[BF17] Strawberry Guy Goes To Sea

BrikWars fiction in long-prose form. Trigger warning: Walls of text

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[BF17] Strawberry Guy Goes To Sea

Postby Arkbrik » Fri Dec 29, 2017 10:25 am

A giant strawberry sat sadly in his apartment. The strawberry had long, thin arms and legs. His berrybody was also his head, as a face - eyes and mouth - took up the entire front of it. On the top of his head he had some green leaves, like any strawberry. He was entirely nude, save for a pair of sneakers.

His name was Strawberry Guy.

Strawberry Guy was sitting on his couch, eyes welling with tears as he looked down on a photo in his hands.

"Potatu..."

The photo depicted Strawberry Guy and another person; a giant potato, with bionikal implants that gave him a head as well as arms and legs. His face was covered by a brown mask. Potatu and Strawberry Guy both had an arm around the other's shoulder, and had been laughing at something in the moment the photo was taken.

Strawberry Guy remembered Lindsay took this photo at the karaoke club, three months ago... Three months? It felt like years.

"I can't stay here!" the strawberry exclaimed to the empty apartment. He dropped the photo, stumbled out the door, and left the building.

The street was full of minifigs going about their business. Being about twice as tall as them, Strawberry Guy towered above the crowd. He wandered aimlessly, his gaze going this way and that. He spotted a bar. He went inside.

"Coffee or liquor?" the barista asked. Strawberry Guy hesitated.

"Trying to forget, mate?" A female voice came from below, to the strawberry's left.

Strawberry Guy looked down. A minifig woman looked back. She wore a stitched blue sweater and an orange overall. Her brown hair was a mess.

"You look like a berry trying to forget. But drinking won't do it", she said.

"Then what will?" Strawberry Guy asked.

"The sea."

"I don't know anything about the sea.

"No one does, mate... no one does."

There was a long silence, before the woman continued.

"I'm Rosie Read. Got an open spot on me fishing boat. You want in?"

"Alright then", said Strawberry Guy.

---

Rain pounded, lightning cracked, and the huge shark launched itself out of the sea, straight at Strawberry Guy. He got his harpoon up to block it, and the shark's jaws closed around the shaft, furiously snapping at it. Pushing hard, Strawberry Guy twisted the harpoon downwards, and the shark let go, disappearing under the waves.

All around the ship, crewmembers were fighting the storm and the assault from the depths; fish, sharks, all manner of aquatic creatures. Strawberry Guy saw one crewman get snatched up by a tentacle - a scream, and he was gone. From the wheelhouse, Rosie Read shouted to him.

"Strawberry! Watch out! It's coming back around!"

Strawberry Guy saw the fin cutting the roiling surface. He grabbed the harpoon with both hands and pointed it forwards. As the shark leapt at him again, maw gaping, he thrust, right into the roof of the beast's mouth.

The shark slammed into Strawberry Guy, knocking him prone - but it was dead. The harpoon had pierced its brain. The strawberry pushed the shark off of him, getting back on his feet. Several tentacles were now grasping over the starboard railing, searching for crew to drag down. Rosie came out of the wheelhouse and jumped down on the deck.

"With me!" she yelled, grabbing hold of a tentacle. Two more crewmembers joined her, and together they pulled as hard as they could on the tentacle. Step by step, they forced the octopus up, and its bloated head appeared over the surface.

"Kill it!" Rosie shouted. Strawberry Guy didn't hesitate. He wrenched the harpoon free of the shark's corpse, took aim, and threw it. It went right into the head of the octopus. The tentacles lashed in pain. Rosie leapt up on the tentacle she had been pulling at, ran on it to the creature's head, and twisted the harpoon around. The tentacles went limp. The octopus was dead.

The octopus must have been the leader, because the rest of the sea creatures retreated. A ragged cheer went up from the crew. The storm abated, the clouds parted, and a ray of sunshine found its way down to the boat.

"A good catch, mates!" Rosie said and laughed. One shark, one octopus, and a lot of smaller fish, with just a couple crewmembers lost.

Strawberry Guy looked at the bountiful haul, the happy crew, and the glittering waves. He had never felt so alive. The ocean stretched blue and empty in all directions. Strawberry Guy didn't know the sea yet, not even close. But he'd love to get better acquainted.
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Re: [BF17] Strawberry Guy Goes To Sea

Postby Insert_blank » Thu Jan 04, 2018 8:57 pm

Concept and Theme: 5. This i a joke story based off some weird photo Duerer shared so I can't rate i much higher.
Form: 7 I think the story flowed naturally. I think there should have been a bit more exposition on why Strawberry Guy made the choices e made, like going to the sea, why he broke up with Potatu, etc.
Voice: 7 The only really fleshed out character was Rosie and that was because of her stereotypical accent.
Style: 14 The first sentence is alliterative and  thought it worked for a silly "melodramatic" story. Overall the prose was fine and the action as rather well written.

Total: 33
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Re: [BF17] Strawberry Guy Goes To Sea

Postby Scratch » Thu Jan 04, 2018 10:12 pm

Concept and Theme -- 7
Form -- 7
Voice -- 6
Style -- 13
The only unflawed system is Lego System.
Zupponn wrote:
Colette wrote:You're free to make your own map from scratch, however.

All you have to do is flatten his head.

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Captain-Camper wrote:tl;dr I'm just going to assume don't be like voin and be more like scratch.
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Re: [BF17] Strawberry Guy Goes To Sea

Postby mgb519 » Thu Jan 11, 2018 7:52 pm

Concept and Theme: 8 - Surreal stories are always fun, and while it's kinda dumb it's also pretty straightforward and easy to follow, which means I can focus on the dumb fun. This story is so dumb. This story is so fun. The simple premise allows the tone to take center stage.
Form: 8 - For a short story, you had a solid arc and it was easy to follow. I think people often fail to realize how hard it is to write a short story that  has a satisfying arc and conclusion. I think the weakest part is the opening,
Voice: 7 - I rather liiked the characters. The prose is a little stilted, though.
Style: 15 - I think I appreciate most the way you broke the story up. It made it more accessible than some of the other entries, and I think formatting is something that basically everyone takes for granted.
Total: 38
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in 1938.
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