Quest of Piltogg
Piltogg infiltrates the Daragothiin Military Base
In late R. 2,010, Piltogg, the mighty Paladin of Purity, began a quest that would forever change the BrikVerse. Capitalizing on the events of The Immortal War to keep other star nations distracted, Piltogg set off to collect all nine of the Artifax of Pre-Creation.
What was his purpose for doing this? This was a question no one could really answer, but all sat and wondered, "What would happen if all nine Artifax were assembled together?"
Artifakt I: The Sword of Inhuman Strength
Piltogg already had one Artifakt, The Sword of Inhuman Strength, which he had taken from the hands of Nega-BlokTrix during the POOP Invasion. Inspired (and some would say, corrupted) by the Inhuman power it granted, Piltogg left his beloved Akkadia in the worthy hands of Kaiser Mangrave, to do the day-to-day work of ordinary battle while Piltogg embarked on his quest for the SuperNatural.
And so the quest began, and with it, a whole new kind of war. But first, Piltogg would need to wrap up matters in the Artogat Sector, so he unloaded himself directly in front of the largest military base on this side of the galaxy, which was known only as Daragothiin. Nominally, this was to ensure the safety of Akkadia in his absence, but in fact it was mostly just so he could test out the absurdly powerful powers he already possessed.
Artifakt II: The Oktopustika
Shaun "Soulless" Sullivan and his Neo-BleyWatch guards had holed themselves up in the Rainbow mines of Carapithia IX. Under the eternal guard of Deadly Spacemen to ensure interplanetary mining rights, the mines lead forever downward to an underground ocean where creatures of evil swarm. The DSM were a deadly foe indeed, as they possessed a weapon from GodKiller Tech, a subsidiary of the Church of the Great Builder. This weapon was powerful enough to take down even Gods, so Piltogg would not be much of a problem for it; however, it only had one shot.
Because of this, Akkadian general infantry were sent in for a preemptive strike to take out the GodKiller Tech weapon, in order to ensure the continued existence of their master. However, Shaun was ready for them, waving around the Oktopustika as fast as he could to produce a great horde of evil.
Piltogg Encounters some Noobs
On his way to the planet Medivo, Piltogg was accosted by two Noob Heroes: Brikhed and The Man in the Top Hat. Fearful of what might happen if too many Artifax were gathered together, the two attempted an ambush, but were ambushed in turn by the Dread Pirate Two-By-Two armed with the Hook of Melting.
Artifakt III: The Hammer of Discipline
Having given the matter some thought, Piltogg realized that there was a major drawback to the Hammer of Discipline: it could only remove one squad at a time. So, with enough support, Piltogg could overpower its bearer, the Almighty Benny.
After locating Benny, he acquired the help of the VladTron Empire by climbing to the top of absurdly tall tower and giving an inspiring speech.
It was in the confrontation with Benny that Piltogg experienced his first taste of defeat. Even in his near-invincible state, Piltogg was easily removed by a single strike of the Hammer. However, this was enough to give his allies Ross Varn, Lord Von Krus, Moronstudios, and Cpl. Halan the opening they needed to press the attack and attempt a rescue.
Blitzen's Pre-Emptive Strike on Akkadia
The battle between Piltogg and Blitzen had waged for centuries (some say even since early R. 2006) over whether it was necessary to use correct spelling at all times or not. However, this battle was much more interesting than all of those other battles, because in THIS battle Piltogg was given a chance to test out some of his new equipment: the Personal Teleporter and the Nachtmare Blade, both of which were practically the technological equivalents of minor artifacts themselves, developed during the battle of "Hope's Last Stand" Forum Thread.
Using their technology to the fullest extent possible, the Akkadians proved once and for all that it's not the size of the boat, it's how you rock the ship, destroying the Grammar Inquisition fleet and causing Blitzen to flee.
Artifax IV & V: The Stupendous Featinator and the Original OTC
Blitzen eventually landed on Krysto, where she hoped her Heroic powers and her artifakt, the Stupendous Featinator, would be of greater use in defending the world from the horrible spelling that is Piltogg. Koincidentally, Piltogg was already in the middle of leading an Akkadian invasion of the planet, in a bid to capture the fifth Artifakt: the Original OTC, defended by the Iceworld warrior IVhorseman.
In a drawn out battle, Piltogg and friends did battle with the Settanians, Krystoans, Assyrians, and the remnants of the Grammar Inquisition in the Iceworld capital. New tech-artifacts were tested out on both sides. The Assyrians got their hands on a Matter Creation Gun and the Akkadians found use of a Matter Destruction Gun. Where they got these guns is a mystery. In any case, after much fighting, fire and bloodshed, a series of somewhat anti-climatic battles decided that Piltogg defeated both IVhorseman and Blitzen and managed to capture both of their artifacts.
Artifakt VI: The Head Separator
Prelude: Forum Thread
Part I: Forum Thread
Part II: Forum Thread
Part III: Forum Thread
Artifakt VII: The Skully Grail
Artifakt VIII: The Almighty BanHammer
Artifact IX: The Hook of Melting
The Dread Pirate Two-by-Two has pledged to simply hand the final Artifakt to Piltogg if he can gather all eight of the other Artifax - presumably because he is curious, or has some kind of ulterior motive.