Allied Nations General Assembly (BW Politics Thread)

[Colette]

To the nations of the BrikVerse,

I am Dr. Xiaoqing Xianghao, the Chief Ambassador of the Meritocratic Republic of Trattoria. I am speaking to the Allied Nations today to discuss Space Austria.

I would like to preface my remarks by reiterating that the Meritocratic Republic of Trattoria does not maintain an official policy of peach racism. Nevertheless, time and time again the peach nations of the Nehellenium Galaxy have acted out. The 45th Union and Peach Liberation Army interfere with the sovereign affairs of other nations and have a long history of supporting terrorism. The Imperial Magikstrate practices magik and poses a danger to the galactic status quo. The actions of OASIS speak for themselves.

Although the Meritocratic Republic of Trattoria had hoped that Space Austria would have diverged from this unfortunate coincidental trend, this optimism has proven unfounded. Space Austria is yet another in a long line of rogue peach nations that have plagued this galaxy.

Space Austria has proven themselves to be a rogue state, in contravention of numerous AN treaties and international conventions on weapons of mass destruction, including the AN Treaty on Nuklear Options Use and AN Security Council Resolution 984. One of their first acts was to fire a planet-busting laser at the homeworlds of the Assyrian Star Empire, Police State of Venice, and Meritocratic Republic of Trattoria, with an aim to destabilize the galactic financial system. Although the attack was thwarted thanks to the brilliance and bravery of our armed forces, its intent nonetheless signals the Space Austrians’ reckless disregard for the dignity of other nations and the wider galactic community.

They followed up on this act by deploying a Peach-Virus based biological weapon on planet Arhus, the soil of their own declared ally, the Imperial Magikstrate. This act of peach supremacy and biological terrorism will not go unanswered. Further, if this impudent treachery is characteristic of their treatment of even formal allies, what might the rest of the galaxy expect?

The Meritocratic Republic of Trattoria entreats Space Austria and its leader, Ato Hapsbrik, to thoughtfully consider the consequences of their actions. The use of weapons of mass destruction and the advocacy of peach supremacy are unpalatable to the wider galactic community. It is yet possible for Space Austria to reverse its course and join in the prosperity of the great civilizations of Nehellenium and beyond, and to become a respected and esteemed member of the galactic community.

(meta: tl;dr important parts below for people who don’t like reading)

The alternative is quite stark. If Space Austria continues to deploy weapons of mass destruction with a casual disregard for the dignity of other nations or the stability of the wider galaxy and its economy, the galaxy will respond. All options are on the table, including military ones. Without lifting a finger, the international community can beggar the nation of Space Austria, wasting away its people and crumbling its cities with economic and financial sanctions. Alternatively, we can burn both its people and cities to ashes with merciless Trattorian fire and steel, and with the allied forces of the many others who would join us.

Space Austria, the galaxy would welcome you. But if you would like to learn the gambles of war, we will also be happy to oblige.

Dr. Xianghao

[Archduke]

Archduke Ato prepares an emergency speech to the Allied Nations
[quote=''Archduke Ato'']
The Archduchy of Space Austria recognizes the concerns of the Trattorian high council, you must understand, we are not yet as established as most in the galactik scene, Parliament thought it wise to put on a "show of force" in the attempts to cement ourselves as more than the punching bag of the powers that be. However I do not ask pardon, the people's actions are my personal responsibility, whether I am leader or scapegoat, I take full responsibility for Parliament's decision, but while we do consider the state of Trattoria an enemy, we do not have current resources for total war.
Understand that our view of the universe is vastly different than yours, many Peaches grow up seeing a world in which they are unwanted, slaughtered like sheep for the amusement of the sick. We are more than mere dimmys! We are not animals! And when we take power we must show that we mean business. We will stand up for our rights as real minifigs, and nit allow the color of our ABS to get in our way. We do not condone the actions of terrorists, however we condemn the actions of anti-peach groups. I do understand that I speak to a people of flesh tones, yellows, and others. We do not take a peach supremacist stance (save Von Ernst, but he has his reasons) on issues. We wish to treat all figures with equality. And I shall seek to be a better ruler in the future. I'm sorry I cannot be as concise as usual, but I shall continue to address concerns as our Empire leaves the period of its violent creation, and nears growth for the greater good.
[/quote]

[Colette]

To Archduke Ato Hapsbrik,

The Meritocratic Republic of Trattoria and its people have no concept of "marriage" or "love" or any other such fictions invented by lesser races. Therefore prima facie I will have to decline your proposal.

The Meritocratic Republic of Trattoria believes that you have demonstrated good faith in outlining a constructive future direction for your nation. Although your nation's past mistakes will not be entirely forgotten, the international community and the Meritocratic Republic of Trattoria will observe your future actions for sincerity.

Science bless Trattoria.

Dr. Xianghao

[Colette]

Look so Steve Banner asked me about Space Austria today, and I'm like - look, I know Space Austria, I know Space Austria better than anyone else in the galaxy, I'm going to fix the Space Austrian problem. I went to Whoreton, good school, you know, the best business school, they teach you a lot of things about business and money and leading people - if I ran as a democrap, they would think I'm the smartest, the smartest liberal in the galaxy, my grandfather was a nuclear physicist at MIT - you can look him up, he's real, he used to tell me a lot about his yuuuuge work and nuklear options, and that really got me, really made me think, to think about nuklear options. And they're bad, they're bad you know, just absolutely bad, and I think it's bad that Space Austria is using them.

*interrupted by aides' whispers*

OK, so Space Austria wasn't using nuklear weapons, but they were using bad things, bad things, the same thing really, it doesn't matter, the difference, it doesn't matter. Biological stuff, laser stuff, they were using them on other countries, and that's just not OK to the USA. You know, I won the election in this country by quite a wide margin, a landslide - the biased media, you know, they're always so biased, especially the New York Times and ZNN, they're fake news, they put out all this fake news about how I lost the election, but that's just not true, I won by a historic landslide, I won so many more electoral votes than crooked Billary. I really have the people of the USA behind me, you know, I am the President for all the minifigs in this country, I have a mandate, you can tell because of how many people came to my rallies, the size of those crowds - and I know some of the biased media and fake news tried to say that B'lack Obama had a larger crowd size at his inauguration, but that's just not true, you can check them, there was much more energy and definitely a bigger crowd at mine, you know you can really judge a leader from the size of his crowds at his rallies, that's how you can tell how much the people love him, I bet I have bigger crowds at my speeches than this Archduke Ato Hapsbrik, that gives me leverage, leverage you know, leverage when I go in to negotiate deals.

That's what I'm going to do, I'm going to talk to Ato and work out a deal - you know I wrote a book on that, The Art of the Deal, it was a New York Times bestseller, I am such an authority on dealmaking that I wrote the book on it, you can see it in many of my winning real estate deals, I'm going to sit down and talk with Ato and work out a deal that everyone's happy with, you know, I just renegotiated a yuuuuuuge trade deal with Trattoria last week, yuuuuuge, got lots of concessions out of them because I thought the deal was unfair, you know, everyone thought the deal was unfair, it was hurting Murican workers and stealing Murican jobs, with the huge trade deficit, the huge trade deficit - Trattoria has to pay for that huge deficit we have with them, but we worked out a deal, me and my secretary of state Lord Business, we worked out a deal everyone was happy with. So I'm going to do the same thing, I'm going to talk to Ato and make a deal with him, and it'll be a better deal, the best deal anyone in the galaxy has ever seen, it'll be better than any of the weak deals B'lack did, you know, because I don't do weak, I don't do weak deals. You have to have enforcement, you know, those peaches - you know, there's been a lot of noise about peaches lately, and you know, I don't really take a side on this, I think there's a lot of blame to go around on all sides, but I think peaches, a lot of these countries are violent, you know, aggressive, attacking others and even the USA, they can't be trusted, they can't be trusted - that's why I've been deporting peaches, enforcing our borders - you know, we have to have a border, a strong border, and it has to have a space wall, and Emeria has to pay for it.

But you know, we're keeping all options on the table, all options, we're not excluding any, and you know, that includes military options of course, we're locked and loaded if Space Austria tries anything funny - you know, if they keep doing this, if they keep doing the same stuff, attacking other countries with bad stuff, then they will know the power of the USA military, they'll face fire and fury and quite frankly power like the galaxy has never seen before, we're going to bomb the shit out of them if we don't like them.

Dolan Trump, MBA (Whoreton School of Business, University of Pencilvania)
President of the United Systems Alliance

[Duerer]

The Meritocratic Republic of Trattoria and its people have no concept of "marriage" or "love" or any other such fictions invented by lesser races. Therefore prima facie I will have to decline your proposal.

Why not, I've always got the impression that Tratts would be in the biggest need of some sex downtime.

[TheCraigfulOne]

The Meritocratic Republic of Trattoria and its people have no concept of "marriage" or "love" or any other such fictions invented by lesser races. Therefore prima facie I will have to decline your proposal.

Why not, I've always got the impression that Tratts would be in the biggest need of some sex downtime.

Wiki says:
"Combined with heavy under-population, plentiful resources, and Level 7 Tek, the Allied Nations consistently ranks Trattoria as having one of the highest qualities of life in the Brikverse.
In exchange, Trattoria lacks or bans many activities that other countries in the Brikverse take for granted. There is no sex, no romance/marriage, no drugs (except for RbT, which has by now been quashed/cured), no metal music, no violence, etc., a lifestyle which minifigs outside of Trattoria believe is abhorrent. Foreigners are not exempt from these bans within Trattoria, including the infamous ban on foreigner public displays of affection and a ban on chewing gum.
Reproduction is conducted artificially by BlueGene Inc. (a quasi-government-owned corporation), with heavy genetic engineering geared towards maximizing intelligence, and marriage is replaced by an 18-year legal contract to raise a child, often assigned to a male and female Trattorian via lottery. Excessively wealthy Trattorians are excluded from the lottery, however, in order to assign children to relatively equal-income households and thus ensure equality of opportunity. Trattorians are actually physically incapable of romantic love or sex."

[Kastrenzo]

*don't ask me why the 1st picture is huge,  I did this from work on my break. will upload better pictures after work*

This is the third time in the past 24 hours I've been called to make a comment to the AN. Space Austria is a rogue state, they openly endorse peach supremacism through the groups that they support,  and they hide behind the protection of their allies... Other than that I have no further comment,  I have better things to do than watch Peaches try to woo Trattorian Prudes, and stupid people preach about how great they are when no one asked... Just so we are clear at how little I give a shit about the AN right now.. I'm going to let one of my subordinates take it from here

The Feed switches to another channel..

xxxa

The video feed is very low quality,  and the individual in the green helmet has clearly been smoking something coming from the sound of his voice and probably drunk too

WHATS UP, FUCK MOTHER?!
Trump,  I guess when 5 or 6 people agree with whatever you say on Twatter, then it's justified, but let me tell you man,  you don't know what the fuck you're talking about, no one else has any idea what the fuck you're saying, ever. Sounds to me like those prep schools you went to were just for rich daddy's boys.  because they didnt teach you anything about how to speak like a coherent minifig-being you toupee head brikgoloid half-wit.

And Doctor Z.. Zinghow??..Listen..  I wouldn't wanna marry an upstart peach neither,  but sometimes I think you need to get out and go get laid, test tube babies are so uptight. Its not doin ya any good.

Imperator Shulga wanted ya'll to know, Austria,  we killed some of your dudes,  Arhus is gonna be a shitshow for the ages,  you better stay out of it and let your elders duke it.. You don't know what you're getting yourselves into.  And we'd be surprised if your allies even keep you around judging from what you brought onto Arhus without the Magikstrate's sanction and they're none too happy... We're BOMBING the Magikstrate and even we have to agree with them on that.

Peace the fuck out

oh.. and one more thing.

The connection gets terminated, seemingly from an outside source,  probably someone at the AN's switchboard finally putting an end to Yarmoshuk's rant

[Archduke]

My sincere apologies, I was raised in a political field in which arranged marriages for political gain were commonplace. I think that was the relaxation-schnapps talking. No matter, I shall ammend my previous statements, I arrived to a blood soaked quadrant, my assumption had been that the inner planets would not be a friend of ours, I knew that dirastic measures had to be taken in order to secure ourselves as an Empire and a peach-state. I spent many years in Isolation and did not know of the ramifications of the AN arms limiting bans. We have taken these things into account and are in the process of dismantaling the weapons in question. However we are by no means defenseless. I direct your attention to the screen, here you can see an advanced military drill.
[img]somethingwillgoherelater[/img]
We will not be quashed as easily as you might imagine. We are a strong people, and we at a resourceful people. But though I do lay claim to several neutral planets which were once part of the Hapsbrik Empire, I have no query with the inner planets at this time.
Now, as I have already stated, we have begun our phase of growth, in which we need diplomacy far more than weaponry. I myself hope to enter my Empire into prosperity and alliance.

Addressing the speeches given subsequently to my first;
Though I do not agree with mr. Drumph's policy, I do offer that he send all peach immigrants in our direction, we have space for some odd 500 billion, and they will be given good jobs in production, fighting or the sciences. Free education and health care will be provided upon their arrival.

And to the Galatians, I heed you to end your attacks on IM forces, I admire your Empire, but if you continue down this patch of destruction and violence, you will be met with an unstoppable tide of death.

To close, I thank you all for listening, I hope our relations will improve in the future.

[sahasrahla]

all this talking is great but somebody needs to shoot somebody already

[Kastrenzo]

Some dudes already got shot on Arhus,  although Austria was just a co-belligerent who chose to side with the defenders.

[TheCraigfulOne]

Edward Durden addresses the BrikVerse. by The Vengeful One, on Flickr

"Greetings, ladies, gentlemen, and attack helicopters of the AN and the BrikVerse. You may be wondering who I am. The name's Durden, Edward Durden, and as you may or may not know, I am currently the emperor of The Commonwealth of Tyleria, which has recently won it's independence from the oppressive Britannians. On behalf of my country and it's united peoples, I would like to give a hearty greeting to the BrikVerse, and a hearty middle finger to the growing list of countries Tyleria is currently at war with.

Regarding current events, I must say I am rather pleased with the recent events in Galacia; it gladdens my heart to see a strong leader back in control of a strong nation, rather than a weak fool. I must, however, advise the Galacians not to be overly reckless in who they attack; they have a right to defend themselves, but the incursion of more M-Throne troops into the BrikVerse would not be good for anyone, regardless of who they think are their allies. Have we already forgotten the lessons taught to us by the Immortals? Foreign invaders from another galaxy are by their very nature a grave threat to the fragile state of our own galaxy, regardless of what they claim to serve as the "greater good". The Imperial Magikstrate and the Zjednoczona Rzeczpospolita Polska, as well as the Space Austrians, have unfortunately chosen to ally themselves with these foreign invaders. But I urge these three great nations, who I have no quarrel with, to consider this: when all their enemies have been vanquished, who do they think the M-Thronians will turn their hungry eyes to next? The Immortals have already proven that these extra-galactic empires are more than willing to stab even their closest allies in the back, and I do not trust these M-Thronians any more than I trust the Immortals. Let us not fight amongst ourselves—there will be time enough for that later—but rather focus on expelling these foreign invasions and preventing more of them."

Edward Durden, First Emperor of The Commonwealth of Tyleria

[AnnoyedZebra]

*A broadcast comes in from the outskirts of reitropolis*

Greetings people and peaches of the brikverse
*In the distance their are sounds of fighting*
The willingness of the AN to negotiate with peach scum betrays to all the galaxy its true purpose in aiding the destruction of the yellow race!
*Gunshots can be heard just a few metres away*
Furthermore I pledge to personally ensure the destruction of all peaches in the ayanami and surrounding sectors!
*The broadcast cuts off abruptly*

[Duerer]

Reproduction is conducted artificially by BlueGene Inc. (a quasi-government-owned corporation), with heavy genetic engineering geared towards maximizing intelligence

Like this?

[AnnoyedZebra]

bluegenocide inc

[Archduke]

The Hall Begins to Reek of alcohol... two figures approach the speaking area, evidently having pushed their way past security, stumbling and clearly wasted beyond control... The War profiteers lick their lips, the moment they have waited for is finally here...

Heloooooooooo Brikheads. We've been thinking, and we put our heads together. You see we haven't, we're not liking some of your policy. you see your trade embargoes suuuuuuuck. Why can't we just all give each other stuff? It makes no sense. And so cuz we're the bessssst fellas in the  galaxyverse, we're gonna have all you people open the trade thingies. Or else we're gonna go to war with all of you punks. It's cool to share your stuff, so just do it so you don't have to die, okay?

They are quickly rushed off the stage, but the damage is already done.


(Quick note: New Grenswick soldiers are made from volcano/jungle explorers, and for vehicles they use armored cars.)