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Battle in the Chat: Undisclosed Location
Posted: Wed Jun 06, 2018 7:56 pm
by cleanupcrew
Undisclosed neutral planet
Dr. Xiaomi Chaw, Program Manager, Lambda Studios Research & Development: If the Trattorian government knew what we were up to here, they would hang us all for treason.
Dr. Naoru Tainaka, Trattorian Scientist: Who says they have to know?
Lambda Security Officer: Intruders sighted, we’ve been found out!
Dr. Chaw: Is it the Black Box Bureau?
Lambda Security Officer: No, it’s the Immortals...
General Banfull, Immortal Maniac: ME KILL SEE TRATTORIANS DIE DIE DIE!
Immortal Optio: This is going to be a long battle...
Duke of Peachum: Behold, the Space Austrians shall have their vengeance on Trattoria!
Space Polish Officer: Why are we here tbh.
Overview.
Factions
Trattorians + Lambda Studios (Team A): Colette
Objective: Keep control of the base.
Secret Objective: ???
Space Austrians (Team B): Archduke
Objective: Kill Trattorians.
Space Poland (Team B): Kommander Ken
Objective: (Begrudgingly) help the Space Austrians.
Immortals (Team C): Scratch
Objective: Take over the base.
VoL (Team C): Falk
Objective: Kill as many non-allied minifigs as possible.
Turn order: Archduke (Space Austria) -> Scratch (Immortals) -> Kommander Ken (Space Poland) -> Falk (VoL) -> Colette (Trattorians)
Re: Battle in the Chat: Undisclosed Location
Posted: Wed Jun 06, 2018 8:09 pm
by cleanupcrew
Space Austrians
The Space Austrian troops move up, take cover behind the yellow barricade, and prep response fire. One hangs back as a redshirt for the Baron, who fires a rocket.
Unfortunately, his feat to shoot through the fence slats fails, and merely explodes the fence instead.
Undeterred, the Baron walks towards the Space Polish with his bodyguard.
Re: Battle in the Chat: Undisclosed Location
Posted: Wed Jun 06, 2018 8:37 pm
by cleanupcrew
Immortals
General Banfull begins the turn by playing some
sick metal beats on his war guitar.
The Optio and terrorkhan move up, as does the tank, and together they wipe out all of Lambda Studios security guards.
The other Immortal formations move up.
Despite their combined fire, the Immortal troops on the left only down 1 Trattorian drone.
General Banfull leans off the tank, holding on only with his strong leg muscles, and plays a powerchord aimed straight at the ground.
Which launches him into the air.
And onto the Trattorian tank. Unfortunately, he fails to hack off its turret, even with his Maniac bonuses.
Re: Battle in the Chat: Undisclosed Location
Posted: Wed Jun 06, 2018 8:51 pm
by cleanupcrew
Space Poland:
The Space Polish pour in threw the opening the Space Austrians made, guns blazing, and down 6 Trattorian drones.
The officer tries to OTC the fuck out of the drones as his feat, but instead slips on the pile of dead drone parts.
Re: Battle in the Chat: Undisclosed Location
Posted: Wed Jun 06, 2018 9:01 pm
by cleanupcrew
VoL
The VoL, inspired by Banfull’s metal music, gain a movement buff to get within range of the Space Polish (feat).
One Space Polish troop bites the dust.
Re: Battle in the Chat: Undisclosed Location
Posted: Wed Jun 06, 2018 9:22 pm
by cleanupcrew
Trattoria
The Trattorian drones fire on their enemies. Four of them manage to bring down the Space Polish hero, who fails to recruit a redshirt, and the remainder massacre the Space Polish. A Space Austrian dies redshirting for the Baron, who is pushed out of the way and disrupted.
Space Polish eliminated.
Trattorian Soldier: Serves those pretentious goody two-shoes Polish assholes right.
The Trattorian drone tank shakes off Banfull and fires on its Immortal counterpart, which takes 1 point in size damage.
Dr. Chaw attempts to call in a corporate drone strike, but can’t get reception on this secret base.
Dr. Chaw: Gödel damn this useless device.
Dr. Chaw chucks his iPhone over the railing.
Re: Battle in the Chat: Undisclosed Location
Posted: Wed Jun 06, 2018 9:31 pm
by cleanupcrew
Space Austria
The Baron of Peachum attempts to fiddle with his remaining rocket in an attempt to increase its volatility and thus its explosive power.
Baron of Peachum: Fuck.
The rocket explodes in his face, although he survives the explosion.
The remaining Space Austrians unload on the Trattorians, managing to mulch five of their counterparts.
Re: Battle in the Chat: Undisclosed Location
Posted: Wed Jun 06, 2018 10:08 pm
by cleanupcrew
Immortals
General Banfull, in a feat of Immortal Maniac strength, picks up the Trattorian drone tank by the barrel with one arm, and hurls at the Trattorian citizens.
Dr. Tainaka: Well, what are you doing, save my life you imbecile!
Dr. Chaw: What the entropy are you talking about?
Dr. Tainaka: I’m a scientist, which means I’m worth more than you, a company executive. I studied molecular biology at Harvard and got a score of 2350 on the SAT.
Dr. Chaw: I studied computer science at MIT and got a 2310...oh well, I guess I don’t have an argument.
Dr. Chaw redshirts for Dr. Tainaka as the drone tank comes crashing down onto the platform, while Dr. Chaw gets squashed.
To add insult to injury, the Immortal tank shoots off the Trattorian tank’s left hover engines.
And then rams into it.
The other Phalanx troops eliminate the remainder of the Trattorian drones and the soldier.
Re: Battle in the Chat: Undisclosed Location
Posted: Wed Jun 06, 2018 10:21 pm
by cleanupcrew
VoL
King Sigmund bolts into the midst of the Space Austrians (feat), decapitating the officer with his officer and setting the two remaining troops on fire.
The remaining VoL gang up and kill Dr. Tainaka.
At this point the only remaining Trattorian unit is the disabled drone tank.
Re: Battle in the Chat: Undisclosed Location
Posted: Wed Jun 06, 2018 10:28 pm
by cleanupcrew
Trattorians
The Laplace tank subtly moves its turret, the only thing it can really do at this point.
Banfull goes up in a spectacular explosion, showering his guts all over the map.
Re: Battle in the Chat: Undisclosed Location
Posted: Wed Jun 06, 2018 10:42 pm
by cleanupcrew
Space Austria
The Baron of Peachum's sword clangs against King Sigmund's OTC as Austrian steel meets chilly and unforgiving VoL orange transparent.
Caught off guard, the Baron of Peachum steps back, only for King Sigmund to lunge for the opportunity and lop his dick off with his other OTC.
Baron of Peachum: Arggghhhhh!
Needless to say, the Baron will be disrupted for quite a while and game-wise functionally dead.
Immortal/VoL victory
(Baron is functionally out of commission, as is the Trattorian drone tank.)
Re: Battle in the Chat: Undisclosed Location
Posted: Wed Jun 06, 2018 10:56 pm
by cleanupcrew
A few hours later...
General Banfull: KILL MURDER KILL KILL KILL HATE TRATTORIANS KILL TRATTORIANS.
Sting: Intriguing. Lambda Studios is just an anime company. What could possibly have been so valuable here that they requested a Trattorian military detachment to guard the site? Terrorkhan, open the hatch.
Terrorkhan: My lady, the contents could be dangerous. We haven't even screened it for memetic hazards or other lethal -
Sting: I'm Immortal. I'll get through whatever it is and if I can't then I'll kill it myself. Open it.
Sting: By the emperor...
Sting: Get me the Omicron shard.
-----
From: Ritsu Hontari [
[email protected]]
To: Felicia Lopez [
[email protected]]
Subject: Incident on Neutral Planet IUHGFD453B
Ms. Lopez,
Attached is the fee schedule for corporate use of Trattorian military forces, inclusive of extra charges related to damage and destruction of equipment and loss of life. Included in that PDF file is a quote from
AIC on Dr. Tainaka's life insurance policy.
The Trattorian government accepts payment via
Appel Pay, company card, bank certified check, wire transfer, or a postal order (limits and fees may apply). Please contact AIC for payment methods on the insurance policy. Failure to comply within seven (7) business days may trigger criminal action or civil litigation against your company.
Thank you,
Dr. Ritsu Hontari
Principal Investigator, Trattorian Biology Department
Harvard B.S., Ph.D.
<Attachment: SIGNED_APPROVED_TR ARM Fee Schedule 2018 neutral planet IUHG UPDATED copy (2).pdf>
Re: Battle in the Chat: Undisclosed Location
Posted: Thu Jun 07, 2018 6:10 am
by Archduke
Are the Trattorian hiding anime thighs again?