@Oneeye: Thank you, thank you very much.
And so without further messing about...
I bring you, THE one! THE only!!!
MANLY FUCKIN' SANTA!!!
Manly Fuckin' Santa calls on his own transportation. Rudolf and the Yule... uh, Skateboard?.. whoa, rad! (Does Manly Santa have shades on?.. I think it's all gone to his head and I blame you lot for it too.)
Calling out the ancient ritual saying at times like these...
"On Rudolf!.. or I'll stick this fuckin' Chainsaw up yar arsehole!"
...our Manly Fuckin' Hero sets off.
As he glides over the X-Wing he calls out to all a Yuletide greeting...
"Whoa! Whoa! Slow down yah stupid bastard! AAAaaaaaaaaaaaargh!"
Rudolf takes to the air, shimmering, sparkling magic trails behind his wake. All mankind who looks upon the sight is filled with joy, wonder and kindness for his fellow man when they hear...
"AAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!!! You reindeer bastard, I'm gonna' kill Yoooooooooooou!!!"
Sadly, no one thought to leave out a letter for Manly Fuckin' Santa. One explaining his flight plan...
...or to specify targets that they wanted their response fire to be used on.
BUDDA! BUDDA! BUDDA!
OMG! RUDOLF IS HIT!!! Manly Fuckin' Santa takes things calmly.
As children cry across the world, Manly Fuckin Santa and his loyal companion now just so much dog food head for a brutal crash landing...
"Mayday! Mayday! We're fucked!"
BOOM BADDA BOOOOOOOOM!!!
...it is a sad day indeed...
But wait! Manly Fuckin' Santa still lives! Sure, his Chainsaw is wrecked but just look at him, he's raring to start a fight!..
...oh... eh, nevermind.
Relax, Manly Fuckin' Santa is just having a rest boys and girls. He lost one of his two wounds though. What? Of course Manly Fuckin' Santa's an Immortal, didn't you know that?