Two more speedy SKELETON vehicles advance from the pursuing horde.
LORDINTYPE: More of 'em, incoming!
KOMMANDER KEN: With my Plank guarding my fleshy hide, I will slice through their calcium with this rapier.
HAM701: I got a boomstick, let's fuck shit up!
SILVERDREAM: Heh heh...
Uh oh. It looks like SILVERDREAM tried to commit SEXUAL HARASSMENT!SILVERDREAM: Time to pants you for no reason!*
A heavy dose of REMORSE blasts SILVERDREAM to the front of the rig!
It doesn't look like he'll be doing much for the rest of the turn.
VAMI IV: Oh for the love of calcium, can somebody man the damn flamethrower in the back?
KALVINATOR: Don't worry, I got this.
critfailLORDINTYPE: Now that my toothbrush is gone forever, it would seem the only logical course of action is to MAKE A NUKE.*
*also actual orders
LORDINTYPE has created a newborn child.
What a world to be born into.BABY: Bwwwaaaaahhhhh!
BACK AT THE RIBCAGE CAR
CLACKBANN154: Why did I ever think I could get out of these things? I'm just jiggling them around randomly, and it would take an insane amount of luck to even-
The restraints have been unlocked. BANN154 is free to move around.
BANN154: Mother lucker.
BANN154: Now I can just swing-
BANN154 shuts his mouth.
BACK TO THE FUCKMOBILEBANN154: [TO SELF] Shit. They'll just kill me the moment I try to do anything. I've got to lay low and pretend I'm still shackled up. Then, when the passenger gets killed, or the opportunity otherwise presents itself, I can swing the driver around like a big stupid flail and get him out of the way!
The GOLF CART OF SPOOKINESS approaches on the left.
The SKELETON fires off the rifle.SKELETON: die u weird ninja thing
The shot ricochets off of The Plank.
KOMMANDER KEN: The Plank laughs at your pathetic bullets.
DUERER reminds the other fuckbois that his flamethrower is still missing propane, and the golf cart is getting closer!DUERER: Grrowrl!
ZAEDON: Aye gotcha, polar bear man! Give us a mo'!
MADDOX prepares to throw the thunderskull at the golf cart.MADDOX: In the meantime, I'll see about wrecking their shit with this explodey stick!
ZAEDON: Got it!
ZAEDON: Here ya are!
DUERER growls out a quick thank-you.DUERER: Rrruuur!
The thunderskull sails towards the front end of the cart. The SKELETON fails to notice in time to swerve.MADDOX: HYYAAHH!
SKELETON: now well see about getting on boaaAAAAAAAA
The front end of the canopy is blown apart, and the back folds down over the driver's face. The steering column has been obliterated, but the vehicle is still driveable, albeit only in one direction.
MADDOX: Ah! Not bad for a first throw, but the cart is still going!
The propane is connected. DUERER pulls the trigger and a burst of flame licks the barrel.
The golf cart accelerates shakily alongside the Fuckmobile.
SKELETON: CAINT SEE SHIT
It begins to veer fuckboi-ways.
DUERER takes aim.
DUERER fucking blasts it.
Flame coats the SKELETONS and their ride.
The golf cart loses control.
The SPEEDY KART approaches.
SKELETON: the hell was that
The SKELETON swerves around the wreckage.
SKELETON: o wow holy shit they got wrecked
SKELETON: good thing im not like them
The driver hits the turbo.SKELETON: those fuckbois gon pay for that
The car's turbine engine roars.
SKELETON: holy SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
KALVINATOR: C'mon... Just a little closer and I can roast you~
The rear flamethrower fails. The kart pulls up on the right-hand side.
KALVINATOR: What the f-
KALVINATOR: YOU DIDN'T SWITCH THE EXHAUST OVER TO THE FLAMETHROWER
VAMI IV: Oh shit, totally forgot
SKELETON: anywaAAW SHIT 50 CAL 50 CAL
LAWMASTER pulls the trigger.LAWMASTER: I am the law.
The machine gun doesn't work!
It is not equipped with the ammunition box next to LORDINTYPE's ass!
What is going on? Why can't any of the gun nests just work the first time? What kind of cruel joke is this!? Why hath fate seen fit to DO THIS TO US!?!?LAWMASTER: FFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
ZAEDON grabs the gun SILVERDREAM dropped earlier and hoists himself up.HAM701: Don't worry, I got 'em!
ZAEDON: Me too!
HAM701: Pow! Haha!
Both fuckbois fire off their weapons.ZAEDON: Pew pew!
One of the SPOOKY SKULL DECORATIONS on the vehicle is knocked off, however.
ZAEDON: God damnit.
The go-kart rockets forward.
SKELETON: ooh i know what ima do
SKELETON: ill LEAP ON UR RIG AND KILL U MYSLEF
SKELETON: HERE WE GO
The SKELETON leaps forwards.
critfailSKELETON: ALLY YOHSHIT
The SKELETON is sucked into the turbine. It explodes.SKELETON: AAAAAEJSRIBSEFOWEFWBMDOFSEJQ#$)G
The kart begins to roll. The thunderskulls attached to the rear swing towards the ground.
They hit the ground.
The kart is knocked out of the way by the wheel.
The rear wheel is damaged by the explosion.
...VAMI IV: Damn it. And that's just the beginning of the damage we're gonna endure.
VAMI IV: Huh?
MEANWHILE, BACK AT THE HORDEVAMI IV: Eyes forward, everyone! We're coming up on a group of canyons! Stick tight if you don't wanna die!
MGB519 watches the carnage ahead.
MGB519: Oh, fuck this.
He revs the engine. The MEGAUNICYCLE accelerates.
MGB519: These guys are gonna bite it if I don't save their spooky asses.
*CRAZYHORSE*: Psst. Hey. Nimja. I have an idea for how we can escape.
*CRAZYHORSE*: Here goes. Crocodiles only shit like twice a year. And I'm pretty sure the last time I took a dump was before the ossumpocalypse even started.
*CRAZYHORSE*: Point is, I have a hell of a load up in me. I'm gonna try and do my duty right onto the treads of this tank. Depending on the consistency, it should either slick them down enough to lose friction, or just wedge right in the tracks and jam them up.
INSERT_BLANK: I have had quite enough of the reptilian fuckboi.
INSERT_BLANK: I have a spare bone or two attached to this tank somewhere. I think I'll take one and wedge it through his abdomen.
*CRAZYHORSE*: While they're occupied with that, the two of us can try and undo our bindings and jack this ride, or run off on-
NIMJA: ...On what?
*CRAZYHORSE*: ...Wait a minute.
*CRAZYHORSE*: Are you fucking serious!?
*CRAZYHORSE*: You don't even have any restraints on you!
NIMJA: Wait, really?
*CRAZYHORSE*: You're just holding onto the pole really tightly! No one bothered to even shackle you!
NIMJA: Oh wow you're right.
INSERT_BLANK: There we are. Time to die.
NIMJA: Wow ok, I'm free now.
*CRAZYHORSE*: Wow, fuck the other plan! Just get me the hell out of these-
INSERT_BLANK: GOODBYE, CROCSY.
*CRAZYHORSE*: SHIT SHIT PLAN A
*CRAZYHORSE*'s gargantuan log nearly cracks INSERT_BLANK's skull as it crashes to the floor of the tank. It's green and close to fossilization. The things dehydration will do to a simple poo.
SKELETON: omg boss u ok
*CRAZYHORSE*: *GASP* *GASP*
NIMJA: Allow my moustache to pick the lock!
FUCKMOBILE STATUSSKELETON: what in the actual hell is going on up there
[ 45 ]---[ 42 ]
[````] | [````]
[ 93 ]-------------[ 90 ]
(^ tire health, originally 50/50/100/100)
VAMI IV: ------------------[[Alive]]
KOMMANDER KEN: ---------[[Alive]]
MOTORHEAD FAN: ---------[[???]]
NOW ACCEPTING ORDERS (from players listed as [[Alive]] and [[Spooky]]) FOR TURN 4 (PM orders pls)
in inclusion to ur regular orders, be sure to pm me ur reaction orders
shit happens in battel and u gotta be ready to react
give me a number from 1 to 5 along with any comments that will hellp me understand ur reaction
this signals how passive or aggressive ur reaction is
1 means u run away
2 means u stay ur distance
3 means u don't do anything in response
4 means you go on the offensive
5 means you go apeshit on a motherfucker (and will prob die from craziness)