You must talk like James T. Kirk in this forum at all times. Leonard Nimoy is fine too.
The battle for New York continues...
"Bloody hell, we're outgunned!"
"The Admiral's ship is hit!"
"Steady, men! Keep calm and carry-"
"The Drake's been destroyed! All ships retreat!"
Admiral Blackdog: "Do you think he can really kill an Immortal?"
Professor Michael Lincolnshire: "It could be. According to the Law of Fudge, there is no such thing as an unbreakable law of the universe."
Admiral Blackdog: "But the Law of Fudge is a law of the universe, so doesn't that contradict itself?"
Lincolnshire: "Better minds than us have wasted their lives on that question. But I will say this: universal laws are incredibly difficult to break. And they have a nasty habit of reasserting themselves just when you think you've found a way. If Bob the Unbuilder really has found a way to kill an Immortal... the Brikverse will exact a heavy price in exchange."
Meanwhile, on the surface...
President Bob the Unbuilder: "TAKE ME TO WARHEAD, YOU SCUM. TAKE ME TO THE BIG ONE."
Immortal Soldier: "Heh... he'll be here... soon..."
Bob: "That's all I needed to hear."
"I guess this is the Antimortallium, huh? Looks weird. Kinda like a-"
"Fuck, even dead that bastard is making me jump through hoops. It better be in this thing."
President Austin: "If you're seeing this, then you have followed the path laid out for you, and at last made it to your destination."
President Austin: "When I first learned of the Immortals, I felt that their existence was an offense to the order of the BrikVerse. How could this universe ruled by violence and murder permit the existence of beings who cannot die?"
Bob: "Dammit, you are NOT making me listen to some boring concluding speech that summarizes every fucking thing! Just give me the antimortallium!"
Lieutenant Hawkins: "Captain, we have a massive warp signature incoming."
Captain Fury: "That must be what we're waiting for. All hands, stand by to engage."
Lieutenant Hawkins: "Target dropping sublight... now!"
Lieutenant Hawkins: "A.T. Field stable at 94%."
Captain Fury: "FIRE!"
Lieutenant Hawkins: "Captain, I have signatures leaving the wreckage. Shuttle and pod sized."
Captain Fury: "Launch interceptors."
"You know the plan. Disable the lead ship's engines once it's inside the planet's gravity well. Destroy the rest."
President Austin: "And so I began my research, looking for a substance that could kill the Immortals. For this, I earned the hatred of the Galaxy, and for years my research was totally fruitless."
President Austin: "Having exhausted all other leads, I turned in desperation to old battle footage, searching recordings to see if any weapon or technique used in combat had the slightest effect on an Immortal Core. Of course, nothing did. But I found something else, something extraordinary."
Bob: "GIVE IT-"
President Austin: "In countless battles I watched in my laboratory, I saw many great minifigs - heroes, rulers, leaders of nations - die. But sometimes even the mortal Minifigs returned from death, even when there was no logical reason they could. As if they themselves were Immortal."
President Austin: "I analyzed the instances where minifigs were killed in battle and when they did and didn't die. And in the end, I found a pattern."
President Austin: "Great leaders - important characters in the grand story that is the Brikverse - only died when their deaths would have meaning. When they would alter the destiny of the Brikverse in some meaningful way."
President Austin: "The implications of this are staggering. The truth is that mortality and Immortality are not separate states as we had always assumed, but two different aspects of Plot."
Bob: "YOU FUCKING-"
President Austin: "And so I formulated my final hypothesis. In a minor skirmish that will have little effect on the grand narrative of the Brikverse, even an ordinary minifig can be immortal. And in the most dramatic moments, when the arc of history converges to a climax... perhaps even an Immortal can die."
President Austin: "This is the congealed essence of all the drama that my research and writing on Immortality created throughout the Brikverse. If brought into contact with an Immortal Core, it may cause the Core's ultra-dense plot armor to collapse into a plot hole, which will then remove itself from the universe. In theory, anyway. It is my greatest regret that I will never be able to see the outcome of this, my last experiment."
Bob: "Is this it? Eww."
"Well, I guess I had better go find Warhead."
Warhead: "Well, this is pathetic. I could have warned you, Bob the Unbuilder. Everyone who goes in search of Antimortallium... just ends up with their hands full of shit."
Lieutenant Hawkins: "The pod we disabled has hit the surface near the President's position."
Captain Fury: "Focus our main telescope on the site. There's no way I'm missing this."
Lieutenant Hawkins: "Just a moment. We're receiving... some kind of transmission."
Captain Fury: "Dammit, I thought we taught everyone in this sector not to mess with us. What is it?"
Lieutenant Hawkins: "It sounds like... , sir."
Captain Fury: "Let me hear it."
Lieutenant Hawkins: "On speakers now, sir."
Captain Fury: "Oh no."
- I can make this man. I can let him touch the butt. I cannot promise his safety
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Warhead: "You know 'President Austin' was never anything more than a bullshit artist, and a bad one at that? Whatever he's convinced you that piece of shit does, I guarantee you it's a fairy tale. It won't actually kill me."
Bob the Unbuilder: "Yeah? Then why are you here?"
"I just want to show the whole Brikverse what a lying bastard he was. Once and for all."
"Let's show 'em something, then!"
"Even if that thing can kill me, you'll have to hit me with it first. And you can't do it."
"Heh. This is gonna be fun."
"Time to see if this thing actually works."
"I'M NOT YOUR MOM LAST NIGHT!"
Meanwhile, in orbit...
"We're hit! Controls are out!"
"Two-by-two help us, I thought it was just a myth-"
"It's headed straight for us! What are we gonna do!?"
Lieutenant Hawkins: "Captain, its vector... it's headed straight for the President's location!"
Captain Fury: "Like hell it is."
Lieutenant Hawkins: "Weapons fire is ineffective! It's just bouncing off!"
Captain Fury: "Focus the A.T. Field in front of the ship! Ramming speed!"
Lieutenant Hawkins: "Yes, sir!"
Lieutenant Hawkins: "A.T. Field is failing. We're taking damage to the hull!"
Captain Fury: "Brace for impact!"
Captain Fury: "Damn it!"
Lieutenant Hawkins: "The ship's finished. We better evacuate before the Core explodes."
Captain Fury: "No! We need to get the President out of there!"
Lieutenant Hawkins: "Sir, there's no way we can make it in time. Besides... if anyone can survive that thing, it's him."
Captain Fury: "Fuck!"
Warhead: "Well, that's a fitting memorial to President Austin's legacy. What are you going to do now that your antimortallium is gone?"
Bob: "Oh, I don't know about that."
"Austin said that an Immortal could be killed if the moment was dramatic enough. And getting revenge on the person who destroyed my world, while the universe falls to pieces around us... what could be more dramatic than that?"
"For the record, I have no idea what my shard did to your homeworld. I bet it was hilarious."
"All right, that's it. You're gonna die, one way or another."
"We'll see about that."
"I'M FUCKIN' IMMORTAL!"
- Kommander Ken
- an avid fan of large round cannons
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