Location: United Kingdom of Great Britain & FUCK THE DUP

Re: Battle in the Chat: No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

Postby RedRover » Fri Mar 31, 2017 12:52 am

I'm surprised the battle lasted this long even. Good show!
User avatar
RedRover
I want you to be
I want you to be
 
Posts: 2197
Joined: Wed Mar 25, 2015 5:36 pm
Location: Desert

Re: Battle in the Chat: No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

Postby Vami IV » Fri Mar 31, 2017 1:09 am

dilanski wrote:
Colette wrote:(technically the Assyrian and Emerian objectives were "kill all peaches", but it was late and the primary objective had been achieved so we decided to call it quits)


Who else on the field were peach? And more importantly which ones would be able to stand up to a firing squad?

The IM squad in the upper right corner of the field in front of Goldman Sucks and the pilot of the fighter I de-winged
User avatar
Vami IV
blah blah swastikas kkk look how edgy I am
blah blah swastikas kkk look how edgy I am
 
Posts: 2345
Joined: Fri Aug 17, 2012 1:43 pm
Location: ✠1095✠1189✠1209✠1230✠

Re: Battle in the Chat: No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

Postby Colette » Fri Mar 31, 2017 1:00 pm

Intro soap finally added.
User avatar
Colette
Catastrophe Magnet
 
Posts: 2207
Joined: Tue Apr 12, 2011 6:04 pm
Location: This Forum

Next

Return to Forum Battles

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Bing [Bot], Yahoo [Bot] and 6 guests