Battle at the Ukrainian Restaurant

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Battle at the Ukrainian Restaurant

Postby Colette » Tue Aug 28, 2018 9:17 pm

Scratch happened to be visiting the city, so we met up for a quick game of BrikWars between our factions and my first live game with another forum member.

Planet Candia, Kretan System, Police State of Venice

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A Trattorian expeditionary force encroaches upon Venetian territory on a strange restaurant table.

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Space Deputy: Who gave you Twatts permission to tread upon our homeland? This means war!

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Strange dice materialize as the Venetian space deputy scores first kill.

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A Venetian grunt crit-fails and blows his own arm off instead.

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The remaining units combine fire and bring down another drone.

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The Trattorian scientist Dr. Smiley tries to use his engineering skills to rig up the fallen drone to explode and shove it towards the Venetians. He only succeeds in the first task, however, causing it to blow up in his face into sugar packets. While he survives his incompetence, another drone bites the dust.

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The remaining Tratt drones fail to kill anyone.

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Their Venetian counterparts are much luckier, except for the grunt, who blows his other arm off with another crit fail.

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The Space Deputy shoves his shotgun into the Trattorian scientist’s mouth, attempting to get him to willingly submit to arrest.

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His feat fails, however, and Dr. Smiley gains the upper hand and steals his axe. However, he fails to kill his enemy.

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Desperate and outnumbered, Dr. Smiley picks up a fallen drone’s rifle despite the uncouthness of the action. His lack of training shows when he misses by a mile, however. In his frustration, he chucks it at the soldier, decapitating the armless Venetian (first kill for Trattorians).

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The Venetians combine fire on him, but Dr. Smiley crit succeeds several times with an amazing armor roll.

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The Space Deputy picks him up, intending to suplex him.

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*crunch*

Down but not out, Dr. Smiley somehow survives despite his weak Trattorian physiology.

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In response, he dissects out the Space Deputy’s liver (for science! Otherwise it would be barbaric and thus out of his heroic cliche as Trattorian scientist).

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The Space Deputy somehow survives and attempts to handcuff his body and innards together.

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He crit-fails, instead handcuffing his body to the Trattorian drone chassis and falling off his legs.

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Everyone else kills Dr. Smiley, and his luck finally runs out.

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Overwatch.

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Suddenly, Mobfather Scratch descends on the hand of god.

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Everyone stands at attention for the revered Mobfather, even the legless and liverless Space Deputy.

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Mobfather Scratch: At ease gentlemen, I'll take it from here.

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Mobfather Scratch: Well well well, Dr. Smiley. In life you served Trattoria, in death you will have a new master. Clean up the rest of this and return to the fort.

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Mobfather Scratch bikes off into the sunset, the corpse of Dr. Smiley in tow.
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Re: Battle at the Ukrainian Restaurant

Postby mgb519 » Tue Aug 28, 2018 9:25 pm

The sugar packet violence is a nice touch. Way better than my old garbo photoshop stuff.
Tzan wrote:
Semaj Nagirrac wrote:Well, I took some land without checking if it was owned by a faction or not. I'm not going to be banned, am I? I can destroy everything if need be.


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in 1938.
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Re: Battle at the Ukrainian Restaurant

Postby Scratch » Tue Aug 28, 2018 9:26 pm

A good battle and good borscht! Next time I'll be sure to bring more than 5 guys.
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Colette wrote:You're free to make your own map from scratch, however.

All you have to do is flatten his head.

Silverdream wrote:TL;DR Be like Scratch.

Captain-Camper wrote:tl;dr I'm just going to assume don't be like voin and be more like scratch.
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Re: Battle at the Ukrainian Restaurant

Postby ninja_bait » Tue Aug 28, 2018 9:36 pm

Cute little battle - right around the corner from where I went to college!  Hope I can join you guys next time!
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Re: Battle at the Ukrainian Restaurant

Postby Kommander Ken » Tue Aug 28, 2018 10:37 pm

Ohshit Mobfather Scratch is back, bitches!
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Re: Battle at the Ukrainian Restaurant

Postby Zupponn » Wed Aug 29, 2018 11:22 pm

Scratch is back?  Sweet!
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Re: Battle at the Ukrainian Restaurant

Postby Theblackdog » Mon Sep 03, 2018 3:41 pm

Those waiters must have been so confused.
[21:30:33] Scritch: you can put it in theblackdog

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