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Previous thread: Rainbow War II: Jellybean Apocalypse: Grail War, Turn 2

SIR RAYHO THE HAWK
Player: aoffan23

Crazy dice today - every Rayho unit critted, double-critted, or triple-critted their sprint rolls this turn except for Rayho himself. (Rayho units sprint for free as their faction bonus). Some of those crits were critfails though.

SIR RAYHO: Dogdu! Noooooooo!

SIR RAYHO: There's no time to lose! Quick, Mom! Blow me!

Rayho is beyond the range of Rayho's Mom's air magic.

RAYHO'S MOM: Rayho! Those gryphons are already the fastest in all of Mocia. You don't need my magic!

RAYHO'S MOM: I believe in you! You can blow yourself!

MOMSPIRATION +1d6




The gryphon riders are momspired, but it only ends up adding 2" to their charge. They almost reach the edge of the volcanic steamcloud that I forgot to add to the last two photos.




The Riders of Rayho try to charge forward, but the two catapult horses critfail their Sprint roll and get their spears tangled up, halting their advance. The former gryphon rider, now on Rayho's horse Shadowhax, triple-crits and rolls high enough to charge all the way across the moat in a single turn.

Or he would have, if VladTron's carnivorous tentacle plants hadn't grabbed hold of Shadowhax when he tried to cross through!




Luckily aoffan foresaw this possibility, and gave orders for the riders to use their lances to pole-vault over the tentacles. Shadowhax's Momentum is converted into pole-vault inches for the gryphon rider, who rolls high enough to clear the moat in a single jump.




BUT -- the tentacle plants roll higher, and snatch him out of the air!




BUT -- Rayho's Mom is on the spot with a wind boost, freeing him again! She manages not to critfail the magic roll this time.




The gryphon rider lands inside the ruins of the cart capsized in the moat. He takes cover under one of the cart doors.




Far to the rear, the disrupted heavy infantry recover and charge forward to regroup. Some more lucky rolls allow the crossbowmen catch up with the hapless catapult cavalry.

SIR IVASSCUS THE MONKEY
Player: IVhorseman



The assault troops see the fireball catapult shots heading their direction (represented by the red Xes), and hurry to get out of their way. The squad heading for the wrecked cart is slowed down by tentacle plants and doesn't make it very far.




The tentacle plants prove to be no barrier for Sir IVasscus riding on Sleipnir; he just jumps on top of the siege ladder guy, out of their reach.

SIR IVASSCUS: Alley-oop!

SIEGE LADDER GUY: Whatever

Siege ladder guy is used to getting stepped on.




IVasscus does some crazy flips through the air and across the wrecked cart, avoiding the tentacle plants.

SIR IVASSCUS: Good evening to you, sir!

GRYPHON RIDER: What's up

IVasscus lands safely on the opposite shore, taking cover between some rocks.

SIR IVASSCUS: First to the castle again. As if there was any doubt!

The IVasscus archery and skirmisher squads advance.

COMMISSAR LT. KRUSCHEV: "We should not say that one man's hour is worth another man's hour, but rather that one man during an hour is worth just as much as another man during an hour. Time is everything, man is nothing: he is at the most time's carcass!"

DIMMY OFFICER: You got it, comrade!

COMMSPIRATION +1d6




The Stalinist Dimmy squad accompanying the IVasscus heavy infantry uses its commspiration d6 to help them hurry along. A low roll means they don't have much effect though.




End of IVasscus turn: Since the VladTron fireballs were fired as Response Actions during IVasscus's previous turn, they come down now. The first misses by four inches, exploding harmlessly on the shore.




The second hits dead on target. This is close enough to catch the IVasscus assault squad in the blast radius. Siege ladder guy is killed outright; IVasscus's horse Sleipnir and the rope monkey are set on fire and land among the tentacles and rubble. Rack up another kill for the Shadow Knights!

The two spear ninjas are also set on fire, but they're blown into the moat at the same time, extinguishing the fire before it can do any real damage.

Commspiration?

Kruschev must've forgotten that as Commisar Lt, he could be having much more fun issuing Order 227 (or the lesser known revision, Order 4:20), every Stalinist supply train comes equipped with blocking detachments these days...

Previous: Post 309358

SIR DOGDU THE DOG
Player: Arkbrik and/or devincp



The crossbow squad receives orders to gun down their own cavalry. And also to give them covering fire, somehow.

CROSSBOW GUY: The rules say that if Dogdu betrays Mocia then we switch to the King's control! But what if he orders us to betray Mocia instead?

OTHER CROSSBOW GUY: It's a paradox!

The crossbow guys are momentarily unsure what to do.




Meanwhile, the cavalry has orders to poop their own armor and humiliate themselves for the shitgoats' approval. And also, contrarily, to take off for the fortress.

CAVALRY GUY: This is some bullshit right here.

SHIT TROLL VAMI 9,000,000: I like bullshit

CAVALRY GUY: Quiet, you!

For the other cavalry knight, this is too much. Removing the helmet, the shiny trollslayer knight's identity is revealed!

SECRET FACTION UNLOCKED: PRINCESSES
Player: Ham701

PRINCESS LUNA LUNA: Royal ground troops! The rainbow wisdom of Dogdu has been revealed as nothing more than friendly fire and poopy pants! Only a woman can lead you into a glorious and brikwarsy victory over our enemies! Let's quit wasting time with shitlords and get back to what we came here for!

CROSSBOW GUY: Now we're talking!

A mediocre roll means the royal forces aren't convinced to take Luna Luna as their new leader, but she does inspire them to action. The archers combine fire on the shit troll. Their attack damage rolls are low, but there are so many of them that it's enough to put the creature down for good.




Freed from the unsatisfying melee engagement, the Dogdu skirmishers and royal ground forces take off for the castle. One squad of axemen is completely plowed over by the speed of the sprinting spearmen (crit fail on the axemen's sprint roll).




Thanks to a whole bunch of sprinting crits, the Dogdu forces manage to catch up with the IVassicans and take the lead.


Next: Post 311188

I have this feeling that when they finally reach the gates the epicness will be high.

Previous: Post 311176

SIR STALIN THE BEAR
Player: Silent-Sigfig



Stalin turns towards VladTron's undead naval fleet, shaking his fist.

SIR STALIN: The winds of socialism shall blow you away!

Because the ships are behind the volcanic steam, most people think that Stalin is yelling at the clouds, or maybe at the Rayho griffon riders.

NO EFFECT




Commissar Lt. Kruschev makes a crazy 14" sprint roll to have a quiet word with Stalin.

COMMISSAR LT. KRUSCHEV: "You cannot make a revolution with silk gloves."

SIR STALIN: Too true. Princesses are a propaganda tool of the monarchy.

COMMISSAR LT. KRUSCHEV: "I trust no one, not even myself."

SIR STALIN: Check the men. Infiltrators could be anywhere.

SIR STALIN: ANYWHERE.

STALIN NARKOM OFFICER: Nothing out of the ordinary, comrade!

SIR STALIN: Well good! That's a relief then.

Stalin rolls a 1 on infiltrator detection.

Stalin keeps a close eye on that traitor teddy bear.




Stalinist forces continue moving forward without incident.



KING METHHOUSE THE LION
Player: Tzan



MethHouse forces also continue moving forward without incident. They aren't quite in range to start assaulting the wall yet, but if anyone comes out they're starting to be in range for response fire. However they're still far enough away that it'll take a turn for their shots to hit.





Next up: Orcs and Shitgoats. Ready for orders!


Next: Post 311520

I forgot to mention: in all the confusion with Dogdu, nobody took control of the horse whose rider was killed. That means Silverdream gets to decide where it moves during the orcs' turn.

If its master is killed, wanders off, or is otherwise absent, a loose Horse briefly remains under the control of its Human player. If none of the player's minifigs have managed to take control of the Horse by the end of the turn, then the player must hand control of the Horse over to one of his or her Enemies (1.4: The Spirit of the Game). On the Enemy's turn, the Enemy can direct the Horse to take either a Movement or an Action - not both.

Just realized I didn't send in orders. Sending them soon.

Previous: Post 311188

BONUS TURN

Following the events of Welcome to the Beige Carpet:


ALPO
Player: Arkbrik and/or devincp



A mysterious shape can be seen moving in the volcanic steam cloud.




It's the dire wolf Alpo, dragging the body of Sir Dogdu!

SIR DOGDU THE DOG: Rainbowpocalypse Army List wrote:Dogdu is basically Batman and can escape from his cage at any time. So far he's chosen not to, because he wanted to hear VladTron's plan, and because the Shadow Knight crossbowmen will start shooting as soon as he escapes.

Dogdu does not ride a normal Horse like the other Knights. He hid his Dire Wolf, "Alpo," in the nearby woods beforehand, because Dogdu thinks of everything.

With a mighty leap across the moat, Alpo brings Sir Dogdu and his equipment back to his Rainbowist allies.

SIR RAYHO: Dogdu! You're alive!

SIR DOGDU: The true crimefighter always carries everything he needs in his utility belt, Robin!

GRYPHON RIDER: What?

It's true! In true Batman form, Sir Dogdu used scorpion venom drugs to fake his own death and and facilitate his own escape, and also to get really high and have some crazy hallucinations in the process.

FEAT SUCCESSFUL

It'll be a couple turns before Dogdu is back at 100%. He's currently Disrupted with 1d6 Skill. It'll go up one die size each turn until he's fully recovered.

Still waiting for orders from Silverdream and Overwatch.

stubby wrote:Still waiting for orders from Silverdream and Overwatch.

you gotta pm me or ban me or something to get my attention i forgot this was even a thing until someone reminded me last night

That would decrease from the purity of this shared moment

Previous: Post 311520

ORCS
Player: Silverdream

TWO-HAMMER: Humans dorks. Beneath orks!

ORC KING: Let's make this happen!

ORC KING: Orkboys! YOU KNOW WHAT DO

• KINGSPIRATION +1d6

The Orcboys know what do. Two choppers get to work on the base of the Orc Druid's tree, while the tower orc manning the catapult jumps across to cut the rigging away from the tree landing.




Success! But now the tree full of orcs is falling directly onto Two-Hammer!




Meanwhile, the other squad of Orcboys rushes out the gate (using their +1d6 Kingspiration for extra Move distance) and starts hacking at a tree outside.




It also falls directly towards Two-Hammer!




At the last minute, Two-Hammer leaps into the air and plants his feet securely in the tops of the falling trees. His new tree stilts make him the tallest warrior on the battlefield.

• HEROIC FEAT SUCCESSFUL

SHITGOATS
Player: Overwatch_Elite

MAJOR SHITGOAT VAMIAGLE1: holy shit dude

MAJOR SHITGOAT VAMISCYTHE: did you see that shit dude

VAMI 519: wait what did you see dude

VAMI AF: we missed it dude

Using their shitsense, the major shitgoats were able to detect this epic moment in shit history.

MAJOR SHITGOAT VAMI_BLANK: this is the most inspiring shit ever dude

MAJOR SHITGOAT VAMINUKER: alliance accepted dude

VAMI 23: what, dude

VAMI 701: dude

MAJOR SHITGOAT VAMIDOG: no arguing dude

The major shitgoats grab the unwilling minor shitgoats and carry them off. Except for Vaminuker, since Vami II fell out of the tree and died last turn.

• SHIGOATS ARE NOW ALLIED WITH DRAYKO THE DRAKE

The shitgoat army starts heading towards the fortress to join up with their best friend Drayko. Vaminuker grabs the burning Overwatch_Elite effigy out of the orcs' catapult.

MAJOR SHITGOAT VAMI_BLANK: yub nub eee chop yub nub dude

MAJOR SHITGOAT VAMINUKER: toe meet toe pee chee keene dude

The shitgoats sing a merry marching tune about jolly cooperation, and put on a treetop musical number.




Somehow this music inspires the loose horse to start madly humping Princess Luna Luna's warhorse, much to her annoyance.

Unless anyone takes control of the loose horse, it will next be controlled by Arkbrik.


Next: Post 315266

Next up, VladTron first-level forces: Drayko (Vami IV), Shadow Knights (Shadowscythe), and Bitches (booty bothered). Ready for orders!