HEAT IN THE JUNGLE: Sign up
Posted: Sun Nov 30, 2014 12:17 am
INTRO: Dirty Dealings
Captain Red: "Hello, this is Captain Red of the Venetian People's Liberation Front, following our successful campaign of extermination versus the People's Liberation Front of Venice, we are now the sole resistance organization against the atrocious Police State of Venice. As such, we would like to ask for support in our rebellion from you, The Immortal Empire."
L
RD ENGLISH, Immortal Elite and commander of the 51st Expeditionary Force: "WHAT THE FUCK? YOU EXPECT SUPPORT WHEN YOU HAVEN'T EVEN TAKEN BACK BAS-TYRA? PISS OFF."
Captain Red: "My Lord, we are mounting an attack within the hour, would you reconsider if we succeeded?"
LRD ENGLISH: " YOU BETTER FUCKING BRING ME THE PRINCESS OF VENICE ON A SILVER PLATTER IF YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE ME THINK YOU'RE WORTH MY TIME." *Dial Tone*
Pumpkin Lion Magus Jerome: "Well that went well."
Captain Red: "Fuck you Jerome."
Official Theme: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j_PYrhZ17vg
Exactly 9 months after The Bavarian Wedding, in the Venetian Core Worlds...
Il Duchessa of Venice: "Um, Dear? Karl?"
Prinz Karl "Gustav" of Bavaria: "What is it dear?"
Il Duchessa: "I think my water just broke"
Prinz Karl: "What? You're pregnant? You don't look any different from the day that I married you."
Il Duchessa: "That's because I do a lot of sit-ups, all the babyfat melts right off when it appears."
Prinz Karl: "That doesn't make any sense, the baby still needs room to, oh fuck it, where's the nearest hospital?"
General Carver: "The computer says the nearest doctor with baby delivering qualification is on Bas-Tyra, about 5 minutes away by FTL."
Il Duchessa: "Well I guess that's where we're going, because I feel like he's trying to punch his way out of the womb."
A little over 5 minutes later...
*Swoosh*
Il Duchessa: "EVERYONE OUT OF THE WAY, PREGNANT PRINCESS COMING THROUGH!"
While Il Duchessa and her little mom squad find their way to the Doctor, let's give you a tour of the base, inventively titled "Generic Venetian Military Base on Bas-Tyra 2."
Here we have the barracks, where about 1/3rd of the base's garrison can sleep at a time.
And here we have the control center, where the security system is vigilantly overwatched by a specially trained Military Neckbeard.
This is the armory, where the guns of off-duty soldiers and explosives, among various nick-nacks are stored.
Here is the breakroom, where soldiers can purchase overpriced soft drinks and talk around the watercooler about how terrible the coffee is.
This main hallway a part of the outer defense of the fort, allowing troops to take potshots from within the walls of the fort.
Here we get a closeup of the barrier wall, currently housing the severed head of one of the leaders of the previous Rebel attack on the base.
The Wall itself is festooned with the heads of 5 rebel leaders, all minor figures of the rebellion.
The leader of the Rebels, Lieutenant Black, had his body hung over the main gate to be eaten by crows. Doesn't he look jolly!
This is the site of the major battle of the last rebel fight, a 3 car 1 tractor pileup in the main street. Where are all the bodies of the rebels you ask?
They're here, having been chopped up into component parts and boxed up for disposal, they're being carried on the APC to the disposal site.
They're being disposed of here, where a large Poveglia Island has already formed in the middle of the lake. A Venetian Soldier is about to dump a barrel of heads into the body-choked waters.
Moving to the right, we see the splendid Guardian Fortress that blocks the city entrance.
although the gate hasn't been replaced from the Rebel attack that blasted it off its hinges, the police tape and skull usually is enough deterrent.
past the entrance is basically a hell of crossfire from all sides bearing down onto the heads of whatever unlucky rebel passes under the arches. In the last attack, over half of the rebel army was killed in here.
Even with a skeleton crew only manning the top floor, they could probably hold off an army 4 to 5 times its size without taking casualties. (On a side note, I screwed up when building this and made the lower floor inaccessible, so please refrain from ordering your guys into the first floor.)
Yup, this gauntlet of a gatehouse is the bain of any rebel army that doesn't find a way to...
*PCHOOOOOO* ... circumvent it.
Captain Red: "Well, this seems to be the right place, how secure is the portal, Jerome?"
Pumpkin Lion Magus Jerome: "As secure as I can make it, it's incorporeal so physical attacks won't do anything to it, and I've warded it so that any magic user besides Brikthulu himself won't be able to effect it."
Captain Red: "What's the downside then?"
Pumpkin Lion Magus Jerome: "Well, with all that power put into it, it'll only last 10 turns."
Captain Red: "That should be more than enough time to get our entire force through here."
Captain Red: "One more thing then, how dependent is the portal on you, mage? I don't want a random bullet to cut off our portal right as someone's walking through it."
Pumpkin Lion Magus Jerome: "Don't worry about a thing, the portal will continue to exist even if I get blown to pieces, and only I can turn it on or off."
*BANG*
Captain Red: "Good."
Captain Red: "Let's go gather the rest of the Red Army and begin the Assault on Bas-Tyra."
Diver: "*grunt*"
soon after...
Captain Red: "OUR REVOLUTION BEGINS NOW! OVERTHROW THE SHACKLES OF OPPRESSION AND FREE YOURSELVES FROM TYRANTS!"
Red Army: "WAAAAGH!"
Commander Slab Squatthrust: "You rebels are stupid, if I shoot that dynamite thing in the center of you, you'll all blow up!"
Captain Red: "Aha! You dumb military brats don't know what your talking about."
Captain Red: "That TNT is clearly strapped to a hostage Venetian policeman!"
Commander Slab: *gasp!*
ALL VENETIAN UNITS ARE NOT ALLOWED TO FIRE AT TARGETS WITHIN 4 INCHES OF THE HOSTAGE FOR FEAR OF IGNITING THE DYNAMITE!
All: "excuse me" "Pardon" "passing on the left"
Il Duchessa: "Hello doctor, I am currently giving birth, what can you do for me?"
Doctor Alemagna: "Well you better sit down then, let me get out my birthing knife."
Doctor Almagna: "Alright, from my medical experience this looks like it's going to take 6 turns before the baby is born, so let's get everything in the right position to give the baby a smooth ride."
Doctor Almagna: "That means everyone not related by blood or marriage out of the operating room!"
Doctor Almagna: "Now, I'll start mixing a painkiller for you."
Meanwhile, outside the operating room...
Military Neckbeard: "Doctor Almagna! The Rebels have bypassed the gatehouse fortress and are mounting another assault, what should we do?"
General Carver: "Hold on there, the Doctor is in the midst of a crucial operation and can't be distracted, no entry."
Military Neckbeard: "Then who will command us? With Commander Slab out in the field, Doctor Almagna was our ranking officer."
General Carver: "I am the leader of the entire Army of Venice, I can take command of this army base, thankyouverymuch. You two bodyguards, guard the doorway to the medical wing."
Varangian Guard: "..."
Jaeger: "..."
General Carver: "I'll take that as a yes, then."
SIGN-UPS
FACTIONS:
THE POLICE STATE OF VENICE + ALLIES Overarching goal, defend the base and evacuate Il Duchessa and other VIPs once she's done giving birth.
Prinz Karl “Gustav”: Silverdream
1 Prinz (Indisposed hero)
1 Jaeger (Bodyguard Hero, reverts to Officer when Karl becomes active on turn 6)
Il Duchessa: Scratch
1 Duchessa: (Indisposed Heroine)
1 Varangian: (Bodyguard Heroine, Reverts to Officer when Il Duchessa becomes active on turn 6)
Venice Away: Quadruple.Digits
1 Hero: Slab Squatthrust (generic action hero with a little twist of Ahnold)
2 officers
16 Regular Infantry
1 APC w/ driver
2 hoverbikes
Venice Home: Alex
1 Hero: General Carver (Knife Crazy space armor general, think Heart of Darkness)
1 indisposed Hero: Doctor Almagna (Old Cranky Doctor cliche, becomes active turn 6)
1 Military Neckbeard
2 Riot Troopers
1 Space Detective
3 officers
1 dog trainer
20 Regular Infantry
1 Fire Sniper
1 M8 unit
1 hoverbike
1 shuttle (inactive until turn 6)
1 Machine Gun buggy
THE VENETIAN PEOPLE’S LIBERATION FRONT: Overarching goal, storm the base and capture Il Duchessa before she escapes. Viva la revolution! Reinforcement factions arrive every turn, so make sure to clear out of the landing area!
Captain Red’s Revolutionary Red Army: Piltogg
1 Hero: Captain Red, (combination of communist revolutionary stereotypes and Rambo, has hoverboard with attached guns)
3 officers (Diver, Elle Driver[doubles as medic], Commissar)
1 Sniper
27 Irregulars
1 monkey
1 dimmy
1 hostage
1 dungun chicken man
Jolly Green Mech and the Looters: Silent-Sigfig (Arrives turn 2)
Encyclopedia Salesman and the Legshark Brigade: Theblackdog (Arrives turn 3)
The Duke of Peachum’s Cavalry: Colette (Arrives turn 4)
Tantali HeVeh and her Spawn: QuantumSurfer (Arrives turn 5)
“Uncle” Red The Bohem: mgb519 (Arrives turn 6)
NEUTRAL Goals vary, but the goal of survival is assumed.
Bartender: Bfenix
1 Hero: Bartender (Scandinavian Metal meets Moe) 2D10 3D6 SN with limitation: Beerbending
Team Sheep: Lawmaster
1 Hero: Fez Sheep (Psychic Sheep) 2D6 1D8 1D4 SN
2 Sheep
1 Cyclops Sheep
Secret Faction 1. brikguy0410 (Arrives turn 2)
Secret Faction 2. Bricksyd (Arrives turn 4)
Secret Faction 3. Vami_IV (Arrives turn 3)
Secret Faction 4. Duerer (Arrives turn 5)
Secret Faction 5. Falk (Arrives turn 10)
Hidden Faction 1. (NPC)
BORING RULES STUFF
Medical area, command center, and power generator close up.
Dog Trainer who's K9 car got trashed and Machine Gun Buggy.
Defensive spikes line and machine gun nests.
"interrogation" room.
The Bar, where the Bartender and Team Sheep start.
close up on Fez Sheep and Bartender.
view of Bandstand and APC.
Overhead shot of Lake and Portal areas.
Portal's eye view.
vaguely blurry shot of the whole battlefield.
overview from the other side of the battlefield.
SIGNUPS ARE NOW OFFICIALLY OPEN!
Spoiler
Show
Captain Red: "Hello, this is Captain Red of the Venetian People's Liberation Front, following our successful campaign of extermination versus the People's Liberation Front of Venice, we are now the sole resistance organization against the atrocious Police State of Venice. As such, we would like to ask for support in our rebellion from you, The Immortal Empire."
L
RD ENGLISH, Immortal Elite and commander of the 51st Expeditionary Force: "WHAT THE FUCK? YOU EXPECT SUPPORT WHEN YOU HAVEN'T EVEN TAKEN BACK BAS-TYRA? PISS OFF."Captain Red: "My Lord, we are mounting an attack within the hour, would you reconsider if we succeeded?"
L
RD ENGLISH: " YOU BETTER FUCKING BRING ME THE PRINCESS OF VENICE ON A SILVER PLATTER IF YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE ME THINK YOU'RE WORTH MY TIME." *Dial Tone*Pumpkin Lion Magus Jerome: "Well that went well."
Captain Red: "Fuck you Jerome."
Official Theme: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j_PYrhZ17vg
Exactly 9 months after The Bavarian Wedding, in the Venetian Core Worlds...
Il Duchessa of Venice: "Um, Dear? Karl?"
Prinz Karl "Gustav" of Bavaria: "What is it dear?"
Il Duchessa: "I think my water just broke"
Prinz Karl: "What? You're pregnant? You don't look any different from the day that I married you."
Il Duchessa: "That's because I do a lot of sit-ups, all the babyfat melts right off when it appears."
Prinz Karl: "That doesn't make any sense, the baby still needs room to, oh fuck it, where's the nearest hospital?"
General Carver: "The computer says the nearest doctor with baby delivering qualification is on Bas-Tyra, about 5 minutes away by FTL."
Il Duchessa: "Well I guess that's where we're going, because I feel like he's trying to punch his way out of the womb."
A little over 5 minutes later...
*Swoosh*
Il Duchessa: "EVERYONE OUT OF THE WAY, PREGNANT PRINCESS COMING THROUGH!"
While Il Duchessa and her little mom squad find their way to the Doctor, let's give you a tour of the base, inventively titled "Generic Venetian Military Base on Bas-Tyra 2."
Here we have the barracks, where about 1/3rd of the base's garrison can sleep at a time.
And here we have the control center, where the security system is vigilantly overwatched by a specially trained Military Neckbeard.
This is the armory, where the guns of off-duty soldiers and explosives, among various nick-nacks are stored.
Here is the breakroom, where soldiers can purchase overpriced soft drinks and talk around the watercooler about how terrible the coffee is.
This main hallway a part of the outer defense of the fort, allowing troops to take potshots from within the walls of the fort.
Here we get a closeup of the barrier wall, currently housing the severed head of one of the leaders of the previous Rebel attack on the base.
The Wall itself is festooned with the heads of 5 rebel leaders, all minor figures of the rebellion.
The leader of the Rebels, Lieutenant Black, had his body hung over the main gate to be eaten by crows. Doesn't he look jolly!
This is the site of the major battle of the last rebel fight, a 3 car 1 tractor pileup in the main street. Where are all the bodies of the rebels you ask?
They're here, having been chopped up into component parts and boxed up for disposal, they're being carried on the APC to the disposal site.
They're being disposed of here, where a large Poveglia Island has already formed in the middle of the lake. A Venetian Soldier is about to dump a barrel of heads into the body-choked waters.
Moving to the right, we see the splendid Guardian Fortress that blocks the city entrance.
although the gate hasn't been replaced from the Rebel attack that blasted it off its hinges, the police tape and skull usually is enough deterrent.
past the entrance is basically a hell of crossfire from all sides bearing down onto the heads of whatever unlucky rebel passes under the arches. In the last attack, over half of the rebel army was killed in here.
Even with a skeleton crew only manning the top floor, they could probably hold off an army 4 to 5 times its size without taking casualties. (On a side note, I screwed up when building this and made the lower floor inaccessible, so please refrain from ordering your guys into the first floor.)
Yup, this gauntlet of a gatehouse is the bain of any rebel army that doesn't find a way to...
*PCHOOOOOO* ... circumvent it.
Captain Red: "Well, this seems to be the right place, how secure is the portal, Jerome?"
Pumpkin Lion Magus Jerome: "As secure as I can make it, it's incorporeal so physical attacks won't do anything to it, and I've warded it so that any magic user besides Brikthulu himself won't be able to effect it."
Captain Red: "What's the downside then?"
Pumpkin Lion Magus Jerome: "Well, with all that power put into it, it'll only last 10 turns."
Captain Red: "That should be more than enough time to get our entire force through here."
Captain Red: "One more thing then, how dependent is the portal on you, mage? I don't want a random bullet to cut off our portal right as someone's walking through it."
Pumpkin Lion Magus Jerome: "Don't worry about a thing, the portal will continue to exist even if I get blown to pieces, and only I can turn it on or off."
*BANG*
Captain Red: "Good."
Captain Red: "Let's go gather the rest of the Red Army and begin the Assault on Bas-Tyra."
Diver: "*grunt*"
soon after...
Captain Red: "OUR REVOLUTION BEGINS NOW! OVERTHROW THE SHACKLES OF OPPRESSION AND FREE YOURSELVES FROM TYRANTS!"
Red Army: "WAAAAGH!"
Commander Slab Squatthrust: "You rebels are stupid, if I shoot that dynamite thing in the center of you, you'll all blow up!"
Captain Red: "Aha! You dumb military brats don't know what your talking about."
Captain Red: "That TNT is clearly strapped to a hostage Venetian policeman!"
Commander Slab: *gasp!*
ALL VENETIAN UNITS ARE NOT ALLOWED TO FIRE AT TARGETS WITHIN 4 INCHES OF THE HOSTAGE FOR FEAR OF IGNITING THE DYNAMITE!
All: "excuse me" "Pardon" "passing on the left"
Il Duchessa: "Hello doctor, I am currently giving birth, what can you do for me?"
Doctor Alemagna: "Well you better sit down then, let me get out my birthing knife."
Doctor Almagna: "Alright, from my medical experience this looks like it's going to take 6 turns before the baby is born, so let's get everything in the right position to give the baby a smooth ride."
Doctor Almagna: "That means everyone not related by blood or marriage out of the operating room!"
Doctor Almagna: "Now, I'll start mixing a painkiller for you."
Meanwhile, outside the operating room...
Military Neckbeard: "Doctor Almagna! The Rebels have bypassed the gatehouse fortress and are mounting another assault, what should we do?"
General Carver: "Hold on there, the Doctor is in the midst of a crucial operation and can't be distracted, no entry."
Military Neckbeard: "Then who will command us? With Commander Slab out in the field, Doctor Almagna was our ranking officer."
General Carver: "I am the leader of the entire Army of Venice, I can take command of this army base, thankyouverymuch. You two bodyguards, guard the doorway to the medical wing."
Varangian Guard: "..."
Jaeger: "..."
General Carver: "I'll take that as a yes, then."
SIGN-UPS
FACTIONS:
THE POLICE STATE OF VENICE + ALLIES Overarching goal, defend the base and evacuate Il Duchessa and other VIPs once she's done giving birth.
Prinz Karl “Gustav”: Silverdream
1 Prinz (Indisposed hero)
1 Jaeger (Bodyguard Hero, reverts to Officer when Karl becomes active on turn 6)
Il Duchessa: Scratch
1 Duchessa: (Indisposed Heroine)
1 Varangian: (Bodyguard Heroine, Reverts to Officer when Il Duchessa becomes active on turn 6)
Venice Away: Quadruple.Digits
1 Hero: Slab Squatthrust (generic action hero with a little twist of Ahnold)
2 officers
16 Regular Infantry
1 APC w/ driver
2 hoverbikes
Venice Home: Alex
1 Hero: General Carver (Knife Crazy space armor general, think Heart of Darkness)
1 indisposed Hero: Doctor Almagna (Old Cranky Doctor cliche, becomes active turn 6)
1 Military Neckbeard
2 Riot Troopers
1 Space Detective
3 officers
1 dog trainer
20 Regular Infantry
1 Fire Sniper
1 M8 unit
1 hoverbike
1 shuttle (inactive until turn 6)
1 Machine Gun buggy
THE VENETIAN PEOPLE’S LIBERATION FRONT: Overarching goal, storm the base and capture Il Duchessa before she escapes. Viva la revolution! Reinforcement factions arrive every turn, so make sure to clear out of the landing area!
Captain Red’s Revolutionary Red Army: Piltogg
1 Hero: Captain Red, (combination of communist revolutionary stereotypes and Rambo, has hoverboard with attached guns)
3 officers (Diver, Elle Driver[doubles as medic], Commissar)
1 Sniper
27 Irregulars
1 monkey
1 dimmy
1 hostage
1 dungun chicken man
Jolly Green Mech and the Looters: Silent-Sigfig (Arrives turn 2)
Encyclopedia Salesman and the Legshark Brigade: Theblackdog (Arrives turn 3)
The Duke of Peachum’s Cavalry: Colette (Arrives turn 4)
Tantali HeVeh and her Spawn: QuantumSurfer (Arrives turn 5)
“Uncle” Red The Bohem: mgb519 (Arrives turn 6)
NEUTRAL Goals vary, but the goal of survival is assumed.
Bartender: Bfenix
1 Hero: Bartender (Scandinavian Metal meets Moe) 2D10 3D6 SN with limitation: Beerbending
Team Sheep: Lawmaster
1 Hero: Fez Sheep (Psychic Sheep) 2D6 1D8 1D4 SN
2 Sheep
1 Cyclops Sheep
Secret Faction 1. brikguy0410 (Arrives turn 2)
Secret Faction 2. Bricksyd (Arrives turn 4)
Secret Faction 3. Vami_IV (Arrives turn 3)
Secret Faction 4. Duerer (Arrives turn 5)
Secret Faction 5. Falk (Arrives turn 10)
Hidden Faction 1. (NPC)
BORING RULES STUFF
Spoiler
Show
A couple ground rules about orders, if your orders aren't in after a week has past from a turn being posted, I will PM you. If your orders aren't in a week after that, I'll have someone else give orders (either whoever's on chat or if someone signs up as a secondary) Also, I reserve the right to disregard any really dumb orders. E.G. having a faction who's objective is "Defend the Base" rush out of their defensive positions in order to get to the action quicker. This probably won't happen, and I'll give a good bit of leeway for rule of funny.
Houserules in effect:
Fudge
You need a crowbar to break locks and open locked windows
Silent-Sigfig's Sniper rules
Maybe Neckbeard rules depending on if they're used
if I somehow greatly misjudged the balance, (I.E. an entire team gets wiped before they have a turn) emergency reinforcements may be deployed.
Houserules in effect:
Fudge
You need a crowbar to break locks and open locked windows
Silent-Sigfig's Sniper rules
Maybe Neckbeard rules depending on if they're used
if I somehow greatly misjudged the balance, (I.E. an entire team gets wiped before they have a turn) emergency reinforcements may be deployed.
Medical area, command center, and power generator close up.
Dog Trainer who's K9 car got trashed and Machine Gun Buggy.
Defensive spikes line and machine gun nests.
"interrogation" room.
The Bar, where the Bartender and Team Sheep start.
close up on Fez Sheep and Bartender.
view of Bandstand and APC.
Overhead shot of Lake and Portal areas.
Portal's eye view.
vaguely blurry shot of the whole battlefield.
overview from the other side of the battlefield.
SIGNUPS ARE NOW OFFICIALLY OPEN!
