Chapter Two: The Mighty Minifig
A minifig is a cute and friendly-looking fellow, but
don't be fooled. Behind that lovable exterior is a remorseless killer. A minifig will hack a Human's heart
right out of their chest if he thinks he can get away with it -
his minifig village could live for months off the meat. Failing that, hes happy to go on massive fratricidal
rampages in hopes of gaining favor with his Human overlords.
Despite his shocking misanthropy, a minifig is a simple creature,
defined by three statistics: Action, Move, and Armor. (In later chapters, some advanced minifigs will also
have a Specialty that gives them extra abilities.)
A minifig's attributes are described on a minifig stat card like the one at right. Players fielding a large number of different
kinds of minifigs can print or photocopy their cards
for easy reference during battle. In the
Core Rules, however, most minifigs are exactly the same, distinguished only by their choice of weapons and equipment.
| The Minifig Gender Monotone
||In BrikWars, Humans and other types of players are referred to in gender-neutral terms. Why, then, are minifigs always "he?"
While Humans come in a dizzying variety of genders, minifigs are limited almost exclusively to one, thanks to the gendercidal efforts of the Fedophile and his army of sockpuppet minions.
Browsing the shelves of Human toy stores, the success of the Fedophile's campaign speaks for itself. Across construction toy brands, non-male minifigs are outnumbered by male minifigs by twenty to one if they haven't been eliminated entirely.
As heinous a crime as that may have been, toy industry gendercide was only a single step in the Fedo plan. The true atrocity was in convincing Humans that shelves full of male-only construction toy lines make perfect sense and aren't even slightly a cause for boycotts and violent uprising.
The words "he," "him," and "his" appear more than 0937 times in this rulebook, and every one of them should make you angry.
Action: - see 4.2: Action
A minifigs power to take Action is granted by his Action die, which players roll to determine the minifig's successes and failures.
The die represents a composite measurement of natural aptitude,
training, and luck.
The minifig's Action die of means he rolls one six-sided die
each time he makes an Action Roll (4.2: Action), most commonly to whack another minifig across the skull with a convenient object.
5" - see 4.1:
The Move statistic describes the distance a minifig can move in
a single turn under normal conditions. A standard minifig moves five inches per turn.
4 - see Chapter 3: Minifig Weapons
A minifigs Armor statistic tells how much Damage he can withstand from a single attack in this case, four points.
If hes hit by an attack doing four points of Damage or less,
the blow glances harmlessly away and the minifig can continue fighting.
If the attack does five points of Damage or more, hes killed
instantly. Knock the minifig over and sever a couple
of body parts as appropriate.
|Minifigs don't have "hit points" like Humans might have come to expect from other games. In BrikWars, an attack either kills a minifig or it doesn't. In battles that might involve dozens or even hundreds of minifigs at once, a system of individually-tracked hit points is too burdensome to manage from turn to turn.
|While the LEGO® MINIFIGURE™ is the seminal example of the minifig species, minifigs are now available from a large number of manufacturers in nearly-limitless variety.
|The Rise of the Minifig
|In the beginning, there were only bricks.
Mysteriously, scraps of advanced genetik material appeared from nowhere to pepper themselves throughout the primodial ABS plastic. Lurching brick-built homonculi rose up to evolve into a variety of minifig predecessors, from noodle-armed giants to faceless proto-figs and squat limbless duplicants.
Among the early true minifigs, the rise of the Yellow King brought yellow minifigs to dominance over all other colors. After 374 failed attempts, they mastered the art of hinged castlery with Yellow Castle 375, and established the orders of Sticker Knights to eliminate all non-Yellow figures in a merciless campaign of smiley-faced racial genocide.
History progressed, and the minifigs' carefree medieval castles metastasized into modern towns and cities, brutally segregated into hat-based castes of policemen, firemen, construction workers, and, eventually, girls.
While most castes focused on security enforcement, the construction workers poured their research into occult ABS brickcraft, learning its science-defying potential for interdimensional shenanigans through usually-fatal trial and error.
Before long, the other minifigs caught on to the construction workers' ABS teknologikal revolution, and minifig civilization was caught up in the race to extend their reach to the plastic stars above.
SpaceShips were assembled in high-security police and fire stations, and proto-figs worked around the clock in hidden hospitals to create the superfigs to pilot them.
The prestigious research team at Hospital 555 was the first to hypothesize the development of a species so destructive that it would break the flow of reality, shattering the universe and sending bits of itself backwards across time.
In a classic demonstration of minifigs' inability to consider consequences, the Hospital 555 team hunted down and reassembled shards of future debris from the distant past, extracting the genetik material to preconstruct the most dangerous bioengineered organism that was ever about to exist: the Deadly SpaceMan.
The Deadly SpaceMen immediately went on to wipe out the researchers, minifig civilization, and, eventually, the spacetime continuum.