Battle in the Chat: Battle of Planet New Orleans

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Battle in the Chat: Battle of Planet New Orleans

Postby Colette » Fri May 19, 2017 10:04 pm

High Orbit of Planet New Orleans, Louisiana, United Systems Alliance

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The Border Guard defense fleet for New Orleans lingers over the planet, expecting another routine and uneventful day.

Onboard the USS Alabama

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Admiral White puffed his cigar, idly fantasizing about some anime girls he had seen on TV a few days ago out of a lack of anything better to do.

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Marine: Admiral, you're going to want to see this!
Admiral White: Hwat in tarnashun could possibly be waaay down? Can't ya' see I'm bus-        
Marine: Unknown warp signatures inbound!

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Admiral Snider: Impossible, right on! Somebody must gots' disabled o' hijacked da damn early warnin' stashuns. But who in brikthulhu's dojigga' could it be?

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Onboard the INF Gomorrah

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The Accountant: At last, it begins! The Immortal invasion of the United Systems Alliance!
Last edited by Colette on Sat May 20, 2017 2:27 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Because everything's better with math.
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Re: Battle in the Chat: Battle of Planet New Orleans

Postby Colette » Fri May 19, 2017 10:19 pm

Planet New Orleans, Louisiana, United Systems Alliance

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The Immortal War has finally arrived at the United Systems home systems, on the southern urban swamp planet of New Orleans.

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A massive anti-Immortal allied force has assembled on the outskirts of the city in preparation for the inevitable Immortal invasion force.

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General Harrison Rhoades: Look out boys, they're coming here. I can smell 'em.

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No sooner had he said that when the Immortal invasion force and its allies finally made landfall.

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Sigma Shard: Hehehe, we're just here to have fun on the ground, the fleet will glass this whole place in 5 turns anyway.  

Factions:
USA: Silent-sigfig
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Units: General Harrison Rhoades (hero), 1 Red Beret, 11 troops, a hardsuit, a tank, a mecha, a helicopter

Trattoria: Colette
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Units: 1 soldier (hero), 10 drones, 1 dreadnut

Assyria + Scythia: Scratch
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Units: 6 Scythians (guy with star on helmet is officer), 8 Assyrians, 1 Assyrian major (hero), an Assyrian dreadnut

Immortal Sigma Legion: Bookwyrm
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Units: Sigma Shard (hero), 2 Terrorkhan, 1 Optio (officer), 2 Heavies, 12 Phalanxes, a speeder bike, a tank, a VTOL
Notes: Can call in 1 airstrike during the game.

Britannians: Theblackdog
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Units: 1 officer (hero), 4 infantry, 4 jetpack troops (the red beret is an officer), a Knightmare mecha

Time-Traveling Super Jews: Silverdream
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Units: 4 troops, 1 heavy, 1 officer (hero)

VoL: Quantumsurfer
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Units: 4 troops, 1 King Sigmund (hero)


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Overwatch.

Turn order: Silent-sigfig (USA), Colette (Trattoria), Theblackdog (Britannia), Quantumsurfer (VoL), Scratch (Assyria/Scythia), Bookwyrm (Immortals), Silverdream (TTSJs)
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Re: Battle in the Chat: Battle of Planet New Orleans

Postby Colette » Fri May 19, 2017 10:47 pm

Turn 1
USA

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General Rhoades rappels down the washer's line...

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...down into the tank, helping the gunner fire the main cannon at the Immortal VTOL.

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Unfortunately, even with the help of the USA helicopter, the VTOL doesn't even scratch its paint job.

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The USA mech then takes it turn at the Immortal tank.

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The Ishmael tank is less lucky, taking a point of size damage.

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One squad of troops and the Red Beret flagrantly violate the Third Amendment by busting into the restaurant and taking refuge inside.

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The other USA squad moves up and fires on the Phalanxes.

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Despite their shielding, two of them bite the dust.
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Re: Battle in the Chat: Battle of Planet New Orleans

Postby Colette » Fri May 19, 2017 10:52 pm

Trattoria
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Everyone combines fire on the Immortal Phalanxes.

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Two more bite the dust.
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Re: Battle in the Chat: Battle of Planet New Orleans

Postby Colette » Fri May 19, 2017 11:11 pm

Britannia
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The Knightmare hops over the barrier, stomping on 2 Trattorian drones and disrupting the other 3.

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It then fires its steam gatling point blank into the Tratt dreadnut, annihilating it in a single hit.

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The rocket troops shoot out the window for the nearest building and fly in.

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The other troops move up, firing and destroying 4 more Tratt drones.

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View from the USA side so far (just seemed like a cool pic).
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Re: Battle in the Chat: Battle of Planet New Orleans

Postby Colette » Fri May 19, 2017 11:27 pm

VoL
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King Sigmund: DO YOU EVEN LIFT, BROS?
The mad VoL king bellows as he hoists the lawnmower and the lady attached to it.

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He successfully throws it at a USA soldier, the mower landing blades-first. Through this action, his VoL soldiers understand to fire at the USA squad.

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Two more die from the rifle fire.
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Re: Battle in the Chat: Battle of Planet New Orleans

Postby Colette » Sat May 20, 2017 12:02 am

Assyrians/Scythians
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The Assyrian squads move up behind tree cover and fire on the Immortals.

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The overpowered Assyrian rifles manage to decimate the Immortal forces, even behind their shields, killing both heavies, the Optio, and 4 Phalanxes.

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Major Anderson then gets onto the dreadnut's gun, preparing to use it as a springboard to jump...

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She lands successfully on her target, the Immortal VTOL.

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She uses her OTC to cut through into the cockpit, killing the pilot and taking control.

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The Assyrian dread then uses its cannons to aim at the Britannian Knightmare's steam gatling.

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It's successful, breaking the mighty weapon into inoperable pieces.

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The Scythians move within walking distance of a building before firing on the Britannians.

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They manage to wipe out the entire squad and the hero.
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Re: Battle in the Chat: Battle of Planet New Orleans

Postby Colette » Sat May 20, 2017 12:32 am

Immortals
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The Sigma Shard grabs an old grandma by the ass and lights her on fire with his head flame.

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He then jumps into an Assyrian squad, slam-dunking the burning grandma into the midst of it. Two Assyrians die from burning, another gets chopped in half by the Sigma Shard's halberd, and another is set on fire.

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The 2 Terrorkhans clamber onto the Ishmael and try to snipe the Assyrian major. Although they hit, they fail to do enough damage.

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The remaining Phalanxes fire on the USA trooper, killing him.

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The Ishmael turns its main cannon, the red lights pulsating ominously.

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The dreadnut takes one size point of damage.

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The tank then fires one of its smaller cannons, killing two Tratt drones.

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Finally, the speeder gets into position and revs its engine.

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It rams into the Scythian squad, wiping the entire team out.
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Re: Battle in the Chat: Battle of Planet New Orleans

Postby Colette » Sat May 20, 2017 12:43 am

TTSJs
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The TTSJ hero uses his jewish stereotype to offer his Florida retirement property to the alligators in order to get them to join him, and succeeds.

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The others move up, with the troops firing while the heavy charges up his weapon for next turn.

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The combined fire finally takes down the Assyrian dreadnut, with enough damage to kill the pilot within as well.
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Re: Battle in the Chat: Battle of Planet New Orleans

Postby Colette » Sat May 20, 2017 12:50 am

Overviews after Turn 1

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Re: Battle in the Chat: Battle of Planet New Orleans

Postby Colette » Sat May 20, 2017 1:09 am

USA
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The troops in the restaurant sneak out through the back alley.

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General Rhoades attempts a blood and guts feat to aim a tank shell straight into the center of the Britannian mech, but fails and instead clogs the barrel for the next turn.

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The USA VTOL sneaks up behind the Immortal forces, but fails to mow down anyone.

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The USA tank lets off a missile at the isolated Sigma Shard.

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The Sigma Shard tanks the blast like a boss, because cool heroes don't look back at explosions.

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The mecha then tries again with its size-3 side cannon.

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This time the Sigma Shard isn't as lucky, meeting a temporary death.
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Re: Battle in the Chat: Battle of Planet New Orleans

Postby Colette » Sat May 20, 2017 1:11 am

Trattoria
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The remaining Tratt units move up and fire on the VoL, killing one warrior.
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Re: Battle in the Chat: Battle of Planet New Orleans

Postby Colette » Sat May 20, 2017 1:22 am

Britannia
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The Knightmare moves forward and grabs the USA helicopter by the tail.
USA Pilot: Wait, what the fu-

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The Knightmare then throws it at the USA tank. The tank receives 2 points of size damage, while the helicopter receives 3 and has a rotor sheared off.
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Re: Battle in the Chat: Battle of Planet New Orleans

Postby Cakeman » Sat May 20, 2017 1:32 am

This is fantastic :omnom:
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Re: Battle in the Chat: Battle of Planet New Orleans

Postby Colette » Sat May 20, 2017 1:34 am

VoL
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King Sigmund grabs the wheelchair with a running start.

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He then rams it full speed into one of the drones, smashing it apart.

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The warriors follow suit, aiming at the remaining Trattorians.

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Trattorians eliminated
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