would never have been possible without the ideas, suggestions,
praise, and complaints that have been e-mailed to us or
posted to LUGNET* discussions
by fans and well-wishers from around the globe. We
greatly appreciate the input of this dedicated legion of
BrikWars players, who have allowed us to use them as an
unwitting and unpaid playtesting and editorial staff.
Our thanks to all of you, especially all you nitpickers**
who keep the thread alive in lugnet/fun/gaming.
some letters cause us nothing but pain. These letters
come from people who misunderstand BrikWars' basic philosophy.
BrikWars is a game for people who love to play with plastic
building bricks and have at least a passing interest in
wargames. It is not a game for people who love wargames
and have only a passing interest in plastic building bricks.
If you want a good, serious miniatures wargame, there are
plenty available at your local gaming store, and you can
play them with plastic-brick terrain and minifig soldiers
if you so choose. If you try to play BrikWars as a
serious wargame, don't write us any nasty letters when the
game is a disaster, because it's your own fault for missing
the point entirely.
is a lot of fun, but not for the person who tries to play
it with the mindset of the Serious Wargamer.
This unrepentantly inflexible person, commonly known as
the 'Anorak,' will experience only frustration and disappointment
in a BrikWars game, and furthermore will tend to make an
ass of himself and ruin the fun his opponents might otherwise
have had. In order to prevent such a tragedy, please
review this list contrasting the behavior of the insipid
Anorak with that of the heroic BrikWars player.
Be an Anorak! - A Cautionary Overview
plodding Anorak carefully reviews his options each
turn and takes the most conservative actions, because
they best advance his position and offer him the greatest
chance of eventual victory. A BrikWars player
takes daring and even suicidal actions, because they
are likely to have the most comedic and entertaining
results for the highlights reel. Victory is
an important concern, but victory without glory is
no victory at all.
he discovers that his opponent has no units to field
except a couple dozen swordsmen, the unsportsmanly Anorak
builds assault helicopters, since he knows the foot
soldiers have no way to attack air units. A BrikWars
player always finds a way to give his opponents a fighting
chance - either he restricts himself to ground units
like jeeps and dune buggies, or he generously allows
his opponent to capture and commandeer some of his advanced
war machines prior to the start of the game.
gutless Anorak goes over the rulebook with a magnifying
glass, trying to find the loophole that will let him
build an invincible unit. If somebody manages
to destroy the unit he thought was invincible, he throws
a tantrum like you wouldn't believe. If a BrikWars
player were given an invincible unit, he would immediately
invent weaknesses for it, because he knows that ninety-five
percent of a unit's entertainment value comes from its
ability to get blown into a million tiny plastic bits.
obsessive Anorak wastes everybody's time by doublechecking
statistics and rules on every turn, making sure every
action is done By the Book. He debates every
last point and inch, trying to advance his position
by the most insidious and evil technique known to
man: Rules Lawyering. A
BrikWars player is content with a lot of handwaving,
estimation, and group consensus. If he finds
out after the game that everyone did everything completely
wrong, it is a source of amusement to him and nothing
more. Exposure to Rules Lawyering causes him
to writhe in pain.
the infantile Anorak finds out his army is a few points
smaller than his opponent's, he whines and cries and
throws a fit, demanding reparations and saying things
like 'no fair' and 'cheater.' A true BrikWars
player pays so little attention to points that he never
notices the disparity, and takes no interest in it when
it is brought to his attention. 'No fair' and
'cheater' are not in his vocabulary.
unimaginative Anorak wants everything spelled out to
the last detail and refuses to build vehicles or bases
until their specific statistics and building instructions
are provided to him! A BrikWars player finds it
impossible to believe that anyone would behave in this
bizarre manner, even when witnessing it first-hand.
He is more than happy to build vehicles and bases of
his own invention.
hypocritical Anorak refuses to allow himself to be whacked
on the head with the Hammer of Discipline (typically,
a two-pound rubber mallet) for being an Anorak.
A BrikWars player will always allow the Anorak to get
whacked on the head for being an Anorak.
soulless Anorak has no sense of humor and cannot cope
with the fact that we just proponed whacking people
with mallets. A freewheeling BrikWars player takes
it all in stride. Besides the fact that he has
a healthy sense of humor, he also secretly agrees with
us that the disease of Anorakism is best treated with
the repeated application of a heavy mallet to the cranium.
inconsiderate Anorak takes no interest in the comfort
of his fellow players and will forget to take showers
or brush his teeth for days or weeks at a time.
A BrikWars player remembers to take care of any outstanding
hygiene issues before showing up for the game.
The best BrikWars players go the extra mile by bringing
doughnuts for everybody.
he happens across an infestation of Jar-Jars or Timmies,
the godless Anorak never allows them to distract him
from his primary objectives. He may even have
sunk so low as to have a secret affinity for these creatures
of pure evil. A BrikWars player cannot tolerate
such an affront to good taste and will drop everything
to eradicate the Jar-Jar and Timmy species.
is a very flexible game and will accommodate the playing
style of any group that does not include Anoraks, Jar-Jars,
or Timmies. A game of BrikWars may even provide the
useful function of revealing one of these infidels hiding
in your midst. As long as everybody keeps an open
mindset and a creative attitude, you can have a great deal
of fun fighting almost any type of plastic-brick battle
order to maintain philosophical purity and
to ensure a fun game for all BrikWars players,
you may choose to do as we do and make a
Hammer of Discipline for yourself and your
group. Head on down to your local
hardware store and pick up a two- to five-pound
rubber mallet, at least one foot in length
but no longer than one and a half feet.
Make sure it has a wooden handle so you
can carve it with a dremel tool. Engrave
the word 'DISCIPLINE' along the handle,
and fill in each letter with a permanent
ink stain. Now you're ready to go.
The mere presence of this tool at the BrikWars
table is usually enough to prevent Anorak
thought-crimes - however, do not hesitate
to use it on any player who refuses to respect
Hammer of Discipline
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Rich, and is mentioned here without permission.
- 'Nitpicker' is not intended as a derogatory term.
If you are a nitpicker, we are still glad to hear from you.
Nitpickers are valued members in any society of higher primates.
Some of our best friends are nitpickers.