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BrikWars would never have been possible without the ideas, suggestions, praise, and complaints that have been e-mailed to us or posted to LUGNET* discussions by fans and well-wishers from around the globe.  We greatly appreciate the input of this dedicated legion of BrikWars players, who have allowed us to use them as an unwitting and unpaid playtesting and editorial staff.  Our thanks to all of you, especially all you nitpickers** who keep the thread alive in lugnet/fun/gaming.

However, some letters cause us nothing but pain.  These letters come from people who misunderstand BrikWars' basic philosophy.  BrikWars is a game for people who love to play with plastic building bricks and have at least a passing interest in wargames.  It is not a game for people who love wargames and have only a passing interest in plastic building bricks.  If you want a good, serious miniatures wargame, there are plenty available at your local gaming store, and you can play them with plastic-brick terrain and minifig soldiers if you so choose.  If you try to play BrikWars as a serious wargame, don't write us any nasty letters when the game is a disaster, because it's your own fault for missing the point entirely.

BrikWars is a lot of fun, but not for the person who tries to play it with the mindset of the Serious Wargamer.  This unrepentantly inflexible person, commonly known as the 'Anorak,' will experience only frustration and disappointment in a BrikWars game, and furthermore will tend to make an ass of himself and ruin the fun his opponents might otherwise have had.  In order to prevent such a tragedy, please review this list contrasting the behavior of the insipid Anorak with that of the heroic BrikWars player.
Your enemy: the Anorak Don't Be an Anorak! - A Cautionary Overview Don't let this happen to you
a Pip

The plodding Anorak carefully reviews his options each turn and takes the most conservative actions, because they best advance his position and offer him the greatest chance of eventual victory.  A BrikWars player takes daring and even suicidal actions, because they are likely to have the most comedic and entertaining results for the highlights reel.  Victory is an important concern, but victory without glory is no victory at all.

a Pip If he discovers that his opponent has no units to field except a couple dozen swordsmen, the unsportsmanly Anorak builds assault helicopters, since he knows the foot soldiers have no way to attack air units.  A BrikWars player always finds a way to give his opponents a fighting chance - either he restricts himself to ground units like jeeps and dune buggies, or he generously allows his opponent to capture and commandeer some of his advanced war machines prior to the start of the game.
a Pip The gutless Anorak goes over the rulebook with a magnifying glass, trying to find the loophole that will let him build an invincible unit.  If somebody manages to destroy the unit he thought was invincible, he throws a tantrum like you wouldn't believe.  If a BrikWars player were given an invincible unit, he would immediately invent weaknesses for it, because he knows that ninety-five percent of a unit's entertainment value comes from its ability to get blown into a million tiny plastic bits.
a Pip

The obsessive Anorak wastes everybody's time by doublechecking statistics and rules on every turn, making sure every action is done By the Book.  He debates every last point and inch, trying to advance his position by the most insidious and evil technique known to man: Rules Lawyering.  A BrikWars player is content with a lot of handwaving, estimation, and group consensus.  If he finds out after the game that everyone did everything completely wrong, it is a source of amusement to him and nothing more.  Exposure to Rules Lawyering causes him to writhe in pain.

a Pip If the infantile Anorak finds out his army is a few points smaller than his opponent's, he whines and cries and throws a fit, demanding reparations and saying things like 'no fair' and 'cheater.'  A true BrikWars player pays so little attention to points that he never notices the disparity, and takes no interest in it when it is brought to his attention.  'No fair' and 'cheater' are not in his vocabulary.
a Pip The unimaginative Anorak wants everything spelled out to the last detail and refuses to build vehicles or bases until their specific statistics and building instructions are provided to him!  A BrikWars player finds it impossible to believe that anyone would behave in this bizarre manner, even when witnessing it first-hand.  He is more than happy to build vehicles and bases of his own invention.
a Pip The hypocritical Anorak refuses to allow himself to be whacked on the head with the Hammer of Discipline (typically, a two-pound rubber mallet) for being an Anorak.  A BrikWars player will always allow the Anorak to get whacked on the head for being an Anorak.
a Pip The soulless Anorak has no sense of humor and cannot cope with the fact that we just proponed whacking people with mallets.  A freewheeling BrikWars player takes it all in stride.  Besides the fact that he has a healthy sense of humor, he also secretly agrees with us that the disease of Anorakism is best treated with the repeated application of a heavy mallet to the cranium.
a Pip The inconsiderate Anorak takes no interest in the comfort of his fellow players and will forget to take showers or brush his teeth for days or weeks at a time.  A BrikWars player remembers to take care of any outstanding hygiene issues before showing up for the game.  The best BrikWars players go the extra mile by bringing doughnuts for everybody.
a Pip When he happens across an infestation of Jar-Jars or Timmies, the godless Anorak never allows them to distract him from his primary objectives.  He may even have sunk so low as to have a secret affinity for these creatures of pure evil.  A BrikWars player cannot tolerate such an affront to good taste and will drop everything to eradicate the Jar-Jar and Timmy species.

BrikWars is a very flexible game and will accommodate the playing style of any group that does not include Anoraks, Jar-Jars, or Timmies.  A game of BrikWars may even provide the useful function of revealing one of these infidels hiding in your midst.  As long as everybody keeps an open mindset and a creative attitude, you can have a great deal of fun fighting almost any type of plastic-brick battle scenario.

Beware of BONK
The Hammer of Discipline Happy Face
In order to maintain philosophical purity and to ensure a fun game for all BrikWars players, you may choose to do as we do and make a Hammer of Discipline for yourself and your group.  Head on down to your local hardware store and pick up a two- to five-pound rubber mallet, at least one foot in length but no longer than one and a half feet.  Make sure it has a wooden handle so you can carve it with a dremel tool.  Engrave the word 'DISCIPLINE' along the handle, and fill in each letter with a permanent ink stain.  Now you're ready to go.  The mere presence of this tool at the BrikWars table is usually enough to prevent Anorak thought-crimes - however, do not hesitate to use it on any player who refuses to respect its authority.

* - LUGNET is a trademark of Todd S. Lehman and Suzanne D. Rich, and is mentioned here without permission.

** - 'Nitpicker' is not intended as a derogatory term.  If you are a nitpicker, we are still glad to hear from you.  Nitpickers are valued members in any society of higher primates.  Some of our best friends are nitpickers.

The BrikWars Home Page
Table of Contents
Legal Disclaimer
BrikWars Basic Guide
The Trooper's Arsenal
Advanced Combat
Siege Weapons
Military Professionals
Robotic Vehicles
The Tables


Contact Mike Rayhawk
E-mail the Author

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