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== Dimmies ==
== Dimmies ==
== Troll ==
== Troll ==
Revision as of 05:26, 1 February 2013
PAGE UNDER CONSTRUCTION
The minifig is the simplest and most common form of life in the BrikWars Universe. They are human-like in appearance except more blocky and generally have yellow skin (some minifigs display a kind of mutation in their skin though). Minifigs were created in the great R. 1,977 by horrible experiments at Hospital 555. Ever since then they have been trained in the ways of all combat by one ruthless dictator or another for the viewing pleasure of the often drunken race of humanity whom are often amused by gruesome acts of plastic violence. The minifig species draws its heritage from generations of hard-fought survival in the toy chests of six-year-old boys. Whether knights, spacemen, construction workers, or chefs, their souls thrill with the racial memory of a time when a toy's highest calling was to do joyous and bloody battle with all challengers. In that primordial toy box, it didn't matter if one toy was a fire truck and the other was a teddy bear, or if two toys were built to incompatible scales or originated from unrelated eras. It didn't matter whether they had anything to fight about. Combat and danger were ends in themselves. It is rumored that all minifigs wish to be like other toys and have been part of a story, but are too awesome and violent to be contained in three movies. They have no need for cowboys and spacemen to have friends in each other. Like all toys, minifigs exist for the sole purpose of getting themselves killed in the most entertaining and gratuitous manner possible. Minifigs are not bothered by their own grisly deaths, because they’ve seen so many of their brothers and friends die in similar fashions and they know how hilarious it is. Also, unlike green army men (who tend to get melted) and action figures (with their unfortunate affinity for getting blown up with firecrackers), a minifig’s later reincarnation is almost assured, either in whole or in distributed parts. Hideous disfigurements and glorious deaths are the high points in an existence otherwise spent lying around bored in a box of unused bricks. So if for no other reason, you owe it to the poor little guys. Inject some joy into their lives by slaughtering huge numbers of them.
The predecessor to the Minifig, and were prominently featured in the creation of the Minifig, in the R. 1,977 at Hospital 555. A few still remain, but it has recently been discovered that if these ProtoFigs are exposed to enough violence, they will immediately transform into newborn Deadly SpaceMen. This has lead leading scientists to hypothesize that all the remaining ProtoFigs must have been kept in a state of complete non-violence for the entirety of their existence. How this was achieved is as of yet unknown. But respected conspiracy theorists believe that it is achieved by The Cthu-Lhuminati in an attempt to form up a secret legion of SpaceMen warriors completely undetected by the outside universe.
Minifig Dimmies, uniformed in the T-shirts and baseball caps of the human fratboys they seek to emulate, destroy quality construction wherever they find it; gradually turning the Lego world into an endless waste of shoddily-assembled piles of random elements. This is viewed as the ultimate escape from the materialism, desire, standards, and expectations of minifig society. This Mystical Juniorism is sometimes seen as an attractive option by minifigs who have become depressed by Critical Failure during a crucial opportunity for righteous destruction.
True Dimmies where created by an adjunct professor named Cypher in the Myjstik Mountain Time Lab in R. 1,996, using NegaVerse radiation to transform innocent minifigs who had been unwittingly exposed to Nega genetiks deep in the past. Their particular mutation is one of very few that have been known to form a growth on the head known as a noze. Dimmies can never sleep but can still get tired thus in order to keep awake they destroy all the trappings of civilization in their way.
Minifigs wishing to join in with the Dimmies must complete the four tasks of mayhem before they will be mutated in the ABS surgical chambers and become half dimmies, the hapless foot soldiers of their pure blooded masters. Dimmies, despite appearances, are not Undead, since even re-animated skeletons have more brains than they do. (They are a lesser subtype known as "scum of the earth", a position they share with Jaw-Jaws and Nega-Blokians.) It has since become apparent that BoB is the true Messiah of all the Dimmies sent to unite them and lead them to war. Dimmies from all across the BrikVerse flock to BoB and pledging their total allegiance. A vast army is amassing and it is predicted that shortly mayhem shall ensue.
Please see also Trolling as a Philosophy.