Maeby's Cannon: Out Of Context

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Maeby's Cannon: Out Of Context

Postby Colette » Sat Jul 11, 2015 1:37 pm

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”It wasn’t always like this. I’ve lost count of the G.R’s, but I know I’m old enough to remember when we did. I remember the green baseplates, the gleaming cities, when minifig lived among the stars. When things made sense. Minifig grew, prospered, and spread across the galaxy in an age of unparalleled progress. Unparalleled order, unparalleled peace.”

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”It has been many G.R’s since the Event. There are now some minifigs of age who cannot remember life before it. They aren’t much worse off - only breezy wisps of that time remain with me. The BrikVerse that I knew before the Event doesn’t exist anymore, so there was no point in clinging onto it.”

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”ABS has become scarce in the post-Event BrikVerse. The mountain upon which minifig had built his civilization suddenly crumbled. Creativity has seen great losses too - with so little ABS left, creations and structures are a rare sight nowadays.”

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”That’s what I do for a living - scavenging ABS in the wastelands.”

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”I can never gather enough to make anything, but the bits and bobs are good for bartering. If the brick looks promising enough, they’ll be willing to trade for food, water, fuel, ammunition. OT will fetch the highest prices, followed by gold. Sometimes I’ll find non-Legore bits too, but they don’t seem to know better these days.”

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”I was nobody special before the Event. I guess I’m still not. But I’m still alive, that must count for something. I haven’t seen another minifig in several months, at least.

Welcome to the BrikVerse.”
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Re: Maeby's Cannon: Out Of Context

Postby Natalya » Sat Jul 11, 2015 3:43 pm

The dark ages suck.
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Re: Maeby's Cannon: Out Of Context

Postby Duerer » Sat Jul 11, 2015 3:49 pm

Natalya wrote:The dark ages suck.

Their were, in fact, the worst time of my life and I'm not just talking about the abscence of briks.

btw, nice start for the soap.
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Re: Maeby's Cannon: Out Of Context

Postby Colette » Sat Jul 11, 2015 4:28 pm

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”Today I sighted a massive pile of ABS in the distance. I hadn’t seen such a hoard of the stuff in a while, and although I had my doubts, I decided this was an excellent opportunity to stock my sled.”

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”As I got closer, I saw the crude, impromptu fence set up around its perimeter. Doubtless some intelligent beings had gathered the ABS into one place. I would have said minifigs, but in the wake of the Event I’ve seen such a wild menagerie of entities.”

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”Bearing this mind, I equipped my sword as an assurance and approached the pile.”

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”As I investigated the pile’s contents, I found a withered and crumbling skeleton, its chest stabbed through and its headless neck crushed. The remains of a steed lay beside it, as did other miscellaneous and scattered bones. Clearly whoever owned the pile was not friendly to visitors.”

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”I examined the musket - it was inoperable and I couldn’t find any ammunition for it. I weighed the merits of hauling it with me - with some repair and further scavenging for powder and bullets, it could become a backup ranged weapon alongside my shotgun.”

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”Setting the musket aside, I looked at the tire. It didn’t have the same color hub as my bike’s, but beggars couldn’t be choosers. I hadn’t replaced the tires on my bike in several G.R’s, and now they were starting to wear through the rubber. The one in the pile didn’t seem much better off either.”

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”I rummaged further in the pile, seeing if I could find any barterable parts. I couldn’t take everything with me, so I had to take only the most compact and valuable ABS. Every pound I carried had to be worth at least its weight in fuel.”

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”I deftly turned on instinct, narrowly missing a spear whizzing by. It was as I had suspected - two Duploid barbarians had ambushed me.”

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”Leaping forward, I thrust my sword into the first Duploid, pushing my weight into the blow.”

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”I took cover behind the corpse as it bled pungent yellow acid. The blood’s color made the Duploid look like it had pissed itself - perhaps, in its final moments, scared shitless, it had. The second one was frozen - in terror, in grief, in confusion, who knows?”

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”I stepped onto the corpse, letting the blade drag in the puddle of acidic blood. The Duploid’s courage failed him and he began to flee.”

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”I wasn't going to allow that, of course. It had been too long since I’ve had a good fight.”

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”I surveyed the two dead bodies around me - it felt so good to draw blood again. Warfare was another thing in the BrikVerse that the Event had reduced, had humbled.”

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”In the end, I packed the musket and a few other useful items. I took one more look at the pile and the bodies - to see so much ABS in one place, it was beautiful. Today was a good day - scavenging went well and, on top of that, I saw combat again. I relished the moment - I didn’t know when I’d have another good day.”
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Re: Maeby's Cannon: Out Of Context

Postby Bluefog » Sat Jul 11, 2015 4:56 pm

Very entertaining.
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Re: Maeby's Cannon: Out Of Context

Postby Quantumsurfer » Sat Jul 11, 2015 7:07 pm

Oh, man, this is Awesome.
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Re: Maeby's Cannon: Out Of Context

Postby Colette » Sat Jul 11, 2015 11:07 pm

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”I stirred in my sleep, one eye opening. One’s hearing became quite sharp in the perfectly silent wastelands.”

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”I grabbed the sword that I lay beside me, its blade glimmering in the moonlight, and reached into the sled for an emergency glowstick.”

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”The glowstick illuminated the source of the disturbance - two mutant Bayounikal spiders had crept up on me. The bastards loved to roam around at night, searching for any edible living things in the wastelands.”

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”I mounted the glowstick on the sled and took a few steps back, preparing to pounce on the closer spider.”

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”Jumping, I landed my sword tip-first into the spider’s eye. It let out an ugly shriek as it expired.”

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”Swerving, I parried the blow from the second spider’s armored leg.”

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”Unfortunately, the impact knocked me on my back and the spider struck. With a clang, its leg hit dead-center into my armor, denting it but leaving me unharmed.”

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”Getting up, I lopped off its leg with a powerful swing for its insolence.”

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”Weakened and confused, the beast was then an easy target to dispatch.”

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”I sighed to myself - one always had to remain vigilant in the wastelands, even in sleep. The safe predictability that had characterized the old BrikVerse was long and fully gone.”

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”Snuffing out the glowstick, I lay down and resumed my rest, my sword by my side.”
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Re: Maeby's Cannon: Out Of Context

Postby Colette » Sun Jul 12, 2015 4:56 pm

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”Today I happened upon a triceratops surrounded by a few mutant raptors. I knew that dinosaurs roamed the wastelands, but they were a rare sight - the already small population was whittled down by scavengers desperate for food. It was a dangerous undertaking, but one good dinosaur could feed you for weeks.”

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”Grabbing my shotgun, I took stock of the situation. I figured that if I waited a bit, they might attack each other and reduce the numbers of targets I’d have to handle. In any case, I’d probably want to deal with the raptors first - more nimble, intelligent, and aggressive, they’d be the bigger threat.”

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”Sure enough, as I had predicted, the triceratops mauled one of the raptors.”

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”The other raptor jumped at the opportunity, biting into the triceratops’s flesh. The beast let out a deep moan.”

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”I took aim and pointed my shotgun at the occupied raptor.”

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”The bullet hit the bastard and splattered its insides all over the wastelands, killing it in one shot.”

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”Unfortunately, the triceratops turned and faced me and my bike. I could hear it scraping its feet against the wasteland - even from this distance I could tell it was about to charge me. I lowered my shotgun and prepared to equip my melee weapons.”

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”I took my shield and my sword and moved in front of my bike - I prepared to meet the dinosaur head-on. If the beast trampled my bike, it was all over.”

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”The beast charged at me, its legs pounding into the dry, barren ground.”

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”It knocked me on my back - bowed, but not broken. I could feel the shield bending, wanting to shatter, but it held true against the triceratops horn.”

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”I got back up - the beast too had to recover from its charge.We stared each other in the eye as we tried to guess each other’s next move.”

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”I leaped, plunging my sword into its vulnerable neck. I must have hit an artery - blood spurted wildly from the wound as the animal shrieked.”

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”It roared and reared itself in the air like an untamed stallion, knocking me back quite a bit. I lost my grip on my weapons as I hit the ground.”

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”With little time to regain my bearings, I prioritized retrieving my shield and prepared for another charge. I had never experienced such danger in several G.R’s, and the thought of my life in peril excited me from the malaise that characterized my time in the wastelands.”

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”I braced myself as I reached for my sword, preparing to strike as soon as I had survived this attack -”

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”It never came - the monster, in confusion, had missed me, and instead flopped over and hopelessly reached for the net over its face with its arms.”

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”As I got to my feet, I could hear a sound unfamiliar since the Event yet unmistakable - the oppressive whirring of helicopter blades.”

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”I was astonished - vehicles, let alone something as advanced as a helicopter, were a rare sight in the wasteland.”
“Who the hell are you?” I asked, “and how the hell are you well off enough to have two working choppers so long after the Event?”.

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Dmitri: My name iz Dmitri. I vas an oligarch back in Moskovad in de times bevore de Event.

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“You’re a peach,” I point out.
Dmitri: Ah, yez, dat I am. I can assure you dat I am not a vasteland zombie.
“You still haven’t answered my question.”
Dmitri: Oh, vell, vhere do ve start? Even bevore de Event I vas passionate about one ding - hunting. Hunting more and more dangerous game. Avter de Event, dere vas no government to stop me and plenty of new animals to kill. But I’ve grown bored of vhat these vasteland monstrosities can offer. I vant more.

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Dmitri: Oh, one ding -
Dmitri aimed his hunting rifle and put the triceratops out of its misery.

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Dmitri: See how boring dey are? Even dinosaurs are no fun. Too easy. But I’ve got a plan to change dat.
”That dinosaur nearly killed me. You dare say that to my face?” I spit out.

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Dmitri: Ah, vhat have ve here? A motorbike - how convenient. Ve have a few cannons in need of hauling vor our next hunting trip.
“Is this all just a game to you? This isn’t the pre-Event brikverse - there are real people like me fighting to survive every day. Did the Event teach you nothing?”
Dmitri: De Event taught me dat I needed to dream bigger.

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Dmitri: Anyvay, you will come vith us. You can follow our helicopters in de sky.
“What makes you think I’ll come with you?”
Dmitri: I’m not asking you, I’m ordering you. Now if you’d like to live, you vill follow us on our next hunting expedition.
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Re: Maeby's Cannon: Out Of Context

Postby Colette » Sun Jul 12, 2015 6:07 pm

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Dmitri: Since dis is vhere ve left our cannons, ve’ll be camping out here for tonight.

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Menshev: Hey boss, shouldn’t we tell the newb what’s happening tomorrow, since we’re dragging him along.
Dmitri: Of course.

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Dmitri: Can you guess vhat dese cannons are for?
I shake my head.
“What kind of an animal would require such heavy firepower to take down? A T-rex?”
Dmitri: You don’t dream big enough, my friend.

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Dmitri: Tell me, have you ever heard of a plushie? Rumors, at least, it’s had enough G.R’s since de Event to circulate around.
I blink, doubting the seriousness of Dmitri’s proposition.
Dmitri: Extradimensional monsters dat entirely ignore bullets, lasers, explosions. Only “physical” objects and projectiles can harm them. Hence all the missiles and dese two cannons. Even den, only de impact does injury - de subsequent fires and explosions do not.

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Dmitri pats me on the back.
Dmitri: And dat’s vhat ve’re going to kill tomorrow. A young pigbeast plushie, like no minifig hunter has ever done bevore.

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I move back, avoiding the pat.
“Are you out of your mind? You’re going to try to kill a plushie - for sport? Do you realize what danger you’re getting everyone into? What you’re getting me into?”
Dmitri: I know fully vell how dangerous this is, and dat’s vhat me gives me dat rush of pleasure dinking about it.
“And what exactly makes you think I’ll go along with this crazy scheme and drag your stupid cannons along for your pleasure trip to hell?”

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Dmitri: Because...vell, take a look around.
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Re: Maeby's Cannon: Out Of Context

Postby Kastrenzo » Sun Jul 12, 2015 7:49 pm

I kept thinking that was a giant tennis ball launcher
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Re: Maeby's Cannon: Out Of Context

Postby Colette » Sun Jul 12, 2015 9:08 pm

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Menshev: Got a visual sighting of the target, Dmitri, do you read me?
Dmitri: The game’s afoot, my men! Arm all missiles and prepare to fire on my mark. Down dere, do you read me? I vant you to stop and set up those cannons.

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”What a fucking madman,” I thought to myself. ”Hauling his idiot cargo, and now I have to set them up. The lunatic’s lost his mind, trying to kill a plushie.”

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”Regardless, I did what I was told and began to set up the cannons. They outnumbered and outgunned me, so there was nothing else I could do.”

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Dmitri: Menshev, begin firing missiles on your end. We’ll weaken the bastard first and then net it.
Menshev: Roger that, boss.

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Sasha: Finally, time to make that plushie bleed!

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The helicopters salvo most of their missiles on the plushie. The explosion is mostly absorbed by the pigbeast’s enormous blubbery hide, to little effect.

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Menshev: Sasha, start reloading the missile tubes with the spare ones from the crate.
Sasha: Already on it, boss.

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”By now, I had finished setting up both cannons.”
“What the hell do you want me to do now?” I yelled.
Dmitri: Fire them! Fire them now!

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Dmitri: Fucking pigbeast, it won’t even acknowledge our attacks! The missiles aren’t doing anything!

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The two big cannon missiles hit the pigbeast, causing it to squeal slightly.
Dmitri: We hurt it! We can actually hurt it! Menshev, continue laying down fire on de plushie, if it can feel pain it can die!

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In the midst of all this, I mounted my bike and prepared for a speedy exit once things started turning south. At best, Dmitri was going to come out of this without any trophies, and with a broken ego.

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Dmitri’s chopper launched a net at the pigbeast, to no effect. The pigbeast squeals again, more out of amusement than any actual injury.

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Dmitri: Menshev, I need you to do me a favor.
Menshev: Anything, boss.

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Dmitri’s chopper tilts a little, slicing into Menshev’s chopper with its rotor blades.

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Menshev: Dmitri, you dirty bastard! You’d sacrifice your own men for the thrill of the -

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Menshev’s chopper collides with the pigbeast, knocking it aside slightly. A mixture of fuel and unused munitions explode spectacularly.

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”I see that even despite Menshev’s sacrifice, the pigbeast still remained unfazed.”

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Suddenly, something came flying at Dmitri’s helicopter.
Dmitri: Aw fucking shit, at a time like dis? I thought the birdbeasts had -

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”I stood and watched as the eldritch birdbeast collided with Dmitri’s helicopter, pounding both of them into the ground.”

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”I surveyed my surroundings - the high-velocity mid-air impact seemed to kill the birdbeast, but the pigbeast was now advancing towards me. I gunned the engine and prepared to turn tail, as I should have done at the beginning of this mad exercise.”

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???: Hold it right there. Don’t run - I’ve got this situation under control.
“Who the hell are you?” I ask the figure.

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Without answering, the figure leaps into the air towards the pigbeast, swords ready.

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The pigbeast squeals as the figure sinks two blades deep into its fatty flesh.

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He then backflips off of the pigbeast.

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...making a perfect landing in front of it. The pigbeast advances and prepares to devour the stranger.

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Deciding otherwise, however, the stranger instead jams his two blades into the pigbeast’s nostrils.

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The pigbeast slumping over, the figure turned to face me.
“Who the hell are you?” I asked again, more pointedly.
???: I’m Kazuto Kirigaya, alias Kirito. I’m from BBB IUAO Universe Classification Code Sigma-Aleph-Ayin if that means anything to you, doctor.
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Re: Maeby's Cannon: Out Of Context

Postby Insert_blank » Sun Jul 12, 2015 10:03 pm

Needs more Shinjis.


4 posts to page 2 and the next update. Step it up, soapfans.
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Re: Maeby's Cannon: Out Of Context

Postby Silverdream » Sun Jul 12, 2015 10:06 pm

Insert_blank wrote:Needs more Shinjis.


4 posts to page 2 and the next update. Step it up, soapfans.


I have to agree.

Also, more mages, mutants and cyborgs would be nice.
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Re: Maeby's Cannon: Out Of Context

Postby Silent-sigfig » Sun Jul 12, 2015 10:10 pm

Needs more baseplates
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Silent-sigfig wrote: :dog:

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Re: Maeby's Cannon: Out Of Context

Postby Insert_blank » Sun Jul 12, 2015 10:18 pm

Yo guys are so fucking rude to colette. He puts his heart and soul into his work and all you can do is criticize him? I challenge Silverdream and Silent-Sigfig to a battle royale on August 3rd at 10:23AM in Indianapolis, IN in front of the KFC. If you don't show up you're a horrible coward and I will mock you for the rest of your wussy lives.

Big bro Ib out
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