[RK18] Battle in the Chat: Houston, We've Got a Problem

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[RK18] Battle in the Chat: Houston, We've Got a Problem

Postby Colette » Wed Jan 10, 2018 10:16 pm

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Monarch of BR 2,018

Planet Houston, Texas, United Systems Alliance

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The diverse USA citizens on the outskirts of planet Houston go about their daily lives.

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In what has become a depressingly familiar sound in the southern United Systems Alliance, sirens warning of an Immortal invasion force begin to blare.

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Sigma Warhead Shard: That damn Accountant may have gotten into some deep shit in Trattoria, but I'll still kill and burn and pillage like I always have, for the glory of the Sigma Legion!

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Factions

USA: Colette
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Objectives: Defend against the Immortals
Units: 11 troops, 1 tank, 1 mech, and Captain Murica hero

Trattoria: Quantumsurfer
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Objectives: Defend against the Immortals
Units: 6 robot troops, 1 officer (not hero), 1 dreadnought

Immortals: Scratch
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Objectives: Kill as many civilians as possible (children count as 2, babies count as 5). Secondary objective: Kidnap Chief Operating Officer of Octan, Darren Studs (see spoiler for pic), who is hidden somewhere on the battlefield. To avoid conflicting objectives, Darren Studs does not count as a "civilian" for the kill count.
Units: 12 Phalanxes, 2 Heavies, 1 Optio, 2 Terrorkhan, Sigma Shard (hero), 1 tank, 1 speeder
Spoiler: show
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Darren Studs, COO of Octan.


Britannia: Lawmaster
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Objectives: Help the Immortals.
Units: 4 troops, 1 officer, 3 rocket troops, 1 rocket red beret, Lord Wildman (hero, guy in the back), 1 Knightmare mecha


Turn order: Trattoria (Quantumsurfer), Britannia (Lawmaster), USA (Colette), Immortals (Scratch)
Last edited by Colette on Thu Jan 11, 2018 3:37 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Battle in the Chat: Houston, We've Got a Problem

Postby Colette » Wed Jan 10, 2018 10:42 pm

Trattoria

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The dreadnought uses its massive body to interpose itself between the Immortals’ line of the sight and the group of USA children being entertained by the kebab man.

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The Trattorian drones and soldier move into the shrubbery for cover, before everyone fires on the Immortals.

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Four Phalanxes bit the dust, their shields useless given the angle.
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Re: Battle in the Chat: Houston, We've Got a Problem

Postby Colette » Wed Jan 10, 2018 11:06 pm

Britannia

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The Britannian troops move behind the Trattorians and fire on them.

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Britannians’ exceptional skill roll.

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All 6 Trattorian drones are eviscerated, although the soldier survives.

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Meanwhile the rocket troops kill 2 of their USA counterparts.

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Lord Wildman hops on top of the Knightmare mech, which then deploys its landspinner wheels...

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...to ram straight into the USA forces, killing off 3 USA infantry (only 1 USA infantryman remains on the mountains side of the map) and launching Lord Wildman onto the USA mech.

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Lord Wildman tries to pour scalding hot tea onto the mech to melt through and burn the pilot, but it’s not hot enough and instead some gets onto and stains his pants.
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Re: Battle in the Chat: Houston, We've Got a Problem

Postby Colette » Wed Jan 10, 2018 11:31 pm

USA:

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The USA mech, annoyed by the tea attack, fires a rocket point-blank into Lord Wildman’s ass and launches him at the Britannian knightmare.

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Lord Wildman is blasted to smithereens while the Christminster suffers 2 points of size damage. Also a USA rifleman fires on the Brit rocket troops and fails to kill.

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The USA forces then move up to get line of sight on the Immortals, mowing down another two Phalanxes despite their shields.

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The tank then moves up. One Phalanx fails to bail and gets run over, but the other five as well as the heavies and the Optio bail and get disrupted.

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The USA tank then fires its main gun at its Immortal counterpart, knocking off a size point.

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Captain Murica tries to slice off a Terrorkhan’s head by throwing his shield but fails.
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Re: Battle in the Chat: Houston, We've Got a Problem

Postby Colette » Thu Jan 11, 2018 12:24 am

Immortals

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The Phalanxes get back up and fire on their USA counterparts, killing one.

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The Immortal Ishmael tank then curves around to ram into the USA squad, although the two targeted soldiers bail. The main gun knocks off a size point off the USA tank.

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The Sigma Shard leaps into the air, preparing to cleave through the barrel of the USA tank’s main cannon with his anger.

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Instead his OTC hits the tank’s missile battery.
Sigma Shard: Oh, fuck...

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The massive explosion hits both Immortals and USA hard. On the Immortal side, all Phalanxes as well as a heavy and the Optio are wiped out, as well as 2 size points from the Immortal tank (4 remaining). On the USA side, the tank lost 3 size points (2 remaining), as well as the Red Beret officer, the hardsuit, and a rifleman. Ironically, despite crit-failing his heroic feat, the Sigma Shard actually succeeded in his tactical goal of disabling the USA tank’s main gun, since the tank’s effective size is now too small to fire it (if you must fail, absolutely fail).

BrikWars Chat wrote:Colette:
you crit failed the feat to chop off the barrel
and instead hit the missile battery
but it caused so much damage to the USA tank
that it can't use the main gun anyway
so you sort of succeeded
by failing so badly


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Of course, the Sigma Shard himself is obliterated, with nothing left but his OTC staff, his cloak, and his tiny Immortal core shard floating around somewhere.

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The speeder moves up and grabs the fallen red beret’s OTC, then swivels and fires on Captain Murica

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The damage overwhelms the poor patriotic hero, who bites the dust. Even the children and kebab-man turn around to mourn him.

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The remaining heavy and the Terrorkhans then move up and fire on the remaining USA riflemen.

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The three USA riflemen on this side of the board bite the dust. Only 1 remains on the entire field.
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Re: Battle in the Chat: Houston, We've Got a Problem

Postby Colette » Thu Jan 11, 2018 12:38 am

Trattoria

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The Trattorian soldier takes cover and tries to hit the nearby Britannians, but misses.

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Meanwhile the dreadnought unleashes its gatling gun on the Immortal tank, but even the hail of bullets fails to even dent the latter’s tough, advanced armor.
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Re: Battle in the Chat: Houston, We've Got a Problem

Postby Natalya » Thu Jan 11, 2018 12:39 am

Requesting secret faction 1.
  ▲
▲ ▲

"Ya gotta remember, Soryu's a brutal thug, ain't got no finesse like Shinji."
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Re: Battle in the Chat: Houston, We've Got a Problem

Postby Colette » Thu Jan 11, 2018 12:52 am

Britannia

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The Britannian troops focus fire on the USA mech, knocking off a hitpoint.

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The Britannian Knightmare steps into a building, crushing a civilian underneath while firing its enervated phlogiston rifle and killing another.

Britannian civilian killcount: 2
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Re: Battle in the Chat: Houston, We've Got a Problem

Postby Colette » Thu Jan 11, 2018 1:00 am

USA

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The USA mech fires another rocket at the Knightmare, to no effect.

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The last USA rifleman dispatches a Britt rocket trooper.

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The USA tank, now too damaged to use its main cannon, instead fires on the Immortal tank with its machine gun, to predictably negligible results.
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Re: Battle in the Chat: Houston, We've Got a Problem

Postby Colette » Thu Jan 11, 2018 1:20 am

Immortals

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The Immortal Ishmael tank knocks off another size point from its rival (1 remaining).

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The Immortal heavy goes to pick up the Sigma Shard’s OTC, and sniffs his cape in the hopes of inhaling the Immortal Core and becoming his next incarnation.
Heavy: Eugh, smells like moms.

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Everyone then combines fire on the Trattorian dreadnought, knocking off a size point (2 remaining).

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The Ishmael then plows into the small Appel store, running over several civilians.

Immortal civilian killcount: 3
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Re: Battle in the Chat: Houston, We've Got a Problem

Postby Colette » Thu Jan 11, 2018 1:25 am

Trattoria

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The Tratt soldier kills a Britannian, while the dreadnought fails to fire its gatling at the Immortal tank.
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Re: Battle in the Chat: Houston, We've Got a Problem

Postby Colette » Thu Jan 11, 2018 1:39 am

Britannia:

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The Britannian rocket men avenge their fallen brethren by killing the USA rifleman.

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While their infantry counterparts do the same, eliminating the last Trattorian soldier.

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The Christminster continues stomping on civilians and guns down another. The dog, released from its owner, happily escapes.

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The mech then kicks the remaining civilian in the building out through the window as its pilot relives fantasies of joining Manchester United.

Britannian civilian killcount: 5
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Re: Battle in the Chat: Houston, We've Got a Problem

Postby Colette » Thu Jan 11, 2018 1:44 am

USA

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The USA mecha tries to fire its big side cannon but fails.

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The tank tries to ram a Terrorkhan while firing on the Ishmael, and succeeds on neither count.
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Re: Battle in the Chat: Houston, We've Got a Problem

Postby Colette » Thu Jan 11, 2018 2:06 am

Immortals

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The heavy drives the OTC down into the tank, intending to eviscerate the operators.

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Instead, the OTC attack turns out to be the last straw for the battle-worn tank, which finally explodes after the expiration of its last size point. The heavy is knocked off and disrupted.

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Meanwhile the speeder goes on a run, ramming through the busy street and clotheslining civilians with its OTC.

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The tank continues its demolition of the Appel store, running over a few more civilians.

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All guns then fire on the Trattorian dreadnought.

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It cracks under the pressure.

Trattorians eliminated

Immortal civilian killcount: 15
Last edited by Colette on Thu Jan 11, 2018 2:58 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Battle in the Chat: Houston, We've Got a Problem

Postby Colette » Thu Jan 11, 2018 2:10 am

Secret Faction 1 unlocked: Janet Lawnmower Hands: Natalya

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Janet continues mowing the lawn, running into a Britannian soldier.
Brittanian: AHHHHHH THE PAIN HELP MEEEEE - gurgle
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