Space Wars

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The Space Wars are a series of wars that begun in R. 1,999, in a galaxy far, far away, and have not yet ceased. Due to a time anomaly, the Fourth, Fifth and Sixth Space War begun simultaneously, later followed by the First Space War, then the Second and finally the Third. Initially these wars were fought by real minifigs and users of the Farce, but in the R. 2,003 they got tired of it and hired peach mercenaries instead.

There are also a number of skirmishes that should have occurred between the Second and Third Space War, but had to wait until after the Third war. These are known as the CLOan Wars, because they were fought (and are still being fought) by peaches so hideous that many mistook them for CLOan abominations.


Contents

The First Space War

In the First Space War, the noble Grade Federation tried to wipe out the Dungan Jaw-Jaws. They were thwarted by two Liteside wusses called QuiCon Gin and Obi-Gyn Kanoobie.

The Second Space War

The Second Space War began when a certain Jango Fatt became a supermodel and famous across the galaxy. A lot of people underwent plastic surgery to look just like their idol. When Jango then became a soldier and started fighting the Grade Federation, so did his lookalikes.

The CLOan Wars

This is the name of the idiotic times between the second and third wars. The droid-man General Stevebus, leader of the noble Grade Federation's army wanted revenge on the litesiders, because in school Obi-Gyn beat him up and took his lunch money. Due to him killing off every litesider he met, the peachified Galactik Republik decided to gang up on him and all his friends. Also, other stuff.

The Third Space War

The Grade Federation was by now almost defeated by a joint attack from Jango's lookalikes and the liteside warriors. But suddenly Jango decided that he wanted all the credit for himself, and ordered his troops to attack the litesiders, who were duly slaughtered.

The Fourth Space War

This war was really a court trial gone bad. Mr Han Sodo was accused of Rodianocide, with all evidence indicating that he was guilty. The judgement was just about to be passed when his lawyer, Mr Lukas, brought forth a video showing that the Rodian had shot first. Eyewitnesses, however, yelled "Han shot first!" and that cry was the start of a long and bloody war between believers and unbelievers.

The Fifth Space War

Bloba Fatt (one of Jango's lookalikes) found Han Sodo on a cloudy backwater planet where he was hiding from the law, and offered him sanctuary at the court of Java the Slut. Han gladly accepted this, and traveled to Java's palace. Meanwhile the war about his guilt continued to rage in the galaxy, starting to bore everyone.

The Sixth Space War

Java the Slut took some adult photos of Han's girlfriend Leya, which were intended for private use. But they accidentally fell into a space rift, and were spread across the galaxy. Thus begun the most deadly and grueling of all the Space Wars, as geeky fanboys fought without mercy for possession of these photos.

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